Have to just say it

I need to say it to get it off my chest.

I am so angry that Bipolar stole all of my 30's - I was unstable, hadn't found the med combo that worked and was hospitalized several times. I spent my 30's trying to survive. It was messy and full of chaos. I only remember certain things about that time.

Now, I consider myself fairly stable. I'm in my early 40's and I can't stop being pissed off about losing my 30's. I am so mad that I missed out on 10 years of my life that it's interfering with my life now, so it's destroying my life NOW, too.

I need to get over it. I just need to get over it.

It sucks, I know. It stole my early & mid-twenties, my 30s and now I'm 40, still dealing with it.

I'm happy though that you are doing well now. That is great news

But I do understand the anger & feeling of loss.

I'm angry that so many, many people do not understand or make an effort to understand, bipolar disorder. I see meme after stupid meme online about how the poster supports stopping mental health stigma, or how the poster supports suicide prevention. Yeah, sure. And they're usually the first people to stigmatize and run away from anyone who is "crazy". I am fed up with it. I mean, really bitter.

It’s ok to be mad , I am.

It’s fine to be mad, but it doesn’t accomplish much. I too lost most of my 30s to it and am now pretty stable, also in my early 40s.

My preference is to look forward to what’s next, rather than dwelling on the terrible things in my past.

It's wonderful to have you posting!
You have been missed!

WC

I, too, have lost most of my life to treatment resistant BP II.
While it's a tragedy on the one hand, it's important to keep looking forward with some hope, if I can muster even a glimmer.
I feel your pain.

WC

Maybe try making a gratitude list?

I'm furious. I've lived with this abomination for 30 years. Last year I petitioned God for a redress of grievances, but she didn't answer. The best part is that I'm stable under (lots of) medication, but I'm just one slip away from bringing the circus back to town.

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Thank you for posting this! Also ending the stigma for most people only includes unipolar depression and anxiety. Where is the acceptance for everything else? What about all the other symptoms? Acceptance progress is so dang slow. Snails pace. People give me weird looks when I talk about my issues. They are clearly uncomfortable. However they have no problem talking about their "normal issues".

Woah. Maybe I'm a little angry too.

Sometimes it is good to be mad. Be mad as hell, but then move on. There are likely still plenty of great times to come.

You can throw figurative rotten tomatoes at me, if you want, but I have learned to see my so-called "lost years" in a somewhat positive way over time. I wrote about that several months ago in my blog at Lost years in my life? Not nearly as many as I originally thought! – Bird Flight . I still feel the same way.

Exactly. Nothing wrong with being angry about the truth.

I absolutely understand what you are feeling. I’m currently completely overwhelmed by this feeling. I’m both angry at bipolar and so proufoundly sad for what I’ve lost. I keep telling myself this is your reality so deal with it ... it’s not working.

I lost a lot to this illness in my 30’s and 40’s: a 20 year marriage, my CPA career, my home, my car, my investments, my mind. What I did not lose was my life and it was a really close call. I’ve grieved at the time and life I lost but choose to focus on the fact that I’m alive and I can make the rest of my life the best of my life.

It’s ok to be mad and/or to grieve but also try to focus on moving forward if possible. Best wishes.