Bipolar Check-in #40

Amazing!! I am happy for you

I posted part 4 of 4 of my "Four Bouquets" story series on my blog. I like it. I think I'll try to add it to my memoir, somehow. The whole series (chapter) is 3,780 words. That's a good enough length for one. It's not quite as exciting or powerful as some others, but that's OK. It feels good to be continuing that project. It's odd that it took bronchitis to get going again. Actually, I had quickly written all four parts before getting sick, but spent these last couple days reworking/editing it.

I managed to make a nice breakfast this morning (cottage cheese pancakes with raspberry jam, raspberries, and whipped topping). The house is a mess, so I also want to do a little housework, especially in the kitchen. Hubby is busy working on his consulting project. He's coming down the home stretch with that, after what seems to be years. Of course he's nervous. He's done a great job, though. I really need to let him focus only on that.

congrats

are you going to celebrate in some way? that's quite an accomplishment

That's wonderful news, wildflowerchild! Please always be gentle to yourself.

Excellent! So glad!

I can't describe what I feel -- let's just say it's generally sucky. Let's hope this phase passes quick.

I did by eating a **** ton of Indian food the other day LOL

Grrrrrr I've been ghosted by a ''friend'' who I have been very supportive to. They do not have bipolar. But I wonder if they have NPD (extreme Narcissism) My mood was already very low and this doesn't help one bit. I feel angry, hurt and disappointed. I feel like telling them what I think of them
(this is not anyone on pc)

I am happy for a kid free night tonight. He is going to my mom’s house for the night. We were supposed to go to the large botanical garden for their Christmas show but it is mostly outdoors and it’s going to be super cold. So we decided not to go. We are going to see a movie instead. I heard knives out is pretty good. We will likely see that. We will have dinner too but I’m not sure where. Uno Chicago pizzeria and grill is right by the movie theater. We might go there.

Before we do all that we are going to go Christmas shopping at target because I can use my target credit card. The balance on the card isn’t too high.

I just know I won’t have much for Christmas. I had to miss 1.5 days of work and I don’t have any PTO saved up yet since I’ve only been there three weeks. So my paycheck won’t be a lot. And I have to pay all my middle of the month bills. Don’t you wish you could just not pay bills in December? It would be nice lol. I drained my savings because I didn’t work for a month between jobs. I only have $500 left and I may have to take that out too. My gpa’s 88th birthday is dec 14. But I’m only going to get him slipper or pj’s, he’s in a nursing home so he really can’t have treats or anything.

Sigh. I don’t want to ask my gma for more money. I hate asking her for money.

Not much going on right now.. just counting down the days till Christmas. I've been reading and drawing a lot. A little disappointed because I've been expecting something in the mail that has news related to my college, but haven't received anything yet. Hopefully next week sometime.

Kind of just want to stay under the covers and sleep everyday, not depressed, just tired

Got the tree done. It's been up for days and lights on, but no ornaments. Took all day, putting on a few here and there when passing by. Finally done! Don't know if I plan to decorate more than that tho. Feeling bla this. Holiday.

I finally built my shelving, but I still have a table to build. The shelving took an hour and a half because I realized I built it wrong after like half an hour into it and had to redo it completely, so that sucked. I'm so tired after doing that, though, which is why I'm going to build my table tomorrow instead of tonight.

I'm taking my therapist's advice of cleaning one area at a time so that I can feel a sense of accomplishment. I didn't really clean much today, of course, but now that I have my shelving up, I can start putting stuff away in an organized fashion.

In the meantime, I'm going to watch some TV and relax. I'll get back to organizing tomorrow. I'm trying to get my whole place cleaned by next Saturday.

Feeling weird but better than this time last month so could be worse. Bought some fish oil supplements today. They are expensive so I put it off, but decided I ought to do it to take care of my health. Hung out with a friend today and walked some adorable puppies. I still have not called my psychiatrist up, I guess cause I am doing a little better and keep stalling for some reason I guess anxiety. My goal is to do it this week. Lately I have been thinking maybe my psychiatrist was right and I do have some unspecified form of bipolar. I go back and forth. I should probably track my moods. I did make some progress in terms of scheduling an annual eye exam I'd been putting off so that's something. I need to get glasses, well don't technically have to but it would help. I tried some on in the past and had to return them because they kept falling off my face, though. Haven't figured out what type work for me yet. Sending compassion!

Great news about your brothers improvement!!! What a relief

Now it’s time to indeed take care of yourself

Oh damn I’m so sorry your plan has gone up so much. It’s beyond ridiculous !!!!

I truly believe it’s really a population control issue and no one can convince me it’s not.

Since Obamacare was rolled out , peoples insurance cost doubled tripled and more. Yes everyone can get a plan since they have some that are zero premium but the enormous deductibles leave most people to just pay for Doctor appts , blood work and medications totally out of pocket the entire year. It’s really for a hospital stay or catastrophic illness.

More people use to qualify for help, but not anymore, hospitals and Doctors use to be able to accept more reasonable payment plans, now ? It’s just cheaper to die.

Our health care system is truly a disgrace you are correct.

I don’t know what it will take to fix it.. any of these “ medicare” for all ideas .. sounds great but instead of premiums being blamed it’s going to be just taxed right out of anyone’s money no matter where it comes from.

I’ll stop rating now !!! It just really upsets me.

I am very sorry you are losing so much of your income

Congratulations !! It’s such a wonderful feeling

I hope you get stuff in the mail Monday !!

Is there any particular things you draw or whatever just pops in your head ??

I miss having a Christmas tree. We spend the holiday in Florida so most of the time I think “ why bother”

Glad yours is complete I’m sure it’s beautiful.

Is there any coping skills you can try to self soothe ?? I hope this feeling passed quickly for you

Well go ahead and tell this person off.

I hope you have a absolutely great night out !

Ohhhh I always have to take things I try to put together at least once lol

I’m glad your T is helping you focus on just one room at a time ! It will give you a sense of accomplishment

I hear you on price of fish oil. That’s why I honestly don’t take it. Crazy.

It probably would be helpful to track your moods to see if there is a pattern.

Oh glasses! Yet another thing that’s way to expensive. My husband broke his and we were able to glue them back.. another thing we must save for

Always something !!!

Walking with puppies ??? Omg I bet that was wonderful

I had preordered a book in my favorite book series. It hit my kindle apparently right after midnight ! So ahhhhh I started reading. Freaking fantastic !

My husbands sister Cindy and family will be in town to visit a friend so she wants to meet for late breakfast or early lunch tomorrow.. I really like her, her daughter is 29 but mental capacity of about a 2 year old FAS ( fetal alcohol syndrome) Cindy’s husband is a nasty creepy bastard. He knows better than to touch me. First time I met him he hugged me and grouped me .. I exploded and said in front of Steves entire family if he ever touch me again I’d beat the shyt out of him. No one in the family likes nor trusts him.

My pain and breathing is still just stupid !

Hugs and cookies to all ~

Thank you! I draw pretty much everything, scenery, portraits, anime type art, animals, just whatever I feel like