Bipolar check-in #42

"Thugs"... lol. I think that's a typo, but a funny typo. Just like when people type Latuda and it gets autocorrected to Latina. "Did you remember to pack your Latina for vacation?" "Omg I lost my Latina at the airport!"


Sorry... I had to. lol.


Anyways, I hope you feel better soon. That virus does not sound pleasant.


I also hope you're able to come to terms with what you need to.

My parents are understandably upset with my sister and her bf. My sister wants to go out to dinner for her graduation (which is fine), but she wants to go to an expensive place. The problem is that neither she NOR her boyfriend eat leftovers. They will eat like half of the meal (if that) and then not eat the rest. They are so ungrateful. (And we are talking like $100 a meal in downtown Boston. That's what she wants. Yes, it is ABSURD and way over the top.)


On top of all that, she wants my grandma to come, but my grandma has a hard time walking and doesn't like to venture far from her place. My sister is not budging and being a little b****. She doesn't automatically "deserve" anything she wants. Everything has to be her way and her way only. I can't wait until she starts her first job and realizes how much she is wasting, not just on food but also on clothes etc that she only wears once. She is going to go broke and I am not helping her. My therapist said not to feel guilty if I don't help her out of debt.

So today I got rear ended while on my lunch break. Very low speed, I didn’t notice any damage on the car who did it and it was a small car like mine, so I didn’t even stop (I only get 30 minutes for lunch). When I got back to work I checked the back of my car. No damage. So whatever. BUT, on my way home, *I*rear ended a school bus!!! Same deal, low speed, no damage. The bus driver came out and said I needed to be more careful (which I did, I should have been paying more attention, I didn’t think he would come to a complete stop at a yield sign) but let me go without calling the cops. Sheesh! Two accidents in one day! At least both of them were low speed and no damage. No police report, no car insurance claim. I will be more careful and I hope others will too.


I woke up out of a nightmare today. In my dream, RS was accusing me of cheating on him and threatening to break up with me. Just like my husband used to do. My husband once made me FaceTime him while I was grocery shopping because he didn’t believe I was where I said I was. And we had been married for like, three years at this point and I had never cheated on him. He was totally paranoid.


The more I think about it (usually in bed at night with RS next to me), the more I realize how much my relationship with my husband was messed up. He loved me, I know, but he was also hot tempered. He was always fighting with me over dumb ****. He was verbally abusive at times, paranoid. He never understood my illness. He always accused me of becoming depressed just to ruin his life and never tried to make me feel better. When I was depressed earlier this year, RS would just simply snuggle with me to help me feel better. That’s all I needed from my husband, but I never got it. When I first told RS I had bipolar, he set about researching everything he could. My husband could never be bothered. And then my husband fell into drugs and ruined MY life, financially and personally, and yet still blamed me. I loved him. A part of me always will. But I love RS more. We’ve only been together for a year and some change, but our relationship is amazing. I’m sure we will run into troubles as time goes on, but I trust RS more to weather the storms. The only reason my husband and I didn’t divorce was because he didn’t believe in it, and I couldn’t walk away. I hope I’ll never have that problem with RS.

I decided to keep my dog as i was having acute anxiety, trouble eating, trouble sleeping. My neighbor said my dog wasn't adjusting well either. She said my dog loves me too much and i can't argue with that. She says she's happy to help out more any way she can so things should go more smoothly. I am happy to have my little friend home and all to myself. I really value privacy, it upset me to be co-ordinating so closely with someone else regarding my dog's care. I'm so glad for long quiet days on our own.


I got out for lunch today and bought a can of my favorite strawberry-rhubarb-parfait tea. It was expensive but worth it. I can still smell it now, hours after having it. Mmm! Yesterday was Scrabble club and it was very stressful, not a relaxing way to spend an evening at all. I'm quite annoyed by some of the unsportsmanlike behavior from some of the novice players and unhappy to have lost one to this teen boy, but he's a rising star as the young men tend to be.


Mood is mildly depressed as is to be expected at this time of year. At least we saw the sun today and January is moving along.


Hugs to all who need them!

Hello all. I got out of the house finally on a cold, rainy night to attend a drum circle with candle light and a gong meditation. Just what the doctor ordered. So refreshing.


I am eating and sleeping again. I dare to hope that the worst of the grief has passed. I’ll still be seeing my therapist once a week until things are fully under control. As Christina said, acceptance comes with time.


Thank you to those that have reached out to me. I apologize for being slow in returning messages.


Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

This is not my week. I was rear-ended Monday and today I went for my annual physical today and I'm pre-diabetic even on Metformin. Obviously this isn't good. I have 6 months to turn it around although I may ask for longer give that I'm got weeks to a couple months to get off this elimination diet.

I guess clozaril (and the APs before it) have caught up to me. Not much I can do; clozaril keeps me as close to stable as I ever could have dreamed of. I'm not ready to give it up yet.

My family tends to get diabetes in their mid-forties. I turned 44 last week. Right on track. Hopefully I can turn it around. But I'm afraid.

I just want to say I stayed home alone for over an hour and nothing bad happened.

Three things about it scare me:

1) Memory loss.

2) Anesthesia, I have a fear of anesthesia in general and the thought of having the procedure done 3-4 times a week at first and having to be put under each time scares me.

3) Stigma. I'm effected by the stigma of "shock treatment" and expecting bad things to happen just because it's so stigmatized.

22 episodes of ER in a row ! BOOM !!!

~Christina you had 22 in a row?
wow!
bizi

I'm absolutely floored with the flu. Started as I lost my voice on Tues when I got up. Been feeling horrendous all week. Symptoms (sore throat when I cough, stupid sore cough which hurts my head and ribs when I cough, sore joints particularly my knees/arms and right ankle, runny/blocked nose, unable to breath properly, wheeze in my chest, sore gums (always get this when physically ill), sore head, sore back, can't really move from the sofa, temperature, shivery and sweaty all rolled into one.

On top of this I still have sever headache coming from my skull. Meds not working.

Feeling sorry for myself sorry guys

Well I know what causes my chronic inability to sleep and it goes back go my childhood.

When we are traumatized especially when it is directly involved with the ability to sleep, well maybe meds can help some , but in reality you have to get to the true trigger ... yours is a pager and pure fear it will always go off. It’s pretty easy to connect the dots for me now.. you need EMDR or trance work, that connection needs cut.. maybe just finding a pager in a thift store and physically destroy it might make a big change.

Trauma therapy is needed

I'm absolutely floored with the flu. Started as I lost my voice on Tues when I got up. Been feeling horrendous all week. Symptoms (sore throat when I cough, stupid sore cough which hurts my head and ribs when I cough, sore joints particularly my knees/arms and right ankle, runny/blocked nose, unable to breath properly, wheeze in my chest, sore gums (always get this when physically ill), sore head, sore back, can't really move from the sofa, temperature, shivery and sweaty all rolled into one.

On top of this I still have sever headache coming from my skull. Meds not working.

Feeling sorry for myself sorry guys

Man, you really, really need some meaningful help, Miss Laura. When do you see that GP again?