Bipolar check-in #43

I've decided that I am not taking my antipsychotic anymore until I can talk to my pdoc face to face. I can't take this akathisia anymore.

I didn't take my rexulti last night and it looks like I won’t be taking any AP until my pdoc appt on feb 28th (assuming we can even come to an agreement). I am not going to continue playing phone tag with an imbecilic "assistant" who can't even spell propranolol correctly when it's written in my file right in front of her face. That's just plain stupid and inexcusable. Sorry.

Well, at least I have a journal now and I will be journaling myself off this med. We'll see if it's hurting more than it's helping.

So far, the akathisia is a little less if I'm honest. I want to see how things go when I have been off it for 2 weeks. Though, considering my pdoc said that abilify stays in your system for months and rexulti is very chemically/structurally similar, I bet I won't see full benefit until the drug is completely out of my system.

Hopefully my work won't be impacted too much, but I can't take this anymore.

Sorry to hear about the storms. Tornadoes are always so frightening. I know we never get any beyond an EF3 up here, though, so we definitely don't get it as bad as you do.


I have an online friend who lives in TN and was telling me about how radars and radios work for this stuff. (Or how there are radar dead zones.) Her house almost got hit because she lives in a dead zone and a tornado cropped up between scans as well.


Continue to stay safe

Thanks so much

Steve is getting his scans right now

We have an appt Wednesday.

Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign.

But still a worry...

How are you feeling ?

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm sending virtual boxes of chocolates and/or flowers to all. Which ever you prefer.

We have an appt Wednesday.

Since he had the scans and nothing major showed up and we could leave that is a good sign.

But still a worry...

How are you feeling ?

I'm so glad that the scan was clear enough to let you leave. That's a good sign for sure. I'm sure Wednesday can't come soon enough.


I'm ok. I've learned to like brown rice pasta. Barilla plus is still better but I can't have it yet. The texture is still weird but not as bothersome as the first time I tried it. I have made it through the egg challenge if I don't get sick tonight. Although if I do get sick it wouldn't rule them out as I ate some at the hospital when I took my mom for her colonoscopy this morning and I suppose they could have had milk in them. Tomorrow I should get to add something else in.


I'm estimating 5 more weeks. I can do that.

Doing okay! I had a good therapy appointment this week. I went in there and said I wanted to talk about something different (usually I end up rambling about OCD symptoms and such) and she seemed pleased. We discussed my unhealthy habit of internalizing my emotions, and issues with shame, trust and intimacy. Hopefully something I can continue to work on. I realized I developed these habits when I was a child and it's strange to realize the unhealthy patterns I've been walking around with. I guess I sort of knew, but it's different to talk about and get perspective on. I think I got them from my parents, who got them from theirs most likely. Fingers crossed therapy can actually help with these issues.


I will probably be up most of the night with this project that I've procrastinated on. Then getting up early to go plant the spring garden. Sending compassion!

I recall you've had a relatively stressful job as a manager. Now I am wondering if your role is, in fact, management. Please forgive me if I have it wrong. It's been awhile!


I think it makes total sense to try a therapist.


How is your son?


Great to be hearing from you!

I decided to take half a tablet of rexulti last night, rather than go cold turkey off the med. You guys were right that it's not a good idea to go cold turkey off these things, so I'm going to be careful now. The only downside is that the akathisia is worse today than yesterday.

Other than that, I am feeling alright. Got crappy sleep, though... again.

I will be volunteering today and tomorrow in the city, so wish me luck. I am going to be busy as hell, and I already regret signing up. It has nothing to do with the volunteering aspect, though. It has everything to do with the logistics of things (driving there, parking, lunch, dinner, etc etc). I find that stressful. But I am not going to back out. I just won't make this months long commitment again.

It is really very cool.of you to volunteer Blue. I hope it goes better than expected for you.

I'm sorry the restlessness got even worse. I'm not familiar with how the progression of those symptoms goes once you begin weaning. Are you on more than just the Rexulti? Isnit possible a different med is to blame for these issues?

Doing okay! I had a good therapy appointment this week. I went in there and said I wanted to talk about something different (usually I end up rambling about OCD symptoms and such) and she seemed pleased. We discussed my unhealthy habit of internalizing my emotions, and issues with shame, trust and intimacy. Hopefully something I can continue to work on. I realized I developed these habits when I was a child and it's strange to realize the unhealthy patterns I've been walking around with. I guess I sort of knew, but it's different to talk about and get perspective on. I think I got them from my parents, who got them from theirs most likely. Fingers crossed therapy can actually help with these issues.

I will probably be up most of the night with this project that I've procrastinated on. Then getting up early to go plant the spring garden. Sending compassion!

Yeah. I am on Zoloft, Lamictal, Rexulti, and Ritalin for my daily psych med cocktail. Then I have Propranolol and Klonopin PRN (although I have been taking propranolol twice daily and I have yet to get my klonopin Rx renewed).

It's possible that Zoloft is doing this because I know that Zoloft carries the same akathisia risk (albeit a bit lower amount), but the akathisia was definitely lessened when I skipped the rexulti for one day. I assume I had some "residual akathisia" because I still have rexulti in my system.

If I had it my way, I wouldn't be on any antipsychotic because I think they carry too many side effect risks, but I know I will get a resurgence of psychotic symptoms if I don't take one. Still, I think I need a different med because I really hate having to take an extra med simply because another one gives me side effects. It's rather annoying and frustrating, especially when the extra med doesn't work.

Did get a fair amount of writing done on the book yesterday. Felt good about that. Lots of memories of my time in the hospital. Quite an amazing experience. If you've never done it before, everyone with a mental illness should spend just one day on a maximum security forensic ward, just to see what it is like. I was there for 45 days. I never learned how to fight, so I was quite scared. But I survived. Noone stabbed me. Noone stomped on my head. Yeah!!!

Going to try to get out on the bike today. Raining and I am quite sluggish, but maybe I will get some energy once I get out there.

Love and hugs to all!!!

I'm doing good mood wise. English is getting difficult to understand. H and I have resorted to typing to each other. Usually I can understand typing better if I'm having difficulty. I have my headphones on too. They'll suppose to leave me alone for the day tomorrow again but IDK. we'll see if they go tomorrow. I'm hoping they don't