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#1
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*** ( could trigger some ) ***
how is it possible to feel better ... and so lost at the same time ... to see life around you ... but still feel ok if tomorrow never comes ... to miss the darkness because planning gave a sense of purpose ... to be well enough but sick enough to not be able to decide which way to go ... to have no dreams ... to fear the future ... to be so lost that only an obsession gives any meaning for today ... much less tomorrow ... to feel so close ... to being normal (maybe even happy) ... but at the same time ... to be unwilling (maybe even afraid) to cross thur that curtain ... just the thoughts of an old tired Tigger ... ( have no fear I am in no danger ) .. |
![]() Anonymous46341, Anonymous47845, BipolaRNurse, liveforsummer, Wild Coyote
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![]() liveforsummer, Wild Coyote
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#2
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I go through much the same. It is confusing and very tiring!
I hope life will feel less confusing in the near future... for all of us! Great to have you posting! ![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() wiretwister
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![]() wiretwister
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#3
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I'm not really sure how to answer, or if you are even seeking an answer from any of us. I guess all that I will write is that it's important to live in the moment (practice mindfulness). Seek out simple pleasures, however simple or small.
As an aside, I assume the charming young lady you always have pictured is Lee SoonKyu. I just wanted to say that seeing her photo is always a small delight for me. Thank you! Look into her eyes and try to absorb some of that light you mention. A smile absorbed is a gift. In DBT therapy, there is even a coping skill called "Half Smile". Many people mock it, but it is apparently scientifically shown that even the action of a smile (even forced) can lift the mood, even if only very slightly. “That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest.” ― Henry David Thoreau “Sometimes, the simple things are more fun and meaningful than all the banquets in the world.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri “It was as if I had only just been able to see colors and shapes for the first time. I was so enthralled with the buttons on Lestat’s black coat that I looked at nothing else for a long time.” ― Anne Rice “A nice warm shower, a cup of tea, and a caring ear may be all you need to warm your heart.” ― Charles F. Glassman |
![]() Wild Coyote, wiretwister
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![]() Wild Coyote, wiretwister
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#4
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My pdoc has recently been suggesting I address this "ambivalence" by making a commitment to deciding what I enjoy as well as committing to pursuing some of the activities/events I do enjoy. She feels doing this will help me to commit to moving ahead in life. (I feel stuck in ambivalence right now.)
Me? I don't know the answer(s), yet I feel BirdDancer is onto something important! ![]() Thank you for being you! ![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() wiretwister
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#5
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I really had it out with my pdoc today ... he asked so I told him ... I have always felt misdxed and believe the depression and anexity but not the rest .... told him I felt he dxed me wrong and kept it up for the insurance purposes ... I have felt this way for the last 6 years ...
I have no doubt he does want the best for me ... but I just could not believe the bp1 ... we had a long talk ... he gave me example after example ... he made a believer of me ... so I guess I really am ... he stated I was a text book example for bp1 ... I know I have said this before but I never really believed ... not deep inside anyway ... I feel like I have been neutered ... like a part of me has died inside ... it is really hard to admit this to myself ... I have always played games with my meds ... because I did not need them ... I have finally decided I just need to turn the responsibility for which med and how much to him ... and just do what I am told ... this really sucks ... I admire those of you that do this everyday ... with out sounding too meladramic ... I expect this to be one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do ... Last edited by wiretwister; Oct 29, 2018 at 08:24 PM. |
![]() Anonymous46341, Wild Coyote
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![]() Wild Coyote
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#6
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Great job being honest with your pdoc. ![]() WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. ![]() |
![]() wiretwister
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#7
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wiretwister, I can totally relate.
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![]() Wild Coyote
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![]() Wild Coyote
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#8
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Sometimes accepting is the first step to feeling better for you ?
I agreed 100% when I heard the words “ you have Bipolar “ it explained my entire life. That said I have often wanted to trash my meds and even did a few times , I did okay for while then BOOM ! Just day by day my friend ![]()
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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