It’s been 2 years yesterday

Thank you all for the continued support it’s humbling to receive it, truly.

She took over my daughters room while with us.

Today I had to go in there as my husband had stored a few tote containers there. She had a cat.

The smell just hit me like a brick to the face. Huge panic attack in an instant, it lasted over an hour, one of the longest panic attacks of my life.

It’s in times like these, I feel white hot rage about her, and how I wish I had never met her.

I see my T Richard on Wednesday and I know that it will help some. Ptsd is just such a gut wrenching monster that a “date, a smell or a item” can be devastating to a persons mind.

So please everyone ..if you suffer from ptsd know I understand fully the torture and I’m always around if you need an ear or shoulder.

I’m sorry you had that experience in your daughter’s room. Glad you are seeing your T soon. Thinking of you.

Oh my goodness. I had no idea that this had happened. I know you've been cryptically referring to a traumatic event over the past couple of years but I didn't know what it actually was. I can't even imagine what you must have gone through. I'm so sorry you've been suffering from PTSD, I have a son who's an Iraq War veteran and he has it, and he suffers the tortures of the damned. You are a brave, strong lady...many ((((HUGS)))) to you.

Still sending good thoughts!
Love and prayers, too!

Thank you WC for the continued support, it is so very comforting.

So I saw my T yesterday. I immediately just started crying my eyes out. It helped just being in his office , it smells like a old dusty bookstore. It’s a smell I love. They need to bottle it.

He’s openly angry about the entire situation and it breaks his heart that I will always have to deal with it in some degree the rest of my life whether it be a date , a sound or smell.

But after the session was over and I was heading back home it was building back up. But I did get a hour where I was able to take a deep breath. Something that ptsd robs from you.

Christina, I didn't know you had endured this. Two years is not that long given what happened. The anger, panic and sensations are all part of the process of getting over what happened. I am sorry that your kindness has caused so much pain.

Sending many good vibes to you, ~Christina! You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Christina You're in my thoughts. I hope it eases for you. I'm glad you got a respite in your T's office. Are you being able to take good care of yourself? I know you're good with that, but also know it's harder when things are sideways.

Hey IZ , thanks.

I guess I’m getting by I mean I’m always cooking , cleaning or any number of chores and hygiene daily.
But it’s always there... I’m always one trigger away from hiding in bed for an hour or more.

Looking back at last years anniversary this one is running basically the same. I was hoping this year I would be able to handle it better,quicker , easier.

Maybe next year will be easier? I have to believe it will be or else I think I’d just give up.

My trauma got easier with time but still
Haunts me as you know.

I hope peace for you <3

Thanks for being so kind to those in need including the people from PC. I'm sorry that the experience has left you heartbroken, but you made a comforting space for someone who needed it a lot. Thank you for that!
Take your time and seek out help!

It's funny (not ha-ha), it seems like longer than two years ago. But then it wasnt on my doorstep.

Im also sorry if i wasnt as attentive to you as i could or should have been these past two years. We take good people too much for granted.

Unaluna... everyone and you included has been very supportive of my situation

Take care of yourself ... people like you.

~Christina I am so sorry you experienced such a traumatic event. You showed amazing courage and kindness to take someone into your home like that.
I hope you receive all the support you need to get through this and sending you hugs!

(((((( MUCH LOVE ))))))

Things were slowly improving. I even had a couple nights of just boring dreams no terror !

Big trigger the other day. :::note to self:::: when your friend says don’t read X don’t freaking do it !! yeah ummm... stoooopid me, but I gathered myself back up quicker.

I can see in the past week or so that I wasn’t totally stuck in hell 24/7.. I don’t feel the white hot rage so that’s a huge improvement.

Life does just keep moving along ~

It is funny how boring dreams can be such a blessing sometimes. I am happy to know things are moving in the right direction for you now. One step at a time one day at a time.

Thanks ! Yes boring can be a wonderful thing