[SorryShaped]

Others have said in my threads, in commiseration, they're having problems lately. Any getting better? I'm really not. I played with hardware and software all day, got my first pi computer, but no better. That's the sort of thing that's usually a huge changer for me. I'm numb and still really no better, regardless of things I learned. I'm tired of pretending I'm ok to others. They probably can tell anyway. I completely spilled my stuff to a sort of friend and she was floored. I say "sort of" because I only see her at her work when I'm a customer. I'm gonna shower and probably defile my liver tonight. At least I'll feel something.

[Crook32]

Not sure if I am 100% better but after ketamine treatments I am the best I have been in 5 years.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am definitely better than I was this time last year. I guess it all remains to be seen, but I am becoming self aware of my moods and thoughts and hopefully will be able to catch a problem earlier if it returns. Last time I was really unwell there were signs leading up to it, but I ignored them and then all of a sudden it seemed I had a breakdown. I didn't think I would find peace with myself again, but slowly I am and I feel more stable, it's not just that I am not depressed. Although, I still am unsure if I agree with my diagnoses but as long as I am improving that's what matters I guess. I hope things improve for you and others here at PC.

[Daonnachd]

After four years of ECT I'm doing better. Not as well as I'd like all the time, but better is better.

Sorry to hear you’re not doing so well. I’m a bit tired of pretending too. Pretending is exhausting.

I wish I could say I’m doing better, but the voices etc keep resurfacing.

[Nola0250]

I keep thinking I’m getting better then I slide back into mild depression or mixed. It’s not getting worse though...

[Unrigged64072835]

I’m not as well as last year, but there was family drama last year as well. I guess that kept me from noticing it as much.

[Wander]

For me I am much better Bipolar-wise. It has be over three months of perfect stability now, which is the longest I have really ever had. Normally I always have mild to moderate symptoms between my thrice yearly major episodes. Now with my new med regime I have hope that I will stay stable for a significant period of time. I really hope things turn around for you. I know it is hell being trapped like that.

[1stepatatime]

I feel like I am better. After doing therapy for almost six years I have a better sense of self awareness and of my emotions. I’m thankful for that. I only wish it didn’t take me THAT long to recognize it!! I think I was ready to quit therapy almost two years ago but I was way too attached... that part of therapy is unhealthy I’m my opinion. It’s so one sided. I wish I would have known that going into it.

[franz kafka]

Since starting clozapine I am doing way better. Mood episodes are very mild and psychosis is almost totally gone, apart from some random mild hallucinations. I was in such a bad way these past five years... there is hope.

[fern46]

I am much better. I am feeling much more like myself now that I'm only on a low dose of Geodon. I am thinking clearly and my mood has been stable since I got out of the hospital. My doctors have said it is possible that I might just suffer the one episode and go on to lead a normal life. I pray for that to be the case. Only time will tell. My doctor has also mentioned the possibility of weaning me off meds. I am scared of a relapse, but I don't want to be medicated if it isn't medically necessary. I'm exisiting in this weird state where I don't really have any answers for what happened to me and I just have to wait and see what happens next. There are a handful of diagnosis that cause psychosis and none of them really fit, so I'm basically flying blind. I'm grateful for the time I've had in 'remission' and I hope it continues.

[HALLIEBETH87]

The psychosis is gone thankfully
But I’m still a bit depressed after 20 days ip and 7 ect tax. I have ect again in two weeks.

[Victoria'smom]

Better than I have been in a long long time. I'm still getting occasional hallucinations but I feel so much better.

[SorryShaped]

I'm not hallucinating, luckily, but I am hearing my own voice regularly telling me to end it and how worthless I am and that this will never end until it all ends.
Hallie, this may be the turning for the better for you. I hope it is. You deserve better. I don't.
My caffeine "addiction" is getting worse. I consumed around 950+ mg today, in total. It did make exercise a lot more fun but slightly increased my resting heart rate to almost 80. The exercise buzz wore off very quickly though. I'm hurting but considering running to get more of that rush. Or, I could just go to bed.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel like my anxiety is the worst it’s been in years. I don’t have mood swings or depression though. My bipolar test was negative though. And I can function at my job just fine. My cat just ran away. So who knows.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel like my anxiety is the worst it’s been in years. I don’t have mood swings or depression though. And I can function at my job just fine. My cat just ran away. So who knows.

Poor kitty! I hope it's safe

[Victoria'smom]

I think you should rest tonight.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I think you should rest tonight.

Decided to do just that. My mind and body are both crashing from exhaustion. I do want to play some old school Sonic and then fall asleep. Up C Down C Left C Right C, hold A and press Start...

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m
Thankful my
Psychosis is gone. The hallucinations were awful! I just wish this depression would ease up

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm so much better than I was even a year ago, but especially five years ago. I was so messed up, having mixed episodes and not knowing from one day to the next what was going to happen. Now it seems like those times are long in the past, and it's because I'm well-medicated. Every now and then I need a little tweak, but I've basically been on the same ones since 2014 and they've worked miracles. I am very glad not to be where I was seven years ago when I was first diagnosed, that's for sure!

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I thought I was doing better. I look better, I talk better, I act better. But as of yesterday I am drinking a little(so far havent told H because he will freak) and not taking my meds after two months on them including one full month of perfect compliance at home. I feel like I cant tell anyone I am suffering because I dont feel like I am but I know something is wrong. My mouth feels sewn shut as far as reaching out for help or putting a pill in it. I havent slept as much the last couple of nights and I am being more social and active but thats what I am supposed to be doing! Driving is faster and music is much louder which maybe would be noticeable if there was someone who seen it. So Im probably not doing better but sure do look that way on the outside...

On the other hand Im not pi** drunk and trying to kill myself right at the moment so it isnt that bad hahaha

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

I thought I was doing better. I look better, I talk better, I act better. But as of yesterday I am drinking a little(so far havent told H because he will freak) and not taking my meds after two months on them including one full month of perfect compliance at home. I feel like I cant tell anyone I am suffering because I dont feel like I am but I know something is wrong. My mouth feels sewn shut as far as reaching out for help or putting a pill in it. I havent slept as much the last couple of nights and I am being more social and active but thats what I am supposed to be doing! Driving is faster and music is much louder which maybe would be noticeable if there was someone who seen it. So Im probably not doing better but sure do look that way on the outside...

On the other hand Im not pi** drunk and trying to kill myself right at the moment so it isnt that bad hahaha

I know you said you feel like you can't tell anyone, but you were brave enough to be honest here. That is a good first step. I'm not an expert, but it sounds like maybe you are experiencing hypomania. You mentioned several factors that fit with that.

It might be time to reach out to your doctor to see about getting back on meds. Hypomania can morph into full blown mania and even psychosis quickly. It may feel good now, but so many of us have major regrets from the things we did while manic. I'd give anything to go back in time and do something about my episode when it was ramping up and before it went too far. Please be careful.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by fern46

I know you said you feel like you can't tell anyone, but you were brave enough to be honest here. That is a good first step. I'm not an expert, but it sounds like maybe you are experiencing hypomania. You mentioned several factors that fit with that.

It might be time to reach out to your doctor to see about getting back on meds. Hypomania can morph into full blown mania and even psychosis quickly. It may feel good now, but so many of us have major regrets from the things we did while manic. I'd give anything to go back in time and do something about my episode when it was ramping up and before it went too far. Please be careful.

Thank you I felt a bit better after at least putting it out there that Im not doing great. I have now told my H because you are right. Im not manic but Im higher than I am when i am just well. I also left a message for the pdoc. Im still drinking today but decided at least taking my meds would be right. So i took them and decided I would take more seroquel tonight if i dont hear back from her. I love how I feel but i know its not right and losing my family scares me. This ends with me in a cell and then hospital or worse if I dont stop it now before I get completely out of control and I cant have that.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Tryingtobehappy5

Thank you I felt a bit better after at least putting it out there that Im not doing great. I have now told my H because you are right. Im not manic but Im higher than I am when i am just well. I also left a message for the pdoc. Im still drinking today but decided at least taking my meds would be right. So i took them and decided I would take more seroquel tonight if i dont hear back from her. I love how I feel but i know its not right and losing my family scares me. This ends with me in a cell and then hospital or worse if I dont stop it now before I get completely out of control and I cant have that.

Good for you! It must have been hard to tell your husband and you are smart to get back on your meds. I hope it helps even you back out. I know exactly what you mean about ending up in the hospital. It happened to me and I am hopeful I'll be able to catch it earlier next time. Huge hugs to you.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by fern46

Good for you! It must have been hard to tell your husband and you are smart to get back on your meds. I hope it helps even you back out. I know exactly what you mean about ending up in the hospital. It happened to me and I am hopeful I'll be able to catch it earlier next time. Huge hugs to you.

It was hard, I couldnt even look at him when i said it but being honest keeps me alive and I needed to do it. Thank you for replying to me it helped. My meds wont help, they havent yet and ive been diagnosed for 2 years. Changing that thought is too hard right now, reality doesnt feel right. But my pdoc told me before to take seroquel if i wasnt sleeping so maybe more will help some. For now im confused and super drunk for 4pm but not having any SI so today is ok. Obviously pdoc isnt calling me back today. But alive and not alone is a win....