[Victoria'smom]

Does your husband have an appt coming up ?? His is right after me or right before me.

[Victoria'smom]

You start lacking insight into where your at mentally and keeping yourself safe. How do I stop this then? I know it's only hours/days before my thinking goes away. I feel it. It's scary. My husband know everything that's going on with me but really doesn't give a ****, understandably. He has his own issues.

Stop cutting and keep them clean. I stopped after day 2. Doesn't mean I don't think it's an awesome idea to do again While it's healing it looks like I messed myself up really bad. but honestly it didn't even bleed that much. I don't know even that was a failure.

I'm going to ask if my husband wants to go in or not. He helps me with remembering little things like I'm on odt meds.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Maybe it's situational? I don't want my medication adjusted. I'm scared. I just need a good T.

I'm not going to be healed by Tuesday. What if she wants to see it? How do I tell her about me without telling on my husband?

Then I think

Possible trigger:

I took a razor to my own skin. I don't feel it was a bad thing. In-fact quite the opposite.

I took a Zyprexa.

I haven't been following you that long but even if your situation triggered you--now it's serious and you need to tell your psychiatrist--if you haven't been taking your meds exactly as the bottles say to do--start--remembering that they kick in slowly.

Being scared and anxious is part of our illness. Your therapist or psych needs to know you cut yourself. Christina is right--don't take your husband into an appointment while you are this ill--it will just add to the complexity making it so the person can't focus on what you need.

[Victoria'smom]

if you haven't been taking your meds exactly as the bottles say to do--start I've been taking it as directed except a few days I've taken more zyprexa then directed. Why don't I feel ill? It's like I'm doing all this stuff that screams help/ I'm our of control but 2 seconds later I'm fine like that never happend. Maybe I'm just BPD and my husband's and son's condition just got the best of me.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

if you haven't been taking your meds exactly as the bottles say to do--start I've been taking it as directed except a few days I've taken more zyprexa then directed. Why don't I feel ill? It's like I'm doing all this stuff that screams help/ I'm our of control but 2 seconds later I'm fine like that never happend. Maybe I'm just BPD and my husband's and son's condition just got the best of me.

I have learned that when I start overreacting to my son or husband's requests/emotions, it is time to have a "time out" from them. In the case of my husband, he hangs out in our TV room alot so I stay out of that room and stop taking daily walks with him. Within 24 hours, I am usually feeling more rational. When my son has said something that has made me upset--I take a break (a day or two) from calling him or if he keeps calling me (more than one time in the same hour and it is obviously triggering)--I tell him I am struggling and need a break (as in, unless it is an emergency--let's talk about this tommorrow).

So maybe find a way to have some separation time from them?

[~Christina]

I think it’s likely you could have bpd “ too” but it really doesn’t matter right now

When I am “ unwell” I waffle back and forth between “ I’m okay” “ I’m a mess” and “ what is going on confusion”

I personally would label you mixed if I had a fancy degree.

I say you both go alone to your appts

In the past writing things down have helped you get your deep struggles out of your head. Give yourself a gift of doing that so you will get much deserved help.

How is Miguel doing ?

[Victoria'smom]

I went with my parents to see the lights in the park. It was nice, got me out of my head a little. I'm going to write tonight.

So I'm stuck on meds forever?

Miguel is not okay. He's not talking about what is going on but he's constantly picking. He's getting upset whenever we call attention to it. We see the developmental psychologist Monday for the parent meeting.

[~Christina]

Being on meds forever? I know I will be , do I like it ?? No ! But my family deserves me to be the best I can be and that’s as much stability as possible.

Glad you got out !! Sounds like fun !

I’m sorry things are so hard for Miguel right now , I hope that appt gets things started in the right direction.

[Victoria'smom]

I wish my headphones weren't broken.

I, too, think you should attend your appointment alone. It's hard enough sometimes to divulge what's going on, let alone with an involved party present. Write things down that you want to remember to say. He doesn't really need to do that for you.

I know I struggled a lot with trying to be fully honest about things involving my ex. And he wasn't even there.

I'm with Christina in being very waffley when I'm doing very badly. Sometimes thinking we are fine is just lack of insight. Or trying to put a good face on it. Not necessarily the reality.

I'm glad you got out! Sounds nice.

[Blueberrybook]

I agree with the above. Attend your appointments alone. If H attended my therapy session, it would be so awkward, I would get nothing out of it. Especially when you are in such a bad place, you need to feel free to tell the therapist everything you need to, and having a husband present would hinder or even stop that, especially with the problems it seems your whole family is dealing with at the moment (each with their own serious issues), they should be concentrating on fixing their issues, especially your H though it sounds like he is not.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

I have learned that when I start overreacting to my son or husband's requests/emotions, it is time to have a "time out" from them. In the case of my husband, he hangs out in our TV room alot so I stay out of that room and stop taking daily walks with him. Within 24 hours, I am usually feeling more rational. When my son has said something that has made me upset--I take a break (a day or two) from calling him or if he keeps calling me (more than one time in the same hour and it is obviously triggering)--I tell him I am struggling and need a break (as in, unless it is an emergency--let's talk about this tommorrow).

So maybe find a way to have some separation time from them?

I feel this might be a good option too.

[Victoria'smom]

So maybe find a way to have some separation time from them? It's hard because we have an open floor plan and our bedrooms are just to sleep in. If I had my headphones I would be able to ignore them but my blue tooth adapter broke about two months ago and I don't ever buy anything for myself. So I asked for it on Christmas.

I wrote last night and I'm just going to hand it to her

Possible trigger:

My husband and son are both depressed. I don't know about me. I'm going from okay to complete meltdown with odd thoughts in the mix. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I cut but no longer want to cut out my tattoo out of my arm but I do want to cut from my elbow to the edge of my tattoo. I wont but the thought is still there. I'm no longer suicidal. I just want my headphones to cut out the noise, isolate, and quiet my head

Is that glossing over things to much?

[Pookyl]

I think it’s well written.

[Victoria'smom]

My husband seems upset about my existence. My son went to a birthday party. He had fun. I went with my parents to see lights and take my nephew home. I need a shower but I really don't want to it's been a week or so. I don't want my husband to see my marks and if I shower he will. I don't need his pity. He doesn't need that. Plus it looks way worse then it is.

When this is all over maybe we'll go to therapy. We need to find a team that work together. I'm going to need someone that will work with high risk clients so I don't pull my punches. I know I don't want more meds. I know I can be dealt with out patient. I need one that doesn't give up on me because I'm "not progressing." Every day I make it through I'm "progressing". Don't they realize I hate being low functioning more then they do. Maybe they just didn't want to risk their licence? I believe I want help even if it doesn't look like it.

[Victoria'smom]

I picked off my scab off so it doesn't look so bad. I just want to curl in bed and cry. My parents notice, the co-op director notices, I have no idea who else notices. We can't keep doing this.

Possible trigger:

What if one of us dies? The two left wouldn't be able to deal and both would end up IP

[downandlonely]

This sounds scary. Maybe you need to go IP to stay safe.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm not really worried about me. I can control myself. If not I can take extra zyprexa and ambien and sleep through it.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so tired today. I want to start exercising. The weight and secretary lifestyle is really messing with my CP. I'm in a spot where I'm thinking about taking my wheel chair out of the closet. I'm reading anti-meds sites. Do you think if pdoc ups my meds we can lower it later? Has anyone done this?

[~Christina]

Meds can always be upped and lowered all the time.

You are very unwell and I think your insight is getting really poor.

Sure a T can help but when will you be able to see one ??

The appt coming up is with Pdoc? Correct?

Drugging yourself to sleep so you don’t have to deal is wrong on so many levels and puts you at risk for taking too much on accident , think about this part long and hard.

You talk about needing a “ Team” I think you all need a separate T, how can you talk about your husband being a stressor if he is right there.

You need help nothing wrong with it. I went IP this year why ? Because I needed to be safe.

Btw ... you will get in to see a T much faster going IP , the hospital sets up the appt.

Stay safe and get a shower it will make you feel better

[Victoria'smom]

The appt coming up is with Pdoc? Correct? Tuesday
I think you all need a separate T In WV we each had a separate pdoc and T that shared notes. So if one of us were unwell all of them knew. I'd say something that he didn't bring up to his therapist or he'd say something that I didn't mention or things that would affect Miguel.

I think honestly I would have to switch companies because there's 4(?) therapist I've cycled through two but the other two my boys see and I refuse to see a T that one of them see.

I might be loosing touch. This feels normal to me.

Drugging yourself to sleep so you don’t have to deal is wrong on so many levels and puts you at risk for taking too much on accident , think about this part long and hard. I only take the prescription I was on before she lowered it. So I'm not at high risk of messing up. I'm going to tell her I occasionally take more zyprexa then prescribed.

I don't feel I'm unsafe, I'm not in need of IP. At least I don't think so.

She lowered all of my meds when I met her because she felt I was over medicated. I have no idea what she'll do now and I'm scared.

Night is much harder for all of us. I'm just tired. Why did Miguel have to inherit this mess?

[Victoria'smom]

I feel like a horrible parent giving him issues. My sister. Mom and nephew came over. I barely sat up from the couch. They were only here for 5-10 min because my house isn't toddler friendly and he was acting up. Plus my house is a mess. Honestly I don't want anyone here it's so embarrassing. Tomorrow we have to go to the meeting (one of many) to confirm Miguel's DXs.

[Victoria'smom]

Am I becoming unintelligible?

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I feel like a horrible parent giving him issues. My sister. Mom and nephew came over. I barely sat up from the couch. They were only here for 5-10 min because my house isn't toddler friendly and he was acting up. Plus my house is a mess. Honestly I don't want anyone here it's so embarrassing. Tomorrow we have to go to the meeting (one of many) to confirm Miguel's DXs.

I hope tomorrow goes well and that you finally get an answer when it comes to your son. I also hope your pdoc appointment goes well. I also came by to give you a

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Am I becoming unintelligible?

Your just doing what you always do

You can improve your situation if you force yourself to be honest and work very hard to get better, your family deserves for you to be the best you can be.