Help me stop seeing the negative side of just about everything

There are things wrong in my life. The nature of these things is making me into a negative grouch. I can see the flip side of everything, always able to see and COMMENT ON the negative aspect.

Does anyone else have this problem? I don't want to be a Pollyanna, saying everything is "perfect in this world," or that "there's a purpose for everything," because I do not believe this is true! But I need to stop pointing out the negatives.

I just SEE these negatives so CLEARLY!!!!! And I want to mention them, and I do mention them.

I need to stop THINKING about the negative things! I need to stop SEEING the negative things, and just enjoy what's okay or good. Any suggestions, anyone?

See your therapist. Make a list of the positive things. Take a DBT class.

Thanks, Moose 72. DBT is not for me -- I've tried it before. Two different therapists for DBT, one complete series of classes.

Lists of good things work well for me. I'll do that right away!

I'm that way too. H says I see the negative in everything, but I don't know on certain things, it's like I can read the writing on the wall, such as his not getting hired by the university that promised him he'd have a job come fall & once it was July & nothing, I was like that's it, there's not going to be a job, and there wasn't. I knew too his mom was so bad off that the last time we visited, it would be the last time my daughter & I saw her alive (this was around 6 months prior to her death, H's family lives in California, so it's not exactly an easy visit). The way things were going, I pleaded with him to spend Christmas with his parents this year because I just knew his mom was going to die over Christmas break, and sure enough, she passed away December 28. But maybe those were situations H was too close to emotionally to see what was coming. I never told H I knew these things beforehand, but I did afterwards and then he commented about my always seeing the negative.

I am sure there are things I thought negatively about that turned out positive, but I can't for the life of me remember them.

Lately, I have enough trouble just going day to day. Some days are bad, some terrible, and some downright I don't know how I'll get through this.

Another thing to work on...just tack it onto my long list...

I usually see the negative when depressed but after some medicine changes it’s easier to see positive things. I like the list too it really helps me. Also I try and do worthwhile things which trigger positive feelings and thoughts

Dear Blueberrybook, thanks for your post here. The two incidents you mention remind me of myself -- it's like successfully predicting the future, isn't it. My dad could do that, my brother and I can do it. And it's almost always predicting negative things that DO happen.

But another sentence you wrote, that you can't seem to remember times that negative predictions turned out to be okay, not negative -- that happens to me a lot. I need to remember to focus/remember the times that I had what one therapist called "anticipatory anxiety" where the thing I was just SO SURE was going to go wrong, turned out to work out fine!

Another thing I need to remember (regarding predictions) this is a form of what Dr. Burns calls "erroneous thinking" types. It's called "fortune telling." I need to remember to be in the here and now, and not "live in the future" by "fortune telling."

Dear USMCBipolar7, Hmmm. That's interesting that you pointed out that a meds change might enable a person to see the positive more easily.

A little while ago, I made a list of good things. It made me feel good.

And, whew -- a few minutes ago somebody had a loud, LOUD motorcycle right outside my window. Fortunately, he stopped gunning the engine after less than 5 minutes. I hope he's not a new neighbor with a loud motorcycle that he guns. This is the first time I've heard it, and it's annoying, but thankfully it didn't last long.

You've got to work on challenging dysfunctional thinking. I recommend CBT for that.

I know when we're depressed that if we had to list a Pros and Cons list of things in life, the Pros list may be shorter than the Cons. But that is the time when you make yourself remember when you did feel well. Hey! Try to ask yourself this... When you did feel well, what would you have put as your Pros vs. Cons? I bet the Pros in life list would be longer. Maybe next time you feel better, make that list and keep it in your dresser drawer and pull it out when the glass seems half empty instead of half full.

This is what I struggle with. When I'm sure things will go wrong and they don't (it has to happen even if I don't remember a particular instance of this), I just flat-out do not remember them. Or at least I don't remember them long-term AT ALL. Why? I wish I knew.

I just let the negativity wash over me and focus on what I like to do. In a way, it is a selfish approach to life but I do what I need to do.

Dear Bird Dancer, Excellent points! Thanks so much. I've got to get back to CBT. I have Dr. Burns' workbook, "Ten Days to Self Esteem." I'll get it out and work on the erroneous thinking patterns again.

Hello, Row Jimmy, that's another approach I will try. Thanks!

I use to be very negative.

Through therapy I have learned there are always 3 sides .... good , negative and neutral sides

I use to assume the worse then if it worked out ok I would be happy if not it was what I expected.

It takes lots of time and effort to change your perceptions , but it can be done.

Dear Christina, this is good information. I never thought about 3 sides!

I got out my Dr. Burns CBT book, but once my mind goes down a negative/angry path, I find it so hard to turn myself around.

But I will keep working at it.

Something that I learned last year was when my mind started down that damn road I visually see hundreds of stop signs flying at me. It literally has changed my life , all kinds shapes and sizes zooms at myself mentally.


Just a thought I forgot to add earlier

Interesting, Christina. Thanks. I'll try that.