Clozaril makes me fat, tired, and having to go to the hospital every week for blood work, and weekly trips to the pharmacy. ECT makes me stupid and dependent upon my family because I can't drive or really do anything on the days I do the treatment. I don't think Pristiq does anything really, although maybe that's why I've been dizzy and sweaty lately.
This doesn't seem any better than before I was taking any meds. Maybe I should have just learned to deal with my symptoms instead of putting myself into a position of being poisoned. I see my pdoc on Monday after ECT, and I will be asking to taper down on these toxic tablets.

[tecomsin]

That's a really tough regimen. I don't think I could do it. Have you exhausted alternative APs that don't require such close monitoring? Clozaril together with ECT seems like a lot too. Do you notice any improvement from the ECT?

[Blueberrybook]

I think it depends on the person.

For me, yes. I’d be bankrupt a thousand times over if BP mania had its will.

Is this your first time in treatment, or have you been on different med regimens?

It took 10 years, but I am finally inching in on a med cocktail that works for me, though Wellbutrin tends to cause me to be unable to think of a word or way to explain something or how to spell something from time to time.

It is better than depression, self harm, feeling flat, overspending, hypergraphia, the days without sleep.

I have been on so many med cocktails, I have no idea which drugs I have tried or not sometimes. But, last year, out of the blue, I got a 6 month stable period, and it was so worth it. Now I know stability (at least for a little while) is possible for me, I keep trying...because really without help and hope, I just cannot face the future.

[Guiness187055]

I was treated for a few years in my twenties than I went off of meds for 15 years. The damage I caused in that time is unspeakable. So for me treated is not just better for me its a must.

[Wild Coyote]

I would not be alive if untreated. I needs meds and a skilled therapist to stay alive. My pdoc does both, thankfully.


WC

spikes, what you describe sounds stressful and would be extremely frustrating to me if I made no progress. Perhaps your planned talk with your psychiatrist is a very good idea.

I don't know your history with medications, nor would I ever know what will eventually help you. I will say that patience is necessary in finding the right medication(s), but knowing when the time comes to make a change is also important.

I know frustration sometimes makes us want to just say "To hell with it all!" but I warn you that such rashness can be dangerous. I know of people who impulsivity gave up medications and experienced a seemingly miraculous honeymoon period, only to find themselves worse off than ever not too long after, or even worse. It's safer to make changes to treatment while still on treatment with the guidance of a doctor than to find onself "naked" and "exposed", in a sense.

[~Christina]

I’m sorry your in the situation your in. Strong med and etc , I would question it too.

Hopefully your Pdoc will be willing to really “ hear” what your saying and concerns that are very valid.

[still_crazy]

ugh. clozapine. effective, but...at what cost? sorry about that. really, though, to me I'd think the shock treatments are the real bummer. mine were not voluntary (part of the reason i stay on abilify now...), but...they're on the more primitve end of psych treatment, that's for sure.

try to be thankful for what you do have and the good things in your life. im saying that a)because I'm a Christian, and that's one aspect of The Faith that has helped me thru and b) irrespective of one's belief system, gratitude-not simply 'oh look...someone worse off than me, hehehe'--but genuine gratitude...is an excellent way to put things into persepctive a bit, move forward, etc.

i go to a community/public mental health clinic. i see people breezing in for court ordered Haloperidol shots, and probably at high doses, too (sometimes...). so, I try to remind myself: at least I've been spared being pumped full of vitamin H, involuntarily. I live comfortably and in safety, and I'm smart again, despite the shock 'treatments,' etc.

so there you go. other than that...im not one to tell someone to stay in treatment, because i really do not know the other person or...anything, really. a lot of mental health, inc. seems to be more dogma than anything else, but...some people do better on at least a bit of psych stuff than on 0 psych drugs. others...do better off drugs.

hope things get better for you. :-)

[bizi]

If I were not on meds I would be hospitalized for life....
Though I am bipolar 1.

thanks goodness for meds.
bizi

[MickeyCheeky]

((((spikes)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. I know it can be frustrating, but please don't give up... it is possible to find the right meds combinations. I think talking with your Pdoc about this is an excellent idea. Hopefully he'll be able to help

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bizi

If I were not on meds I would be hospitalized for life....
Though I am bipolar 1.

thanks goodness for meds.
bizi

I agree. My hallucinations have gotten worse this year with meds- off them i dunno what would happen. Lots of crazy sui episodes, taking off for 2 days without sleep and lots of sex with strangers.

[TheSeaCat]

I personally believe that treatment is better than untreated; with medication I can work again I don't have to worry about anxiety or bipolar with my medication. I still have a few breakthroughs of anxiety but it's never to the point where I was having a panic attack a day. If I wasn't on medication, I wouldn't feel like the me I like, I would feel like depressed zombie me.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time adjusting to the Clozaril, I know it is certainly a pain getting lab work done every week and weekly trips to the pharmacy. Have you tried anything else medication wise, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Geodon, Saphris, Abilify, Vraylar, Latuda? It might be worth talking to your doc about trying something else.

I am sorry you are struggling to find a mediation that works, but trust me when I say the moment you find your combo you will feel more like you than you ever remember feeling since that diagnosis.

[cashart10]

I’m so sorry for you! That sounds terrible. I hated Clozaril too and it made me fat also and I am still holding most of the weight even though I’ve been off of it for quite some time. In my case, I had an idiot pdoc who skipped many meds before jumping to the Clozaril. I was off of meds for 8 years and then had a psychotic break. I completely lost my mind. It took several years and much experimenting but I have been completely stable on my cocktail for more than a year and a half. My mental state off of meds becomes so insane so quickly, that I have no control and, after the horrible experiences I put my husband and children through, I am certain my husband would leave if I stopped my meds. I just lose all connection with reality.

I just came back from my pdoc appointment. I'm furious. He said I'm stuck with clozaril and ECT. Also said my cholesterol is high and said it's obvious I've gained a lot of weight. I'm sleeping ~15 hours a day if I sleep when I'm tired and almost falling asleep while driving or during class or doing anything else.

Possible trigger:

I'm having self harm and suicidal thoughts now

I'm going to taper myself off clozaril. ***** this *****. I'm done. Call me when they come out with a pill that works that doesn't ruin your health and your life. I've tried pretty much every antipsychotic except the older ones and vraylar.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by spikes

I just came back from my pdoc appointment. I'm furious. He said I'm stuck with clozaril and ECT. Also said my cholesterol is high and said it's obvious I've gained a lot of weight. I'm sleeping ~15 hours a day if I sleep when I'm tired and almost falling asleep while driving or during class or doing anything else.

Possible trigger:

I'm having self harm and suicidal thoughts now

I'm going to taper myself off clozaril. ***** this *****. I'm done. Call me when they come out with a pill that works that doesn't ruin your health and your life. I've tried pretty much every antipsychotic except the older ones and vraylar.

Can you get a new pdoc?

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Can you get a new pdoc?

I can look, but I can’t guarantee I’ll find anyone I like more

The PMHNPs I've had have been reasonable and we've worked together on finding what works. I don't know if I've just been lucky or less ego is involved. Long/short, they've never dictated from on high. It would give you a lot more people to try (so few pdocs, such long waits, generally speaking in comparison). Might be something to consider.

[tecomsin]

Maybe it's time to try one of the older AP's instead of clozaril?

[TheSeaCat]

I agree you need a new pdoc and if you can’t find one you like would your primary be willing to prescribe antipsychotic’s, that is what I ended up having to do after trying to terrible PsychNP’s and hating them both he decided to write them for me. What antipsychotics haven’t you tried? It might be worth a try if you don’t want to be on Clozaril and ECT. I really don’t blame you for wanting to get of the medication since you are gaining so much weight, the same thing happened to me with Zyprexa and she didn’t want to take me off it either it involved seeing someone else just to get off it. So I totally know where you are coming from.

[cashart10]

The literally 80 lb weight gain that I’ve had over the last few years has been horrible but when I was in high school, DURING THE SUMMER BETWEEN SOPHOMORE AND JUNIOR YEAR, I gained 47lbs on Zyprexa. That’s less than 3 months. Imagine what that does to a 16 year old’s confidence. I totally get it and it sucks. Unfortunately, I was so unwell that my mom complied with what seemed like a great doctor’s instructions. When I stopped taking Zyprexa, I lost the weight (I was 19) in what seemed like over night. I have only been over weight twice in my life and both times it has been due to psych meds. Since I am generally a small person, I hate hate hate my weight and feel so badly about myself for gaining so much. It’s awful. But, I know I will always have to stay on seroquel and Depakote and it’s so hard for me to lose on those meds.

[MJLouise]

I went untreated in between episodes but my panic and anxiety and fatigue were so severe now I’m back on lithium and everything’s getting better. I think being treated is much better than untreated. It’s easy to forget the way manic depression feels though. I’ve had three supersevere year long episodes that I had forgotten how they felt while I was on treatment for a long time and then still off I forgot until I realize like a slow boil lobster I’ve fallen really deep and low and can’t get out. That hollowness i feel in that moment the empty pointlessness what like seeing a person from your childhood that you knew long ago and wondering how on earth did I forget about you. Treatment is definitely worth it.

[Pookyl]

For me treatment is better than no treatment. I’m extremely unwell when I don’t take my meds.
I have put on weight with Epilim but without it I am actively dangerously suicidal.
My pdoc has said she will never put onto Zyprexa or Clozaril because of the weight gain side effect.

[clydeblack]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I would not be alive if untreated. I needs meds and a skilled therapist to stay alive. My pdoc does both, thankfully.


WC

Same for me.