[xRavenx]

This is really embarrassing for me to admit...

Although I do not have erotomania, sometimes when I begin to get manic, I get strong feelings of infactuation that are really extreme, and it is often with someone unattainable (well-known, lives in a different part of the country, etc).

I would never stalk someone, but I'll have these strange irrational thoughts of myself being soulmates with someone else. I get "magical thinking." I'm not delusional now, but afraid of it crossing the line.

This is something I've experienced before. The onset usually happens when I am getting manic. Although I've been in a depressive episode, things are beginning to change. My thoughts are racing, and I've become obsessed with certain things to the extreme. It started to come on for a few days, even though I was feeling "down," but things are rapidly changing. I have a strange overconfidence and have a hard time staying realistic.

Does this sound like mania? I don't really know if it's something that I will naturally get a handle on, or if I need a medication change. I am afraid of being "drugged up." I hate that over-medicated feeling. I enjoy the rush, but I have some awareness that this isn't going to end very well, but I feel relentless and unstoppable.

Any help or support is appreciated.

[Victoria'smom]

Mixed maybe? I would call your dr if you can while you have the ability to see the issue. Do you have a therapist to talk to and ask?

[ducky2030]

You didn't say how long you've been experiencing these symptoms. Technically mania last 4-5 days or more. Ive had experiences with obsessive fixations as well when I was in severely depressed episodes. Be well!

[xRavenx]

Thank you. These feelings started a few days ago and are getting worse and worse. I don't have a therapist, only my pdoc. I had one, but couldn't keep up with the expense, so I just talk to my pdoc. She's really good.

I agree with Miguel'smom -- sounds like mixed.

Can you join a support group like DBSA or NAMI?

If you can't afford a therapist, can you find one with a sliding scale? If you're near a university, you can try one of their therapists since they're "in training," which will make costs lower or free (if they're doing a research study and agree to give you free therapy). Of course, there's no guarantee they'll be good, but it's worth looking into IMO.

Also, there are community mental health services that offer free therapy if you're eligible. You'll have to check with your local towns/cities first, though.

[piano97]

I identified with a lot of things in your post, thanks for that, and you are not alone, hope that gives a little comfort in itself. I understand completely on meds, it's almost a no-win situation but sometimes we need them or at least short-term and sometimes that 'short-term' we have very little if any insight at the time. You are definately having some manic spectrum symptoms, maybe mixed.

How are your sleep hours, and are you eating/showering/that kind of stuff?

Recently I went way up, down a bit, better insight, then popped way back up with no insight. have leveled off a lot now, sleeping way more. Was barely sleeping long time, barely eating long time, is cool I lost 25 pounds in short time lol, but that's not healthy and my insight was nill for a bit. Sometimes I think it's helpful to remember that things WILL go back to 'normal' but if you are sick there's no insight. It does sound like you are toeing that line here recently, and good you are asking for support.

keep in touch with doc/therapist, they are there to help you. I know some times lately I saw them and honestly didn't hear a word they said but at least they get to monitor you and that makes it easier for them to help when things start coming back together. hang in there.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Raven,

I am sorry you are experiencing some difficulty.
I only experience hypo and severe depression, so I am not a lot of help with mania. Sorry.

I do want to let you know I am reading and do care.
So glad you are reaching out!


WC

Originally Posted by xRavenx

This is really embarrassing for me to admit...

Although I do not have erotomania, sometimes when I begin to get manic, I get strong feelings of infactuation that are really extreme, and it is often with someone unattainable (well-known, lives in a different part of the country, etc).

I would never stalk someone, but I'll have these strange irrational thoughts of myself being soulmates with someone else. I get "magical thinking." I'm not delusional now, but afraid of it crossing the line.

This is something I've experienced before. The onset usually happens when I am getting manic. Although I've been in a depressive episode, things are beginning to change. My thoughts are racing, and I've become obsessed with certain things to the extreme. It started to come on for a few days, even though I was feeling "down," but things are rapidly changing. I have a strange overconfidence and have a hard time staying realistic.

Does this sound like mania? I don't really know if it's something that I will naturally get a handle on, or if I need a medication change. I am afraid of being "drugged up." I hate that over-medicated feeling. I enjoy the rush, but I have some awareness that this isn't going to end very well, but I feel relentless and unstoppable.

Any help or support is appreciated.

You are not alone. Just wanted to let you know, don't be embarrassed, I can relate to your periodic infatuated obsession with people "in the distance" (etc.) that you don't actually know. I've had that a few times and never knew (or even thought about) what it was. Looking back, I realize it must have been hypo/manic driven. Because it's not the usual me. (I'd never stalk either --creepy!) Magical thinking, yes.

Have you checked in with your pdoc?
(Sorry you don't have a T!)

[Faltering]

I'm experiencing the same thing but I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone. I agree it sounds like you're mixed.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, xRavenx I'm afraid the only one that has an answer to your question is your Pdoc. I know you're afraid to become over-medicated, but I think it's best to see this problem before it gets worse. Let us know how it goes. If you decide to go, of course. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[tecomsin]

"I have a strange overconfidence and have a hard time staying realistic.

Does this sound like mania? I don't really know if it's something that I will naturally get a handle on, or if I need a medication change. I am afraid of being "drugged up." I hate that over-medicated feeling. I enjoy the rush, but I have some awareness that this isn't going to end very well, but I feel relentless and unstoppable. "

I also get these obsessive fixations and similar feelings of overconfidence and have to take APs to make sure I sleep if that gets disrupted. For me the key to staying sane is to stay on top of my sleep schedule. I have spun out of control so many times in the past.

These little thoughts can creep up on me and assume true obsessions, then I become full on delusional. It's a slippery slope.

[xRavenx]

Sorry I am replying late! I really appreciate all of the responses. I was afraid of judgment, but all of the support and feedback really helps.... and thanks for those of you who shared your personal experiences.

I will make a sooner pdoc appointment. I am definitely experiencing signs of mania. Usually I am more on the depressive side around the holidays with low energy, rather than manic symptoms. Maybe my meds are off. I am going to continue to search for a therapist or will ask my pdoc if she has any recommendations, or maybe I'll check to see if there's a non-profit in the area for reasonable prices to find a T.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by piano97

I identified with a lot of things in your post, thanks for that, and you are not alone, hope that gives a little comfort in itself. I understand completely on meds, it's almost a no-win situation but sometimes we need them or at least short-term and sometimes that 'short-term' we have very little if any insight at the time. You are definately having some manic spectrum symptoms, maybe mixed.

How are your sleep hours, and are you eating/showering/that kind of stuff?

Recently I went way up, down a bit, better insight, then popped way back up with no insight. have leveled off a lot now, sleeping way more. Was barely sleeping long time, barely eating long time, is cool I lost 25 pounds in short time lol, but that's not healthy and my insight was nill for a bit. Sometimes I think it's helpful to remember that things WILL go back to 'normal' but if you are sick there's no insight. It does sound like you are toeing that line here recently, and good you are asking for support.

keep in touch with doc/therapist, they are there to help you. I know some times lately I saw them and honestly didn't hear a word they said but at least they get to monitor you and that makes it easier for them to help when things start coming back together. hang in there.

I am not sleeping much, but I take my Seroquel, which eventually kicks in. However, it isn't working as well. I am very hyper and take forever to get to sleep. My appetite has decreased. I do shower regularly, but something strange about mania for me, is that I actually wear flashier clothes (?) I heard some others have done this during mania. Sometimes I look back at certain things that I've bought when not manic, and I feel it was a waste of money.

My spending habits have not been good. I go on manic shopping sprees and buy too many things online. I get packages every day and have a hard time thinking things through.

Thank you for sharing your own experience. I am especially afraid of crashing, because what goes up eventually crashes down. I'm honestly unsure and very afraid of how I am going to deal with that when it hits.