so I don't spam the board

tecomsin · Dec 06, 2018, 05:46 PM

When my son was younger he refused therapy but when he got older and I found a good one, he goes on his own and pays his own way too.

Victoria'smom · Dec 06, 2018, 06:39 PM

I'm really tired. like I'm curled up on the couch about to sleep. I'm so hungry too. I don't want this but everyone wants me safe and not impulsive. Apparently I'm psychotic, I don't know if I agree but would I really know would I? What's the point if I'm always sleeping and eating. Weight gain trigger.

Possible trigger:

I'm in the mid-high 100's when I use to be in the low 100's.

I'm not sure this is worth it. Yeah I've even said "thing will get better." yeah just enough to clean it up. Then back again. I need just to hang out until christmas, Then New years, and then my appointment. Maybe I'll numb out.

Victoria'smom · Dec 06, 2018, 07:59 PM

When my son was younger he refused therapy but when he got older and I found a good one, he goes on his own and pays his own way too When did he decide to go back to therapy?

tecomsin · Dec 06, 2018, 08:16 PM

That was this year 2018 after he moved back home for awhile. It was his own idea. I have supported it but am not involved.

I had pulled his arm to get him to see this ph.d. clinical psychologist back when he was a freshman at uni and home for the summer not working and playing video games all day. He grudgingly went to one session which I had demanded as a condition he live at home. Then he stopped going. He got some benefit back then with social anxiety.

Not sure what he is working on now with his therapist but his anger and hatred of me has lessened since he started working.

He's 24.

I mentioned this because everything can seem in crisis mode sometimes and the combination of mental illness in the family together with volatile teens is not a good mix and we had tons of problems, so did I. It's hard to take a long term perspective but I think it is the one that matters most of all for kids and teens. What kind of adults will they become?

Victoria'smom · Dec 06, 2018, 11:36 PM

I feel better about Miguel since talking to the psychologist Monday. She was understanding and made us realize that he is safe.

Victoria'smom · Dec 07, 2018, 12:49 PM

We got the car title and registration done we pick the car up tonight.

Dec 07, 2018, 07:59 PM

I notice not as much "spam" today (actually, a lot was happening).

I hope you are in a better place mentally.

Victoria'smom · Dec 07, 2018, 09:01 PM

I'm at my sister's. Miguel's teacher gave him a 79.4 so his gpa will go down and he jeopardizes his phi theta kapa.good standing.

Victoria'smom · Dec 07, 2018, 09:11 PM

I'm seriously considering going back to school. I can only go online. Then I can work online taking small freelance jobs when I feel well. The big problem is I don't think I'll stay stable for the year of classes.

Victoria'smom · Dec 08, 2018, 12:11 PM

last night: The car won't be fixed tonight we have to pick it up tomorrow. I'm getting very bothered by my eating habits.

Victoria'smom · Dec 08, 2018, 12:18 PM

I hate the zyprexa but I think I'm doing better. When do I drop down to 7.5 mg ? I have yet to have a "real" meltdown. My chest is really tight, it feels like I can't breath. I'm still having "odd" thoughts. How would I know if I'm ready for school.

Victoria'smom · Dec 08, 2018, 11:38 PM

We got the car. It needs more work

of course my husband didn't tell me until he came home with the car. Things that I would have fixed right away. I'm so annoyed. I haven't really seen the car let alone drove in it. I'm not happy. I have no idea how much that's going to be.

We were looking into a university for my nephew who completed his AS and going their in January. So we ran the numbers and even with loans and his scholarship Miguel still has to find $2000/yr. He said “fine I’ll work.” It wasn’t what he said it’s how he said it. I can’t even get him to do basic chores daily and he has yet to do his 100 hrs volunteering he needs. Hell I have to remind him wake up and to shower. So if he goes there he’ll start off with $40-50k in debt. He wants dorm (which is wonderful opportunity for him). Where we “want” him to go to it’s “only” $20k+ and the $2000/yr. If he stays home and goes to the local college he doesn’t have to take out loans plus he’ll earn money. This doesn’t included extras like a car. I don’t want him to have debt.

I’ve been thinking of going back to school. I have been for awhile it’s not what I want to do but it’s something and it’s something I might be able to work from home. In a 1.5 yrs we lose about a 4th of our income. It scares me. My husband did not do well in his classes. So I’m hoping I’ll do better at an online tech school. I know I can technically work part time but I’m unsure if I really am capable. My physical disability would be taken care of by my husband being home and helping me but the bipolar/SzA leaves me unsure whether I can even make it through the course.

I’m questioning whether or not I’m truly sick. I know my husband is right now and my son is. Come Monday I need to make appointments. Our insurance is changing. Myself and my son are going into a managed care program for “serious mental health”. For some reason My husband isn’t in the program so I have to call about that. Anything I do I second guess myself. I have to convince my husband to drive further away and that for now we need weekly sessions. We may have to change anyway because our insurance has changed.This means they are going to have to fight for my ODT all over again and I don’t have a huge stockpile of ODT maybe a week worth. I’m really concerned. I’m not to sure if I’m too sick to see my issues or what.

~Christina · Dec 08, 2018, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

We got the car. It needs more work

of course my husband didn't tell me until he came home with the car. Things that I would have fixed right away. I'm so annoyed. I haven't really seen the car let alone drove in it. I'm not happy. I have no idea how much that's going to be.

We were looking into a university for my nephew who completed his AS and going their in January. So we ran the numbers and even with loans and his scholarship Miguel still has to find $2000/yr. He said “fine I’ll work.” It wasn’t what he said it’s how he said it. I can’t even get him to do basic chores daily and he has yet to do his 100 hrs volunteering he needs. Hell I have to remind him wake up and to shower. So if he goes there he’ll start off with $40-50k in debt. He wants dorm (which is wonderful opportunity for him). Where we “want” him to go to it’s “only” $20k+ and the $2000/yr. If he stays home and goes to the local college he doesn’t have to take out loans plus he’ll earn money. This doesn’t included extras like a car. I don’t want him to have debt.

I’ve been thinking of going back to school. I have been for awhile it’s not what I want to do but it’s something and it’s something I might be able to work from home. In a 1.5 yrs we lose about a 4th of our income. It scares me. My husband did not do well in his classes. So I’m hoping I’ll do better at an online tech school. I know I can technically work part time but I’m unsure if I really am capable. My physical disability would be taken care of by my husband being home and helping me but the bipolar/SzA leaves me unsure whether I can even make it through the course.

I’m questioning whether or not I’m truly sick. I know my husband is right now and my son is. Come Monday I need to make appointments. Our insurance is changing. Myself and my son are going into a managed care program for “serious mental health”. For some reason My husband isn’t in the program so I have to call about that. Anything I do I second guess myself. I have to convince my husband to drive further away and that for now we need weekly sessions. We may have to change anyway because our insurance has changed.This means they are going to have to fight for my ODT all over again and I don’t have a huge stockpile of ODT maybe a week worth. I’m really concerned. I’m not to sure if I’m too sick to see my issues or what.

Breathe ~

You are in catastrophic mode

Stop stop stop

Take one problem find a solution and then move onto the next.

You sound a lot more “with it “ today , more like “you”

Let your H focus on the car he can handle it

Make 1 call at a time. Then go on to the next call

On and on and on

You can handle this , just breath and start on one thing

Victoria'smom · Dec 09, 2018, 02:10 AM

Night is always bad for me. Tonight I'm seriously concerns about how much I am eating. I don't want these pills or therapy. I'm a shity mom and wife that is why. I take meds because nobody would want me around if I wasn't. This is all to be socially acceptable. I never wish this on anyone but I teach my son he's not socially acceptable.

tecomsin · Dec 09, 2018, 09:14 AM

I have a lot of guilt about how I raised my son so I really feel for you now. You are trying to do the right thing and that counts for a lot.

~Christina · Dec 11, 2018, 01:18 AM

How are you feeling today ?

Victoria'smom · Dec 11, 2018, 04:58 PM

I'm unrealistically angry at my husband for ordering food last night instead of just cooking. I'm guessing I'm doing better just blah. I mean so mad I felt like throwing something at his head! Even after trying to sleep it off.

Possible trigger:

I really, really wanted to hurt myself

I'm developing tremors. I don't know if it's the zyprexa or genetics catching up to me. (my sister has hand tremors) I could cut down to 7.5 mg but I do not want to be in the place I was before the increase. I've been out shopping with my family. I bring like $40. So If I find something or if they go to lunch I'm not a burden. I found a big present for Miguel. I was so sad everything was so small it could fit in a shoe box. It's not a BIG present like little kids can get for like $20 but it's a good size and it was cheap-ish.

We found out Miguel despite his SAT scores, dual enrollment, GPA and his scholarship he will have to go to a community college. I wish he never did FLVS. I'm not going to tell him, let him apply for the universities anyway. Why and I focusing on this? in 6 month he has to apply (early decision). I'm thinking about having him take an extra year in high school just so he has time to get a hold of his MI.

~Christina · Dec 11, 2018, 10:02 PM

Was the food at least good ??? Sorry just got kinda of a lol outta that. I’ve been ridiculously anger over things that really don’t matter in the big picture.

Maybe holding Miguel back a bit would help him get a better grip on his issues

Did you ever call and schedule his appts ?? If not just do it..

Is today in general better than yesterday ?

Victoria'smom · Dec 12, 2018, 01:19 AM

No, it wasn't even good food. I haven't found out if my new insurance is even taken at my clinic. I have to call them tomorrow and see why my husband isn't on the same plan as the two of us. It doesn't look like they will approve my medication.

If they don't I have to slowly reduce it. Until approved. I also have to call the physiologist's office to tell them we changed insurance so they can fight the right company for testing.

I was with my mom all day and bought a bunch of stupid stuff. I thought we wouldn't be able to move the couch for the christmas tree. So I bought a small hangable one. Well my husband moved the couch and got the tree out.

~Christina · Dec 12, 2018, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

No, it wasn't even good food. I haven't found out if my new insurance is even taken at my clinic. I have to call them tomorrow and see why my husband isn't on the same plan as the two of us. It doesn't look like they will approve my medication.

If they don't I have to slowly reduce it. Until approved. I also have to call the physiologist's office to tell them we changed insurance so they can fight the right company for testing.

I was with my mom all day and bought a bunch of stupid stuff. I thought we wouldn't be able to move the couch for the christmas tree. So I bought a small hangable one. Well my husband moved the couch and got the tree out.

Things will work out ! So now you have 2 trees !!!

We will be in St Pete so no need putting a tree up here. Less for me to clean up after.

Yeah first of the year insurance changes can be a royal PITA

Victoria'smom · Dec 12, 2018, 09:21 PM

So I called, my husband changed his insurance to ours.we called and found out our clinic still takes our insurance. Tomorrow I'm calling the clinic to set up therapy appointments.

Victoria'smom · Dec 13, 2018, 07:02 PM

I have to see my ex therapist for a referral to a new therapist, grrr. I see her Monday.
My boys have appointments January 21. Miguel asked to see a psychiatrist again. So he sees her the January 21st.

I'm making an appointment at the other clinic. It's a further drive and my husband is already complaining about it and I can't drive so it's up to him. I really don't want to stay with my "current" therapist. She's a waste of my time and I'm a waste of her time.