Bipolar Questions Version 4

Hmm? That's a hard one. I am lucky that I have had several pretty darned good moments in my life. Maybe not so many in these last 15 or so years, but before. I guess my wedding day has to rank up as the best. But also a vacation my husband and I took to central and southern Portugal. I remember the day we spent in Loule, Portugal. It was beautiful there, and so romantic. It was so wonderful, that when we got home my husband wrote a letter to the mayor of Loule telling him how great their town was. I was just about at my very best during that trip.

What has been your proudest moment?

I’ve tried to answer this one multiple times, but it’s harder than it seems. I guess if I had to pick one moment it would be when I finished my language proficiency tests in the army. I went to a special language school that was really rigorous and I had a constant headache for over a year. But I kept my head down and worked steadily and did amazing on my final tests. The recognition was nice, but I’m mostly proud bc there were many moments when I really thought I couldn’t do it, but I got up every day and kept working. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is enough!

What is something about your personality that you love?

the fact I'm funny and don't go round all serious (despite all my issues)

okay, question i reverse..

what is one thing about your personality that you wish you could change?

I'm shy and it limits me even further than the bipolar already does socially.

What is one goal you have for the next year?

To meet more (positive) people, learn to accept myself, and to eventually get out more.

Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert.

What’s a bad habit you’d like to stop?

Picking at the skin around my fingernail and biting my nails

What is the most surprising side effect you've ever had from a med?

Latuda muscle spasms those first few were very shocking.

How many meds in total have you been on?

I lost track around 40, with about 70 combinations. Good thing is there is no reason to think these meds won't continue to keep me doing ok.

Have you tapered off a benzo before?

Yes.
Early on I had a severe manic episode that was non responsive to some meds so I was taking 20mg+ of Valium a day.
Once my brain started responding to Lithium etc I was weaned off Valium. I found the withdrawal pretty easy - maybe because my mood was still up.

Q: how do you prevent the fatigue that comes with trying to stay on an even keel?

I don't think you can.

I think that's a bit like saying how do you prevent being low when you're depressed. if someone else has a better answer, feel free to share it

question: why do they call it cycling when it has **** all to do with a bike

i'm not actually going to research why they call it cycling, but i'm guessing the cycling of bipolar can be similar to being churned around in a washing machine cycle.... also reminds me of the phrase "a vicious cycle" - which many people say as "vicious circle" which makes me think of....

what is something most people (even in real life) don't know about you?

Well, my husband knows pretty much everything. As for everyone else? Perhaps that I'm not only frugal, but I usually much prefer my old stuff better than newer stuff. I love my 1997 Honda Civic and would likely not replace it until it totally breaks down beyond reasonable repair, even if I had money for a Lamborghini. I like my sandals that date back to 2004. Things like that. The only newer stuff I like are gifts from hubby and some housewares. I do love housewares.

What is one of your favorite "old" things?

One of my favorite "old things" is the sweatshirt I have on. It's 23 years old! I like it better than a new one!

Are you candid in real life re: your BP diagnosis?

((((((( Wild Coyote ))))))

I don’t tell many in real life much of anything, including my dxs

Are you a hugger?

Depends if the other party is appealing to me.

We Cubans have a custom of kissing everyone in the chic. Men and women.
Sometimes, most of the time, I'm forced to it.
Not kissing friends will be disrespectful. A lack of care about the other person.
I kiss American women while hugging, and they jump. But I'm used to it.
More used to it than hugging. We hardly ever hug. Has to be family.

What was the name of your first pet.

No. I hug my pdoc and nieces and that's about it. My family never was "huggy"and I just never learned to be comfortable with it. Plus I don't like being touched from trauma.

Do you have any slightly scary side effects? (not big things like SJS or something)but something like my clozapine makes me drool heavily at night which makes me thirsty which makes me wake up to use the bathroom several times. And the clozapine is so heavily sedating that I lurch instead of walking and am sure a black eye is in my future)

yes. for a while i've had difficulty writing - at times it is physically hard to form letters, and other times there seems to be a disconnect between my brain and hand. like, if someone spells something out, i hear the letters but can't work out how they look. i think this is a side effect of topamax. i've also had brain zaps for probably a year now, which my pdoc says is because of the combo of meds i am on.

was there ever a time you were anti meds/refused to go on medication?

Sort of. Before my diagnosis, I was rarely even willing to take an OTC pain reliever for cramps.

There were several times that I was prescribed antidepressants before my manias became known. I'd take them only for a few days and then stop. When first properly diagnosed bipolar, I refused the medication, mostly because I was growing manic and didn't think anything was wrong with me.

What bipolar symptom has been your most persistent challenge, even if not necessarily your biggest one?

irritibility and sleep issues top the list.

if you were advertising bipolar awareness on tv, what would your comercial be like

IDK exactly, but it would have lots of typical looking people (moms, students, people at work, teachers, etc.) doing everyday things at first ....... IDK how I’d show the not-typical side - But the commercial would give that contrast of someone who looks very typical outwardly, but has struggles most might not see. Or maybe it would just be a bunch of yin and yang metaphors.

What household chore do you dislike doing the most?

vacuming

I don't like the noise.. so I simply don't do it
problem solved.

if you could live one part of your life diffrently, and get a diffrent outcome, what part of your life would you choose to relive?

I would have accepted my bipolar diagnosis and moodstabilizer when it was first offered. I don't know for sure how that would have affected my life, but my guess is that it could have spared me disability and hopefully hospitalizations. Being spared these things would surely have meant a definite plan to eventually retire in the US instead of Europe. Nothing against Europe. Europe is wonderful, but the US (and my state) is my home.

What self care task (no matter how big or small) do you plan to do today?

I managed to put clean clothes on and that is all

question:

what is one of your worst experiences with stigma

The worst stigma I came across was in a Christian Church. I was up for election to a leadership role and one family loudly voted against me because they knew about the bipolar. When the vote passed and I was elected they loudly stormed out. It was horrifying.

How much water do you drink a day?