Bipolar Check-In #38

Stupid me bought white russians at the grocery store.

I keep dreaming that I get + pregnancy tests. There is no way I could be pregnant.

I feel niggling anxiety but I did nothing today except go to the store. Doing laundry- got black smudges on my jeans from the bumper again so theyre washing.

Sooooo many hugs for those who are struggling!! I always read (even when I fall behind) and think of everyone every day. Sending the very best wishes for things to get better.

Well, I know the date ex-bf will be back in the general area. I will meet up, though I don't yet know the logistics. I know I don't have to, but I'm good with it. Lol, I keep writing things and erasing them. Suffice to say, don't worry about me. I've got this.

I'll bet you do!

Just in case, feel free to call on me, anytime!

I’m sorry your struggle just persists so hard right now..

You pushing yourself to stay present so keep that in mind , you ARE doing things to help yourself.

So will you still get insurance in November?? I remember years back you were on Invega shot? I know that help you a lot in stability. Maybe that will become an option again ??

Keep trying your best

Does having alcohol in your home cause a problem in your life and stability? I know you grew up in a home with an alcoholic.

Thank you for your ongoing support I certainly appreciate it

I’m glad you have a date he will be back. It’s probably good the logistics of a meeting are going to be a chore.

Do you think it will be good to see him again?? Maybe just one more reminder how much happier you are now since breaking away from him???

Well I’m happy to report that prednisone has truly kicked in and my lungs are going to be playing nice again, finally !!!

I have had much more tolerable side effects.. usually I don’t sleep for days. I have been taking 2mg Xanax at night instead of 1 and added a 600mg neurontin to help me get at least some sleep. It’s not something I will continue tho.

Well my husband booked our hotel for the Christmas trip last night , 7 days near our kids, my saving on groceries has us allowed us to spend just a bit more on a hipefull nicer hotel. We travel with our dogs so we are limited in choices.

We aren’t sure if we will see our friends , they are acting a bit odd, not sure if my sharing that I have Bipolar is a problem ? If so that’s fine I don’t want to be around them , they would no longer be considered friends.

Regardless ... we are sticking to the max of being gone 2 weeks ... so at this point I am not at all stressed thankfully.

You guys won’t have to read about my meltdown concerning Florida !! Yay!

Other than that it’s been a much cooler day thankfully we got a lot of rain last night, I love having a metal roof... I love the sound

Many hugs to all

YEA!! These are good things to hear! (I love the sound of rain too. )

You will ALWAYS have my support!!

I think it will be both actually if I'm 100% honest. We *do* enjoy each others' company and have interests in common. Catch up on some music and dvds and stuff. I'll be glad to see him totally sober and am proud of him for doing the work. But I do not forget.

Good grief it’s 4:07 am and I am wide awake still.

Time to just stare at the wall and maybe doze off out of sheer boredom???? Or disassociate for hours ??

Ok prednisone you might win tonight you big jerk !

I'm up too @~Christina ... Mine is more PTSD and less steroids, but still awake nevertheless.

This is excellent news! I'm happy to know that you won't have to dread the trip (or at least as much). Way to go with the negotiations!

I hope you are now getting a little sleep. I hope you start feeling even better yet. It made me smile to read that you finally see good progress on that front. You definitely have had to endure too much.

Good Morning!

Awake most of the night, too. Didn't realize so many were awake. We could have had a pajama party!

Am feeling very hungover right now.
I hope to get over it. I have lots to do today!

Love to All!!!

I haven't slept for two nights now

Yay!!! That is great news!!! I’m sorry you had a hard time sleeping last night though. I hope you get some rest soon. Your Christmas trip does sound like it will be much less stressful. So pleased for you.

I hope you feel more alert soon and get tons done. I also hope you get some good rest tonight or today if you nap.

Goodness. Do you know what is keeping you up? I hope you get some quality rest soon.

PTSD and stress

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you get some rest soon.

Woke up at 3am and cleaned/paced for 5 straight hours. I guess I was a little ramped up, not sure why. Anyway, got my grocery shopping done and I'm really excited because I bought sone chocolate chip cookie sandwiches with cannoli filling! 😃

Have been having some bad anxiety probably from the lack of sleep so took one of my PRN medications. Just hoping the rest of the day goes by fast so I can get a good nights sleep tonight.

I'm too tired to do anything now like focus on reading a book but at the same time I want to do something so the time goes by faster so I'm stuck debating what to do

I don't know. I so rarely drink. What with cirrhosis I probably shouldn't drink. That's what I'm saying. But yeah- the kids were all a twitter: Mom got alcohol?? I don't worry that I'll become an alcoholic but I do worry about what the kids think.

My day is somewhere between "bad" and "alright." Sometimes, things are okay; other times, they're not. So, it's tough to say one way or another if my day is alright or bad.

I haven't cleaned in two days if you include today. I desperately want to clean, but I also don't feel up to it. I'm really tired and worn out, especially after hearing the mice all night long last night... *scratch* ... *rustle* ... *rustle* ... *scratch* ... *scratch* ...

I haven't tried my peppermint scent in the diffuser, but I might try it tonight since mice supposedly hate the scent. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about my apartment smelling like peppermint, but it's better than having mice around. Plus, my apartment has a weird lemony chemical scent that hasn't gone away since moving in 1.5 yrs ago anyway, so I suppose peppermint can't be any worse. Maybe annoying, but not worse. Here goes nothing...

@bluebicycle Good luck with the peppermint!

I am sitting at the bookstore reading "Wasted". N3 is home supposed to be memorizing a couple pieces for Thursday. We will see! He's so lazy but so talented. Story of everyone's child, right?

Yes I will have insurance I think, I just signed up through the healthcare.gov. As long as they accept my documents I will have it. I won’t go back on invega as it screwed up my hormones and caused me to gain 75lbs in a year. Stability is not worth gaining more weight. Especially since I might have diabetes already.

Today it was hard to get out of bed. But I did it. I didn’t think I could make it through work but I did. So small victories. The last thing I have to do today is take a shower before my appointments. Seems impossible but I’m going to try. I might end up just washing my hair. I did shower yesterday so it’s not an immediate need.

I’m not sure if I feel safe driving to my appointments today. I will be on the highway and it will be hard not to hurt myself. But there’s no one to watch my son if RS comes with me. He’d have to sit in the waiting room and entertain my son for twenty minutes at the pdoc and 45 minutes at my T. I don’t want to do that to him. He’ll do it if I ask him to because he’s so sweet but I don’t want to have to. It just might be safer if I don’t drive.

I asked RS if he’d miss me if I were gone. I knew he would say yes but I just needed to hear it. Manipulative, perhaps. I’m not sure. I didn’t mean to scare him. But I am feeling very low and the suicidal thoughts are looming. I know my family would be destroyed if I did it so I’m trying to combat them. I have t hurt myself yet so that’s good.

It would not be the worst thing in the world if RS and your son went with you and RS entertained your son during your appointments. I know it is not ideal, but nothing about this is ideal. When you are feeling so badly and the idea of harming yourself comes about while you are driving, it's best you do not drive.

Many occupy themselves with a book/magazine and/or some type of a device while waiting for a loved one during an appointment.

Please consider handling this in any way that is most safe for you and for your family. You have an obligation to be safe for yourself and for them.

I hope your appointments help you tremendously!
Please keep us posted!
Stay Safe!