[BatsBelfry]

I had my therapy session last night and it was super strange. We normally talk about how I'm doing, whether I'm up or down at that moment. I see her every two weeks. About half way through she begin to ask why I come the therapy and what I wanted to get out of it. I truly thought that people with my list of issues just always went to therapy. That I was going my task of going every two weeks. That every session we would pick from my basket of crazy and talk about that issue for the day. That at the end of the session I would have another arrow in my quiver to help combat my basket of crazy. To make a long story short she seems to think that she has given me all the arrows I need and that I just simply choose not to use them. That she can't do any more for me. That I am a patient that come in for a safe place to talk every two weeks and while that is fine with her, I could go longer between sessions. That I am not getting out of the sessions what I need to anymore. Here is the thing, part of me agrees with her. I have no real talking points to bring up a lot of the time. I go because I think I am supposed to and that when I get there SHE has the talking points. The other part of me disagrees because it feels like she is saying "All better!" and go on my way. I don't feel all better. I feel the same. I feel no better equipped to handle my basket of crazy than I was when I started. I am in the depression mode of BPII more than the up portion. I have suicidal thoughts recent as a few weeks ago. That doesn't sound like I'm ok. It sounds like someone who quit on me and doesn't know what else to do. I should also mention that she is cutting back on night hours and I am a night patient. I also feel that she doesn't have a spot for me anymore.

So what do you guys think? Do people with BP always see a T? Is that just part of it or can you not see a T? Does this sound like she is just dumping me or am I really just not using what she taught me and she has nothing left to give me? Please help!

I don't think she's dumping you.

I think the problem is twofold: (1.) There is a miscommunication between you and her where she thinks that you have learned "enough" to "cope" on your own. (2.) I personally think she (not you) feels that you aren't listening to her and that she's wasting her breath.

If you are struggling with anything, you have to tell her. Too often, we believe that therapists can read our minds. This is a common thing amongst anyone who goes to therapy; we think that therapists can read between the lines, when they can't always do that. For example, my therapist finally admitted to me that she can't read me at all because of my flat affect and (apparently) monotonous voice.

You do have to open up to her. You have to tell her that you aren't feeling better. If you feel that you have no talking points, then maybe you need to better prepare imo. You should, in advance, try to come up with a list of things to talk about during your therapy session.

I'm not trying to be mean at all. I'm just speaking from my experience, because I've been in your shoes before and it's no fun. Therapy feels like a waste -- I know -- but a lot of the onus is on us. Therapists can't guess what we need to talk about and what we don't need to talk about. Hope that helps!

[Victoria'smom]

MH therapy is like if you had a physical issue and went to physical therapy. Some only go short term, some go forever. You didn’t say how long in between you see your pdoc. Can you journal and find talking points through that? Is your pdoc working with your therapist? Are you presenting better you really are doing? Maybe it’s time for a new therapist? I had a conversation with my ex therapist like that and I never went back. I felt I was wasting her time and she was wasting my time. Then I went down to seeing my Pnurse 4x a year. So it’s been rough on me.

[BatsBelfry]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Is your pdoc working with your therapist? Are you presenting better you really are doing? Maybe it’s time for a new therapist? I had a conversation with my ex therapist like that and I never went back. I felt I was wasting her time and she was wasting my time. Then I went down to seeing my Pnurse 4x a year. So it’s been rough on me.

My Pnurse and my T never talk. I see my Pnurse like you, 4x a year. Interesting that your T did the same type of thing to you. I feel like I also am wasting her time.

[Travelinglady]

I'm seeing my therapist three to four times a year, mainly for her to see if I'm showing mood changes and also to talk about things that are upsetting me. I agree, talk to her about what she thinks. Maybe you can cut back on sessions for now, especially if you don't think it's doing much.

What would you like to accomplish in therapy? Of course, it can't cure bipolar but it could help with situational depression.

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by BatsBelfry

So what do you guys think? Do people with BP always see a T? Is that just part of it or can you not see a T? Does this sound like she is just dumping me or am I really just not using what she taught me and she has nothing left to give me? Please help!

How about "yes" to all of these? It's okay to have a safe place to talk if that's what you need. It's not okay to ignore the tools you have, though.


I don't see a T now, after going for almost 30 years I have everything in my "toolkit" that I need. Sometimes my psychiatrist will suggest that I go again for a concentrated approach to a problem and that usually works out well.

So no, if you're bipolar you don't "have" to see a T -- but it helps.

[BatsBelfry]

I guess that I'm not sure that after seeing a T for only about 1.5 years that I have everything in my toolkit. I don't believe that I'm choosing not to use these tools that she gave me. I use them they just don't always help.

[Travelinglady]

You do have some extra diagnoses beyond bipolar. I wonder if another therapist might be able to offer some more tools. Have you done any reading on your own about tools to help issues such as anxiety? (I take xanax PRM).

[MickeyCheeky]

I have your same struggles, even though I'm no bipolar. It might be a problem of miscommunication. Your therapist believes you're doing ok, but in reality it's not. So I think you've got to be honest with her so that you can make improvements... or perhaps change therapist if you don't think it's a good fit. I wish you the best of luck

[~Christina]

My and T and I are very goal oriented. See problem x and we focus on that until it is processed then move on to the next one.

My T has very few people who just want to sit and talk for an hour ,,, he usually refers them to other T’s he feels his skill works best with proactive people.

Maybe you guys are just not a good fit ?? Sometimes it takes a few T’s to find a good fit

Write down some things that you want specific help with. Maybe she will realize you do need/want more help with specific problems.

[BatsBelfry]

This has been very eye opening. I guess my thoughts on her coming up with the topics was not correct. I guess I need to supply the talking points like a lot of you guys do. Not really my strong suit.

[piggy momma]

I could have written your post, Bats. I show up every week, and my T asks me what I want to talk about, and I shrug my shoulders and say "I don't know". And then he lectures me for an hour on everything I'm doing wrong with my life. I don't know that I'm getting a lot out of therapy, but there's no way I can give it up. I get that we have to bring a certain amount of effort and put in some work, but after 20 years I just feel defeated and done. I feel like just having the commitment of going keeps me alive and going. Because otherwise I just don't care about my life that much anymore.

Hi BatsBelfry. I agree with others that it is best that you come prepared with topics to your therapy appointments. Or as an alternative, what I often do is create a list of therapy goals that I want to work on and get help from my therapist with. My therapists have always had this list of goals, and if talking points seem to run out in terms of current day updates, we might refer to the therapy goal list and start working on one. Sometimes the current week happenings even put therapy goal work to the side. It's good sometimes to ignore less significant current "stuff" and refocus on goals. I think most all of us with bipolar disorder have goals we put aside frequently and don't complete.

I don't know how you really feel about your therapist. If you're not terribly close to her or feel she inspires you or helps you forward, you might want to consider changing therapists. I do believe that a good therapist can sometimes dig deep (asking the right questions) and figure out things that we need to work on that maybe we sometimes don't realize. Yes, we need to create our therapy goals, but they need to find some in us, too. Do you really feel you have nothing to work on? If not and you do like your therapist, try meeting less and see how it works. If you find she's not adding value to your life, do look elsewhere.

I once had a therapist during a period of near crisis. She got frustrated with me and asked to see me only once per month. That was ridiculous considering my situation! She clearly didn't like me, and didn't feel up to the task of my case. l would have preferred she just be honest with me, rather than asking to reduce our meetings. I did get the message. She was also the same therapist that called my psychiatrist and told him she was "afraid of me". There is such thing as negative countertransference and inadequate therapists. Even some therapists practice "avoidance".

[Blueberrybook]

It's been off & on searching for 20 years to find a T. So many of them, I'd just talk, and that would be it. I finally found a T less than 5 minutes away from my house. This latest one wasn't easy to find. Lately, the T's I've looked at have gotten picky. One didn't like that I was on Seroquel, told me to have my doctor adjust my meds and call her back. One was so hesitant to work with someone with an ED, it was like she thought I'd break or something, and her reaction put me off so much, I didn't go back to her. Another didn't want to see me when I told her how many therapists I've tried in the past and not connected to.

Anyway, the new T I have does CBT. Right now we are focusing on problems & stressors coming up soon for me as well as trying to find tools to cope with stress.

But I had tons of T's who just had me come in, listened sympathetically for 50 minutes, then let me leave, having accomplished nothing, and at some point you get talked out. I've had others give me extremely vague, broad scary objectives & goals or things that totally didn't always add up; like smile at everyone new you meet and you'll soon find a friend...2 +2 = 5, I guess with that one.

Here, the goals are smaller but more do-able. Like this coming week, I have a goal of going to my daughter's book fair the day it is open late; there is a point for it, and it is specific, not something that has me wondering how in the world do I DO this goal? Sometimes, it's more like homework, writing out things that stress me, my feelings, what I did about it, and then we will pick a topic and pick it apart, and then it will turn out a lot of the incident has to do with past traumas. She does seem to come with a plan of an area to work on if I do not have something specific to go over, such as teaching coping mechanisms. I haven't been seeing her long, maybe a month, month & a half, weekly though.

So I don't just go there and talk and get no feedback or a broad assignment I can't even begin to tackle.

I think that I also like that she is down-to-earth, approachable, not standoffish. I have had so many therapists put up such as professional wall, seeing them is like seeing a doctor, nothing casual about their office or clothing, and I have noticed that already makes it hard for me to connect. Sometimes, the therapy is tough, but it I know it's good for me and accomplishing something. If you do not like your therapist or dread going to the sessions because you don't feel it's helping, it's possible you need a break or maybe you are not working with the right T for you.