[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Since I take Rexulti every day, my pdoc said I could play around with my Olanzapine dosage and didn't have to take it if my sleep was ok. So last night I tried skipping that 2.5 mg of Olanzapine to see if I would sleep ok, and I did. I definitely feel less drugged when I'm not on it and my tremor is significantly better today too. Taking Olanzapine long term affects my blood sugar and other levels so I try to avoid it unless I need it for sleeping.

I am glad you have had a good night w/o Olanzapine.
I hope it continues.

WC

[Wander]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I also lie and cover up when I am having delusions. I think this is fairly common because people don't want to give up their freedom. I think a bigger problem is covering up my symptoms to my psychiatrist. Do you have a go to medication when you start to have delusions?

If I’m covering it up doesn’t that mean they’re not real delusions as I know I shouldn’t think that way? I have Seroquel but it makes me fat. I’m already taking 25mg at night for sleep. Works most of the time and I sleep for 7 hours ish. Can’t stop my brain though. It’s spiralling out of control. I don’t want to stop it as I’m making progress. Seeing pdoc Tuesday. Will try to be honest but I only got out of hospital 2.5 months ago. Can’t go back in. Just can’t.

[Blueberrybook]

Problems with the ED, too much running. Selectively taking too little Seroquel some nights on purpose. Feeling a bit manicky. Medical insurance is still not figured out, so who knows when I will see a pdoc again? Though I do have an appt. Jan 24, may have to pay full price out of pocket and he is pricey because of actually having a decent reputation in an area where many pdocs do not. Glad the appt. is awhile off, pdoc didn't care for my weight at 100, 101 lb. Think it might be less. And his scale weighs 5 lb. less than mine, the PCPs, the dermatologist...maybe he sets it like that to account for waterloading or other ED tricks even though he is not an ED specialist per se.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone nice relaxing Saturday for me. My jaw is feeling a little better obviously the stronger antibiotics are killing whatever infection I have at least I no longer want to cry in pain so something most be working.

M came over and we've spend most of the day in my bed cuddling and watching movies since my jaw is still just a little tender and I can't really enjoy dinner out. It's very nice just cuddling someone; I really like spending time with him and it feels like each time we hang out we learn something new about each other and it's just really nice his arm wrapped around me; my head against his chest. We also took a little nap together which felt really nice. Best of all Demon really likes M and he hated my ex; it's like he could sense the ex was not a good person; but he just loves M; he has rolled over and let M go to town rubbing his belly and Demon rubbed his face against M's cheek which is what he does to me all the time. So he's got the cat seal of approval.

My roommate is also out on a date today so I keep waiting for her to get home so I can know how her date went. I'm happy she's finally getting back on the dating horse and she couldn't be out with anyone nicer.

Hugs to everyone

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wander

If I’m covering it up doesn’t that mean they’re not real delusions as I know I shouldn’t think that way? I have Seroquel but it makes me fat. I’m already taking 25mg at night for sleep. Works most of the time and I sleep for 7 hours ish. Can’t stop my brain though. It’s spiralling out of control. I don’t want to stop it as I’m making progress. Seeing pdoc Tuesday. Will try to be honest but I only got out of hospital 2.5 months ago. Can’t go back in. Just can’t.

Not necessarily. I covered up my paranoid beliefs because I knew they would be labelled as psychotic due to the conspiracy against me. There's also a continuum of beliefs and I at least can hold very contradictory thoughts when i am getting ill.

I understand not wanting to go back into hospital. 25 mg of seroquel is only for sleep. It is not a dose that can deal with psychotic symptoms.

Is that the only AP you are on?

[MissDenim]

Finally saw my therapist yesterday. Yesterday was also a very productive day for me. I went to Walmart and did the laundry. To me, that is being productive. Today was a lazy day. I even took a nap. I never usually take a nap. It's okay to have a lazy day every now and then, I guess.

I'm sorry I'm not making more of an effort to have a conversation. It's the social anxiety and the fact that I'm still fairly new here while some of you probably have known each other for a long while now.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

@~Christina,


I have been meaning to say this for quite some time but didn’t know the time or platform to do it. If this is not allowed or is upsetting to you, please delete it. I just want to say I’m sorry for being ****** to you way back when. I was in a bad state of mind and I felt personally attacked, not even by you, but I took it out on you. And, that is no excuse, I am certain, but I am genuinely sorry.


Thank you,

Sarah

Someone told me you posted something to me.

Sarah ... thank you

You were really unwell back then and things just got out of hand....

I hope your doing well

[Wander]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Not necessarily. I covered up my paranoid beliefs because I knew they would be labelled as psychotic due to the conspiracy against me. There's also a continuum of beliefs and I at least can hold very contradictory thoughts when i am getting ill.

I understand not wanting to go back into hospital. 25 mg of seroquel is only for sleep. It is not a dose that can deal with psychotic symptoms.

Is that the only AP you are on?

That helps. Thanks. I have multiple thoughts running on every subject and answer to any question by others. I don’t know which is right but I do know what is expected of me. I have Haldol as PRN but don’t take it. Don’t exactly know why. Will try to be honest with my pdoc on Tuesday and T on Wednesday. Just don’t want my family knowing. They’ve been through too much already it seems. Have to pretend to be fine. They are not idiots though. Still feel I’m making this all up. I’m not psychotic. I doubt I’ve ever been. Just crazy thoughts.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I feel significantly better today. I think I’m turning a corner. RS spent the night and we had a great relaxing night watching a movie and tv. Today we had breakfast at ihop and then went to an aquarium and arcade down by the shore with my son. The shore was so relaxing. Not too many people because it’s the middle of winter. It was cold but the sun was shining so it didn’t feel too chilly wrapped up in my jacket and scarf. We came home and RS helped my son build more of his LEGO titanic that he got for Christmas. Then he helped me do the cleaning I’ve been neglecting because I’ve been feeling so depressed. I feel much better with everything being cleaned up. Later my SIL and BIL are gonna come and have a few drinks. I’m not going to drink though.


So maybe the extra haldol is helping? Or maybe it’s just because I’m spending so much time with RS? I don’t know. We will see tomorrow when RS goes home for a couple of days. But I hope I’m just feeling better in general.

So glad you are feeling better. I think your feeling better is probably a combo of things not just this or that , which a good thing !

RS sounds like a great guy.

Enjoy !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Yesterday: Saw pdoc. She'd doubled my Wellbutrin. I really like her. She is a new pdoc for me.


Today: My niece came for lunch and stayed 3 hours. We always have a great time! It was very uplifting, even though she was asking a lot of questions about family tragedies which had occurred before her time. It was a little triggering, which I feel more since she has left.


Still struggling with depression and with feeling like life is not worth all of the effort.


I had struggled to get dressed and with getting lunch ready for my niece even though I LOVE seeing her.


It's cold. Windchill today -10 F. It has been sunny, which is a plus!


Love to All!



WC

To cold too cold TOO COLD !!!! I don’t know how you can stand it. Cold weather ramps my PsA and Fibro all to hell. It’s in the 20’s here and I’m covered in blankets drinking coffee.

Glad you had a nice lunch , what a great tradition

I’m glad you found a new Pdoc that is helping and understanding. Having to talk about some past stuff would be triggering hopefully you won’t need to wade through much more of that. Hope the increase helps.

I’m so sorry your struggling with depression and “ why should I care?” Kinda feeling / thinking. It’s a shytty place to be.

Things will improve of course it just sucks when we get so low we look up and can’t see the light. I think of myself often as a mouse in a tunnel and grass has grown over the hole, eventually the grass will get cut and I can find my way out.

Many hugs and gentle hugs

[Unrigged64072835]

Lots of physical work today. Got the large bedroom cleaned and moved most of the stuff we planned on moving. Hope to do the rest tomorrow.

May have to look for a new large freezer. Will know more tomorrow.

[~Christina]

Pretty much slept all day which felt great .... but I did clean and make dinner finally.

Whole weekend is nothing but grey and raining , yuck !

Today was up and down. I got asked out by a guy so that was nice. He's not appealing so i won't go but it was still nice to be asked. This is the worst time of year for me so i'm trying not to worry when i get down. Perhaps the Wellbutrin is still working and without it i'd be sawing at my wrists. I got up early, showered, exercised, took my dog out, studied for Scrabble and ate three meals and one snack, all at home. So a pretty good day, just plunged into negativity for a few hours after dinner. I just sat quietly in the dark and it's passing.

[Aurelius710]

Snowbound. I made the mistake of thinking I was going to go someplace today in my car and I got stuck in three different places in my apartment parking lot and had to enlist help to push my car back into its spot. So... that was fun.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by MissDenim

Finally saw my therapist yesterday. Yesterday was also a very productive day for me. I went to Walmart and did the laundry. To me, that is being productive. Today was a lazy day. I even took a nap. I never usually take a nap. It's okay to have a lazy day every now and then, I guess.

I'm sorry I'm not making more of an effort to have a conversation. It's the social anxiety and the fact that I'm still fairly new here while some of you probably have known each other for a long while now.

You were very productive!
Many of us have a lazy day(s).

You are doing just fine with posting!
I can recall when I was new here. I'd felt like I didn't belong and like it was difficult to get to know people. Keep posting/interacting and you will soon feel more comfortable about having exchanges with people.

If you EVER feel isolated here, for any reason, please let us know. We will help.

It's great to have you posting!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Lots of physical work today. Got the large bedroom cleaned and moved most of the stuff we planned on moving. Hope to do the rest tomorrow.

May have to look for a new large freezer. Will know more tomorrow.

You are so productive!
I need you at my house to help in motivating me.
Sounds like you are getting a lot accomplished. Good for you!
Don't overdo it and get into more pain.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Today was up and down. I got asked out by a guy so that was nice. He's not appealing so i won't go but it was still nice to be asked. This is the worst time of year for me so i'm trying not to worry when i get down. Perhaps the Wellbutrin is still working and without it i'd be sawing at my wrists. I got up early, showered, exercised, took my dog out, studied for Scrabble and ate three meals and one snack, all at home. So a pretty good day, just plunged into negativity for a few hours after dinner. I just sat quietly in the dark and it's passing.

I can see how getting asked out would be affirming!
It sounds like you are doing quite well overall.
It's nice to have you back here posting!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

To cold too cold TOO COLD !!!! I don’t know how you can stand it. Cold weather ramps my PsA and Fibro all to hell. It’s in the 20’s here and I’m covered in blankets drinking coffee.

Glad you had a nice lunch , what a great tradition

I’m glad you found a new Pdoc that is helping and understanding. Having to talk about some past stuff would be triggering hopefully you won’t need to wade through much more of that. Hope the increase helps.

I’m so sorry your struggling with depression and “ why should I care?” Kinda feeling / thinking. It’s a shytty place to be.

Things will improve of course it just sucks when we get so low we look up and can’t see the light. I think of myself often as a mouse in a tunnel and grass has grown over the hole, eventually the grass will get cut and I can find my way out.

Many hugs and gentle hugs

Thanks so much my friend!

WC

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am glad you have had a good night w/o Olanzapine.
I hope it continues.

WC

Thanks WC,

Well I woke up too early this morning. I needed another hour or so. Will try again tonight and see if it levels out or gets worse. My 'bad thoughts' are on high this morning, but I feel a little more energetic. My son hardly texted with me yesterday. He moved out to his new apartment over the previous weekend.

It's pretty ideal. Just a 5 minute walk to work and he is sharing a 2 bedroom 2 bath apt with a friend. I helped him move. He was sick the past week but managed to get into work each day, even though he was coughing and even vomited once.

But he didn't answer my few texts yesterday.

I've rekindled 2 friendships with people I had lost contact with. One of my friends had a stroke in the meantime.

[Scooter9]

I have started writing a book. I'm about 50 pages in so far. I think it'll end up being 150 pages or so.

The book is technical, it's aimed at new to intermediate people in astronomy. I like writing for that audience.

I'm doing this because I have learned so much and don't really have anyone to share it with, so why not teach someone? I'm also doing this to maybe create some motivation, something to stick with and nurture. This depression I'm in has taken so much away. I have to do something.

I'm going to make the book freely available for a few months and then start charging for it, so maybe it'll be enough to buy me coffee for the month

I have written other non fiction books in the past and it's nice to be able to do it again. Those books did pretty well and it was cool to see my name on a book in a book store.

The difference this time is that I'm doing it alone so there are no deadlines, word counts, or editors breathing down my back to churn out the book as quickly as possible. But if things work out, I'll finish the book this month unless I get really busy at work and I'm too tired to work on it in the evenings.

Ideally I'd like to finish it before my mother's surgery in February since I plan to dedicate the book to her. You never know what can happen and I'd like to be able to show it to her before her surgery. I never got to show my sister the photo I dedicated to her before she passed away.

[liveforsummer]

Hi all! Freezing cold here but sunny
Got a new mattress, now I really don’t wanna get out of bed in the morning. I’m still working hard to stick with my regular sleep hygiene. Down to 7.5 mg zopiclone from 15mg and doing ok. The next hurdle is the hardest. I’ve gotten down to a quarter of the 7.5 mg tab in the past but couldn’t bear the lack of sleep and the depression it fuelled. Anyway, I’m ever hopeful.
Hugs hugs and more hugs to everyone

[Nammu]

My DNA came! I'm 32% German 29% Norwegian 14% English 3%Scottish and various others, let's see,....Swedish, Baltic states, Eastern Europe so the verdict is whiter than white. The stories of their being Native American on my father's father side are just that stories. Must find out what my grandfathers real name was when he imagrated from Norway cause can't find his parents. But the Norwegian traces back to a specific town! It's all so interesting. No famous people, my people are farmers and woodworkers. Salt of the earth types.

[Wander]

Great day. Was looking for a letter from years ago early this morning. Couldn’t find it but ended up looking through every single possession I have. Burnt a few hours and now I know exactly what I have and where it is.

Tried to occupy myself with writing, reading and TV after that but needed to get out and be social. Just couldn’t stand being trapped in a box alone with so many thoughts and no one to talk to. Thankfully my ex-husband, who also has Bipolar (probably the reason we can’t live together), was free. We are great friends now. Divorced six years ago. He gets me do it was great to be able to rant away and not get strange looks. I have been doubting I have a serious mental illness, never alone Bipolar 1 with lots of bonus features. He told me he has no doubt I have had it as long as he’s known me(16 years). So another person confirms it yet I still can hardly believe it, and if it’s true I feel if I analyse it, tear it apart and figure out what caused it for me I will be able to recover.

Well my mind is still dancing but I’m happier today. Even with all the confusion and endless chatter. No sleep will find me tonight. It is 1.30 am and I’m wired. Just lying around smiling. Can’t wait to hit the beach when the sun rises and go for a swim. It’s my happy place.

Sending joy to all who need it.

[hopeless2015]

Doing on here. We had about 7 inches of snow Friday/Saturday so been doing a lot of chilling. Had to get groceries Friday after work since we were out if everything, that was crazy with the storm coming lol. Anyway, pasta efagoli cooking and kicked back in the recliner for the day.

Hugs to all

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I have started writing a book. I'm about 50 pages in so far. I think it'll end up being 150 pages or so.

The book is technical, it's aimed at new to intermediate people in astronomy. I like writing for that audience.

I'm doing this because I have learned so much and don't really have anyone to share it with, so why not teach someone? I'm also doing this to maybe create some motivation, something to stick with and nurture. This depression I'm in has taken so much away. I have to do something.

I'm going to make the book freely available for a few months and then start charging for it, so maybe it'll be enough to buy me coffee for the month

I have written other non fiction books in the past and it's nice to be able to do it again. Those books did pretty well and it was cool to see my name on a book in a book store.

The difference this time is that I'm doing it alone so there are no deadlines, word counts, or editors breathing down my back to churn out the book as quickly as possible. But if things work out, I'll finish the book this month unless I get really busy at work and I'm too tired to work on it in the evenings.

Ideally I'd like to finish it before my mother's surgery in February since I plan to dedicate the book to her. You never know what can happen and I'd like to be able to show it to her before her surgery. I never got to show my sister the photo I dedicated to her before she passed away.

I hope the writing of your book goes well!
What a neat and very worthwhile project!
It's very touching that you dedicate your work to family members.
Thanks so much for sharing.

WC