Bipolar check-in #42

This sounds like good news, Jester's Rags! As for the morning sluggishness and dazed feeling, that often eases over time. I certainly hope they will for you. From my experience, once such initial nuisances clear, they tend to stay away (or clear more quickly) with any dosage increases.

Well, my pdoc's assistant just got back to me and she said he doesn't want to set up an appt for me, apparently. She also said I am now supposed to take propranolol 2x a day as needed for restlessness, and I am getting an Rx sent for it. But I kinda wanted to talk about all the options available and make an informed decision. So much for that...

Depressed, but I am managing to get out of bed and will go out for a drink later. Since I do not work today, that is making a significant difference. Work is killing me though. I am trying to hold out until beginning of April, which is when I qualify for FMLA. I am looking into short-term disability too though, but I need to talk to my pdoc. Short-term disability would probably be the best choice. I am quite sure she will be on board with signing off on the paperwork as I've been in this position before where she was willing. Next weekend is my birthday, which will be a distraction, although it is somewhat triggering. I look back on these past few years and feeling that I've missed out on things, and I don't really know how to help myself. My mom is sick, who has been my biggest support. She can't get out of bed. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to pull myself together later and have a decent time out, although I feel pretty apathetic, and it's hard to hide how I feel around others. I hope you all have a nice weekend and hugs to all who are in need.

On hold w the billing dept of the hospital where I get ECT. They say it looks like my financial assistance lapsed. Stress!

Hope you get this sorted out soon!!

I don't have any answers, just I'm in the same boat. One of my patient assistance meds lapsed without notifying me and there is a whole bunch of crap that they may use to keep me from renewing it. And at $1000/month there is no way I can get the med and it's my AD and the only one that works.

So you have my empathy and I hope it works out soon.

At $1000/month you've got to have assistance. I'll put a word in with the universe for you.

I just got off another call with the hospital's billing department. They've determined things didn't lapse. My approval just got lost in the shuffle. Now we're just looking at the months where we didn't have insurance. Oh, the convolutions.

I'm doing well. I just received my shot. It has been effective. My judgment is improving. I feel good about myself. I am planning to leave my current situation. I am happy. Thus, I am looking for jobs and focusing on moving my belongings.

Another day. I begin work in about an hour. My schedule ends today, so I need to get my new schedule for the next couple weeks. I hope this will not be a problem. Tomorrow I do not want to use this as my excuse for not showing up. I need this job to financially make it, to pay my bills, to start paying off my outrageously large debt. I have been going through small episodes of depression. I think this is related to the anxiety of continuing to make mistakes on the job. I am slowly getting better. Yesterday, I forgot to take my meds before work began, This time I hace taken them, so it should be a better day for me. I need to practice my piano! My teacher is interested in continuing my lessons.

Please forgive all the posts from me today.
I don't feel depressed, but rather exhausted by this disorder. Is there some explanation for why I'm feeling this way?
At the same time, I got out of bed early to work on my art before anybody else could bother me. More questions. What's driving me?

Well, as this day has progressed, I feel like I have been hit by a Mack truck. Seriously down and blue just out on nowhere. Suddenly, hopeless. No idea why. Nothing happened. Wondering if all this new anit-mania and AP stuff I've recently added is finally taking hold of my brain and crushing my soul a bit today. Hopefully, it is just a blip.

All I want to do is get back into bed. But I am going to try to make myself get on the bike and go ride. 61 degrees here today. Maybe that'll make me feel better.

Still got the blues blahs. Not depressed just blah and missing the sun.

@bpcyclist, 61º is too cold for my blood but I hope you go for a ride. I nearly always feel better after a ride. Maybe the depression is just that today's the last day of January and we haven't taken over the world.

I just ordered the book "Electroboy" for 6 bucks total.

I feel depressed so i tried to cheer myself up by going to the mall. It's cold and dirty out. I took the bus to the mall . . . And turned around and came home. I have no energy. I tell myself that Winter will be over eventually but i don't know if i can stand this. I just want the pain to end.

This is my first Winter on Lamictal and i think we can conclude that it's a resounding failure.

That book sounds super interesting. I'm interested in knowing how it is.

Unfortunately, I have a "backlog" that I'm trying to get through, so I wouldn't read it right this moment... but I've been meaning to read through some BP memoirs, non-fiction, etc..

It's a rather fun read. I hope you don't mind some pretty raunchy racy stuff.

My husband and I met Andy Behrman and have a signed copy of his book. He gave a talk at the local psych hospital. His talk was set up by my area DBSA chapter. He signed it:

For MyName & MyHusband's,

Enjoy the Ride!

Best,

Andy


It's definitely been a ride!

Sorry you're not feeing well.

For what it's worth, I think it was great that you put forth the effort to go to the mall, even if you did just turn around. Getting fresh air is healthy and therapeutic.

I hope you're able to find a med that works for you. I can imagine it's incredibly frustrating when you have seasonal depression (or so it sounds like you do).

Propranolol seems to be working for the restlessness. Now I'm not sure if my restlessness is due to anxiety or akathisia/RLS. I kinda wish I could have tried cogentin. At least if I tried that, I would know for sure if it was akathisia or not (i.e., the rexulti giving me problems) since I can imagine cogentin would not work on anxiety-induced restlessness.

As an aside, I think propranolol's 3-6 hours of half life is way too short. I have a full-time job with meetings always popping up at the last minute, so I can't always take propranolol during the day. I may literally have meetings all day with no break. That's why I have an extended release Ritalin capsule that I take as opposed to taking two Ritalin tablets during work hours.

There is extended release propanolol that you take twice a day. Or at least there was before it was generic.

I'm in the new apartment!!!! I still have stuff to bring over throughout the next week but I got the keys and am here tonight

Not sure what is going on, but still cannot get anything done it seems. I wonder if maybe I am a bit depressed. I feel a little apathetic. I was feeling good last month, but even though I am over the hormone issue for this month, I feel wiped out by it. Like, it derailed all my momentum and efforts yet again. I dunno. I luckily got a call and an appointment with the women's mental health clinic for a few weeks from now (they are quite busy). I just don't like how this is all messing with my work and other projects and I don't know what to do about that or how to explain it, without having to discuss my mental health. I also feel like it would sound a bit like an excuse to say I just don't feel up to doing work. However, I am okay overall. I am getting some Thai curry for dinner (should stop eating out, but need a pick me up with some good food).

That's exciting! You'll be all moved in by February

My anxiety got the better of me and I skipped the meet up. No use beating up on myself. I’ve signed up for 5 in February and will try again.

Wishing everybody a good weekend.

@Jennifer 1967: I replied to you over on the depression forum too. So sorry you did not make it to the meet-up. I considered a knitting circle this week but i just asked myself if i am really in the mood to meet people and socialize and the answer was NO so i did not go. How about you?