[Moose72]

Last night without seroquel or trzodone I tried to sleep. Nope! Wide awake. So i took 100 mg seroquel.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

What setting about a phone alarm that lets you know what time to take your meds? If you're sometimes out of your house at the time you're supposed to take your meds, have you tried a pill fob? And then, of course, you could always try a pillbox if you don't use one already. Would all of that help?

I actually do all of that except the alarm and I don't do that because I can't remember the last time I forgot my meds. It just doesn't happen. Until last night. I have been forgetting to put meds into my pill boxes which has been my other recent errors and I'm going to start putting vitamins in a separate box so it is easier to see that all the important stuff is there.

Thanks for the suggestions.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Had a good sleep last night just over 7hrs. I had to go to walk in and get zopiclone though. The night before I was at the point where I barely made it through work, was somewhat rude to coworkers and started crying the second I walked out the door. Everything just felt like it was too much to handle and when I got home I took 5 extra strength advil and SHed since I didnt have alcohol to help calm me.

I thought he wouldnt give me any at first since I havent had them in a while and Im not taking the other stuff, then he said 2 weeks then read some more of my file and changed it to 1 week worth lol. He also booked me an appointment with my regular Dr on thursday as a follow up and of course tried to convince me I should go back on my meds since he thought i was probably on the high end of things. I told him I would think about going to the appt but wasnt sure if I would and that I have no intention of taking my meds.

I feel back to normal now though happy mood again. Im still running 5-10km a day and barely eating anything but i feel great physically, my body can handle it. Ive done it before with no issues although i wasnt running much then.

[nikon]

i actually forgot to take my meds this morning and only remembered after having more and more brain zaps and dizziness this afternoon and wondering wtf was going on.
my mind feels a little bit chaotic right now, possibly from lack of meds this morning and dealing with work in that state. i'm not taking an antipsychotic at the moment but take all my lamictal in the morning.

[Moose72]

Im feeling depressed today. Could it be from reducing my haldol and seroquel and stopping trazodone at the same time? Last night at 11 I was wide awake so i took seroquel 100. I attempted to take none as pdoc suggested but i guess that didn't work.

I'm here procrastinating.

Hi

[Wild Coyote]

It's a beautiful winter wonderland here.

Had decreased gabapentin first and have now resorted to discontinuing it. I was starting to become very dizzy, light-headed and came too close to falling down the stairs.

I am not dealing with dizziness and balance issues today, thankfully.
Viral cold with bronchitis is hanging on; using asthma inhalers helps. (No signs of a secondary bacterial infection, so no role for antibiotics at this time.) Others around here say their bronchitis had lasted approx. 2 weeks. It hasn't been quite 2 weeks for me yet.

I hope everyone is having a decent day!

WC

Well, it just keeps getting better and better. I just got off the phone with medicaid AFTER A 2 HOUR 45 MINUTE HOLD(!!!!!)

I indeed have no coverage. The income number they have for me would calculate out to be double my actual income. I have to send them paystubs, after which it could take another 45 days for them to make a determination. Here's a potential kicker... they go month by month. Soooo, the wage bump that work gives us for a short time during the busy season could actually put me over(??), when considered monthly. I don't know. But in the meanwhile, there is nothing I can do. And if/when they reject me again, I will have to start all over again. From scratch. It takes 2-3 months to get in where I've had my mental health care. So I could easily be looking at having no insurance and no care for months and months.

I'm in shock right now, but it won't be long till I go straight up desperate despair. These sorts of situations never fail to follow that trajectory.

I started crying getting off the train. I'm trying to make it in today (I was sick this morning which was the only reason I could stay on hold for such a ridiculous length of time).

FML
Seriously. F.M.L.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, it just keeps getting better and better. I just got off the phone with medicaid AFTER A 2 HOUR 45 MINUTE HOLD(!!!!!)

I indeed have no coverage. The income number they have for me would calculate out to be double my actual income. I have to send them paystubs, after which it could take another 45 days for them to make a determination. Here's a potential kicker... they go month by month. Soooo, the wage bump that work gives us for a short time during the busy season could actually put me over(??), when considered monthly. I don't know. But in the meanwhile, there is nothing I can do. And if/when they reject me again, I will have to start all over again. From scratch. It takes 2-3 months to get in where I've had my mental health care. So I could easily be looking at having no insurance and no care for months and months.

I'm in shock right now, but it won't be long till I go straight up desperate despair. These sorts of situations never fail to follow that trajectory.

I started crying getting off the train. I'm trying to make it in today (I was sick this morning which was the only reason I could stay on hold for such a ridiculous length of time).

FML
Seriously. F.M.L.

I hate hate hate stuff like this! It makes me anxious and depressed. I wont blame you if you get that way about this medicaid problem. I feel for you. I really do.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, it just keeps getting better and better. I just got off the phone with medicaid AFTER A 2 HOUR 45 MINUTE HOLD(!!!!!)

I indeed have no coverage. The income number they have for me would calculate out to be double my actual income. I have to send them paystubs, after which it could take another 45 days for them to make a determination. Here's a potential kicker... they go month by month. Soooo, the wage bump that work gives us for a short time during the busy season could actually put me over(??), when considered monthly. I don't know. But in the meanwhile, there is nothing I can do. And if/when they reject me again, I will have to start all over again. From scratch. It takes 2-3 months to get in where I've had my mental health care. So I could easily be looking at having no insurance and no care for months and months.

I'm in shock right now, but it won't be long till I go straight up desperate despair. These sorts of situations never fail to follow that trajectory.

I started crying getting off the train. I'm trying to make it in today (I was sick this morning which was the only reason I could stay on hold for such a ridiculous length of time).

FML
Seriously. F.M.L.

This is a horrible situation to be in.

A few years ago, someone I knew was trying to stay qualified, as her income varied a bit. She went to her employer and asked for a comp time trade-off in place of the amount of income which put her over the top for qualifying.

I don't know if this is an option for you or not?

(((((( Innerzone ))))))

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Faltering]

I'm still waking up at 3 AM. My body really seems to like that time. I'm worried how much of an increase I've seen in migraines. I've had two in a row this week already. I wonder what's causing it. My social anxiety has also worsened. It's been hard to get through work due to all of this.

I've been in one of those strange states where at times I feel and seem extremely normal and even pretty well, and yet in ways I'm really struggling. My eating has been just terrible. Really terrible! And I'm even hiding a lot of it from my husband. Almost like when an alcohol abuser hides their bottles.

Morning and early afternoons seem to be OK, but come around 3 pm and I feel like I'm slipping. I'll admit that I just got my monthly. Perhaps that is playing into this. My motivation is almost nil right now. I have no idea what to make for dinner, and wish I didn't even have to make it. I wish some vegetable heavy meal would just show up on my table at 7 pm when my husband gets home, and call me to the table, too.

I am often quite lonely, but I try not to think about it much. Then oddly, though I love and miss my husband, there is also some part of me that wishes he wouldn't come home so I could just have zero pressure (not to make dinner, not to do the things he wants to do, not to talk, not to stay awake). Lately, even my pet bird seems more responsibility than I can handle, at times.

It certainly is tough to try to put on that everything is rolling on regularly. The truth is, life is really changing now. In my early 40s, struggles seemed like they were starting to truly pass and I could pick up where I left off in my early 30s. But that halted, and I took maybe three or four steps back. Now, I'm really starting to feel older. My husband is older. His big birthday is a reminder of that. He's about 13 years older than me. He's only one year younger than my mother was when she died still somewhat young. That was less than one year before all of my hospitalizations started.

Dad is having major problems. I've mentioned his drinking, but my sister and brother and I suspect there is something else going on, too. My dad has been complaining a lot about memory issues. Not the little thingies some talk about from medications. It may be dementia.

This may sound weird, but I never really regarded my dad as being old, and yet he's in his late 70s now. However, this past year, it's as if he's suddenly aged 20 years.

Yesterday I was watching the ceremony for former president George H.W. Bush at the Capital building. President G H.W. Bush was in his 90s, but it made me think of losing parents. "Younger" former president Bush clearly looked in distress. I felt for him. It made me think how horrible it is to lose parents. He lost both this year. He was lucky, though, to have his parents for so long and that they passed in a rather peaceful way.

About 16 years ago, I was on a business trip to Taiwan. I took a couple of days off afterwards to visit my brother in Hawaii, which was obviously en route home. At that time, my brother lived in his sail boat. I think my sleep while on that sail boat was among the best sleep I've ever gotten, and the mornings and evenings were so wonderful listening to the marina sounds and the sea breezes. It was obviously warm, but not too hot since it was on the water. My parents had visited him there a few times in years before, even staying on his boat. They enjoyed the experience as much as I did. Much better than staying in a hotel, but maybe that's just us.

There is something lovely and peaceful about such a life on a sail boat in a tropical land. At least as long as there are no major storms. If you own the boat 100%, there are only some other fees. Marina fees, and a couple others. Life is so simple! The space on the boat may be small, but I felt it was plenty of room for the kind of existence I would enjoy. Bro is the size of a football player, and it was plenty big for him. The morning air there had a certain feel and smell like no other. It was purifying! Purifying! Imagine instead of taking moodstabilizers, antipsychotics, perhaps antidepressants, and other meds, having the morning air blow out all of the toxins, stressors, depression, anxiety, agitation, and other crap from your brain and body? Straight through and out! Ahhhhhhhh! Then you feel as light and free as a seagull. Able to almost fly.

Marina sounds to me are not that unlike the sounds of a flag's rope smacking against a flag pole in a light breeze. It makes a ringing sound each time the rope hits. I've always been fascinated by that sound, as far back as three years old when we'd go to the boat in the summer time. My parents had a boat right next to my grandparent's boat. We'd go out on the bay as my Pop Pop sailed with a big smile on his face steering the boat wheel, with the wind blowing past our faces. Or rather through us.

Some of my fondest moments of my early life were on that sail boat, sitting on my Pop Pop's lap, looking up at his smiling face. In his face there was nothing but love and satisfaction. He loved the water and the freedom on it. The rest would jump off the side of the boat and go clamming, while Pop Pop and I threw a line in the water and waited for crabs to bite. We'd pull the line a little bit to see if it got yanked. If it did, we'd sloooowly pull the line up bit by bit. When the crab showed through a couple inches of water, Pop Pop would grab a net and scoop it out, and throw it in the bucket.

My Pop Pop's last jobs were in a jazz band. He played the trombone, but at home he'd often sit in his music room practicing guitar, which he loved, too. I'd always go in to see him, and he'd sit me down on this little stool in the shape of a foot, which was actually meant to be a foot rest. He'd play, and I'd be entranced by the sounds and almost feel the vibrations throughout my body. And every so often I'd look up at him, and he'd always be smiling down at me. His face was like the sun on a warm day. If I closed my eyes, I didn't see him completely, but through my eye lids I'd see bright colors changing...yellow, orange, red, blue, and a combination. Then I'd open them again and he'd still be staring down at me with that huge sweet smile. Occasionally he'd play something with a Spanish sound and I'd get up and start dancing. I always loved to dance. I'd twirl around and flap my arms, like a bird dancing in the wind. I'd become intoxicated and feel like I was rising up into the air, weightless, but riding the air stream.

Thank you for letting me take this space.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I'm still waking up at 3 AM. My body really seems to like that time. I'm worried how much of an increase I've seen in migraines. I've had two in a row this week already. I wonder what's causing it. My social anxiety has also worsened. It's been hard to get through work due to all of this.

I am sorry you must deal with migraines and social anxiety.

Not getting enough sleep is a common trigger for migraines. Do you think the increase in migraines might be related to your insomnia?

I hope you find relief soon.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I've been in one of those strange states where at times I feel and seem extremely normal and even pretty well, and yet in ways I'm really struggling. My eating has been just terrible. Really terrible! And I'm even hiding a lot of it from my husband. Almost like when an alcohol abuser hides their bottles.

Morning and early afternoons seem to be OK, but come around 3 pm and I feel like I'm slipping. I'll admit that I just got my monthly. Perhaps that is playing into this. My motivation is almost nil right now. I have no idea what to make for dinner, and wish I didn't even have to make it. I wish some vegetable heavy meal would just show up on my table at 7 pm when my husband gets home, and call me to the table, too.

I am often quite lonely, but I try not to think about it much. Then oddly, though I love and miss my husband, there is also some part of me that wishes he wouldn't come home so I could just have zero pressure (not to make dinner, not to do the things he wants to do, not to talk, not to stay awake). Lately, even my pet bird seems more responsibility than I can handle, at times.

It certainly is tough to try to put on that everything is rolling on regularly. The truth is, life is really changing now. In my early 40s, struggles seemed like they were starting to truly pass and I could pick up where I left off in my early 30s. But that halted, and I took maybe three or four steps back. Now, I'm really starting to feel older. My husband is older. His big birthday is a reminder of that. He's about 13 years older than me. He's only one year younger than my mother was when she died still somewhat young. That was less than one year before all of my hospitalizations started.

Dad is having major problems. I've mentioned his drinking, but my sister and brother and I suspect there is something else going on, too. My dad has been complaining a lot about memory issues. Not the little thingies some talk about from medications. It may be dementia.

This may sound weird, but I never really regarded my dad as being old, and yet he's in his late 70s now. However, this past year, it's as if he's suddenly aged 20 years.

Yesterday I was watching the ceremony for former president George H.W. Bush at the Capital building. President G H.W. Bush was in his 90s, but it made me think of losing parents. "Younger" former president Bush clearly looked in distress. I felt for him. It made me think how horrible it is to lose parents. He lost both this year. He was lucky, though, to have his parents for so long and that they passed in a rather peaceful way.

About 16 years ago, I was on a business trip to Taiwan. I took a couple of days off afterwards to visit my brother in Hawaii, which was obviously en route home. At that time, my brother lived in his sail boat. I think my sleep while on that sail boat was among the best sleep I've ever gotten, and the mornings and evenings were so wonderful listening to the marina sounds and the sea breezes. It was obviously warm, but not too hot since it was on the water. My parents had visited him there a few times in years before, even staying on his boat. They enjoyed the experience as much as I did. Much better than staying in a hotel, but maybe that's just us.

There is something lovely and peaceful about such a life on a sail boat in a tropical land. At least as long as there are no major storms. If you own the boat 100%, there are only some other fees. Marina fees, and a couple others. Life is so simple! The space on the boat may be small, but I felt it was plenty of room for the kind of existence I would enjoy. Bro is the size of a football player, and it was plenty big for him. The morning air there had a certain feel and smell like no other. It was purifying! Purifying! Imagine instead of taking moodstabilizers, antipsychotics, perhaps antidepressants, and other meds, having the morning air blow out all of the toxins, stressors, depression, anxiety, agitation, and other crap from your brain and body? Straight through and out! Ahhhhhhhh! Then you feel as light and free as a seagull. Able to almost fly.

Marina sounds to me are not that unlike the sounds of a flag's rope smacking against a flag pole in a light breeze. It makes a ringing sound each time the rope hits. I've always been fascinated by that sound, as far back as three years old when we'd go to the boat in the summer time. My parents had a boat right next to my grandparent's boat. We'd go out on the bay as my Pop Pop sailed with a big smile on his face steering the boat wheel, with the wind blowing past our faces. Or rather through us.

Some of my fondest moments of my early life were on that sail boat, sitting on my Pop Pop's lap, looking up at his smiling face. In his face there was nothing but love and satisfaction. He loved the water and the freedom on it. The rest would jump off the side of the boat and go clamming, while Pop Pop and I threw a line in the water and waited for crabs to bite. We'd pull the line a little bit to see if it got yanked. If it did, we'd sloooowly pull the line up bit by bit. When the crab showed through a couple inches of water, Pop Pop would grab a net and scoop it out, and throw it in the bucket.

My Pop Pop's last jobs were in a jazz band. He played the trombone, but at home he'd often sit in his music room practicing guitar, which he loved, too. I'd always go in to see him, and he'd sit me down on this little stool in the shape of a foot, which was actually meant to be a foot rest. He'd play, and I'd be entranced by the sounds and almost feel the vibrations throughout my body. And every so often I'd look up at him, and he'd always be smiling down at me. His face was like the sun on a warm day. If I closed my eyes, I didn't see him completely, but through my eye lids I'd see bright colors changing...yellow, orange, red, blue, and a combination. Then I'd open them again and he'd still be staring down at me with that huge sweet smile. Occasionally he'd play something with a Spanish sound and I'd get up and start dancing. I always loved to dance. I'd twirl around and flap my arms, like a bird dancing in the wind. I'd become intoxicated and feel like I was rising up into the air, weightless, but riding the air stream.

Thank you for letting me take this space.

I love my H, too. Yet, am in need of time off this week while I have a nasty cold/bronchitis and he is away on business. I am too exhausted to get full meals, etc. this week. I can go to bed early, etc. Less pressure this week. I will be very glad to see him when he returns!

Thanks for sharing the lovely memories!

I hope you feel better soon.

WC
WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, it just keeps getting better and better. I just got off the phone with medicaid AFTER A 2 HOUR 45 MINUTE HOLD(!!!!!)


I indeed have no coverage. The income number they have for me would calculate out to be double my actual income. I have to send them paystubs, after which it could take another 45 days for them to make a determination. Here's a potential kicker... they go month by month. Soooo, the wage bump that work gives us for a short time during the busy season could actually put me over(??), when considered monthly. I don't know. But in the meanwhile, there is nothing I can do. And if/when they reject me again, I will have to start all over again. From scratch. It takes 2-3 months to get in where I've had my mental health care. So I could easily be looking at having no insurance and no care for months and months.


I'm in shock right now, but it won't be long till I go straight up desperate despair. These sorts of situations never fail to follow that trajectory.


I started crying getting off the train. I'm trying to make it in today (I was sick this morning which was the only reason I could stay on hold for such a ridiculous length of time).


FML

Seriously. F.M.L.

Oh holy hell ! I was so hopefully that this mess would work it’s self out !

Is there a way to continue seeing your Pdoc and T on a sliding scale ? Or just make small payments until you can get shyt figured out ???

As for meds have you tried GoodRx ? We got one on my husbands meds using this more than 90% cheaper than even having medication insurance. It’s crazy.

Also I was getting a psoriasis med free from the drug maker even with having SSDI. That might help you ?

I wish you could catch a break somehow someway

[~Christina]

Feeling really down today. My pain is ridiculous, like really ? Really? Pluck off Fibromyalgia and PsA!

Catastrophic thinking in high gear , you name it I’m thinking it. I’m staying in bed far to long everyday , I’ll wake up and just stay put. It’s cold and dreary so yeah there is that.

Flinging every coping skill I know and nothing is sticking yet.

I know this will pass , but I’d like it to hurry on up.

[hopeless2015]

Popping in to send hugs to those that want em

Not happy

[MJLouise]

On the higher dose of lithium and my brain feels like it’s readjusting itself to normal. I get these headaches then I’m getting this “okay” feeling like my brain is level. It’s pretty crazy to describe. I think I damaged myself being depressed for so long. Its like I’m starting to wake up but I’m not quite there. I’m still tired and drowsy and my thinking is jittery and nerves are on edge but my thoughts are not going in circles on replay. And I just feel more ok and able to handle my day.

I still have s mild tremor on my forehead/eyes when I close them from when I tried Wellbutrin. It’s been. Month since I stopped it and I only took it s week. I think my tremor might’ve permanent not sure what to do about that.

I really wanted to try a lower dose of Wellbutrin since it wakes me up but I’m worried even about the 75mg since the tremor. Maybe there’s something different I can try I can’t take SSRI’s. Any suggestions? Think I may ask about provagile -modifinal or something similar.

[TheSeaCat]

I had another day of irritation. I didn't sleep well at all last night; in fact I spent most of the night trying to scratch these stupid electrodes off. I ended up calling M in the middle of the night crying my eyes out because the pain was just so bad. He told me to remove clothing try a sports bra, take a Benadryl and try to get at least some sleep and to come straight to his office in the morning. I ended up wearing scrubs and my top still didn't cover the stupid stickers. Not to mention the stupid device kept falling off the waist of my scrub pants. Perhaps I should wear a turtleneck tomorrow maybe that will hide the stupid stickers.

Turns out I'm allergic to whatever brand of sticker they used, here I was thinking the tape was irritating me, nope it's the stickers which caused a rash. M pulled off all the tape, put Kenalog around the stickers where the irritation was happening and we left the tape off my entire shift and before I left he put more of the sensitive tape around it. I seem to be a lot less itchy with the Benadryl and cream. I still desperately want a shower; like nothing would make me happier than peeling off all the tape and stickers and taking a nice hot shower. Unfortunately I still get to suffer another night and another half day. I just hope I can get some sleep tonight.

Hugs to everyone

[Pookyl]

Feeling stable.
Saw the mental health community nursing team this morning and they’re happy with me.
In the back of my mind I’m a little anxious: historically I’m always unwell at Christmas. I’d really like to stay well past the 7wk mark (longest period I’ve ever been well ever in the past 4yrs is 7wks).

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

I had another day of irritation. I didn't sleep well at all last night; in fact I spent most of the night trying to scratch these stupid electrodes off. I ended up calling M in the middle of the night crying my eyes out because the pain was just so bad. He told me to remove clothing try a sports bra, take a Benadryl and try to get at least some sleep and to come straight to his office in the morning. I ended up wearing scrubs and my top still didn't cover the stupid stickers. Not to mention the stupid device kept falling off the waist of my scrub pants. Perhaps I should wear a turtleneck tomorrow maybe that will hide the stupid stickers.

Turns out I'm allergic to whatever brand of sticker they used, here I was thinking the tape was irritating me, nope it's the stickers which caused a rash. M pulled off all the tape, put Kenalog around the stickers where the irritation was happening and we left the tape off my entire shift and before I left he put more of the sensitive tape around it. I seem to be a lot less itchy with the Benadryl and cream. I still desperately want a shower; like nothing would make me happier than peeling off all the tape and stickers and taking a nice hot shower. Unfortunately I still get to suffer another night and another half day. I just hope I can get some sleep tonight.

Hugs to everyone

Sounds very uncomfortable!
So glad M could help you.
Sorry you have to stick with this one more night!

Sweet dreams.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Popping in to send hugs to those that want em

Hey there!
Nice having you popping in!
I hope all is well!

WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

This is a horrible situation to be in.

A few years ago, someone I knew was trying to stay qualified, as her income varied a bit. She went to her employer and asked for a comp time trade-off in place of the amount of income which put her over the top for qualifying.

I don't know if this is an option for you or not?

(((((( Innerzone ))))))

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

Thanks. I don't know if that is an option or not, but I suspect not. I think my best bet is to find another job. For multiple reasons.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh holy hell ! I was so hopefully that this mess would work it’s self out !

Is there a way to continue seeing your Pdoc and T on a sliding scale ? Or just make small payments until you can get shyt figured out ???

As for meds have you tried GoodRx ? We got one on my husbands meds using this more than 90% cheaper than even having medication insurance. It’s crazy.

Also I was getting a psoriasis med free from the drug maker even with having SSDI. That might help you ?

I wish you could catch a break somehow someway

Thanks. I don't know. I don't think there's a sliding scale option for the regular stuff based on what I tried to learn before this latest. They *do* have an emergency situation clinic, and *that* does though. So there's that. I haven't tried GoodRx, but may well do so. I made sure to get all available meds by the cutoff to buy me some time.

So I tried going in to work, but since they were not in dire need of me, I turned right around and left. Since the day was already shyt, I figured I might as well get my license renewed, since that's at the 11th hour and über-depressing -- might as well pile on and get it over with, right? Picture matches the day. 'Nuf said.

I realized that the only thing I had with me to prove my address was a freak adjustment check from the power company on the old place. Which brought about...

ONE decent thing though... I knew there was a branch of my bank right near there, but hadn't quite been able to figure it out. Then I looked up and saw the sign across the way(!) As I was standing in line, I realized that I used to work with one of the tellers. While the timing left a lot to be desired, it was nice to see him. I didn't even know he worked there.