Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I just called my pdoc and left a message saying the roads were too icy and I wasn’t going to make it to my appointment. He texts me back and says “try to make it hope it will clear by then”. ****ing WHAT? **** this guy. I’m not risking my life for him. It’s almost 2pm and still icing. I’d have to leave for my appointment at 4. I’m just going to use my other pdoc and lay out of pocket until I can see the one I know I like. I don’t like this guy at all. I see my other pdoc next Tuesday. So **** that. What a douche.

I agree that that's not nice of your pdoc. Not everyone is a dare devil. Many people have a fear of driving in bad weather conditions, and for good reason.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I just called my pdoc and left a message saying the roads were too icy and I wasn’t going to make it to my appointment. He texts me back and says “try to make it hope it will clear by then”. ****ing WHAT? **** this guy. I’m not risking my life for him. It’s almost 2pm and still icing. I’d have to leave for my appointment at 4. I’m just going to use my other pdoc and lay out of pocket until I can see the one I know I like. I don’t like this guy at all. I see my other pdoc next Tuesday. So **** that. What a douche.

Yeah, I wouldn’t want a pdoc like that either. He sounds selfish because he clearly values your money (copay) more than your well-being. But is he a douche? No, worse. More like a narcissistic greedy asshole.

I’m glad you’re not going to see him anymore. You don’t deserve a greedy b@stard of a pdoc

[Victoria'smom]

I'm feeling bad Miguel paid for dinner last night. I have to find some way to make it up to him.

[Daonnachd]

I met with my T this afternoon, but was feeling so ill that I left early. I came home and went to bed. Now I've got to get up and take the dog out.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Feel better Daonnachd.

[Wander]

Well, tomorrow is D-day - hopefully. My pdoc hasn't shown up yet to review me for discharge but it is only 10 am. I am anxious for him to arrive because a) he is often so late he practically either shows up at the time of discharge or b) forgets to show up at all so I have to stay another day. He is an awesome pdoc but being on time is his biggest fault.

Anyway, I am slowly organising packing so I don't have to do it last minute. Not that I have much to do as it is not like I brought half my possessions in. Just a few essentials and toiletries.

I am so excited! It will be two weeks tomorrow I will have been in here, and six days of increasing stability. I wanted to go yesterday but my pdoc was worried about my hypomania as it was shooting up. Today (Wednesday) I feel calm and stable, finally! So I am sure discharge will be no issue. I am so looking to having my freedom back and being able to go outside. Looking forward to floating around my flat, organising and cleaning and generally chilling out. I can still barely read due to racing mind but I am hoping that will slow down soon.

Sorry for the novel but I am so, so excited. I was incredible ill when I got in here so to have such a positive, relatively swift turn around has brought me such joy.

[Under*Over]

Its weird when everyone around you is telling you you definitely have a mental illness, you know you display symptoms of mental illness, but you just cant fully accept the fact that this is real. Its just weird.

[cashart10]

Took Latuda for the first time tonight. Now my stomach is a bit upset and I have a poor taste in my mouth. Hopefully those side effects will dissipate and moreover, hopefully the med will be successful. I feel so terrible. I feel just like crying. And I don’t cry, unless I’m in a severe anxious depression...like now. I go for the IOP evaluation tomorrow. I was planning to go today but all of the appts were full so I would have had to wait forever as a walk in. It’s at 10 AM. I am scared to go to sleep tonight. As I have been every night. It’s just another irrational fear. I kind of want to die. My son overheard me say I was afraid I would never be able to work again and that I was afraid of going to sleep. He was in the living room when I said that out loud to my mom on the phone. He was very confused. I just ended up telling him I was joking. It’s hard for him to understand things like that. That is the other thing though. I am absolutely terrified of the idea of going back to work. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t even breathe when I think about it. I’ve always loved my job too but I just feel like...never...no way!!! It scares me to death. I just want things back to normal. So badly. 😢

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and happy misrable Tuesday. Yup I'm still in a bad mood and it's really taking a tole on me. I finally get happy and stable and get completely out of the depressed/anxiety tunnel something is waiting to make me go back to tunnel. I have tried and called and called and called. I even tried a pharmacy in another state looking for it. It just isn't available anywhere close to me. I've tried a few mail order pharmacies and nothing, enough for a week is usually what I get. Apparently according to one pharmacy this shortage has been happening since December and it's just now really starting to effect pharmacies and patient's alike either that or Buspirone is super popular in my state. I keep hoping and praying that I find someone that has a huge stockpile but sadly it seems like what everyone had has ran out or they have at best a week of anything.

I know I have a week left and if I wanted to do it to myself I could totally drop to two pills instead of my three. That's what I did last night and plan on doing tonight. I am taking my mornings and afternoons but not the bedtime medication and I really felt the anxiety last night in bed. The thing about Buspar is it has a short half life; I get two hours of maybe the ten mg; and then after two hours it will have been like I took a five. Even Seroqueled and Melatonined up it took me a while to fall asleep even with the soothing sent of lavender on my pillow.

It's just so hard; do I have enough to get me through Valentine's Day; I do but I'm honestly at a thinking inpass with my feelings of what do I do. Do I trust my psych enough to let him overhaul my medications and go back to a straight up depression medication? Do I ignore my Cardio and ask for a PRN Benzo? This couldn't have happened at worse time. I'm supposed to be getting pampered and enjoying the days leading up to Valentine's Day with M; but the only thought my brain can make is Buspar, Buspar, Buspar we need the Buspar. Not oh M looks super yummy in that sweater; just I want my Buspar. I know it's not addicting that it's my brain freaking out at the potential of not having it.

I had a do not disturb sign on my door all day. I told my boss I'm here but I don't feel like dealing with patient complaints; provider issues; I just want to be left alone in my office. I even wore scrubs again today; I figure you know what screw it I don't feel good mentally. Only two people were brave enough to enter my office. My family doctor to give me bad freaking news that he called a few of the main manufactures and they told it could be April 2019 before they were able to send any out. It's February and I'm already a wreck.

I feel my stability already starting to slip. Yes I have been rather reasonable when a pharmacy tells me no they just don't have it. I haven't snapped at anyone the phone; I know it's not their vault they don't have it. It's hard to get anything when it's in a shortage. Healthcare just freaking sucks and this is something I cannot change and all that I want to do is change it.

I'm just tired of dealing with this already. I'm scared of losing another job. I keep hearing the ex bosses words echo in my head feeling like she might honestly be right. I just want my brain to shut up. I keep telling myself it's just anxiety that I am not this; that it doesn't control me. I just feel like crap trying to decide what to do.

Hugs to everyone

[Pikku Myy]

So glad to report, I am OK. Not cured, but feeling ok.

[cashart10]

I cannot stop crying. 😢

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I cannot stop crying. 😢

I know that feeling I just feel all out of wack.

[pirilin]

Just came back home from MIA.
La Bruja went to India with her girlfriends. For twenty days.
Women only, she said. I agree. That's what I want too.

After casually looking for an hour frantically! for her credit card stash, found it.
She travels with the AMEX only.
28 pieces of plastic, begging to be swiped.

I can control my demons tonite.
It's late, one of my eyes is swollen from removing the stitches, and I'm tired to go to town. Drove 7hrs.

What about the next 20 days?.

Cheers.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Took Latuda for the first time tonight. Now my stomach is a bit upset and I have a poor taste in my mouth. Hopefully those side effects will dissipate and moreover, hopefully the med will be successful. I feel so terrible. I feel just like crying. And I don’t cry, unless I’m in a severe anxious depression...like now. I go for the IOP evaluation tomorrow. I was planning to go today but all of the appts were full so I would have had to wait forever as a walk in. It’s at 10 AM. I am scared to go to sleep tonight. As I have been every night. It’s just another irrational fear. I kind of want to die. My son overheard me say I was afraid I would never be able to work again and that I was afraid of going to sleep. He was in the living room when I said that out loud to my mom on the phone. He was very confused. I just ended up telling him I was joking. It’s hard for him to understand things like that. That is the other thing though. I am absolutely terrified of the idea of going back to work. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t even breathe when I think about it. I’ve always loved my job too but I just feel like...never...no way!!! It scares me to death. I just want things back to normal. So badly.

Latuda was a quick acting Med and it’s part of my combo that keeps me mostly stable.

Hope it works for you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pikku Myy

So glad to report, I am OK. Not cured, but feeling ok.

Great to see you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I cannot stop crying.

Breathe !!! You had a loooong stretch of stability you will find it again , give Latuda a chance, it works great for me.

[winter loneliness]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

Its weird when everyone around you is telling you you definitely have a mental illness, you know you display symptoms of mental illness, but you just cant fully accept the fact that this is real. Its just weird.

I still don"t believe it. I have been this way all my life. (undiagnosed for years)

Spent the morning shoveling snow in the rain slipping all over the ice, just happy we got some snow, it doesn't look right when the grass is showing in February.
I'm doing okay. Kinda wanted to break the shovel earlier but I've calmed down.

[Under*Over]

School is cancelled. Will make myself some ramen once my nasty jerk of a roommate who hates me for no reason goes back into her room. Im not really interested in doing it while trying to ignore her glares and eye rolls.

But! Pretty soon I will get ramen- and that is the important thing here!

[cashart10]

I start IOP tomorrow. Still crying but rather relieved about the break from work.

[Blue_Bird]

I was dealing with voices the past few days, very badly. It was almost constant. I kept trying to get myself to focus and pull myself away from them but I couldn't. Today is a lot better though.

I've been procrastinating with some of my class stuff. I should be a professional procrastinator, I'm pretty amazing at it.

We got snow and ice and the college closed yesterday, so I had a nice day off.

I'm excited because there's going to be a Nintendo Direct this evening and I'm hoping they'll give info on the new Animal Crossing game that's supposed to come out this year for the Switch.

I guess I should go ahead and make some coffee and force myself to get started on some of my assignments and studying.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

School is cancelled. Will make myself some ramen once my nasty jerk of a roommate who hates me for no reason goes back into her room. Im not really interested in doing it while trying to ignore her glares and eye rolls.

But! Pretty soon I will get ramen- and that is the important thing here!

Ramen is definitely important, especially on cold days

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Ramen is definitely important, especially on cold days

Mhm! I had a nice big heaping bowl of it... and caramel mms for dessert. Its a good day so far!

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I was dealing with voices the past few days, very badly. It was almost constant. I kept trying to get myself to focus and pull myself away from them but I couldn't. Today is a lot better though.

I've been procrastinating with some of my class stuff. I should be a professional procrastinator, I'm pretty amazing at it.

We got snow and ice and the college closed yesterday, so I had a nice day off.

I'm excited because there's going to be a Nintendo Direct this evening and I'm hoping they'll give info on the new Animal Crossing game that's supposed to come out this year for the Switch.

I guess I should go ahead and make some coffee and force myself to get started on some of my assignments and studying.

I also hear voices sometimes... what are your voices like? You dont have to answer if its triggering- Im just here to say I understand. Some of my voices are scarier than others so I hope your voices arent that mean

Though voices in general are not fun... so. A hug for you. I hope they go away

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Under*Over

I also hear voices sometimes... what are your voices like? You dont have to answer if its triggering- Im just here to say I understand. Some of my voices are scarier than others so I hope your voices arent that mean

Though voices in general are not fun... so. A hug for you. I hope they go away

I'm sorry you hear them too and thank you

I used to believe it was from spirits that followed me everywhere and especially bothered me in my apartment, or wherever I happened to live at the time. I know that's a delusion now, but I still hear and get drawn into a bunch of weird things they talk about, conspiracy type stuff and they harass me. There's also a lot of random talking. I'll go outside for example in an empty parking lot and hear people like there's a bunch of people standing around me having different conversations. It's very disorienting sometimes cause I feel like people are surrounding me.

I went through a year where I didn't hear anything, a medication I was on really helped. I had to get off of it though due to developing TD symptoms and weight gain. I was fine for the first 4 or 5 months off it but they slowly came back.

I'm basically trying to deal with them without getting back on high doses of APs, and it's been difficult. I take a mood stabilizer, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and some seroquel for sleep