[giddykitty]

I feel like I've too many threads already, but this might be another one I can add to, since it seems to happen more than just one time. Anyway, here's today's

(Mature)

Well, I awoke from sleep in the night and got this thought (probably from the movie I watched last night).
I got all paranoid and freaked out that I might have been "taken advantage of" once upon a time. The weird thing is, I never really thought of it like this before...well...I suppose that's not true. So what happened was, it was college and I went to a party, a friend's house and had been drinking...been drinking a lot apparently. The last thing I remember before waking up in my friend's bed was watching that movie (first time seeing it). I was in my friend's bed, a guy, and he was there too. He woke up with me and I asked him to get me some water to collect my thoughts. When he came back I asked what had happened. Apparently, I got so drunk I was sick and throwing up the whole night and he basically took care of me. (I don't remember any of that). But he mentioned something I said that I thought was so funny and I was laughing for a long time about it and I then laughed at myself and I kinda remembered a bit of that. Anyway, at the time I didn't even ask if we had done anything. In fact, he was being so nice and sweet and funny that I didn't even seem to care if I had been "taken advantage" of...
But this morning, I got this feeling of panic. I don't know why. It was so weird! It eventually went away when I remembered how comfortable I felt back then. But was I just stupid and naive?? Why can't I remember anything? How damn much did I drink?! *****!

[bpcyclist]

I certain don't mean to belittle your experience in any way, shape, or form, but if I, myself, tried to recall every experience I had had during my stupidly drunken freshman year, I would probably drive myself crazy.

That said, if this continues to bother you, maybe talking to a therapist might be able to help you sort out what happened--if that continues to be important to you. But try not to beat yourself up. Alcohol causes a lot of problems at every college in American every single year. You are certainly not alone.

[Rick7892]

Drinking too much alcohol can result in blackouts without any memories at all, no matter how hard one tries. Some people in blackouts do scary things they later regret they wouldn't do if sober. They don't regret it because they suddenly remember, they regret it because of what they did that was seen by others.

Some people in blackouts get taken advantage of.

What is too much alcohol differs among people, with some people much more sensitive than others.. It sounds like however much you drank was too much for you.

[~Christina]

Well why don’t you keep THIS thread as your ongoing thread instead of making new ones ? It can help members here of keeping track of your struggles and good things , numerous people do this and it works out well.

As for drinking to the point of blacking out ? that’s just a choice, if this time has scared you enough then you won’t likely put yourself in a position to do that again.

When you mix Bipolar and alcohol unless it a drink every blue moon in my opinion your just asking for trouble and certainly more instability.

I hope things settle down for you soon

[bizi]

yes keep one thread open to post in like a blog....that would be easier for us to keep track of you and the goings on.
bizi

[giddykitty]

Wow! You guys make it sound like most guys would take advantage of a drunk girl! I may be wrong, but that's how I initially took it. For the record, I know what a blackout is. This might have been the only time I actually had experienced one. Unfortunatelyy, in college, I was depressed, stupid and never thought of the fact that getting blackout drunk could have different consequences for women than men. (most of my drinking buddies were guys and one used to actually seem to brag about the blackouts) and I had wanted to experience it...

but if something bad did happen that night...well, I'd rather not think about it. I wanted to think of this guy as a good guy. :/

Anyway, as for keeping one thread @bizi and @~Christina I was thinking of using the other one, the one with my actual dx...but is there a way to change the title? because a journal would then be more thoughts than just about my up feelings. Thanks!

[bizi]

You can copy and paste posts to the other thread, I have done that before. no way to change a title of a thread....mods could though I think. have a good day!
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

The experiences of not recalling bits and pieces of our lives can elicit high anxiety, for sure.

You have written: "Wow! You guys make it sound like most guys would take advantage of a drunk girl!"
I have read through the posts and I do not find anyone stating or implying this. You are the only person questioning the guy's intentions.

Your account paints this young man in a very positive light. I think I would settle with that, if it were me, unless I had different information.

I just want to mention, and I am not implying anything about you: It is possible he, too, was blacked out. There is this idea that if two people are drinking heavily and there is some sexual activity, the male is taking advantage of the female. This may be true in some cases; however, it is not always the truth. I have known many females who often make the first move and/or work to seduce the male. In all fairness to the topic, I'd like to just point out what other posters have pointed out: When we drink to the point of blacking out, we cannot know what, exactly, has transpired. Again, I am not implying anything about you. I am stating this for all of us.

We'd all be wise to at least consider the possible interactions of our meds with alcohol and/or any recreational drug.

I will share this with you: I recall attending a large party one holiday season, probably 30 years ago. I was on an AP med. I am not a drinker anyway. I have maybe two drinks a year. My BIL went to the bar and brought back a drink, insisting I at least sip on it. Everyone around me was hounding me to drink, as they knew I do not care to drink. I did sip a little, it really did not taste good to me at all. The next thing I know, it is the next morning. I wake up in my own bed and was shocked because I have no idea as to what had happened! I was with family and they made sure I made it home safely, thankfully. They had no idea I had blacked out. None. How does anyone else tell when someone is blacked out? It is easy to tell if someone is passed out, but "blacked out?" I do not think so.

In your case:
I am sorry for any anxiety you are experiencing and I hope you can work your way through this.
I wonder why this memory has come up now? You mention having watched a movie. Can you pinpoint something in the movie which may have reminded you of this life experience? Please do not feel like you have to share that info here. Just something for you to possibly consider?

If you memories are positive, you were feeling comfortable, etc,, then great!
If you are wondering if there is more to the story, just remain open-minded and see what, if anything else, surfaces. I agree with bpcyclist, if this continues to bother you, please do work through this with you therapist?

You seem angry/upset toward the end of your original post? Are you angry with yourself?

As Christina has mentioned, many of the BP meds do not mix well with alcohol. I am guessing someone might very well blackout sooner if taking an AP and alcohol together.. It was certainly true for me in the example I have shared.

I want to thank you for the reminder to all of us to take good care of ourselves by making wise decisions in every setting. In some cases, we might decide to not get into certain types of environments, situations. We are each responsible for our choices/decisions.

Again, giddykitty, I do hope you will resolve any/all you need to resolve in perfect timing. I do know what it is like to blackout; it made such an impression upon me, I still recall that experience as though it has just happened. It's unnerving to say the least. Please do pursue this experience with your therapist, especially if this continues to bother you. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

Much Love

[giddykitty]

@Wild Coyote thanks for all of that. i don't have time rn to fully respond to all of it, but the end question about whether i am angry at myself stood out to me. I guess i just pride myself on my memory and even though I admitted later in this thread that I did want to experience a blackout at some point, i don't know if I actually wanted to this night. I dunno. I suppose if i were to though, i trusted myself with this group. but yes, was I naive? i now question whether every guy wants to take advantage of a drunk girl, but thanks for pointing out what you did.
Last thing, no I wasn't on any meds back then, so nothing to interfere with the alcohol. Sorry about your experience. but thank you for sharing. you're right, we do need to take care of ourselves. And I actually don't drink or party anymore.

[Wild Coyote]

I do remember being young and not knowing enough about myself and about certain types of environments to make informed decisions. I was very lucky. With experience, we have a better shot at keeping ourselves safe. Please don't be hard on yourself should you decide you were naive. We were all naive at some point in our lives. I know I am still naïve in certain areas of life.

Celebrate yourself for who you are today!

[giddykitty]

Thanks @Wild Coyote Yeah, I believe I was very lucky too! But all those experiences have taught me lessons...well, mostly. I guess not things that I repeat though. :P Anyway, yeah I'll try to celebrate me today.

Oh, ok, the other thing I wanted to address from your first post was about the trigger. It was just watching the movie in general because I first watched that movie the night of this incident. Needless to say, I didn't recall a whole lot of the movie that first watch, but yea.

----
Also, to everyone. I had my other threads title changed and I'll post my journal stuff there from now on. I guess I just actually thought it was easier to organize my thoughts with multiple theads...so here's my plan. I'll post in that thread till x number of posts or pages, then I'll have it closed and make a part 2, then 3, then 4, and so on. This will help me to be able to share some things with my doctors. Or Maybe I'll do this. Make a new thread every doctor visit (not therapist of course). And I'll repost my history as the first entry of every thread as a reminder (or an abridged and up-to-date summary). Sound good?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Thanks @Wild Coyote Yeah, I believe I was very lucky too! But all those experiences have taught me lessons...well, mostly. I guess not things that I repeat though. :P Anyway, yeah I'll try to celebrate me today.

Oh, ok, the other thing I wanted to address from your first post was about the trigger. It was just watching the movie in general because I first watched that movie the night of this incident. Needless to say, I didn't recall a whole lot of the movie that first watch, but yea.

----
Also, to everyone. I had my other threads title changed and I'll post my journal stuff there from now on. I guess I just actually thought it was easier to organize my thoughts with multiple theads...so here's my plan. I'll post in that thread till x number of posts or pages, then I'll have it closed and make a part 2, then 3, then 4, and so on. This will help me to be able to share some things with my doctors. Or Maybe I'll do this. Make a new thread every doctor visit (not therapist of course). And I'll repost my history as the first entry of every thread as a reminder (or an abridged and up-to-date summary). Sound good?

I think it might be easiest for you and for people following you to just do a sequential thread. Include the appointments, if you wish to do so, etc. Have you seen Bizi's thread? Her thread is a great example. It is easy for her to write, without making new threads and reposting the same material. It is also easier to follow. Just my two cents!

[giddykitty]

Thanks @Wild Coyote I'll consider it. But I did make it as #1 so it's there if I decide to do it that way. Maybe after like a 6 months period or maybe even a year. Again, I just think it's easier for me to find specific posts if I can search through a specified dated thread rather than searching through a whole long thread. Just my thinking. But ill think about it.