[Blue_Bird]

Started a new thread since the last one reached 100 pages.

How's everyone doing?

[Nammu]

Oh yeah, I noticed when it was at 99 but missed that it went so far past that. Thanks.

[Moose72]

That went quickly!

[fern46]

Thanks Blue Bird! I'm good. I'm relaxing and drinking my sleepy time tea. Hopefully it will help me sleep soundly tonight.

[Moose72]

Bright lights against the dull shine of the signal post- red, now green, now yellow holding, aaaand red! The cool air sneaks around my ankles- Whoosh! It's cool, fresh as I inhale deeply. Honk! Beep! I step out, wanting to be one with the light, as it is reflected- hardness, brightly, swiftly- I am one with the hardness, bone against flesh, steel against steel, to meet is their desire! O what joy! What quiet delight! As one, and snow gently falls around. Now red! And white and green! And STOP.

[Moose72]

Walking through the fog I breathe in its viscosity. The cars drive one way- a wiper swipes- then the other whooshing by. They don't exist. I can walk between the most and air as it overburdens my lungs, thick. The air blows around my ankles and is soothing.
Whirling through the cars like the fog. Like the ghost that I am. I don't exist. Time changes. Every bit of what I am and was and could be are now one. I take another step. One. Two. The lights change. The fog lays low, cuddling around the hard bright surfaces of metal. I step again. Red.... Green. Step. Whoosh! Honk! I am free! Time and I are one. I step again.... Breathe in that thick air. Stop.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Walking through the fog I breathe in its viscosity. The cars drive one way- a wiper swipes- then the other whooshing by. They don't exist. I can walk between the most and air as it overburdens my lungs, thick. The air blows around my ankles and is soothing.
Whirling through the cars like the fog. Like the ghost that I am. I don't exist. Time changes. Every bit of what I am and was and could be are now one. I take another step. One. Two. The lights change. The fog lays low, cuddling around the hard bright surfaces of metal. I step again. Red.... Green. Step. Whoosh! Honk! I am free! Time and I are one. I step again.... Breathe in that thick air. Stop.

Thank you for sharing. So beautifully written. You have a gift.

[Wander]

Listening to music turned up incredibly loud. My parents stereo is an experience that brings me great joy. Since yesterday my mood has picked up. Almost at baseline. Sigh. I hope that episode is over. I still feel on edge but it isn't tormenting like before. This afternoon a close friend who I rarely see is dropping over with her cute puppy. It should be wonderful. I see my T tomorrow and pdoc Thursday. It will be great to get their feedback on how I should continue (or even if) tapering off of Lithium. Maybe the worst is over?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wander

Thank you for sharing. So beautifully written. You have a gift.

Thank you. This landed me IP! I don't remember the specifics, but my pdoc called and whatever I said to her as I was thinking these thoughts prompted her to tell me to go straight to the psych ER.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Thank you. This landed me IP! I don't remember the specifics, but my pdoc called and whatever I said to her as I was thinking these thoughts prompted her to tell me to go straight to the psych ER.

How are you today?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wander

Listening to music turned up incredibly loud. My parents stereo is an experience that brings me great joy. Since yesterday my mood has picked up. Almost at baseline. Sigh. I hope that episode is over. I still feel on edge but it isn't tormenting like before. This afternoon a close friend who I rarely see is dropping over with her cute puppy. It should be wonderful. I see my T tomorrow and pdoc Thursday. It will be great to get their feedback on how I should precede (or even if) tapering off of Lithium. Maybe the worst is over?

It sounds like the worst is over, yes. Perfect timing to see you pdoc and T!

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks for the new thread, BlueBird!

Long and quiet day today. Just trying to put things into perspective. So much to think about. Much to consider while making serious life decisions.
I hope everyone has a good night!

[Moose72]

I'm in bed. I just put my bipap on. That's a signal to my brain that its time to sleep.

[bizi]

I think my right foot/ankle is a bit better today. September 11th got out of bed and it was painful. I was in bed for crying out loud!
Geesh....getting older is an adventure.
bizi

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Thank you. This landed me IP! I don't remember the specifics, but my pdoc called and whatever I said to her as I was thinking these thoughts prompted her to tell me to go straight to the psych ER.

To be honest, it made me wonder if you were playing in traffic on a busy street. I figured it would be hard to phone post and dodge cars, so you were safe.

[Tucson]

I am waxing my floors! I have been in the process of this for a couple weeks, but I finally decided to just do it! Tomorrow, I will complete the job, doing a half a room at a time. This is also motivating me to clean up the rooms too. Here it is 4 AM and just now am I feeling tired. Lately it has been up and down for me. I went "hog wild" at Costcos yesterday. Now I have basically a months worth of meals. I will still have to repurchase a couple items in two weeks, like milk, and eggs. I even am trying their ice cream, which is fairly rich (29% fat). I also got on both E-Bay and Amazon to purchase some items for the kitchen. With all of this spending as of late, I am having to sell a couple lenses to my camera to pay for my new debt. I do it to myself every tine.

I have been watching movies and listening to music. This has been cheering me up some from my depression. So my life right this moment is not too bad. I am watching "Apollo 18". I have been listening to the Eagles, and Rolling Stones.

[Nammu]

I'm off to jury duty in a half hour. I'll find out then if they have ASL interpretation. If they don't this will be a very short duty.

[fern46]

@BipolarWolf - I finally listened to Get Up by Shinedown. You nailed it! That is exactly what I was trying to say You know what you are aiming for and I hold every hope you will have it again one day.

[BipolarWolf]

Originally Posted by fern46

@BipolarWolf - I finally listened to Get Up by Shinedown. You nailed it! That is exactly what I was trying to say You know what you are aiming for and I hold every hope you will have it again one day.

Nice Fern. Thank you. I love that song. Its an older one. But still good. It really gets me going. I hope that I can.

[Nammu]

T'was a very short day! No terps available today so back I go into the pool. I think they just wanted to know if I was going to show up. I made a very good impression tho as I was the most dressed up person there. I thought you were supposed to dress nice for court?

[fern46]

Originally Posted by BipolarWolf

Nice Fern. Thank you. I love that song. Its an older one. But still good. It really gets me going. I hope that I can.

Hope is the beginning of the recipe for better. You're already on your way.

Wow! This thread has been hopping!

Everything still going well. Skipped a couple things recently because my social life was getting to feel a bit much. Tiredness-wise. A couple solid nights of sleep felt really good. Been sleeping pretty well.

My ex-bf is moving back to the area soon. A fair distance away though, especially considering no cars, so not a huge deal. Did I already mention this? Can't remember. He REALLY wants to get back together. I don't see that happening. Major trust issues aside from anything else. But I'm cool with being friends. He is not welcome in the house where I live, so there will be no visiting happening here. (And he doesn't have my address anyway.) He will be working for a religious organization, so I'm sure things are quite stricty-pants there as well. Visiting at all is a logistical challenge, transportation-wise. So I'm not overly concerned about the situation being problematic. (Also, I have my book of reasons I broke up with him. They are substantial. Also, I love my life exactly as it is already.)

Well, better finish getting ready for work. Which is still going well, though I do have days that are challenging (when I feel like I can't do anything right, but that is catastrophizing.)

Hugs to those struggling!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

T'was a very short day! No terps available today so back I go into the pool. I think they just wanted to know if I was going to show up. I made a very good impression tho as I was the most dressed up person there. I thought you were supposed to dress nice for court?

Dressing nicely for court definitely goes for any defendent.

Wasn't it fun, in a way, to get dressed up? I find I get too comfortable in my more casual clothing and when I change this, even for just one function, I feel a bit "better."

I recall teachers emphasizing being well-dressed for school, stating everyone's behavior changes when they dress diffferently. If we feel we don't change our own behavior (how we relate to ourselves and to others), chances are good we change how others relate to us.

One of my closest friends through college was a guy who liked to wear a tie and jacket most days. He had often remarked how differently he was treated when he was in jeans, etc.

I am glad you were able to skip jury duty!
You look marvelous!!!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Wow! This thread has been hopping!

Everything still going well. Skipped a couple things recently because my social life was getting to feel a bit much. Tiredness-wise. A couple solid nights of sleep felt really good. Been sleeping pretty well.

My ex-bf is moving back to the area soon. A fair distance away though, especially considering no cars, so not a huge deal. Did I already mention this? Can't remember. He REALLY wants to get back together. I don't see that happening. Major trust issues aside from anything else. But I'm cool with being friends. He is not welcome in the house where I live, so there will be no visiting happening here. (And he doesn't have my address anyway.) He will be working for a religious organization, so I'm sure things are quite stricty-pants there as well. Visiting at all is a logistical challenge, transportation-wise. So I'm not overly concerned about the situation being problematic. (Also, I have my book of reasons I broke up with him. They are substantial. Also, I love my life exactly as it is already.)

Well, better finish getting ready for work. Which is still going well, though I do have days that are challenging (when I feel like I can't do anything right, but that is catastrophizing.)

Hugs to those struggling!

You are doing so very well, IZ. You have moved forward in your life with tremendous courage.

I look to you, to how you have handled a very difficult situation, when I feel like there is no hope of getting things sorted out.

If ever you have a weak moment and want to talk, I am here for you!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

After 3 bad nights from not feeling well I finally slept last night. I actually slept without waking for nearly 12 hours which is very unusual for me and then I went back to sleep for another 2 hours. I think I could sleep even more if I would let myself. Sunday night I only got 4.5 hours and I was exhausted. I can't believe I slept that much though. I slept a lot because of clozapine but usually it is broken. I never sleep straight through.

I feel so much better!