[winter loneliness]

(I think something moved.) ^

I am fine, a little sad. My dog is going blind.

[Wander]

don't know who I am, WhatI am? I wetter a better life. I put om a fnont


can ho one .Dontworr7 Ia m so, so lots of jHelp is available to e. Yet I fell



els awe Fear, pumice and terror admissoin. GoI need to turm this around asa

sorry fore tpps. I am profoundly uable typing/.

all the snow's melted today.

I must say, I am a little disappointed, because I was hoping it would last a little longer (I love the snow)

it feels like a summer day today with all the sun and the briteness. I don't like it.

not really anything that needs doing today so guess I'm just going to chill

still feel about as blah as yesterday

[liveforsummer]

Back to waking at 4am I want to go back to bed but so wide awake. I was doing really well with reducing my sleep Med. I don’t want to increase it yet again. Lack of sleep increases my thoughts of SH tho. I think I’ll try Benadryl tonight. Never taken it for sleep. Worth a shot.
Happy Sunday. Still dark Foggy rainy here. Glum.

I just got a call from my sister saying that my brother took my dad to the hospital. This time it was for severe alcohol withdrawal. That last time it was more for a blood clot in his leg. The last time they let him go the same day. This time they have a bed for him and will assist him with alcohol detox. We are relieved he is finally getting help. Plus, we were concerned because he's been depressed, very much neglecting self care, and apparently quit his blood thinner (for his leg) in order to drink. My sister said that my brother told the doctors about our concerns for dad's mental health and shared the family history.

My dad and siblings live in NJ right across the river from PA. My dad prefers the closest PA hospital more than the one in NJ. Given that, the hospital they are referring him to for detox (maybe dual dx) is even further away from me, further west and south near Philadelphia. I won't be able to visit him on my own as I would if he had been referred in NJ.

[pirilin]

Doing better. Still it looks like I went two round with Mike Tyson.
The "ice bag" is a ziplock full of green peas. Science at work.
20 minutes on, 20 minutes in the freezer. It works better than real ice.

Later. Cheers.

I’m finally having a good weekend for once. Not amazing, not great, but “good.” In other words, Saturday and Sunday (so far) are the best days I’ve had in a LONG time. Not that ALL of my other days have been “bad” per se, but they were either “so-so” or “I want to sleep.” Almost forgettable, as they’ve just blended together.

I was also hearing voices again last night, but I know they’re not real. They kept whispering my name and telling me to do bad things to myself, such as

Possible trigger:

jumping out of a moving car or stabbing my eyes with scissors

They kept giving me the urge to do it. They said that it’s “what I needed.” But even though they’re trying to control my thoughts, I won’t let them. I’m just going to work from home tomorrow just in case something bad happens, and if things go ok, I’ll go into the office on Tuesday. I know it’s all fake.

[yellow_fleurs]

Paint night went well! It was a lot of fun. I am not nearly as good of an artist as my friend but that wasn't the point, just a nice diversion and something different to do. I think we will be doing more of them. Doing errands and chores today, and feeling good about being productive.

Being social was good for me to sort of distract myself from my obsessive thoughts. Unfortunately as they are no longer just stuck on me but on others in my life, too, it is making me feel isolated. I am in a healthy relationship with someone for the past 6 years, he is very supportive and I know how will not leave me just because I am unwell, but still I worry these thoughts will impact our relationship since they are somewhat projecting onto him now. I will not bother you all with details, but I will just say I am not enjoying it!

Okay, just wanted to check in, but time to get moving on the errands before I slow down and don't want to get back up. Hope everyone has a great Sunday. Thinking of everyone who is struggling.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I’m finally having a good weekend for once. Not amazing, not great, but “good.” In other words, Saturday and Sunday (so far) are the best days I’ve had in a LONG time. Not that ALL of my other days have been “bad” per se, but they were either “so-so” or “I want to sleep.” Almost forgettable, as they’ve just blended together.

I was also hearing voices again last night, but I know they’re not real. They kept whispering my name and telling me to do bad things to myself, such as

Possible trigger:

jumping out of a moving car or stabbing my eyes with scissors

They kept giving me the urge to do it. They said that it’s “what I needed.” But even though they’re trying to control my thoughts, I won’t let them. I’m just going to work from home tomorrow just in case something bad happens, and if things go ok, I’ll go into the office on Tuesday. I know it’s all fake.

I am so happy to read you are having an enjoyable weekend!

It's so helpful that you have the insight to realize the voices should not control what you do with your life.

I think of you daily and am hoping you have a great week!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I just got a call from my sister saying that my brother took my dad to the hospital. This time it was for severe alcohol withdrawal. That last time it was more for a blood clot in his leg. The last time they let him go the same day. This time they have a bed for him and will assist him with alcohol detox. We are relieved he is finally getting help. Plus, we were concerned because he's been depressed, very much neglecting self care, and apparently quit his blood thinner (for his leg) in order to drink. My sister said that my brother told the doctors about our concerns for dad's mental health and shared the family history.

My dad and siblings live in NJ right across the river from PA. My dad prefers the closest PA hospital more than the one in NJ. Given that, the hospital they are referring him to for detox (maybe dual dx) is even further away from me, further west and south near Philadelphia. I won't be able to visit him on my own as I would if he had been referred in NJ.

Glad to read your dad is getting help with withdrawal.
I know you have been very concerned about him for a long time now. Hopefully, he'll get started on the types of help that will most benefit him.

Sorry he is being sent further away for dual diagnosis treatment.

Are you feeling hopeful about his potential recovery?

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Paint night went well! It was a lot of fun. I am not nearly as good of an artist as my friend but that wasn't the point, just a nice diversion and something different to do. I think we will be doing more of them. Doing errands and chores today, and feeling good about being productive.

Being social was good for me to sort of distract myself from my obsessive thoughts. Unfortunately as they are no longer just stuck on me but on others in my life, too, it is making me feel isolated. I am in a healthy relationship with someone for the past 6 years, he is very supportive and I know how will not leave me just because I am unwell, but still I worry these thoughts will impact our relationship since they are somewhat projecting onto him now. I will not bother you all with details, but I will just say I am not enjoying it!

Okay, just wanted to check in, but time to get moving on the errands before I slow down and don't want to get back up. Hope everyone has a great Sunday. Thinking of everyone who is struggling.

Paint night sounds like fun! We have more and more "Paint and Sip" events in this area now. I have not participated, but I am hearing that people enjoy the gatherings.

Socialization saves me, too, when my mind becomes obsessive.

I hope you have a good week.


WC

[downandlonely]

Being social is also very important for me. Lately, I have had a bad cold and am unable to go out. It's making me stir crazy.

[hopeless2015]

Well it's been a good weekend. Husband got called into work but heck it's a whole day at time and a half and he's off at 3:30 so not bad. Ran him some lunch a little bit ago. I've got laundry done, swept yesterday but I need to get the bathroom cleaned. Just chilling in the recliner now.

Hugs to all

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

(I think something moved.) ^

I am fine, a little sad. My dog is going blind.

Oh dear. I am so sorry your dog is going blind.

My service dog suddenly lost all vision in one eye before she had passed on. It was very, very sad, for sure.

My heart goes out to you and to your companion.


WC

[cashart10]

Last night was night 2 of my sleep med. I slept about 13 1/2 hours. My mom called this morning trying to get me and the kids to church (hubs had to work). I told her I wasn’t sure because I didn’t know what would happen if I freaked out. She said she’d stay on standby (I’m currently not driving and she had already been to the early service). So that’s what we did. I didn’t make it in time to take the kids to kids church because we were already 10 minutes late so It didn’t happen. My youngest wasn’t happy about that but she had to suck it up. I did fine. I guess I will go back to work tomorrow. I am sick about it though. Absolutely sick. I’m crying for no reason just because of my mood and I feel like work is the last thing I need. At the same time however, I feel like I’ll never be ready to go back to work so at least for the time being I’ll suck it up. Mom says not to look at it like that. She says if I need off to take it. I’m still not sure what to do. I think for now I may just nap.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Being social is also very important for me. Lately, I have had a bad cold and am unable to go out. It's making me stir crazy.

I am sorry you have a cold and are isolated. I also go stir crazy when I am too ill to get out.

Please take good care. Hopefully you will be able to get out soon.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Back to waking at 4am I want to go back to bed but so wide awake. I was doing really well with reducing my sleep Med. I don’t want to increase it yet again. Lack of sleep increases my thoughts of SH tho. I think I’ll try Benadryl tonight. Never taken it for sleep. Worth a shot.
Happy Sunday. Still dark Foggy rainy here. Glum.

I am sorry you are experiencing sleeping difficulties. Insomnia seems to affect everything in life. I hope the Benadryl works well for you!

Always great to hear from you!


WC

[Scooter9]

My book is published and is on sale now. I also created a companion website and am working on adding content to it. It's a great deal of work and the costs are adding up. It's ok though.

There's still no motivation though. I'm doing all this work based on checklists that I created and follow. I miss that "automatic motivation" where I did things just because I wanted to do them and followed through to the very end.

Now it's hard to get a project off the ground even if it's just cleaning my space. These checklists help because I can get stuff done but it's not really coming from me in terms of motivation to just do something, if that makes sense.

I have been thinking a lot about why I feel so alone even though I live with my family. I think being alone is fundamental to the human condition. I think it's something that I have to get used to although I wish it didn't have to be that way. I often think I'll end up being alone and that's causing me to miss out on what's happening right now. It's really strange.

My mood is low but I guess I'm managing.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

My book is published and is on sale now. I also created a companion website and am working on adding content to it. It's a great deal of work and the costs are adding up. It's ok though.

There's still no motivation though. I'm doing all this work based on checklists that I created and follow. I miss that "automatic motivation" where I did things just because I wanted to do them and followed through to the very end.

Now it's hard to get a project off the ground even if it's just cleaning my space. These checklists help because I can get stuff done but it's not really coming from me in terms of motivation to just do something, if that makes sense.

I have been thinking a lot about why I feel so alone even though I live with my family. I think being alone is fundamental to the human condition. I think it's something that I have to get used to although I wish it didn't have to be that way. I often think I'll end up being alone and that's causing me to miss out on what's happening right now. It's really strange.

My mood is low but I guess I'm managing.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!


I have been having great difficulty with motivation, too.

I have also been feeling very alone, despite having people around me. I try hard to live in the Present Moment. My life is very difficult right now, which feels very isolating.


WC

[Franann]

New here, not sure how forums and posting work here

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Glad to read your dad is getting help with withdrawal.
I know you have been very concerned about him for a long time now. Hopefully, he'll get started on the types of help that will most benefit him.

Sorry he is being sent further away for dual diagnosis treatment.

Are you feeling hopeful about his potential recovery?

WC

Hi WC. I'm actually kind of nervous right now. I called my brother who is still at the hospital with my dad and my brother said he couldn't talk at that time. I got a feeling that my dad is being difficult. I then called my sister's house and briefly talked to my brother-in-law. He also thinks Dad may be trying to weasle out of rehab. I think my brother is arguing with him.

My brother-in-law now says the doctors are thinking about a rehab for Dad in King of Prussia, PA. That's even closer to Philly and further west than the first place we thought they suggested. If he goes there, it will be a pain in the butt for us to visit him. Over an hour drive for both me and my siblings, at best (more with traffic). There's a perfectly good rehab for the elderly just 20 mins easy drive from both me and my siblings (right in between where they live and I live in New Jersey) but that's not considered because Dad HAD to go to the Pennsylvania hospital. I'll admit that the hospital in Dad's county in New Jersey sucks, but he could've likely been referred to the rehab we prefer from there. Both my youngest nephew and I have been to that psych hospital (which is also a rehab) we prefer.

Note to all: The choice of general hospitals (ERs) can determine which psych hospital you are referred to. Especially if it's an out of state general hospital.

There's even a psych hospital/rehab within a 10 minute WALK from my house (35 mins drive from my siblings' houses) though the one that's a 20 bucolic drive away has a special section for the elderly (psych/addiction/dual dx). The one within walking distance of me does not. Anyway, I will just be happy if Dad doesn't weasle out of this. He can go to a rehab in Alaska or Guam for all I care! If he doesn't get himself help, he's going to die.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Franann

New here, not sure how forums and posting work here

Hello and a warm welcome to PC.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi WC. I'm actually kind of nervous right now. I called my brother who is still at the hospital with my dad and my brother said he couldn't talk at that time. I got a feeling that my dad is being difficult. I then called my sister's house and briefly talked to my brother-in-law. He also thinks Dad may be trying to weasle out of rehab. I think my brother is arguing with him.

My brother-in-law now says the doctors are thinking about a rehab for Dad in King of Prussia, PA. That's even closer to Philly and further west than the first place we thought they suggested. If he goes there, it will be a pain in the butt for us to visit him. Over an hour drive for both me and my siblings, at best (more with traffic). There's a perfectly good rehab for the elderly just 20 mins easy drive from both me and my siblings (right in between where they live and I live in New Jersey) but that's not considered because Dad HAD to go to the Pennsylvania hospital. I'll admit that the hospital in Dad's county in New Jersey sucks, but he could've likely been referred to the rehab we prefer from there. Both my youngest nephew and I have been to that psych hospital (which is also a rehab) we prefer.

Note to all: The choice of general hospitals (ERs) can determine which psych hospital you are referred to. Especially if it's an out of state general hospital.

There's even a psych hospital/rehab within a 10 minute WALK from my house (35 mins drive from my siblings' houses) though the one that's a 20 bucolic drive away has a special section for the elderly (psych/addiction/dual dx). The one within walking distance of me does not. Anyway, I will just be happy if Dad doesn't weasle out of this. He can go to a rehab in Alaska or Guam for all I care! If he doesn't get himself help, he's going to die.

I hope this gets sorted out.
Thinking of you and yours.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Franann

New here, not sure how forums and posting work here

Hi Franann!

Welcome to PC and to the Bipolar Forum.

You have posted just fine!

I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do jump in and make yourself at home.
I hope to hear more from you.


WC

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Being social is also very important for me. Lately, I have had a bad cold and am unable to go out. It's making me stir crazy.

I hope you feel better soon and can get out and be social!