Bipolar Check-in #40

* holds coyote's hand*

This makes me cringe for you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Have you tried medical pot?
Maybe we have talked about this already?
bizi

Thanks Bizi. No pain meds (I can barely get her to prescribe anything - she hates running tests and writing prescriptions) - she just said to drink tea and gargle with warm salt water. I'm using Chloraseptic spray as well.

PTSD. Triggers everywhere. Hiding, hidden, lost. I disappear. Then reappear sometime later.

The next few days I am pretty booked up. I want to hide in my shell, and cancel, cancel, cancel everything. Instead I am going to engage with life. Tonight I am going to my niece's year 6 choir concert. It will be great to support her, but being around children is very triggering for me right now. Still, it will give me rare time alone with my sister. I have to leave in half an hour. I am so not ready.

Well, my Amazon got hacked into, even with two factor login, and furthermore, with a long, cryptic password. Their weak link in the chain, so to speak, is they send the authentication number to your email when changing the password. All normal logins has the number sent to your phone, which is more secure. So I spent part of this evening changing my password on a dozen critical accounts, including all my email accounts.

I have been meeting this lady to talk, for something to do. She has BP I. She has endured sexual trauma, and other significant traumas. Her family generally either ignores her, or treats her poorly, none wanting to understand her illness. She has been hospitalized, and in trouble with the law. Recently, she had been arrested, court ordered for a stay in the psych ward, a court assigned pdoc, and cannot leave the county without permission. She frequently stops her meds thinking that she has been cured. Being *seven* times homeless while manic, I would think that she would of learned something from these situations. I am not interested in a romantic relationship with her, but she is. I just do not need the drama. She is a good and giving person. She is just very mixed up, and as such, with very poor judgement. Not entirely stable. I wish her well. She is calling me at least once a day, or more. She is in a very needy state of mind. I soon need to talk to her about this, just having us as friends.

Everyone in my family is OK. My stepson could not fix my car, so he is sending me to a mechanic which will cost me money that I do not have. I am getting financially desperate. I may become an Uber driver. This does not sit well with me. I may also apply to Walmart, Walgreens, and Amazon. They may not turn me down like all the other businesses have. During the night, my large dog flops down on top of me, and goes to sleep. This feels like a massive weighted blanket. I cannot get her to move. So I have to work my way from underneath her, and then she will listen to me and jump off of the bed. What makes this worse is that I am already under 30 lbs of weighted blankets! LOL

...and life goes on.

PS I just spent $500 on needless headphones and an audio amplifier. Why oh why do I do this to myself???

I got 3.5 hours sleep

I had a frank conversation with my wife about hypomania and mixed states. We talked about the symptoms and she asked what she could do to help if I end up there.

I just said, call my pdoc.

All of the stress has affected my sleep lately. I've been waking up between 1 and 3 am for days. Some nights I have gotten back to sleep a little, some not.

My husband will take the day off from work today to be with me when I visit my brother in the hospital. If my brother gets to go home at the end of the day, hubby will be the driver to take him home, along with me. I just don't feel well enough to do these things alone.

You have been under a lot of stress. You've done an amazing job! So glad H can help out today. Much Love

Sorry about the abbreviated sleep.

It's such a good idea to keep loved ones in the loop.
Nice job!

I have done so. Not helpful. Thanks for your concern.
Love Ya!!!

I'm glad you have your husband's support. I hope things go well for your brother.

It's good that you are so close and can be with him.

I'm sorry your sleep has been affected by the stress you've been under. You've done so much to support your family and it shows what a beautiful heart you have. I'm so glad H can be with you today. I know having someone along to support you will help.

I hope all goes well for your brother today and that he will be released soon. You remain in my thoughts.

Hugs to those who struggle.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

How are you feeling today? I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain. Is there anything that can be done or do you have to ride it out? Sending hugs, prayers and healing vibes.

Well I'm on my way back to the mayo clinic in about 40 minutes. Getting real tired of the drive. Takes about an hour.

I'm hoping mum is released today. It's above freezing, so only rain. Tomorrow looks like more of the same, I'm just tired of the drive. Don't know how my daughter does all that driving she does everyday. She lives in a smaller town about 30 minutes from here and comes here mon- Thursday for classes.

On Friday she came Runnings to help me get mum to the ER. Then Saturday and Sunday she drove here to pick me up then to the mayo. She has an internship she's almost finished with and her full time studies plus homework and two kids. Plus that the daycare is closed this week!

She really impresses me. And here's me whiney that I have to drive again today! I managed to pick up some power bowls at the store last night so I can just throw one in to nuke tonight. So unless they release mum today it's just drive over and stay until night time and drive home. That doesn't sound strenuous.

Hope your feeling better

Oh god ! As if pneumonia wasn’t enough

I’m glad your PCP finally freaking listened .. we KNOW our bodies best.

Ok serious I hope you feel better freaking soon!!!!!

Certainly look into the disability, I’m sure some money would be much needed

I completely disagree with you having any of outrageous pain. When I find out who has a VooDoo doll I’ll take care of it ! But ehhh I might need bail money

Feel better dammit !!!

Strep needs antibiotics !!! It can effect your heart. Or does she feel the way Med your on will treat it also ???!

I have befriend a few people over the years , it became unhealthy for me. They were like emotion vampires. I tried to explain I am not a 24/7 person they needed professional help. Eventually I had to end the relationships. Self preservation! We need to listen when it comes knocking.

Maybe your friend will learn something IP about being more considerate, especially if she’s wanting more than friendship and you are not, with her.

Take care

I hope your brother can be released today

Now on to you..... I’m very worried about you.. your plate has overflown onto the floor. And now your sleep is being disrupted

When do you see T and Pdoc again???? I hope it’s soon

Is there anything I can do to help ??

Oh I hope she is released today so you won’t have to make that long trip by the way you are NOT whining your deal with a lot of travel time, that’s just plain stressful

Tell me what is a power bowl ???

Well had my Pulmonary functions test. It’s a difficult test when you are having such trouble breathing but I made it through it and only half felt like I’d pass out.

I’ll get those results at my appt in December 16th until then I need to continue the added inhaler Spiriva as it’s a maintenance drug and that takes usually just over 2 weeks to start helping. Meanwhile still using my Symbicort.

I did hear back about my liver ultrasound... it is fatty liver NO changes from the one in Florida so that’s a relief. I do have to change my diet and of course “ lose weight and exercise” as if that’s a big shocker, meh..

As I expected I did fall asleep last night for about 3 hours... but that was me really taking ally more meds than I should. Nothing dangerous but a lot more Xanax than typical and prescribed. I can go back to normal 1mg tonight and stare at my wall.

I see my T tomorrow.... I have so many things rattling around my head I’m not sure what to really work on. I’ll have to think about it.

It’s gorgeous out today bright and sunny ! Probably 60 degrees out.

Thank you I'm feeling better today

hi Jennifer,
Thanks for your support.
I have to ride it out. I am allowed prn pain meds. I use them judiciously.
I am a bit better off today since loading up on pain meds over the past 18 hours or so. It will not take much to exacerbate things, however.

I am trying top be careful, hoping to not trigger anything.

Thanks for asking!
I appreciate you!
How are you today?