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  #351  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 02:29 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
No no no no nooooooooo! I was picked at work for the stupid mentoring program!! My instincts were right!! How awful.


Well, looks like I am totally screwed... I hope I don't mess up or get too stressed out over this because there is no backing out now. Whoever I am mentoring will hopefully not hate me.


I’m sorry Blue just do the best you can
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  #352  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 02:39 PM
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Got a very sweet text from my psychiatrist at 1 in the morning (I was wide awake, of course), apologizing for not having got my emails to his sometimes flaky asst. the two previsou days. Love my shrink. Anyhoo, maybe today we can get this all sorted out and finally and get me some Thorazine, though, if Christina's experience, which sounds fairly similar to mine overall, turns out to have been like mine, well, then, I guess we will move on to the sledgehammer next.


Glad it was sorted out ... as for Thorazine being useless to me ? Trust me I am a very very difficult case for Doctors to try and Medicate. I took a lot extra Xanax and other things last night to chemically knock me out, it worked but it wasn’t restful sleep. But I am wide awake , alert completely. Most anyone with that amount I took.. would maybe wake up tomorrow.

Years ago when I had my gallbladder removed I wound up needing almost twice the normal anesthesia.

My body metabolizes meds extremely fast.

I hope Thorazine is a fantastic drug for you
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  #353  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
I'm finally moving into the new apartment!!! Next week ! Bipolar check-in #42 I'm so excited


Congratulations !!!!!!
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  #354  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 04:27 PM
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I had a very enjoyable afternoon with my nephew. After he finished his IOP for the day (12:30 pm) we went out to lunch to a local Italian pizzeria restaurant. Then he asked if we could walk in my town's downtown area (he's from my childhood hometown, not my current one of 20+ years). He said he had barely seen the town, which is pretty odd since it's a town of great historic and touristic interest, less than 40 minutes from where he lives. We walked around for over 1 hour in both the main part of downtown and on the university campus. Then we warmed up a little in the university art museum, which is free to the public. Actually, I hadn't seen some parts of the campus we walked through. It is a beautiful and old campus with amazing architecture. The sky was blue all day, but only 39 F / 4 C. I confess that I'm not used to such exercise (in the cold). To him it was nothing. I'm currently in bed under a wool blanket with a cup of hot espresso.
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  #355  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 05:06 PM
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Thanks everyone. I don't think I know my job all that well since it's a relatively new position for me and my project focus has changed dramatically. That's my major concern. On top of that, it looks like I will be directly managing some interns this summer, so there will be a period of overlap where I'm mentoring (starting soon) and managing (starting in May). Ughhh. Basically nonstop!

Anyway, I've decided to learn guitar... for the third time. I already own two guitars and I have all the accessories (minus one important one that I lost... the tuner!). I just never stuck with it the first two times because depression took the wind out of me. However, I've been playing various instruments since I was 9 and I'll be turning 29 in May, so... we're talking 20 years of understanding music theory. I just have to get used to messing around with the guitar again.

Also, why I own two guitars... Well, I first bought an acoustic guitar and accessories when manic, but shortly thereafter, I became heavily depressed and wanted to do nothing but sleep. Then later on, I moved into an apartment and decided I was gonna start playing guitar again, but... the acoustic was too loud for the apartment, which made me realize I would annoy my neighbors. Thus, I bought an electric guitar and I just either don't plug it into the amp or I put the amp on at a low volume.
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  #356  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 05:28 PM
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I am doing well. I did some vacuuming and household chores. I feel pretty good. The shots are doing me wonders. I am planning to leave my current situation in a month or two. Then, I will try to find work and be on my own. I need to take baby steps. I have not thought that much about changing my situation but know I will face challenges from the change. I am hoping to stick to my shots and remain stable.
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  #357  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 05:44 PM
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Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
Thanks everyone. I don't think I know my job all that well since it's a relatively new position for me and my project focus has changed dramatically. That's my major concern. On top of that, it looks like I will be directly managing some interns this summer, so there will be a period of overlap where I'm mentoring (starting soon) and managing (starting in May). Ughhh. Basically nonstop!

Anyway, I've decided to learn guitar... for the third time. I already own two guitars and I have all the accessories (minus one important one that I lost... the tuner!). I just never stuck with it the first two times because depression took the wind out of me. However, I've been playing various instruments since I was 9 and I'll be turning 29 in May, so... we're talking 20 years of understanding music theory. I just have to get used to messing around with the guitar again.

Also, why I own two guitars... Well, I first bought an acoustic guitar and accessories when manic, but shortly thereafter, I became heavily depressed and wanted to do nothing but sleep. Then later on, I moved into an apartment and decided I was gonna start playing guitar again, but... the acoustic was too loud for the apartment, which made me realize I would annoy my neighbors. Thus, I bought an electric guitar and I just either don't plug it into the amp or I put the amp on at a low volume.
Headphones can be a good solution for volume control as well.

I would just caution you about guitars and mania. I got manic one week a few years ago and all the sudden, all these really nice guitars started showing up from FedEx. 6 beautiful guitars in three days. My partner was like, what are these? I was like, i'm not sure. I might have bought them online while I was manic. Sort of. She was furious. Really nice guitars, though. She made me sell 4 of them.
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  #358  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 05:57 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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My cat is home! He’s been sequestered in the back room
With his own litter box so I can make sure he’s peeing. When I came home today the litter box was full of clumps! So he’s peeing normally. I let him out of the room and he didn’t try to pee on the carpet. I have to buy him special prescription food but whatever. As long as he’s ok.

My new student had a rough morning but he pulled it together. Definitely not as challenging as my last kid! I kinda miss that kid though. Despite all the challenging behavior, I really liked him. I hope he’s doing ok.

My son is staying at my mom’s this weekend. I was hoping to plan something with RS but it’s supposed to be down pouring on Saturday. I wanted to go to the botanical gardens in the city to take in the indoor orchid display. I’ll have to check out exactly when the rain is supposed to be.

I’m just glad my cat is ok.
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  #359  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
My cat is home! He’s been sequestered in the back room
With his own litter box so I can make sure he’s peeing. When I came home today the litter box was full of clumps! So he’s peeing normally. I let him out of the room and he didn’t try to pee on the carpet. I have to buy him special prescription food but whatever. As long as he’s ok.

My new student had a rough morning but he pulled it together. Definitely not as challenging as my last kid! I kinda miss that kid though. Despite all the challenging behavior, I really liked him. I hope he’s doing ok.

My son is staying at my mom’s this weekend. I was hoping to plan something with RS but it’s supposed to be down pouring on Saturday. I wanted to go to the botanical gardens in the city to take in the indoor orchid display. I’ll have to check out exactly when the rain is supposed to be.

I’m just glad my cat is ok.
Great news about your kitty! When I read about his health issue, I was worried for him. I'm so happy to learn that you have the relief of his improving health.

I hope you get to enjoy the botanical garden. That sounds lovely. I wish my two orchids were blooming! I think I know where you're talking about. If I'm right, my husband and I visited there several years back (several).

Last edited by Anonymous46341; Jan 22, 2020 at 06:39 PM.
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  #360  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 06:45 PM
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BeyondtheRainbow BeyondtheRainbow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
My cat is home! He’s been sequestered in the back room
With his own litter box so I can make sure he’s peeing. When I came home today the litter box was full of clumps! So he’s peeing normally. I let him out of the room and he didn’t try to pee on the carpet. I have to buy him special prescription food but whatever. As long as he’s ok. .

I have a cat on a prescription diet long-term. I have found that getting his food through chewy.com is much cheaper than the vet. You just have to get a prescription from the vet and send in a picture of it and they ship for free of $50 with 1-2 day delivery. I think I save $50/large bag. The price winds up being about the same as Blue Buffalo would be for the same time frame. I hope your guy doesn't need the diet long-term but if he does this might help a little. I hope he feels better soon.
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  #361  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 07:13 PM
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@Blue_Bird Congrats on the new apartment. That's great!

I spent the day cleaning. Dishes, laundry, washing and replacing my sheets back on the bed, putting away the laundry that I did. Got a shower. Can't get N3 to clean today though. I did read while listening to soothing music.
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  #362  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 07:33 PM
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I did something! I drove in bad weather with my new car. It's the lightest car I've ever driven. I wouldn't want to drive in snow any deeper than it was. But still I have a feeling of accomplishment. Mostly I don't drive in bad weather, I just do without until the roads clear up.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #363  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 07:36 PM
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Blue_Bird Blue_Bird is offline
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Thanks Christina and Moose72 ! I'm super excited. It's a much nicer place and a lot more affordable through the program I'm in
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  #364  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 09:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird View Post
Thanks Christina and Moose72 ! I'm super excited. It's a much nicer place and a lot more affordable through the program I'm in
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
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  #365  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 09:47 PM
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Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
I had a very enjoyable afternoon with my nephew. After he finished his IOP for the day (12:30 pm) we went out to lunch to a local Italian pizzeria restaurant. Then he asked if we could walk in my town's downtown area (he's from my childhood hometown, not my current one of 20+ years). He said he had barely seen the town, which is pretty odd since it's a town of great historic and touristic interest, less than 40 minutes from where he lives. We walked around for over 1 hour in both the main part of downtown and on the university campus. Then we warmed up a little in the university art museum, which is free to the public. Actually, I hadn't seen some parts of the campus we walked through. It is a beautiful and old campus with amazing architecture. The sky was blue all day, but only 39 F / 4 C. I confess that I'm not used to such exercise (in the cold). To him it was nothing. I'm currently in bed under a wool blanket with a cup of hot espresso.


Glad you had a good time, yes I’d be in bed warming up !
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  #366  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
Thanks everyone. I don't think I know my job all that well since it's a relatively new position for me and my project focus has changed dramatically. That's my major concern. On top of that, it looks like I will be directly managing some interns this summer, so there will be a period of overlap where I'm mentoring (starting soon) and managing (starting in May). Ughhh. Basically nonstop!


Anyway, I've decided to learn guitar... for the third time. I already own two guitars and I have all the accessories (minus one important one that I lost... the tuner!). I just never stuck with it the first two times because depression took the wind out of me. However, I've been playing various instruments since I was 9 and I'll be turning 29 in May, so... we're talking 20 years of understanding music theory. I just have to get used to messing around with the guitar again.


Also, why I own two guitars... Well, I first bought an acoustic guitar and accessories when manic, but shortly thereafter, I became heavily depressed and wanted to do nothing but sleep. Then later on, I moved into an apartment and decided I was gonna start playing guitar again, but... the acoustic was too loud for the apartment, which made me realize I would annoy my neighbors. Thus, I bought an electric guitar and I just either don't plug it into the amp or I put the amp on at a low volume.


I think you will manage through it and maybe enjoy it at some point ... yes pick up the guitar ! Good distraction and being able to make music ? Beautiful gift
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  #367  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I did something! I drove in bad weather with my new car. It's the lightest car I've ever driven. I wouldn't want to drive in snow any deeper than it was. But still I have a feeling of accomplishment. Mostly I don't drive in bad weather, I just do without until the roads clear up.
Good for you!
There's something very freeing about having done so!
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  #368  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 10:55 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 View Post
My cat is home! He’s been sequestered in the back room

With his own litter box so I can make sure he’s peeing. When I came home today the litter box was full of clumps! So he’s peeing normally. I let him out of the room and he didn’t try to pee on the carpet. I have to buy him special prescription food but whatever. As long as he’s ok.


My new student had a rough morning but he pulled it together. Definitely not as challenging as my last kid! I kinda miss that kid though. Despite all the challenging behavior, I really liked him. I hope he’s doing ok.


My son is staying at my mom’s this weekend. I was hoping to plan something with RS but it’s supposed to be down pouring on Saturday. I wanted to go to the botanical gardens in the city to take in the indoor orchid display. I’ll have to check out exactly when the rain is supposed to be.


I’m just glad my cat is ok.


Glad he’s home and back to normal
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  #369  
Old Jan 22, 2020, 10:58 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
I did something! I drove in bad weather with my new car. It's the lightest car I've ever driven. I wouldn't want to drive in snow any deeper than it was. But still I have a feeling of accomplishment. Mostly I don't drive in bad weather, I just do without until the roads clear up.


Good for you !!! Glad you got out

The few times old man winter slapped us with snow and ice we literally just were stuck at home , there was no way to get out even if we wanted too. lol
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  #370  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 08:34 AM
Anonymous43918
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Eek! I'm so flippin' hyper right now. Have been since I got up. I went for a walk and everything wa sjust so beautiful so that didn't calm me down it just hyped me up even more! Now I'm listening to Broken Social Scene trying to chill out. I think I'm gonna try and see if an Ativan will calm me down because sitting still and being like this is driving me crazy!
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  #371  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 08:54 AM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Have you Pdoc brought up ECT ??
No, they just keep trying different ADs. I'm tempted to ask, but it scares me.
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  #372  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 08:55 AM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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I am so sorry you are struggling like this. I know at times, it feels like it will never stop, never get better. But as others have said, it will get better. Just don't give up. See if you can get some rest. Maybe you'll feel better when you get up.


Sending you prayers and support.
Thanks. It does feel like it is a never-ending thing...
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  #373  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 08:56 AM
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childofchaos831 childofchaos831 is offline
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Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
Sorry you're struggling so much.


I know it's hard to cope with everyday life when the future looks bleak. It sucks. It really does.


In my case, I was unstable for many, many years straight and felt there was no way out of this hell. Then finally, after finding the right med combo, things got a lot better. It took a long time, but I did find stability. Are my meds perfect, though? No, definitely not. Meds don't work 100% of the time. But I am feeling a lot better than I was before. It was a long and arduous journey, but it was worth fighting. I never imagined I would ever feel so good after feeling so sh_tty for years on in.


We do have to remember that with bipolar, or even schizoaffective, it's virtually impossible to feel this way for the rest of our lives. Things will always get better at some point, as cliche as that sounds. That's the nature of the disorder. Of course, I can't guarantee that you won't become unstable again, but there are at least moments where I've truly enjoyed and cherished life. I cling onto those moments of happiness and joy when I'm feeling down, and it has helped me when I reminisce on all the good times I've had because it reminds me that life can be beautiful and isn't always this hell we have to endure from time to time.


Please don't give up fighting. You deserve to get better and enjoy life. Things will eventually get better. You won't always feel like this.
Thank you
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  #374  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 09:23 AM
Anonymous35014
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Headphones can be a good solution for volume control as well.

I would just caution you about guitars and mania. I got manic one week a few years ago and all the sudden, all these really nice guitars started showing up from FedEx. 6 beautiful guitars in three days. My partner was like, what are these? I was like, i'm not sure. I might have bought them online while I was manic. Sort of. She was furious. Really nice guitars, though. She made me sell 4 of them.
Yeah, I have a Vox thing that plugs into the guitar (the Lead guitar version) via headphones, but the weight of my headphones and my headphone cord kept bothering me when I was using it before. I prefer an amp on low volume. At least the Vox thing was only $20 when I bought it a few years back. I think they're like $40 now? I keep it in my case in the event I'm going somewhere for some reason.

The guitar isn't that expensive, fortunately. I think I paid $250 for it? It's an all black Epiphone Les Paul w/o a whammy bar. The only downside of it is that it doesn't stay in tune very well. I have to keep tuning it. But then again, it was a cheap guitar, so that's to be expected. (I'd rather risk damaging a sh_tty guitar than a nice one. Plus, it doesn't matter so much for a beginner.) If I get better at things and stick to it this time (at least 1 yr of everyday practice), then I'll buy a better guitar. But I'm definitely going to try to be careful with mania -- thanks.

I did go overkill with some strings, though. I bought a bunch of regular custom gauge slinkys. At least I used a string already. (Snapped the high E string while trying to tune the crappy guitar!!) And I bought a bajillion accessories.
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  #375  
Old Jan 23, 2020, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
Yeah, I have a Vox thing that plugs into the guitar (the Lead guitar version) via headphones, but the weight of my headphones and my headphone cord kept bothering me when I was using it before. I prefer an amp on low volume. At least the Vox thing was only $20 when I bought it a few years back. I think they're like $40 now? I keep it in my case in the event I'm going somewhere for some reason.

The guitar isn't that expensive, fortunately. I think I paid $250 for it? It's an all black Epiphone Les Paul w/o a whammy bar. The only downside of it is that it doesn't stay in tune very well. I have to keep tuning it. But then again, it was a cheap guitar, so that's to be expected. (I'd rather risk damaging a sh_tty guitar than a nice one. Plus, it doesn't matter so much for a beginner.) If I get better at things and stick to it this time (at least 1 yr of everyday practice), then I'll buy a better guitar. But I'm definitely going to try to be careful with mania -- thanks.

I did go overkill with some strings, though. I bought a bunch of regular custom gauge slinkys. At least I used a string already. (Snapped the high E string while trying to tune the crappy guitar!!) And I bought a bajillion accessories.
There's not a darn thing wrong with an Epiphone. Plenty of big rock stars play them (I think Joe Perry of Aerosmith comes to mind).

Have fun!!
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attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




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My Support Forums

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