[Nammu]

My heads been quiet now for about 5 years, it's so nice. Even tho I get times when I want to chuck the meds I then think about how nice it is to have a quiet head and decide to stick with what's working. I don't want to go back to that place.

I felt pretty good this morning and had the best of the last three appointments with my new therapist today. Then my mood took a bit of a nose dive. The trigger was definitely feeling a bit bad about what I have (or don't have) for hubby's Valentine's day gifts. I am not nearly as into the whole gift-giving thing as my husband is. He's like a little boy in that respect. Only occasionally do I figure out something really special to get him. He's one of those types that has everything. I, on the other hand, am quite easy to buy for. Deep down, I wish we could just exchange cards and maybe he can get me some flowers and I'll get him some nice liquor and make him a fancy dessert. I've actually already bought the liquor, but he knows about it. I also have a card and plan to make him a chocolate hazelnut cake tomorrow. But he'll surely have wrapped surprise gifts for me. I wish he didn't.

I was going to make him special Czech yeast raised jam and poppyseed filled buns as a surprise for tomorrow's breakfast. I started making them only to find I had no yeast. I thought I had yeast. It was too late to go to the store, plus that squashed my motivation. I'm now in bed again. I'll make the cake tomorrow.

I went to get a donut this morning on my way home from therapy. There the clerk convinced me to buy two because of a special. Of course I ate both. The sugar probably contributed to my mood plummetting. I will make dinner, but I'm dreading it. Tonight is not a good night to order delivery or take out.

[yellow_fleurs]

Things have been weird in my head I think from being tired/stressed. Got really anxious and spent 2 hours writing an email today haha. I did see another friend last night and listened to live music at a restaurant which was nice.

I was expecting to have my therapy appointment today, but my therapist had an emergency. I hope that it was nothing too serious.

I am feeling a bit resigned to my situation, that there are things I can do to keep myself somewhat stable, but that I will always be battling these thoughts and moods and my quality of life may not be great. I know I am not the only one, just having a hard time processing that right now. Something that does give me hope is that my siblings and I are all getting help for our mental health, and that we can better protect the next generation such as my niece/nephews by being healthier ourselves. There is mental illness back quite a few generations on both sides of my family so I hope we can break the cycle in these children, or at least get them earlier intervention for better outcomes.

[yellow_fleurs]

cashart10 thinking of you. IOP always sounded like it would be great for offering lots of resources without needing to go inpatient. I almost wish it had been offered to me this past summer, but I only realize how unwell I was in retrospect. I hope it is helpful for you.

[yellow_fleurs]

BirdDancer my SO can be so thoughtful it can be hard to keep up. He hand sewed me something the first year we were together, and I just got him a small thing. This past Christmas though we decided to just go to a show together when we realized we were both worrying about what to get people, and I think I am at that point where I prefer that.

[Wander]

See my pdoc, for one last time while IP hopefully, to be finally assessed for discharge. He saw me last night but as I have been so ill it seems that wasn't enough for him to be sure I am safe. I appreciate his concern but I am feeling fine. I am packed already and within three hours should be out of here. After two weeks I think this is enough. It feels like a new beginning. A joyful one as I am finally well.

[Daonnachd]

I just got the EKG necessary for ongoing ECT done. It took all of 2 minutes after waiting about 45.

[Sunflower123]

I went to a stone and sound meditation event last night that was both soothing and relaxing. There were sounds with bowls (sounds weird I know), a mandolin with the healer’s beautiful voice and a Native American flute.

I went to PT today and ran some errands.

I broke the promise I made to my pdoc and my family a few days ago and I am ashamed of and disappointed in myself. I’ve kept that promise all these years. Should be IP I know. I see my pdoc next Wednesday and I’ll be honest about what happened. If he says IP...I’ll go.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh hun

Oh I know how that feels

I often need a break from the people that love me the most , husband and daughter and it’s ok. Take some time and reach out.

Things will get better I promise.

This message meant so much to me. Thank you.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

I start IOP tomorrow. Still crying but rather relieved about the break from work.

I’m really glad your starting IOP !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My heads been quiet now for about 5 years, it's so nice. Even tho I get times when I want to chuck the meds I then think about how nice it is to have a quiet head and decide to stick with what's working. I don't want to go back to that place.

Glad your doing so well

I hear you about wanting to ditch the meds. The things we do to feel well

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just got the EKG necessary for ongoing ECT done. It took all of 2 minutes after waiting about 45.

It always works that way , sorry

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I went to a stone and sound meditation event last night that was both soothing and relaxing. There were sounds with bowls (sounds weird I know), a mandolin with the healer’s beautiful voice and a Native American flute.


I went to PT today and ran some errands.


I broke the promise I made to my pdoc and my family a few days ago and I am ashamed of and disappointed in myself. I’ve kept that promise all these years. Should be IP I know. I see my pdoc next Wednesday and I’ll be honest about what happened. If he says IP...I’ll go.


Warm wishes and hugs to all.

Don’t beat yourself up too much

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I just got the EKG necessary for ongoing ECT done. It took all of 2 minutes after waiting about 45.

Reminds me of the CT scan printout I’m still waiting for. Takes 30 days... to hit the print button

The medical field really sucks sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I went to a stone and sound meditation event last night that was both soothing and relaxing. There were sounds with bowls (sounds weird I know), a mandolin with the healer’s beautiful voice and a Native American flute.

I went to PT today and ran some errands.

I broke the promise I made to my pdoc and my family a few days ago and I am ashamed of and disappointed in myself. I’ve kept that promise all these years. Should be IP I know. I see my pdoc next Wednesday and I’ll be honest about what happened. If he says IP...I’ll go.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

That sounds beautiful. I love Native American flutes and bowl sounds. I used to have a ton of Native American music and CDs of old jazz but lost all of them in one of my moves.

Originally Posted by Wander

See my pdoc, for one last time while IP hopefully, to be finally assessed for discharge. He saw me last night but as I have been so ill it seems that wasn't enough for him to be sure I am safe. I appreciate his concern but I am feeling fine. I am packed already and within three hours should be out of here. After two weeks I think this is enough. It feels like a new beginning. A joyful one as I am finally well.

Oh, Wander, I continue to be thrilled with how much better you are doing!!
I was so worried about you and where your mind had taken you.

[Wander]

Just curious; how can my post on making it out of hospital get so few posts? Was it the trigger warning? Feeling rejected

[yellow_fleurs]

Wander, which post are you referring to? I am not sure I see it but I am glad you made it out of the hospital. Sorry you are feeling rejected, I am sure there are a lot of people here happy to see you getting well!

Originally Posted by Wander

Just curious; how can my post on making it out of hospital get so few posts? Was it the trigger warning? Feeling rejected

I'm glad you finally get to go home and feel better, Wander. Two weeks is a while. I know, myself, that there are things at home that give me the comfort and support that the hospital stops providing at a certain point. I hope you have these, too. If you're up to it, please give yourself a show of Valentine's love. Even if you don't celebrate the day, treat yourself to something nice. Please.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

BirdDancer my SO can be so thoughtful it can be hard to keep up. He hand sewed me something the first year we were together, and I just got him a small thing. This past Christmas though we decided to just go to a show together when we realized we were both worrying about what to get people, and I think I am at that point where I prefer that.

It sounds like you have a very thoughtful SO!

I, too, have trouble matching my husband's gifts for me, but instead I try my hardest to return the love in different ways.

Been feeling pretty down the last couple of days. It's the weather and just some other family stuff.

My left eye got a spark from my ecig in it and it hurts like hell. I thought it was makeup getting in my eyes bc they both hurt at first. But it was the day I got the e cig 2 days ago that I got the spark in it. If it's not better soon I'll unfortunately have to go to the dr. Ugh!

Hugs to those that need them.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I am taking my meds again I only skipped 4 nights. Thats not great of course but once I slip that much I usually cant get back on track. I started taking some of the night meds in the morning and some at lunch so I have much less to take at night. Its getting easier, I dont gag anymore and if I have taken some of the dose earlier in the day Im less likely to talk myself out of taking the rest at bedtime.

Also something awesome has happened. I usually dont feel like a good mom but my kids have started talking to me at bedtime. Maybe that sounds stupid but I have a hard time being patient at bedtime(or most of the time) and usually rush through it and even get angry if it takes too long. Im not the mom who does baths and stories before bed but this feels pretty great. I think the 5 minutes makes them feel special and they seem happy to get to tell me things and have all my attention.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wander I was going to PM you tonight but I'm fallng asleep fast and having trouble typing.

So i'll write tomorrow and yay for being released!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I had a weird experience today. I went to my mom's next door about 2:30 to make soup for supper. I came home at 6 and my front door was open. No other tracks in the snow and nobody hiding anywhere. I think the door must have caught one of the hefty winds when I opened it and didn't shut properly. Still made me quite anxious about someone being in my house. Not too bad though apparently as I fell asleep at 10 for an hour and now am awake at 11, hopefully not for long. Definitely leaving lights on today. I can only imagine what that did to my electric bill. At least it was a warm day and not one of the bitter days we've had this year.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Wander

Just curious; how can my post on making it out of hospital get so few posts? Was it the trigger warning? Feeling rejected

Hey love! I have just been waiting to read it because of its length. I’ve been too overwhelmed to read much of anything too long (except for check ins) but I will read it tonight!