[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by CrT0811

Hey...

I’m new to this forum and being bipolar1 with rapid cycles and in my mid fifties. It’s been a real eye opener for me. On one hand, for my generation, bipolar was something the weird lady down the road had...we were all “normal”. Now...I’m the weird lady down the road. But, I have an amazing husband as well as two adult children who have basically reacted to my DX with a “Duh...ya think?!” So, I’ve got that going for me. Today was better than yesterday is always my goal. Tonight, though, I’m up dealing with Herve shocks in my legs and coming down from a six day manic cycle. So...no sleep for me.

I’m hoping to find folks my age who might help me navigate this. I decided to take a liquid lithium instead of the carbonate...I already have liver issues from years of not thinking I would live past the years of self abuse and my kidneys have not appreciated the abuse either. Lol. I am trying the natural route except for blood pressure meds, flexeril and neurontin. I take supplements as other mood stabilizers and so far, since the DX and the readjustment of lithium and new supplements, I’m doing better. I don’t have that every few weeks I need to just get in the car and drive until it feels right to stop. The hubby keeps me grounded. I’m a writer and an artist so I’m not even sure I have a left brain. But, all in all...BP has been a genuine watershed moment and I just need to get acquainted with being able to look at my past and see all the cycles throughput my life and make plots on the graph where I self destructed and rebuilt. If I can get some sleep, I will, hopefully have an even better day than I did yesterday. Anyway...I hope everyone here is coping enough to say the same.

Hello. A warm welcome to PC. I’m glad you are here.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's usually no fun to take a class someone else wants us to take.

I hope you feel better soon.


WC

Thanks, Wild Coyote! Actually, I just received an email from the instructor. He apologized for "upsetting" me. Truth is, he was rather obnoxious and aggressive towards me during most of the classes. I'm not exactly sure why, but it was clear. That, along with family stress and other things, was just too much for me. Anger/fury has been building for a while now. When someone pushes the limit, it can be just too much. I left the class furious, but trying my best not to show it too too much. Of course male chauvinist types, like him, prefer the word "upset" to describe women more than "angry", because in their view they've intimidated the woman more than made the woman feel like telling them to F Off. If I had been a male, he may have apologized for "angering" me. Believe me that I know that most men aren't chauvinistic, but that instructor is.

I will not respond to that instructor's email. I'm not sure if I will send in the class/instructor review. I probably should, but I need some time.

I'm so glad that I see my psychiatrist today. I'm glad hubby and I will take a low stress vacation soon.

[Sunflower123]

My daughter came down yesterday to vote and surprised me. Such a pleasant surprise! I went with her to vote (I had already voted) and then went out to eat. She drove back to college around 9:30. It cheered me up immensely.

I can’t quite put my finger on what is not right. My mind feels like it is unraveling and things don’t feel real to me. I canceled all my appointments/activities for the next two weeks to be realistic and most activity has stopped. I feel strange. I’ll call my pdoc today and let him know something (whatever it is) is going on.

[Victoria'smom]

Hud came we passed but need to clean.

Miguel came home and says he's teaching 1/3 of the class. Miguel's teacher assigned Miguel a row of students to teach but he's never learned the program. She says he has a week to lean it. Then she doesn't even give him a copy of the program. That's $20/month. That's Money that we don't have. He was suppose to take the SAT next month but because of the late fee I doubt he will.

I told my husband my what thoughts are. I've started to take the prn of ambien. I don't know if I'm going up or down or if it's just me. It's a NEED that has to happen right now, but I'm trying to remember myself that it's dangerous and I'll end up IP. My husband asked me to stay safe. He says he's to busy for IP, IOP but that's not true but I'm not going to argue. That's the last thing he needs. If he acts on his thoughts like me he will be going IP

Got pretty shaken up this morning. Better now (it's a few hours later). Was going to write about why, but decided not to, as it was triggering stuff. (Too much, too universally.) Feeling kind of guilty about being too afraid to call it in.

I'm wide awake, so there's that anyway(!)

Hopefully the rest of the day will be better.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Do NOT quit your meds, bb. I don't like to say this because no one ever wants to hear it, but I care too much not to. You are doing not at all well. Please stay on your meds and give a call to your pdoc to get an adjustment, ok? Please? Much

I saw my therapist this morning and I forgot to tell her about the warp. (I really did want to tell her about my exciting opportunity.) Either way, she seemed fine with me. No comments about anything. So I think I'm ok

I don't want meds. They affect my concentration too much for me to investigate how to create another galaxy warp. Well, Ritalin helps, so maybe you're right that I should stay on that.

Sometimes I can see things ripple, which means I am close to witnessing another warp. I know I can trigger one. Medications will only get in the way. No one understands. It's just so bizarre sounding because it's the first time anyone's seen it (well, just me seeing it I think), so of course no one would believe me. And I don't think my pdoc would particularly care for such a casual conversation when he's focused on medicating me for no reason .

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Got pretty shaken up this morning. Better now (it's a few hours later). Was going to write about why, but decided not to, as it was triggering stuff. (Too much, too universally.) Feeling kind of guilty about being too afraid to call it in.

I'm wide awake, so there's that anyway(!)

Hopefully the rest of the day will be better.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Sorry you had a rough morning

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Hud came we passed but need to clean.

Miguel came home and says he's teaching 1/3 of the class. Miguel's teacher assigned Miguel a row of students to teach but he's never learned the program. She says he has a week to lean it. Then she doesn't even give him a copy of the program. That's $20/month. That's Money that we don't have. He was suppose to take the SAT next month but because of the late fee I doubt he will.

I told my husband my what thoughts are. I've started to take the prn of ambien. I don't know if I'm going up or down or if it's just me. It's a NEED that has to happen right now, but I'm trying to remember myself that it's dangerous and I'll end up IP. My husband asked me to stay safe. He says he's to busy for IP, IOP but that's not true but I'm not going to argue. That's the last thing he needs. If he acts on his thoughts like me he will be going IP

Glad you passed the HUD inspection. I'm sorry about your problems with your husband. Marriage is difficult enough when only one spouse has mental issues. I've had bumpy patches with H, mostly due to issues with my mental health. It sounds like you are in a difficult place with your H Hope you can at least get him to do IOP.

[Blueberrybook]

Saw the pdoc today. No surprise, he put me back on the Wellbutrin. I'd been pretty depressed since stopping it. I know it usually causes me to have some issues with forgetting words, spelling words, saying what I want to say in a way that makes sense, but it's better than being so down. I hopefully will not get so forgetful as I got when he had me on 300 mg Wellbutrin. Though it is frustrating to know exactly what you want to say but not being able to find the right words to say it. I really hate that.

No weighing today, thank goodness. New pdoc told me he spoke again with my old pdoc (retiring soon, working just part-time), and I think she gave him some reassurance that while my weight is low, it is usually not in a high danger, imminent threat zone. There was only 1 time the old pdoc got concerned about my weight and did a lot of consultation with my PCP, but that happened right after an incident at a massage parlor, and after a month, month and a half, I got back to a better place, weightwise.

Now just one more appt. this week. Rheumatologist tomorrow. Going to tell her the gabapentin does nothing for my fibro flares. Hopefully, there is some other option.

[Victoria'smom]

If I take my tattoo out it won't help and I'll end up in the ER and I'll have to admit my thoughts can get the best of me

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

If I take my tattoo out it won't help and I'll end up in the ER and I'll have to admit my thoughts can get the best of me

That’s a good statement. I really don’t think it will help to take your tattoo out. Please take care and stay safe.

[Daonnachd]

I have great news. Our refrigerator arrived today. We had been using an old one as a loaner. Now we have a brand new one.

Also, the car trouble that was plaguing us since Saturday has been solved. It was running rough and quitting on us. The initial estimate was $850, but they did some additional testing and discovered it was out of oil. I’m lucky it didn’t seize up and blow up. In the end it only cost us $70. Yes, that’s still a lot, but it’s a lot less than $850!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I have great news. Our refrigerator arrived today. We had been using an old one as a loaner. Now we have a brand new one.

Also, the car trouble that was plaguing us since Saturday has been solved. It was running rough and quitting on us. The initial estimate was $850, but they did some additional testing and discovered it was out of oil. I’m lucky it didn’t seize up and blow up. In the end it only cost us $70. Yes, that’s still a lot, but it’s a lot less than $850!

Yay!!! Great news on two fronts!!! I know you must be relieved about the car. Congratulations on your new refrigerator. Sweet.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

If I take my tattoo out it won't help and I'll end up in the ER and I'll have to admit my thoughts can get the best of me

Exactly.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I have great news. Our refrigerator arrived today. We had been using an old one as a loaner. Now we have a brand new one.

Also, the car trouble that was plaguing us since Saturday has been solved. It was running rough and quitting on us. The initial estimate was $850, but they did some additional testing and discovered it was out of oil. I’m lucky it didn’t seize up and blow up. In the end it only cost us $70. Yes, that’s still a lot, but it’s a lot less than $850!

Glad you've had a good day. You are very lucky about the car and that more damage was not done to the engine. We had to completely rebuild the engine of my car from driving it on little to no oil. It was very expensive (though still cheaper than buying a new car, even a good used car). Unfortunately, it took ages to get the new engine. I live in the land of giant trucks...well, not everyone has a giant truck, but a lot of people do. I drive a Subaru Forester (one of the older, smaller models). They had to get the engine shipped from a junkyard someplace like Minnesota, and that area was having some sort of weather issue at the time. It took forever, and it cost us a LOT of money.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I've not been doing well for a good month because of stress. Though I have good hours many days, other times I've been struggling.

Last night I became hostile in an adult school class I had been taking. I never wanted to take that class anyway. Hubby forced me into it. After five classes, I finally learned that the start time was 6:30 pm and not 7 pm, like I thought. I always wondered why I seemed late and everyone else seemed so dammed early!

The instructor had been rough on me almost every class, but in the beginning I was amused. But not last night! I won't even elaborate on this, but I turned very inappropriate. When I got home, leaving after only 30 mins, I sent the school a cancellation notice for the upcoming related class. Instead, I'll take two flower arranging sessions and a Food Critic class. They appeal to me significantly more. I've taken the flower arranging before and loved the class and instructor.

Taking a class to please another person is no fun. I am glad you cancelled the course and are instead going to take classes on something you enjoy. I'd love to do that too, if we had the extra money.

And it sounds like the teacher was a real jerk. Do you get to evaluate him? If not, I'd ask to submit an evaluation to whomever he reports to.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My daughter came down yesterday to vote and surprised me. Such a pleasant surprise! I went with her to vote (I had already voted) and then went out to eat. She drove back to college around 9:30. It cheered me up immensely.

I can’t quite put my finger on what is not right. My mind feels like it is unraveling and things don’t feel real to me. I canceled all my appointments/activities for the next two weeks to be realistic and most activity has stopped. I feel strange. I’ll call my pdoc today and let him know something (whatever it is) is going on.

Depression? Not sure where you live if it could be SAD?

It sounds like some sort of depression when you are cancelling all your activities. Are these activities you usually enjoy? I didn't go to my last book club meeting because of depression. I didn't go to the one before that either, but that was because they were reading a long sci-fi book, and I do not like reading science fiction much at all.

Did you call your pdoc?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Depression? Not sure where you live if it could be SAD?

It sounds like some sort of depression when you are cancelling all your activities. Are these activities you usually enjoy? I didn't go to my last book club meeting because of depression. I didn't go to the one before that either, but that was because they were reading a long sci-fi book, and I do not like reading science fiction much at all.

Did you call your pdoc?

Thanks for reminding me. I just did.

I seriously broke down in front of my psychiatrist a bit ago. He increased my Seroquel XR back to 600 mg and gave me an appointment for next week. I said almost nothing the first five minutes, just sat there in extreme distress, crying.

Only five minutes before I left for my psychiatrist's office, which is luckily only five minutes away by car, I read two emails from my sister. Apparently, the cops pulled up to my dad's car in his driveway (Dad was in his car). They had received my dad's license plate as a car who did a hit and run. Now there's a long scratch on his Mercedes and a long scratch on his truck. My sister said she wished they'd have arrested him, but they didn't. Instead he got a summons to appear in court. Why didn't the cop check him for being drunk?

I'm so overwhelmed with stress and sadness.

I had originally planned to pick something up at the store, but after reading my sister's emails I didn't want to. I felt guilty, but when I got to my psychiatrist's office I realized that I didn't have my wallet or phone. I was almost relieved. I had my wallet out in order to pay for something over the phone and forgot about it.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I finally slept all night! It feels so good to be less tired. I hope this is now over and I can resume normal (for me, it's always a bit messed up) sleep.

[Faltering]

The pdoc's office called and said I'm approved to start lithium. I'll start tomorrow. My mom said not to do it because I'll get brain damage. I'm just hoping not to destroy my kidneys and thyroid. I'll be at work when I have my first dose so I'm kind of nervous of how it will affect me.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Faltering

The pdoc's office called and said I'm approved to start lithium. I'll start tomorrow. My mom said not to do it because I'll get brain damage. I'm just hoping not to destroy my kidneys and thyroid. I'll be at work when I have my first dose so I'm kind of nervous of how it will affect me.

That’s good news. I hope everything goes smoothly.

Originally Posted by Faltering

The pdoc's office called and said I'm approved to start lithium. I'll start tomorrow. My mom said not to do it because I'll get brain damage. I'm just hoping not to destroy my kidneys and thyroid. I'll be at work when I have my first dose so I'm kind of nervous of how it will affect me.

Good luck with it!

Some people may experience some mild cognitive impairment, usually blood level related, but I've actually read that Lithium can be healing for the bipolar brain in some ways. I did have very mild cognitive impairment, but it cleared when my dose was reduced/eliminated.

Be sure you get thyroid and creatinine tests frequently. I don't think they are ordered by most psychiatrists every time a Lithium level is done, but should be done often all the same. I developed both hypothyroidism and kidney damage. Luckily, my kidney function is OK. The elevated creatinine level was discovered early so my Lithium was stopped. As for my thyroid, my doctors kept me on Lithium, despite. My Synthroid dose just increased over time, but leveled off. My Synthroid dose will likely never decrease despite being off Lithium. My creatinine level has improved since then.

Definitely not everyone experiences issues like above.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am definitely hypomanic today. I didn’t fall asleep until midnight again (and only with the help of my weighted blanket) and woke up at 6:30 ready to go. Usually I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I left early for work so I could have more time to blast my music in my car. I sped around town not caring if I got a ticket. I was practically running through the halls at work. Tapping my foot all day.

Then i went to Trader Joe’s where I wanted to buy a bunch of stuff but didn’t because I don’t have the money. The urge to spend is there but I still have insight to stop it. I only bought a couple of things. However, one of them was wine. The urge to drink is strong. I will probably drink it tonight (I don’t have work tomorrow). Don’t lecture me on bp and alcohol, I already know. I don’t care.

Then I came home, cleaned my car, vacuumed it, then went inside and cleaned the whole dining room. Swept, mopped, everything. I hate cleaning lol. I was going to do the bathroom too but I ran out of time before I had to pick my son up.

I don’t feel like eating but I’m ravenous so I just had a small bag of popcorn (I’m at swim lessons with my son) and will most likely eat dinner when I go home. Usually I would have had a second lunch by now.

Most of all, I feel fantastic. I have that familiar electrified feeling, like everything is just brighter and more colorful. My thoughts are still clear but I have music playing in my head. When I’m around people my energy gets transferred to them which is a pain but I can keep it to myself when I’m alone. That’s what I like.

I am having a wonderful time but still hoping it’s just a fluke, that I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling normal. Because I can’t handle a crash. I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for.

I’m hoping I have a safe landing.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Faltering

The pdoc's office called and said I'm approved to start lithium. I'll start tomorrow. My mom said not to do it because I'll get brain damage. I'm just hoping not to destroy my kidneys and thyroid. I'll be at work when I have my first dose so I'm kind of nervous of how it will affect me.

That's good news. I've never been on lithium. I hope it works for you.