Bipolar check-in #43

I found a lot of bottle return slips! Here in michigan you pay ten cents for every bottle or can of soda or beer. You return them to a store that sells the brand it is and they give you a slip with a bar code on it. Today i found a big pile of them! I took them to the store and they scanned each one and it came to $25!

I’m not in the best mood. I feel like crying because I feel so crappy physically. I’m sick , have a really severe cold. The coughing and sore throat is super super painful, the congestion is frustrating. My voice doesn’t even sound like me. And of course due to all this I’m not sleeping well. I went to the doctor yesterday and they prescribed some stuff to ease the symptoms but basically other than that I just have to wait for this to work it’s way out of my system. Also have PMS right at this moment and stress on top of that running between apartments working on stuff since the move. And I have to get 2 teeth pulled Tuesday. It just feels like so much stuff going on all at once and I just feel horrible. Sorry to complain.. I just needed to let that out because I’m so frustrated.

Hubby has overwhelmed me with flowers again. He already bought me forsythia yesterday, and now two bouquets arrived from Whole Foods (tulips and roses). I'm serious when I say I'm overwhelmed. I haven't even had a chance to arrange the forsythia. I love him, and I love flowers, but I wish he'd just give me one bunch. He's done this many times before. Once I mentioned I wanted to replace a dusty dried flower arrangement, and he bought me so many dried flowers that it became six arrangements. I almost cried at how much work it was going to be. I put it off for a long time, but when I finally did them, it took two hours and then I was sore for two days afterwards.

I've resigned myself that I have a migraine. I've been reading in bed. My whole right side of my face hurts- sinuses, cheek bone, eye socket.

I am here. I had a six hour workday today. I just barely got through with it. Tomorrow is eight hours. I do nit know how I am going to do it. At least I have an hour lunch break. Every two hours, I have a 15 minute break, except for lunch. I am really tired right now. I am going to go to bed early.

Hi all. I’m feeling pretty good again today. I’m a bit irritable but I’m not sure if it’s a side effect from the risperdal or just my wonderful personality

I saw my therapist yesterday and she helped me a lot with tips, techniques and perspective on things currently going on. I’m feeling great and very zen which is right where I want to be.


Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I’m not in the best mood. I feel like crying because I feel so crappy physically. I’m sick , have a really severe cold. The coughing and sore throat is super super painful, the congestion is frustrating. My voice doesn’t even sound like me. And of course due to all this I’m not sleeping well. I went to the doctor yesterday and they prescribed some stuff to ease the symptoms but basically other than that I just have to wait for this to work it’s way out of my system. Also have PMS right at this moment and stress on top of that running between apartments working on stuff since the move. And I have to get 2 teeth pulled Tuesday. It just feels like so much stuff going on all at once and I just feel horrible. Sorry to complain.. I just needed to let that out because I’m so frustrated.

Well it’s been in the mid 60’s and raining for week and a half at least then last night wicked storms blew through. There was another tornado in town there was one last week !! No deaths thank god ! A dairy farm was totally destroyed and many homes, cars and of course trees down.. I think the power has been mostly restored.

Once again my husband and I got lucky

So mid 60’s, will be 20 and feels like of 10 by morning .. so Ouch my body isn’t happy.

Tomorrow my Husband gets his MRI’s and angiogram.. this is very stressful.

Hug friends

Well it’s been in the mid 60’s and raining for week and a half at least then last night wicked storms blew through. There was another tornado in town there was one last week !! No deaths thank god ! A dairy farm was totally destroyed and many homes, cars and of course trees down.. I think the power has been mostly restored.

Once again my husband and I got lucky

So mid 60’s, will be 20 and feels like of 10 by morning .. so Ouch my body isn’t happy.

Tomorrow my Husband gets his MRI’s and angiogram.. this is very stressful.

Hug friends

One interpretation for dreams is that strangers represent elements of your subconscious and people you know represent elements you are consciously aware of.

It perhaps feels a bit less awful to think of it in this way. It could have been a representation that you have some heavy feelings or repressed memories that you're trying to avoid or destroy.

The dreams with the people you knew could have been the same except they would represent feelings or beliefs you were consciously trying to destroy.

Just one way of looking at it. I hope the journaling helps. I've been working more with my subconscious lately and I've been keeping track of my dreams. It is always an adventure.

HI to all, and hugs to those who need one. This week I have almost finished all my organising/errands that I wanted to get done before university begins in 10 days. The only things left are potting some plants and cleaning my flat. I have to go slow to avoid making the Fibromyalgia worse. Thankfully, this week it has slowly improved. I have been going for gentle swims in the ocean regularly. I do crash a little after, but my recovery time is improving. My hip injury from a year ago is still giving me grief. Just when I think it's over something triggers it and it flares up again. These physical limitations frustrate me endlessly, and sometimes lead me into despair.

Today I am feeling good mentally. The anxiety that was plaguing me has finally eased so I can now begin tapering down my clonazepam dose. The weather has been hot this week so my tiny little flat without air-conditioning is beginning to warm up. Even the nights are hot so I can't even open the windows then to cool the place down. At least I have fans to keep me cool enough. On Wednesday I saw my T and we had a great chat. The session went 20 minutes over. I hadn't realised the time and my T seemed to be enjoying the discussion. We were talking about my diagnosis, my physical illnesses, and how I think I will go adding 20 hours a week of study to my load. He initially thought I was getting hypomanic as I was talking faster, and changing topics, but I explained I was just happy to be feeling a little better and saw no other symptoms (outside some insomnia) that would indicate hypomania. My mind is running at a normal pace. I think the previous month I have been so fatigued I spoke slowly, and sparingly with my T so now I feel a bit better I am back to normal speech patterns. He ended up agreeing that I am still stable.

Due to being so exhausted this last month(Fibromyalgia) I have not been out much, or caught up with people. I am getting lonely so I have tried to set up catch up with a few people but they say they want to then don't get back to me. Life gets in the way I guess. This weekend I am going to finally catch up with my partner who I haven't seen in 10 days due to him and I being unwell. Fibromyalgia steals so much from me. This massive flare-up seemed to be caused by the severe PTSD I had last year. All that adrenaline and stress finally made me physically ill again. Now I have little stress in my life, eat well, meditate, and do other things to keep me calm and get me strong, I have hope that my body will recover. At least to a degree where I can look for casual work and do well in my studies. The mental fight against despair is constant but I refuse to give in. It has been a long battle to get stable mentally. I am tired from it, but I WON! Now I just need the physical to follow suit and I will be the happiest I have ever been while stable.

Thanks for always being so supportive. I'm just waiting to see what's going to have with my mouth. I'm strongly considering getting back into therapy. I haven't done it in about 7 or 8 years. I think at this point I'm frustrated enough that it may be beneficial to me. I kind of feel like I'm going to explode from bottling everything up from living with bipolar for 20 years and mostly keeping my experiences and emotions to myself. If that makes sense. But the people in my life probably wouldn't get it, nor want to hear about it. So I'm thinking it'd be a good outlet for me. Of course I know I can always vent here. I know at lot of you here would totally get a lot of it!

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

Sorry you are being piled on with all this stuff at once, Blue_Bird. I hope you get some rest tonight.

Oh damn

Wow you are just getting hit from all sides ! I hope the cold clears quickly and you can get the dental over with.