[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am definitely hypomanic today. I didn’t fall asleep until midnight again (and only with the help of my weighted blanket) and woke up at 6:30 ready to go. Usually I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I left early for work so I could have more time to blast my music in my car. I sped around town not caring if I got a ticket. I was practically running through the halls at work. Tapping my foot all day.

Then i went to Trader Joe’s where I wanted to buy a bunch of stuff but didn’t because I don’t have the money. The urge to spend is there but I still have insight to stop it. I only bought a couple of things. However, one of them was wine. The urge to drink is strong. I will probably drink it tonight (I don’t have work tomorrow). Don’t lecture me on bp and alcohol, I already know. I don’t care.

Then I came home, cleaned my car, vacuumed it, then went inside and cleaned the whole dining room. Swept, mopped, everything. I hate cleaning lol. I was going to do the bathroom too but I ran out of time before I had to pick my son up.

I don’t feel like eating but I’m ravenous so I just had a small bag of popcorn (I’m at swim lessons with my son) and will most likely eat dinner when I go home. Usually I would have had a second lunch by now.

Most of all, I feel fantastic. I have that familiar electrified feeling, like everything is just brighter and more colorful. My thoughts are still clear but I have music playing in my head. When I’m around people my energy gets transferred to them which is a pain but I can keep it to myself when I’m alone. That’s what I like.

I am having a wonderful time but still hoping it’s just a fluke, that I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling normal. Because I can’t handle a crash. I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for.

I’m hoping I have a safe landing.

Be careful with it. I don't last long with hypomania before going into full-blown manic phase. I know it feels good, but it can lead to not-so-good consequences. If you are still feeling that way tomorrow, might not be a bad idea to call the pdoc. I don't know what your hypomania is like, but usually 3, 4 days max for me, and then I'm just all-out crazy manic. I call the pdoc now when the hypo happens even though it feels good because after going down that same path repeatedly (sometimes ending at or nearly in the hospital), it's just not worth it.

[Blueberrybook]

Nothing but attitude from my daughter this afternoon. OMG, puberty is hard! And she's still 10 years old! (She turns 11 next month.) I don't know how I'll even deal with the teenage years. It's as if she's become a new person and also feels I am the stomping ground for all wrongs in her world and has completely forgotten I have feelings too and don't like being snapped at, talked to in a condescending tone as if I'm so stupid not to know that paper goes in her binder, not her backpack.

Deep breath.

Other people have raised kids through puberty and teen years and gotten through it, but OMG, I see by contrast, I was not at all this way with my own mom. Maybe it comes from my daughter being an only child (spoiled by her father) or having a mom with a mental illness? I think maybe my youngest sister was a bit this way with my mother as there is a 5 year age gap between us, 4 years between her & my middle sister. My middle sister was the one my mom always worried about with boys; my mom put her on the pill ASAP, so was so worried about teenage pregnancy. I guess I was the firstborn, just followed the rules and tried not to make extra trouble for my mom. (I also realized very early on that a marriage in late October and a baby born on January 20 did not exactly add up according to the math, and it was very obvious my parents married because my mom was pregnant with me.)

It doesn't help I'm already hormonal. I think my period is due in 4 or 5 days (or maybe sooner since last cycle was only 21 days long).

[TheSeaCat]

Demon, my cat has separation anxiety so he is now on cat Prozac. I might have laughed when the vet said that. The vet thinks he got so attached during those three months that it hurt when I went back to work; which resulted in a 60 dollar vet bill, I also have to figure out how to get him to take his pill.

Work is going great today the other referral coordinator just sat and watched me do all of the referral's today, making sure I didn't mess up. One of the Physician's Assistant's asked me out to lunch and when I went to grab my wallet from my purse the letter from the Cardiologist fell out of my purse and he was very questioning about it. He also took my pulse when we got back to the office and it was 150. I honestly don't even notice that my pulse is high anymore, it just feels normal. If my anxiety soars I can feel palpitations but those are few and far between.

Tomorrow I am working a half day so I can see my primary doc and maybe get a stronger dose of indigestion meds, I mean the dose I'm on helps but it isn't gone completely. I just don't know if I tell him about what the therapist said about the PTSD. I want to tell him and be honest, but at the same time it is his current workplace and I don't know how he'd react and I really don't want to lose my doctor.

Now I have a ten minute wait until I see my therapist, I'm still not used to three times a week appointments.

Hugs to everyone

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Demon, my cat has separation anxiety so he is now on cat Prozac. I might have laughed when the vet said that. The vet thinks he got so attached during those three months that it hurt when I went back to work; which resulted in a 60 dollar vet bill, I also have to figure out how to get him to take his pill.

Work is going great today the other referral coordinator just sat and watched me do all of the referral's today, making sure I didn't mess up. One of the Physician's Assistant's asked me out to lunch and when I went to grab my wallet from my purse the letter from the Cardiologist fell out of my purse and he was very questioning about it. He also took my pulse when we got back to the office and it was 150. I honestly don't even notice that my pulse is high anymore, it just feels normal. If my anxiety soars I can feel palpitations but those are few and far between.

Tomorrow I am working a half day so I can see my primary doc and maybe get a stronger dose of indigestion meds, I mean the dose I'm on helps but it isn't gone completely. I just don't know if I tell him about what the therapist said about the PTSD. I want to tell him and be honest, but at the same time it is his current workplace and I don't know how he'd react and I really don't want to lose my doctor.

Now I have a ten minute wait until I see my therapist, I'm still not used to three times a week appointments.

Hugs to everyone

I couldn't imagine doing 3 times a week therapy! Once a week is hard enough for me.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Be careful with it. I don't last long with hypomania before going into full-blown manic phase. I know it feels good, but it can lead to not-so-good consequences. If you are still feeling that way tomorrow, might not be a bad idea to call the pdoc. I don't know what your hypomania is like, but usually 3, 4 days max for me, and then I'm just all-out crazy manic. I call the pdoc now when the hypo happens even though it feels good because after going down that same path repeatedly (sometimes ending at or nearly in the hospital), it's just not worth it.

The depakote keeps me from going fully manic so I’m not fussed. I have a pdoc appt on November 27th so I think I can manage till then. Besides I’m sure this is just a blip. Maybe two, three days max. Could just be the time change although usually it causes depression for my not hypomania. But thank you for your concern!

[Victoria'smom]

We don't have money but I let my husband buy some alcohol. If it takes his pain a little away then it's worth it. I know we're playing with fire but honestly I'll do anything for him. He wont even call pdoc or ex t, let alone consider IP, IOP. It sucks watching him spiral down. I can't drink because my brain is hardly winning over my impulses.

I mean we're probably not go to see his family. He doesn't want to go alone and I really don't trust him alone. However leaving our 16 yr old son home "alone" (his cousin stays here but is gone for 12+ hours a day and his aunt and grandparents are literally next door) for a week. Then there is the fact in a year and a half before he's an adult.

I don't know what to do this.

My toughs are "odd" but I don't is psychosis. I just don't want to explain my thoughts to others.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I couldn't imagine doing 3 times a week therapy! Once a week is hard enough for me.

It is pretty hard but it's only because some of it's new diagnosis's and we are trying to keep it from interfering with work. I'm for the most part stable and we have talked about once a week sessions soon enough.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

The depakote keeps me from going fully manic so I’m not fussed. I have a pdoc appt on November 27th so I think I can manage till then. Besides I’m sure this is just a blip. Maybe two, three days max. Could just be the time change although usually it causes depression for my not hypomania. But thank you for your concern!

The Seroquel helps me too...until it doesn't, and the dose has to be adjusted. Just be careful with it.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

We don't have money but I let my husband buy some alcohol. If it takes his pain a little away then it's worth it. I know we're playing with fire but honestly I'll do anything for him. He wont even call pdoc or ex t, let alone consider IP, IOP. It sucks watching him spiral down. I can't drink because my brain is hardly winning over my impulses.

I think you know this is not a good choice. I hope it does not backfire on you.

[Victoria'smom]

Other people have raised kids through puberty and teen years and gotten through it, but OMG, I see by contrast, I was hell when I was a teen (so was my older sister). I was kicked out at 16. There were a lot of hard feelings on both sides. We've forgiven each other and we text/talk daily now. Just remember it wont last forever.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Other people have raised kids through puberty and teen years and gotten through it, but OMG, I see by contrast, I was hell when I was a teen (so was my older sister). I was kicked out at 16. There were a lot of hard feelings on both sides. We've forgiven each other and we text/talk daily now. Just remember it wont last forever.

I hope not. I guess I waited until college to start worrying my mom. I got the ED around 19, the depression diagnosis which later became bipolar (got really bad around the time I was 25, 26 and just married). Growing up, I was a model student, straight A's, class valedictorian, competed in writing, math, science competitions, got awards for art, had perfect conduct in school, etc. The only thing I wasn't good at was band, and I quit that after middle school because I realized I really, really hated band. I also wasn't good at making friends (still am not).

My daughter is just so completely different from me in some ways and too much like me in others. And H is so easy on her and every time he contradicts me, I feel like she respects me less & less as a person. I even asked her how she would feel if she woke up one day and had to parent a daughter acting the way she was. Then, when she thinks about it, she'll say that she doesn't want kids anyway but she'd hate it and say she's sorry until the next morning when she does a repeat. Ugh.

[wildflowerchild25]

Drinking wine and feeling fine lol. Talking to my friend. Wish I was talking to my man too but what are you gonna do amirite? So glad for a four day weekend. So glad I have plans. I’m hoping the alcohol helps me sleep. I know it’s not a good method of sleep control but hey what’re you gonna do.

Yesterday was severely stressful and overwhelming for me. I'm hoping today will be better. My increased dose of Seroquel XR allowed me to sleep well. I'm beginning to think that 600 mg is my base dosage now. Any less, I eventually have problems. I'm very grateful for Seroquel XR.

I've given up trying to include my brother in matters concerning my dad. He vetoes every idea my sister and I agree to. My sister's husband is discouraging, too. It's only ever my sister, husband, and me that want to take significant action. In the end, I'm doing most of the work. I told my sister that I feel my brother is basically enabling my dad's issues.

My husband and I usually ask my brother to watch our parrot when we're away, but my brother lives with my dad, though rarely sees him. Hubby and I both decided to have bird boy boarded at an avian hospital, instead. That's a shame since my brother has always given bird boy play time outside his cage with him. At boarding, there's little. I'm not mad at my brother, just disappointed.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Drinking wine and feeling fine lol. Talking to my friend. Wish I was talking to my man too but what are you gonna do amirite? So glad for a four day weekend. So glad I have plans. I’m hoping the alcohol helps me sleep. I know it’s not a good method of sleep control but hey what’re you gonna do.

Yeah, alcohol isn't a good idea for sleep since it's a depressant. Too much of it will likely affect your mood in a very bad way. I personally don't think it's worth it, but that's just my opinion.

I think you should talk to your doctor/nurse about finding a sleepy med. Remember that sometimes doctors prescribe sleepy meds as PRN meds, so you may not necessarily have to deal with side effects long term, if you get any side effects at all. I think you should give that a shot. It's the safe way of doing things, especially if too much alcohol interacts with your meds (which it oftentimes does).

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just concerned that excessive alcohol will hurt you eventually. But I guess meds aren't for everyone (like me). Still, lots of alcohol isn't the solution imo.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Yeah, alcohol isn't a good idea for sleep since it's a depressant. Too much of it will likely affect your mood in a very bad way. I personally don't think it's worth it, but that's just my opinion.

I think you should talk to your doctor/nurse about finding a sleepy med. Remember that sometimes doctors prescribe sleepy meds as PRN meds, so you may not necessarily have to deal with side effects long term, if you get any side effects at all. I think you should give that a shot. It's the safe way of doing things, especially if too much alcohol interacts with your meds (which it oftentimes does).

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just concerned that excessive alcohol will hurt you eventually. But I guess meds aren't for everyone (like me). Still, lots of alcohol isn't the solution imo.

You’re right. But I had a problem abusing trazodone when I had it before. I would take much more than I was supposed to because it didn’t work. I don’t want to take ambien as I’ve heard it can cause sleepwalking and stuff like that. So for now I’ll just suffer without sleep. The alcohol knocked me out last night but I’m paying for it this morning. Not worth it!

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

You’re right. But I had a problem abusing trazodone when I had it before. I would take much more than I was supposed to because it didn’t work. I don’t want to take ambien as I’ve heard it can cause sleepwalking and stuff like that. So for now I’ll just suffer without sleep. The alcohol knocked me out last night but I’m paying for it this morning. Not worth it!

Yeah, I don't blame you on Ambien. That's exactly why I've always refused to take it.

I've heard remeron is much more intense than trazodone. Don't know if you've tried that one, but that's something to ask about. I don't think the weight gain side effect would be too bad or affect you at all if you use it only for a short period of time. Also, benzos are good for calming you down so that you don't have excessive energy or do anything *too* impulsive. But obviously YMMV. It's just another way of handling symptoms if you still can't sleep.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m back on even ground today. Just a hypomanic blip! Fun times except I drank too much and had a nasty hangover this morning. Had to sleep for two hours to sleep it off. I never used to get hangovers but I guess now that I’m in my thirties i just can’t party like I used to lol. Which is fine I’m not much of a partier anymore anyway.

[Nammu]

Well I did it, made an appointment to get a manicure, pedicure and a cut, color and style plus wax my brows! All on my 60th birthday. Don't care what they do, they can cut my long hair as short as they want. Just want a total make over! Think of red for color.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Well I did it, made an appointment to get a manicure, pedicure and a cut, color and style plus wax my brows! All on my 60th birthday. Don't care what they do, they can cut my long hair as short as they want. Just want a total make over! Think of red for color.

You go Nammu! Sounds like a great plan. Happy early 60th birthday!

barely functioned today.

what else can I say.. I really didn't get anything done apart from eat

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Yeah, I don't blame you on Ambien. That's exactly why I've always refused to take it.

I've heard remeron is much more intense than trazodone. Don't know if you've tried that one, but that's something to ask about. I don't think the weight gain side effect would be too bad or affect you at all if you use it only for a short period of time. Also, benzos are good for calming you down so that you don't have excessive energy or do anything *too* impulsive. But obviously YMMV. It's just another way of handling symptoms if you still can't sleep.

I took Remeron and hated it. It's different for everyone, but all it did was make me want to eat and sleep (though it is supposed to be a good AD). It didn't help me though. I never felt full on it (ever). The appetite side effect blanked out any AD effect for me. It is a bad idea to give someone with an eating disorder a medication they never feel full on. The active ingredient in Remeron is even used by vets to stimulate appetite in cats & dogs with congestive heart failure. None of the other big weight gain drugs ever did affect me the way Remeron did. And I was a zombie on it with the sleepiness never wearing off. The weight gain was rapid for me because I just did not feel full on it. Granted, I needed to gain weight from my eating disorder but gaining weight in a manner that feels completely out of control (because of the inability to feel full) just is not good for someone with an eating disorder. It turned me to bulimic behaviors, then throwing out the pills altogether. There are people who do not get the appetite increase effect on Remeron, but it is not common. Also, being so tired all day long was worse than the Trazodone hangover side effect that at least would eventually go away (time dependent on the dose). For me, I was always very sleepy on Remeron (besides being hungry), so it was tough.

My old pdoc had me taking a combination of hydroxyzine & trazodone for sleep; the hydroxyzine helped a lot with falling asleep, the trazodone with staying asleep. I had been off the trazodone awhile, but when my current night meds stopped working for sleep, I went back on just a little. I think the Clonidine I take is supposed to help with sleep, but it is not good if you have blood pressure issues, and too much of it made me extremely forgetful (pdoc had to lower the dosage). Used to be the Seroquel alone knocked me out.

In the past, I took low dose Seroquel (either 25 or 50 mg, not sure which) for sleep, and that worked.

I'm a hard case for sleep; I don't ever remember a time I didn't have problems with sleep. Sleep meds didn't work for me. Ambien gave me very bad panic attacks and then didn't even put me to sleep. All the other sleep meds did nothing. When I was getting ready to try to conceive, I took melatonin & valerian for sleep. I combined them, which is not recommended. (Valerian is also extremely stinky.) But it did get me to sleep in a way that felt natural, most nights. Neither melatonin nor valerian alone helped with sleep, which is why I combined them. But I was tapering off psych meds, so it would be best to talk to your pdoc and any other doc who prescribes you meds about trying herbal remedies first.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Well I did it, made an appointment to get a manicure, pedicure and a cut, color and style plus wax my brows! All on my 60th birthday. Don't care what they do, they can cut my long hair as short as they want. Just want a total make over! Think of red for color.

That sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate your birthday!

[Wild Coyote]

Valerian can cause a paradoxical reaction in a large percentage of people, just FYI. One of my friends is an herbalist. I have such a reaction to valerian.


WC

[Blueberrybook]

I saw the rheumatologist this morning. She increased the gabapentin, said 300 mg might not be lasting all day or just could be too low a dose to help with flares. For fibro, I take the gabapentin daily, but the tizanidine prn. I also got a lecture in stretching once she was pressing on joints and felt how stiff my neck & back are. I know I should stretch daily, everyone should, but it is so easy to skip. So now I am supposed to take the gabapentin 300 mg twice a day or if that makes me too sleepy, 600 mg before bed. She also said I could call back if that didn't help and she'd increase the gabapentin a bit more. Hopefully, this dose helps. I have had some bad flares lately. I hate the flares when even the shower water hitting my skin hurts. A lot of those days, I just give up and take a bath instead and end up skipping the hair washing.

H is home today, preparing for an interview tomorrow. He is also unfortunately sick. We think it's a sinus infection, but it's just not been getting better (been getting worse), so he is seeing the PCP later today. I so hope tomorrow's interview will go well. This is his 2nd interview for that position. They did a first round of interviews, and then he was told they would call back to re-interview the top candidates (H got the impression this would be 2-3 people). So I guess in the meantime, we just hope and pray. I also hope the doctor will give him an antibiotic that will start getting him feeling better in time for his interview tomorrow. Sinus infections can be bacterial or viral in cause (mostly viral, I think), but since his just keeps getting worse, I am thinking it may be he needs an antibiotic.

[Wild Coyote]

I am exhausted today. Many nights of little sleep. What little I get is broken up.

Had a sleep consult yesterday. The sleep doc thinks he can help a lot. We will see. (I have had too many people telling me that lately.) I will have a sleep study this calendar year; just waiting on the date, while the doc appeals to my insurance company.

Out for a haircut and groceries today. Too weary to enjoy it. Barely awake. Thankfully, H was driving.

Love to All!

WC