Bipolar Check-in #40

Just got back from visiting with M. Getting out of the house and out of town plus seeing her has given me a new lease in life. I was spiraling down again. I feel positive and motivated now. Just what the doctor ordered. We need to do that more often.

I’m going to ask to see my therapist weekly until the crying fits are gone and the sleep improves.

I fell getting in the shower this morning, lol, and have a hematoma the size of my fist. It hurts like the dickens to walk on.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

I am doing well. I woke up and feel fine. It is a gloomy day here though. I hope the weather brightens up but realize we need rain.

I seem to be settling into an every other night sleep routine. Last night was my not sleeping night. So today my eyes are itching like crazy. My cat knows when I'm not sleeping, he joins me in bed staring at me till I look at him. I think he wants to know why I'm laying in the dark if I'm not sleeping. Arrogant cat! Right now he's laying on my legs fast asleep!

I am grateful you have been able to get out to see M.
I am sorry you have fallen and have gotten hurt
I have had some close calls lately. Yikes!

I hope you can get some time to rest; you have had many demands on you lately.

The every other night routine seems to be mine as well right now.

Cats can be such great companions.
I tend to be a "dog person," yet my sister has several cats and tells some truly amazing stories. I might have a cat in the future. Never say never.

I forget... did you return to Ambien?

My primary care doc had ordered a med called: Belsomra for me. It came into the pharmacy and they'd called me to tell me it costs $184.00/month!
No can do!

My pdoc was upset that he had ordered it. She says the higher dose of Belsomra is what is usually needed in order ot sleep and it leaves people very sedated during the day.

Oh well! I have a friend who uses a phone APP called "calm." She has someone read her Jack and the Beanstalk every night and she never makes it to the end of the story.

I need to look for an audible book to see if this might help me to sleep.

I hope you are having a good day!

Good job!
It's a start and I find a start fuels further progression toward goals!
I have been throwing stuff out! It feels great to lighten the load.!

My living space use to be so Zen. I am making it Zen again!

We are lucky to have some space to ourselves, with the freedom to do as we wish! Might as well go all out and make it into a healing space!

Love YA!

It's tough to afford the supplements which can sometimes be helpful.

I can get my fish oil covered if I use an HSA account ot pay for it.
Yes, the prescription strength is very expensive.

I have had good luck getting high quality fish oil from both Vitamin Shoppe and Vitacost. I am not sure as to how their prices compare to CVS. I know I find my local CVS almost always the most expensive store in the area..

Vitamin Shoppe offers fish oil under their name and it is very pure. It is much less expensive than name brands. Even so, I do realize it is impossible for many to fit any supplements into their budgets, which saddens me.

Love to All!

I think I'm mixed. Lots of anxiety but also euphoria.

Not sleeping and disrupting my plans make for an irritating mood. Just leave me alone it's Sunday! I had to go get mum meds and the pharmacy she uses is rediculous. One person is yapping away and the rest of the staff are walking around doing nothing. Finally a staff called up somebody waiting and then started serving those in line. Finally got mum's prescription and went to get the meatballs and the shrimp. Paid for it and was on my way out and that same lady was still yapping away and another long line was forming cause they weren't serving the second line. I'm in a really bad mood.

Kind of wondering if I'm getting a little depressed. Have been emotional the past few days and wanting to curl into a ball and just lay under the covers and sleep forever.. Not really sure why. But I'm coping by playing games and reading, just kind of escaping

After a good nights sleep I woke up with barely any anxiety. Unfortunately, two hours later the anxiety is building fast. In 15 minutes I can g and get some meds for it (I am IP, and the nurses are in the middle of handover). Actually, I think it feels more like agitation than anxiety. Either way the Haloperidol and Lorazepam should calm me down a bit. I hate this feeling. It is a lot like being mixed but without any mood problems. Thanks again to all who are supporting me here, and in my hospital thread. It is impossible to find the right words to explain how grateful I am for this support.

Seriously though? I want a friggin cigarette. That’s why I’m here. Trying to ignore it. Distract! I’m sol anyway bc I can’t go out now and I can’t get any before work tomorrow so the soonest I could get them would be my lunch break. So by then I should be good. Just put a piece of hard candy in my mouth. Hope that helps.

We had a nice night yesterday. Took RS to the Indian restaurant down the street and he loved it. We decided to just go back home instead of out to the movies. Going to the movies on a Friday or Saturday night makes me nervous. Too many other people there. So we went home and watched the hangover pt 2. It was pretty funny.

Today RS had to work his side job again. I got some of my son’s presents wrapped. There are a lot more to wrap though. And I hate wrapping gifts. I can’t make them look pretty. But then I think my son’s not going to care about how well they’re wrapped. He probably won’t even care about the toys either, just the memories we make. We went to the light show again today. It’s a tradition. One I started after my husband had already passed so it’s not tainted by that.

I’m hoping I get enough sleep tonight that I don’t fall asleep during work tomorrow. I really hate that. It’s so embarrassing. I don’t know what my problem is! I wish coffee worked for me.

Great job getting things that will help you stay organized !! I’m glad your feeling more stable

TMI off woman's issues ahead ...
ed
Today I got my period. When I was on a full dose of Lithium I stopped having any PMS symptoms. It used to affect me badly. Now I am a half of my usual Lithium dose (long story as to why I have reduced it) I have noticed my irritability and agitation increase for a few days round that time of the month. My guess is that as I was already in severe distress the PMS just pushed me over the edge. I am going to have to keep a note of my time of the month so I can be better prepared mentally, and have comfort that it will pass.

This is all just a guess but it seems to fit my extreme reactivity. I wish they would start working on an anti-PMS drug to save all us women the trouble this cause.

What happens in menopause? I am now 43 so it isn't that far away. Anyone have stories about going through menopause with Bipolar? Good and bad. I know we are all different. I am just curious about what I may be in for down the track.

Ahhhh good find and in gummy form too ! I’ll have to check out my CVS.

There is a prescription strength it’s normally only for people with very high levels of triglycerides. I don’t see why it couldn’t be given for others. I’m sure insurance companies wouldn’t pay since there is something we can by OTC. I hate insurance companies !!

Oh I get puppy fever when o see that but I have 2 great dog we rescued and they are hard enough to afford food , shots, flea stuff. It is a big expense but they are family so we spoil them LOL

I am so happy you got out and spent time with M !!!!! I know when I see my daughter I’ll be walking on cloud 9 !

Oh ekkkkkk I’m sorry you fell I’m glad you didn’t break anything, I’m sure you will be sore for a while

I tend to have more issues when I have PMS as well, I went through a few years where my period wasn't happening often due to meds and hormone problems, now that they're happening regularly I definitely notice when PMS is happening, I get much more emotional, irritable/agitated, etc. I always start wondering if something is happening to my stability then I look at the calendar and realize that it's likely PMS. I'm going through that right now actually, it's frustrating. That's good that you noticed the correlation, I've started making myself more aware of it too and trying to take it easy on myself during those days

I hate that you are seeing a pattern your cat is being a punk lol

I hope the pattern breaks soon, mine seems pretty solid.

Lack of sleep makes any chore so much more difficult.

Here in this small town everyone knows everybody and always chatting, sometimes I just want to slap them !

Tell me about the meatballs and shrimp ???

I hope things “brighten” up for you.. I know you got a lot of snow, does it keep you inside more than you’d like ??

Your doing great by staying busy

Yes, actually I was just thinking earlier how I feel like I have cabin fever from being inside so much due to the snow. lol I'm trying to get out more though. Tomorrow I have to walk to the laundromat, I'll probably go to the library as well. Tuesday the grocery store and to a friends house, so hopefully that helps

I hope you're doing alright!

I’m sorry your struggling without cigs but you are doing really well !! Pat yourself on the back each time you make it through a craving !!

I remember years ago we had all 4 kids here so we kinda went overboard it took my husband and I almost 6 hours to wrap it all. And the kids all teenagers has everything ripped apart is probably 20 mins .. I swore that day I’d never take a lot of time like that again! Lol your son will love it all.

I bought the makings for two pasta dishes, spaghetti and a white sauce shrimp and pasta dish but forgot the meatballs and shrimp! So now I have a weeks worth of meals planned out for the next week when the forecast calls for cold and snowy. Thursday I take mum in for a blood test and then Friday morning I have the scope thingy. Thankfully my daughter can drive me. Oh lord, I just realized I forgot the peas! Ah well, I'll try carrots.

I’m glad you have things to look forward to that indeed get you out!!

Thanks for asking ...
I’m doing okay, I’m doing even more cleaning that normal , like cleaning the entire kitchen twice a day not just my normal one time lol but it’s how I distract when I’m overthinking something.

Menopause was the best thing that ever happened to me! No more PMS. The hot flashes are no fun but they're temporary and will go away. My bipolar has been more stable since menopause and I'm on less meds for it. Really I think PMS was to blame for a lot of my mood swings