[xRavenx]

I was living on my own and had to move back in with family due to my episodes severely interfering with my ability to manage typical household responsibilities. When I am cooking, it is so common for me to get distracted, I constantly misplace things, have problems carrying out certain tasks, get extremely stressed out with even small responsibilities. I am not in a good enough financial situation right now to afford a place, and I lack confidence in my ability to maintain a household. Not only does depression affect some of my abilities, but mania does as well, because I am so disorganized and all over the place in my mind.

I feel extremely insecure about these things. I am no longer in a relationship, but was shamed in the past for not being able to do everything the way a so-called "normal adult" should. I know that although I can work on some of these things, but it's hard. Somehow I hold on to my job, but home is a different story.

I have taken a break from dating, but whenever I imagine being in a relationship, I just think about how nobody would want to be with me, because of all of these things.

Just had to get that out there. I don't really know what to do about it??
I feel stuck, stagnant, and lack confidence.

[still_crazy]

im only now living in a place of my own. each person's story is different. for me...i needed to live at home, but then i over-stayed and it made things worse. now, i have my own place near family, and there's a much better balance of time with them vs time for me to develop my own life, at long last. and so...

try not to feel so terrible, if you can help it. as a culture, we push people to be independent and all that, but sometimes...its straight up impossible. plus, even when its possible, it can be very isolating, because we're wired to need other people.

try to be thankful that you have a job. not to guilt trip you, but...im so stigmatized in this area, that now ive largely recovered, im healthy, i even somehow have an IQ high enough for me to do a lot, and...no one will hire me. "the world waits for no one," I guess. the only reason im not in a group home or homeless is because my parents are now "well-to-do," for this area.

maybe you don't need a romantic relationship right now? or if you do...maybe its time to reject this notion that you have to be 110% all together before anyone will want you?

hope this helps. :-)

[Victoria'smom]

Whould getting a studo aptment help?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Whould getting a studo aptment help?

I had a studio, but unfortunately, but even that was too expensive. I'm paying back loans, in a hole now financially. I do not really have a hoarding problem (although I can certainly work on getting rid of things), but I do have a lot of things that I have a hard time parting with, so I do want some space to hold on to my things when I move somewhere. Maybe I just need time. I do worry about someone rejecting me when I move in with the person, but maybe that's a sign I need to be alone for a while... I'm really not sure. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by still_crazy

im only now living in a place of my own. each person's story is different. for me...i needed to live at home, but then i over-stayed and it made things worse. now, i have my own place near family, and there's a much better balance of time with them vs time for me to develop my own life, at long last. and so...

try not to feel so terrible, if you can help it. as a culture, we push people to be independent and all that, but sometimes...its straight up impossible. plus, even when its possible, it can be very isolating, because we're wired to need other people.

try to be thankful that you have a job. not to guilt trip you, but...im so stigmatized in this area, that now ive largely recovered, im healthy, i even somehow have an IQ high enough for me to do a lot, and...no one will hire me. "the world waits for no one," I guess. the only reason im not in a group home or homeless is because my parents are now "well-to-do," for this area.

maybe you don't need a romantic relationship right now? or if you do...maybe its time to reject this notion that you have to be 110% all together before anyone will want you?

hope this helps. :-)

Thank you so much for this. It's true that there's a lot of pressure to "be independent," and I find it kind of stigmatizing. Although I am an introvert, I do get a little lonely being completely alone sometimes, and sometimes I'd get anxious when things go wrong when I am all alone. Even though I'd like to work on some things, I definitely do need to work on my self-esteem, because I tend to pressure myself in "having it all together" to be with someone. I'm probably not ready at all for a long-term relationship, especially since it's hard to take care of myself right now emotionally and otherwise.

[Victoria'smom]

Set up small goals (ie. clean off counter) then work to bigger goals.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Set up small goals (ie. clean off counter) then work to bigger goals.

Thanks. True... some days are worse than others, but I really do need to break tasks down into smaller steps to avoid getting so overwhelmed.

[downandlonely]

When my depression has been bad in the past, I had to take time away from college and stay with my parents because I couldn't study or take care of myself. It's ok to need a break sometimes. Try not to feel bad about it.

It's probably a good idea to get more stability before you try to have a relationship. Personally, I have learned that I prefer being single, but it may be different for you.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

When my depression has been bad in the past, I had to take time away from college and stay with my parents because I couldn't study or take care of myself. It's ok to need a break sometimes. Try not to feel bad about it.

It's probably a good idea to get more stability before you try to have a relationship. Personally, I have learned that I prefer being single, but it may be different for you.

Thanks... yeah, I actually don't mind being single. I'm more of solitary person, but I realize that I want to eventually have a relationship again. I have a habit of thinking too far into the future. Maybe I need to just be more comfortable with where I'm at in life. Sometimes I look at what others are doing and wish I were more like them, so maybe that's where some of this inner pressure is coming from.

[CrT0811]

I have been lurking around on this site for a while before I decided to join...and questions like this one was one of the main reasons. I’m mainly here to learn but I’m also here to help.

Raven, if I may call you that...you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be ashamed of! Before I was diagnosed, I lived over fifty years as a person with serious issues, one of them being bipolar 1. If I could remember how many times I struck out on my own only to burst into bright orange flames and come back to the folks with whatever I could fit into whatever beater I was driving, it would be in the double digits and most likely past 15. The Uber shameful, self esteem destroying part is the last several of those returns included two little people who couldn’t understand why their mom was so messed up. There is no measure for how low that felt.

The important thing is that I kept going, I kept trying and I never stopped in my quest to figure out if I was the one who was nuts or was it every body else. I read, I researched and I quested towards any pure feeling light I could find until I discovered the, then, (I’m old), theory of Mindfulness. It was my research into that way of thinking that led to me relearning how to not hate myself which turned into slowly losing enough self loathing to gain confidence to really figure this out. I made sooo many mistakes. It’s actually a bit comical looking back. I’m in the process of structuring a bio of the entire journey, but...anyway, the thing is, this is who you are. You are a person no better or worse than anyone else, and right now, you’ve become self aware enough to know you need a bit of help. Do you know how awesome you are for taking that kind of responsibility for your self care?! Well, you are. Nothing in this life or even this physical plane is permanent. You are not the person you were yesterday. Hell, you aren’t even the person you were when you started reading this babbling, too long reply. We change constantly. It’s unavoidable. Every second, every breath you take is like a completely new chance to be better...to yourself and for yourself. So, don’t ever feel shame for doing whatever you need to do to be better for yourself. Ok? Ok. It does get brighter. If I can get to a place of suedo mental stability doing what I love to do, being creative, and have people pay me to read what I write and purchase the art I create, then anybody can. I’ve had nothing so many times but I always kept holding on to hope. Don’t sweat it. Rock on! Or throw rocks...at ponds...not people...they tend to frown on that.

[Sunflower123]

((((( xRavenx )))))

[Blueberrybook]

I'm sorry. I have a hard time too.

My first hospitalization, I was evaluated by a group of pdocs & Ts. One of the pdocs there thought I was bipolar I while the other 2 thought it was major depression. I will never forget that doctor who thought I was bipolar told me, "You will never be able to live alone. If you hold down a job, it will be difficult. You will always need to live with someone else."

At the time, I thought that was a negative attitude and a lousy thing to throw on a 25 year old, so pessimistic.

As the years go by though, God, I realize he was right. If I'd been alone, I don't think I could have kept up a household. I barely do it now. I would have crashed and burned and likely not even be here right now.

It's like a horrible curse or something and yet it's there. I have come to terms with it. On the one hand, I know I am a strong woman who has survived a lot of crap many others would not have. I know as a young adult, I flourished, and in high school, it looked like the sky was the limit when it came to my future. I was crushed when that sky fell down on me.

But it's OK I can't live on my own. I'm lucky I at least have family to help me, family who hasn't just thrown up their hands and given up on me.

And for now, I just have to accept that and live with it. Life could always be worse.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by CrT0811

I have been lurking around on this site for a while before I decided to join...and questions like this one was one of the main reasons. I’m mainly here to learn but I’m also here to help.

Raven, if I may call you that...you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be ashamed of! Before I was diagnosed, I lived over fifty years as a person with serious issues, one of them being bipolar 1. If I could remember how many times I struck out on my own only to burst into bright orange flames and come back to the folks with whatever I could fit into whatever beater I was driving, it would be in the double digits and most likely past 15. The Uber shameful, self esteem destroying part is the last several of those returns included two little people who couldn’t understand why their mom was so messed up. There is no measure for how low that felt.

The important thing is that I kept going, I kept trying and I never stopped in my quest to figure out if I was the one who was nuts or was it every body else. I read, I researched and I quested towards any pure feeling light I could find until I discovered the, then, (I’m old), theory of Mindfulness. It was my research into that way of thinking that led to me relearning how to not hate myself which turned into slowly losing enough self loathing to gain confidence to really figure this out. I made sooo many mistakes. It’s actually a bit comical looking back. I’m in the process of structuring a bio of the entire journey, but...anyway, the thing is, this is who you are. You are a person no better or worse than anyone else, and right now, you’ve become self aware enough to know you need a bit of help. Do you know how awesome you are for taking that kind of responsibility for your self care?! Well, you are. Nothing in this life or even this physical plane is permanent. You are not the person you were yesterday. Hell, you aren’t even the person you were when you started reading this babbling, too long reply. We change constantly. It’s unavoidable. Every second, every breath you take is like a completely new chance to be better...to yourself and for yourself. So, don’t ever feel shame for doing whatever you need to do to be better for yourself. Ok? Ok. It does get brighter. If I can get to a place of suedo mental stability doing what I love to do, being creative, and have people pay me to read what I write and purchase the art I create, then anybody can. I’ve had nothing so many times but I always kept holding on to hope. Don’t sweat it. Rock on! Or throw rocks...at ponds...not people...they tend to frown on that.

Thank you so much! This really does help. Self-acceptance is something I want to work on. I think it's awesome that you are doing what you love to do, writing, using your creativity, and sharing your journey (which will certainly help others, and this post is very helpful).
I battle with a lot of self-defeating thoughts, but it's comforting to know that others have been in the same place and have worked through some of these issues.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm sorry. I have a hard time too.

My first hospitalization, I was evaluated by a group of pdocs & Ts. One of the pdocs there thought I was bipolar I while the other 2 thought it was major depression. I will never forget that doctor who thought I was bipolar told me, "You will never be able to live alone. If you hold down a job, it will be difficult. You will always need to live with someone else."

At the time, I thought that was a negative attitude and a lousy thing to throw on a 25 year old, so pessimistic.

As the years go by though, God, I realize he was right. If I'd been alone, I don't think I could have kept up a household. I barely do it now. I would have crashed and burned and likely not even be here right now.

It's like a horrible curse or something and yet it's there. I have come to terms with it. On the one hand, I know I am a strong woman who has survived a lot of crap many others would not have. I know as a young adult, I flourished, and in high school, it looked like the sky was the limit when it came to my future. I was crushed when that sky fell down on me.

But it's OK I can't live on my own. I'm lucky I at least have family to help me, family who hasn't just thrown up their hands and given up on me.

And for now, I just have to accept that and live with it. Life could always be worse.

Thank you for sharing. You are strong. It's true that we need to look at the good things that we do have. I think I need to stop focusing on people judging me, because it's self-sabotaging. The problem is, although I recognize this, it's so hard to apply it. The negative thoughts get so intense! It's really a struggle, especially during depression when it feels like there's no way out. I still feel that way a lot, but I'm trying to hang in there.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by CrT0811

I have been lurking around on this site for a while before I decided to join...and questions like this one was one of the main reasons. I’m mainly here to learn but I’m also here to help.

Raven, if I may call you that...you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be ashamed of! Before I was diagnosed, I lived over fifty years as a person with serious issues, one of them being bipolar 1. If I could remember how many times I struck out on my own only to burst into bright orange flames and come back to the folks with whatever I could fit into whatever beater I was driving, it would be in the double digits and most likely past 15. The Uber shameful, self esteem destroying part is the last several of those returns included two little people who couldn’t understand why their mom was so messed up. There is no measure for how low that felt.

The important thing is that I kept going, I kept trying and I never stopped in my quest to figure out if I was the one who was nuts or was it every body else. I read, I researched and I quested towards any pure feeling light I could find until I discovered the, then, (I’m old), theory of Mindfulness. It was my research into that way of thinking that led to me relearning how to not hate myself which turned into slowly losing enough self loathing to gain confidence to really figure this out. I made sooo many mistakes. It’s actually a bit comical looking back. I’m in the process of structuring a bio of the entire journey, but...anyway, the thing is, this is who you are. You are a person no better or worse than anyone else, and right now, you’ve become self aware enough to know you need a bit of help. Do you know how awesome you are for taking that kind of responsibility for your self care?! Well, you are. Nothing in this life or even this physical plane is permanent. You are not the person you were yesterday. Hell, you aren’t even the person you were when you started reading this babbling, too long reply. We change constantly. It’s unavoidable. Every second, every breath you take is like a completely new chance to be better...to yourself and for yourself. So, don’t ever feel shame for doing whatever you need to do to be better for yourself. Ok? Ok. It does get brighter. If I can get to a place of suedo mental stability doing what I love to do, being creative, and have people pay me to read what I write and purchase the art I create, then anybody can. I’ve had nothing so many times but I always kept holding on to hope. Don’t sweat it. Rock on! Or throw rocks...at ponds...not people...they tend to frown on that.

This is an awesome post. Thank you!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by CrT0811

I have been lurking around on this site for a while before I decided to join...and questions like this one was one of the main reasons. I’m mainly here to learn but I’m also here to help.

Raven, if I may call you that...you have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be ashamed of! Before I was diagnosed, I lived over fifty years as a person with serious issues, one of them being bipolar 1. If I could remember how many times I struck out on my own only to burst into bright orange flames and come back to the folks with whatever I could fit into whatever beater I was driving, it would be in the double digits and most likely past 15. The Uber shameful, self esteem destroying part is the last several of those returns included two little people who couldn’t understand why their mom was so messed up. There is no measure for how low that felt.

The important thing is that I kept going, I kept trying and I never stopped in my quest to figure out if I was the one who was nuts or was it every body else. I read, I researched and I quested towards any pure feeling light I could find until I discovered the, then, (I’m old), theory of Mindfulness. It was my research into that way of thinking that led to me relearning how to not hate myself which turned into slowly losing enough self loathing to gain confidence to really figure this out. I made sooo many mistakes. It’s actually a bit comical looking back. I’m in the process of structuring a bio of the entire journey, but...anyway, the thing is, this is who you are. You are a person no better or worse than anyone else, and right now, you’ve become self aware enough to know you need a bit of help. Do you know how awesome you are for taking that kind of responsibility for your self care?! Well, you are. Nothing in this life or even this physical plane is permanent. You are not the person you were yesterday. Hell, you aren’t even the person you were when you started reading this babbling, too long reply. We change constantly. It’s unavoidable. Every second, every breath you take is like a completely new chance to be better...to yourself and for yourself. So, don’t ever feel shame for doing whatever you need to do to be better for yourself. Ok? Ok. It does get brighter. If I can get to a place of suedo mental stability doing what I love to do, being creative, and have people pay me to read what I write and purchase the art I create, then anybody can. I’ve had nothing so many times but I always kept holding on to hope. Don’t sweat it. Rock on! Or throw rocks...at ponds...not people...they tend to frown on that.

Great post!!! Thank you.

[~Christina]

How are you feeling today ?