Bipolar check-in #43

bpcyclist · Feb 10, 2020, 03:16 PM

Got about 6 hours of segmented sleep, which is pretty good. Feeling decent mood-wise and have some energy, so all in all, things are okay.

Going to meet a friend from the hospital for coffee. That should be good. He is a neat guy with schizophrenia who is stopping all his meds. I don't think it is a very good idea. But we shall see. We have this totally insane law in Oregn where, if you prove you can do well off your meds, you can get out from under state supervision. All this does, for the most part, is encourage a ton of people who have no business, in my opinion, stopping their medication to do that very thing. It usually does not go well. Hope it does for my pal.

giddykitty · Feb 10, 2020, 03:21 PM

So I was up right before 9 this morning (went to bed at 2). I wanted to sleep another hour or 2, but I was too hungry. I take thyroid medication and probiotics on an empty stomach, so I had those and spent some time online for an hour before eating (this is my daily routine actually). I ate, then puttered around the internet again until my food settled enough. Slept from like 11:47-1:47 waking up once in between. so...that's like 9hours, right? It wouldn't be so bad, except for the timing of it. (should be sleeping by midnight and waking up at 9). Anyway, I'm up now and going to have my coffee. I feel so unmotivated to do anything right now, but maybe that coffee will help. I dunno. But I'm just so blah! I have a whole list of things to do, including writing a list of things to tell my doctor at my next appointment (in like 2 weeks), and I just don't want to/feel up to doing them (especially the list). Sigh!

Feb 10, 2020, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry that you are struggling, Spikes. Does the pdoc know what is going on with this right now? Maybe you should let them know about the SI stuff, just so they know?

Sending you strength and support. You can get through this. Don't give up!!!!

Thanks bpcyclist,
I just saw my pdoc the other day and she knows I'm struggling (she upped my risperdal). She doesn't know about the SI stuff, but my therapist does.
Take care

Wild Coyote · Feb 10, 2020, 04:06 PM

Oh, wow, what a day.

I hadn't been sleeping for quite awhile, so pdoc increased Seroquel from 12,5 to 50mg over this past weekend.

I did sleep the first night (Sat.) and felt a little hung over.
I slept the 2nd night, last night, and I cannot get up and stay up. I am in a fog and just need to sleep. (It's 4pm.)

It's a very high pain day.

I do not feel like I can take my prn pain meds because I am so wiped out on Seroquel.

I can usually tolerate quite a bit more Seroquel, so some of this is possibly mood related.

I have appointments tomorrow and need to get straightened out before then.
I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

I think I am holding the Seroquel tonight.

Love to all!

Feb 10, 2020, 04:38 PM

It's been a long day, but I am finally home and I can relax. It takes a lot out of me to have to go outside of my routine, but sometimes it's just necessary. Just trying to get through the day I guess.

Feb 10, 2020, 04:38 PM

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

Nammu · Feb 10, 2020, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

Wish your pdoc wasn't on vacation so you could ask about cogentin.

Wild Coyote · Feb 10, 2020, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

Does your pdoc have another pdoc cover for him when away?

Any chance your PC doc might help out?

I'm with Nammu and hope someone will prescribe Cogentin asap.

It's my understanding that diphenhydramine can help with some EPSE. I have not thought about this option in ages, so please do check it out with a pharmacist before attempting this one.

My heart goes out to you!

bpcyclist · Feb 10, 2020, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

Who is covering for your psychiatrist? Someone has to be. You should absolutely not be forced to deal with two more weeks of akathesia!!!! Please advocate for yourself and get in touch with the covering MD.

I hope this gets resolved soon!!!!

giddykitty · Feb 10, 2020, 06:18 PM

Well, had my coffee and was super productive again today! I looked back at the last time I was like this and it was also a Tuesday (last week). Kinda making a tradition out of this?? lol

Feb 10, 2020, 06:18 PM

I am hurt that no one here commented on my asking my Scrabble mate to get together to play some games. Everyone says that it's healthy to have friends and a good support system and here i took a leap towards one and no one commented. I haven't asked anyone to get together with me since that dreadful fiasco in November about the hockey game. It seems that everyone here is down my throat when i do unhealthy things but when i do a pro-health thing no one comments. What do you want of me?

giddykitty · Feb 10, 2020, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I am hurt that no one here commented on my asking my Scrabble mate to get together to play some games. Everyone says that it's healthy to have friends and a good support system and here i took a leap towards one and no one commented. I haven't asked anyone to get together with me since that dreadful fiasco in November about the hockey game. It seems that everyone here is down my throat when i do unhealthy things but when i do a pro-health thing no one comments. What do you want of me?

Awe! Sorry! I've only been back for a few months and I haven't seen too many of your posts in my time here, so I didn't know. For the record though, I never went down your throat (i think. and that doesn't sound right. lol please overlook the possible weirdness. Maybe it's just me. Sorry) *hugs

Feb 10, 2020, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I am hurt that no one here commented on my asking my Scrabble mate to get together to play some games. Everyone says that it's healthy to have friends and a good support system and here i took a leap towards one and no one commented. I haven't asked anyone to get together with me since that dreadful fiasco in November about the hockey game. It seems that everyone here is down my throat when i do unhealthy things but when i do a pro-health thing no one comments. What do you want of me?

I'm sorry, whatever2013! Believe me that my not responding was definitely not deliberate. Sometimes I have to push myself to respond to people, and can only manage one, or two, or three, most days. I try to mix up who I respond to, but fall short in some cases.

You are absolutely right that asking your Scrabble mate to get together is a huge step! Honestly, I wish I was so brave. I have tried to get out of the house on various occasions, and wanted to start new friendships, but it is tough! I talked about this very topic with my therapist recently.

I think many of us struggle making new friendships. Gosh, there are many reasons why (bipolar disorder, past disappointments/rejections, self-consciousness, other, and even age). My therapist said that a large number of people my age and older (not just those with mental health issues) struggle to make new friends. But deep down, I think most all of us want them. I wish that I was your Scrabble mate.

yellow_fleurs · Feb 10, 2020, 06:37 PM

Whatever2013, I am sorry you felt hurt/ignored by people here. That really is great that you asked your Scrabble mate to get together. I am always happy to see when people are doing well. I honestly have a hard time keeping up with all the posts here since it's so active, plus how much I respond vs just read and catch up on everyone's status depends on the given day and how I am doing mentally, etc. Anyways, all that to say I promise I was not just ignoring that you took this step. I hope you have a great time playing Scrabble together!

yellow_fleurs · Feb 10, 2020, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I need help for this restlessness. Propranolol isn't doing anything. And on top of that, I have NOT been able to concentrate on my work. I feel awful about it. I might just ask for a sooner therapy appt to discuss what to do about it since I guess my pdoc is out of the office for two weeks now!! I doubt I'll get in for therapy sooner than my next appt, though, because my therapist is ALWAYS booked up. I guess it can't hurt to leave a voicemail...?

I am so sorry! Restlessness like that is so uncomfortable to deal with. Sometimes when that happens to me I wish I could have a treadmill desk or something, because sitting down is an awful feeling. As was already mentioned, maybe you can try to see if there is someone on call? There really ought to be someone you can reach while your pdoc is away. I hope you get this figured out ASAP.

Feb 10, 2020, 06:46 PM

I'll try to be brief, for a change. I visited my father today. I thought about doing it today, but was almost skipping out until he called, asking me to come. So I went. I actually had the best visit with him that I've had in a very long time. He was attentive and seemed not only better than recently, but better than I can even remember. He spoke frankly about his fears and concerns. We had a real serious conversation, but also reminisced about pleasant times, too. I wasn't nervous during the visit, and when I departed, he seemed so happy that I came. I sent my sister an email about today. I didn't mention to her that I told my father how wonderful, brave, and strong she (my sister) has been this past year. Honestly, I don't know how my family would have managed without the leading role my sister has taken.

On a lighter note, I've developed a silly habit of pressing my finger against an area above (to the left of) my chin. I do this so much, without realizing, that a red irritation has developed. I put some cream on it, but I have to stop the habit. I guess it's a pretty piddly issue, comparatively. I used to grind my teeth all of the time, so badly that I eventually needed two root canals, and my front teeth are much shorter than in my youth. The teeth grinding has stopped...at least for now. There's always something!

Tucson · Feb 10, 2020, 07:23 PM

Hello all!

Am I being reasonable to rationalize a purchase of a case for an antique that is worth at least $6500? It already has a nick on it. The case costs about $250. I do not want to go on another spending spree. No way. Otherwise, I am doing fine. I go into work tomorrow, late in the morning, My schedule is great! I work 20 hours a week, and have Wednesday and the weekend off. I do not know what is wrong with me, No matter the job, good or bad, I always dread going into work. I need to change this behavior of mine. It is an automatic behavior that I have been conditioned for all of my life. I think my morning depression is the cause of this feeling,

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

It was wonderful. I've really not been out much in the last 5 weeks so a whole day out was so much fun and such a nice change.

I've not found anything yet but I've not been into the high risk foods yet. I've kind of stalled a bit with fruits and vegetables because my body was a little startled to have fiber again. So I'm just going slow and listening to my body as far as that goes. I think I'm going to add in egg tomorrow and after that I'm left with higher risk foods. I'm just going to keep pacing myself and if 3 days isn't enough then I'll wait more than 3 days. I don't want to say I have a problem just because I got sick once on a food I've not had in 6 weeks or longer (some much longer). I don't think I'll hit an allergen until milk or peanut butter. I' am pretty sure about those two and I think I've had every other major group and been ok. I guess we'll see.

At this point it is no longer self control and is more like habit. It's also weird how things have changed. Before I went on this diet I was snacking on rice krispie treats every day. Yesterday I had one and it was gross. I'm not used to sweeteners. Givern my pre-diabetes this is for the best but it was amazing how yucky that felt.

Oh, and ~Christina you asked about alternative pastas. I tried brown rice pasta and did not like it. It wasa weird texture and just didn't taste good. I've lots of other kinds to try though. I'll let you know.

Yes I am sure it’s gotten easier as you have added some tasty things. Still it’s will power. Yeah I’m hearing the same about wheat pasta being very “ off” I’ll probably buy one box and see. I’m ok with the Brown rice , but I only having it when I’m making lots of veggies so it’s more that a stir fry 75% veggies 25% rice. My daughter totally eliminated milk and she felt so much better. I buy almond milk for cereal , I just like it better.

I am so glad you got out !

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had a lovely time with my daughter yesterday. The parting is just so darn hard for me. My heart literally aches each time. I’m going to work on that with my therapist Thursday.

I’m about to run errands including grocery shopping and it’s raining cats and dogs. Uuuggghhh. Forecast for the next four days. We’ll see some flooding for sure.

Still doing well.

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I’m glad you get time with M.

I know how hard it is when it’s time to head home without her.

My daughter did 2 years of college here in Tennessee and she would come home every few weeks of id go visit here. Well then she moved to Florida and it was the best choice for her.. her and her father released a CD so they were touring all over.

I see her when we go to Florida but we use to go 4-5 times a year but now we struggle to go twice a year. We are in the kids town 3/7 days , just depends what we can swing and she has a life so some days we just can’t see each other which sucks

She’s 29 this year and I have really had to remind myself she’s a grown woman and has a life. When I lived in Florida we did see each other every couple weeks at first but that slacked off to once maybe twice a month when she got off work for dinner.

It’s sucks truly sucks ... I still cry about it when we go down ... but it has become a bit better, easier in a small way. I just remind myself that I raised a loving kind human being and she’s doing great despite having Bipolar act up off and on.

This rain ??? Good grief it’s just not letting up us it ???? I have to go out tomorrow I might need a canoe LOL

I’m glad your staying active getting out of the house

fern46 · Feb 10, 2020, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes I am sure it’s gotten easier as you have added some tasty things. Still it’s will power. Yeah I’m hearing the same about wheat pasta being very “ off” I’ll probably buy one box and see. I’m ok with the Brown rice , but I only having it when I’m making lots of veggies so it’s more that a stir fry 75% veggies 25% rice. My daughter totally eliminated milk and she felt so much better. I buy almond milk for cereal , I just like it better.

I am so glad you got out !

Barilla makes a couple of alternative pastas. I've tried the red lentil kind. My kids ate it and liked it. They just thought it was cool because it was red. My husband was fine with it too. They also make one made of chickpeas.

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Thanks, Christina -- it was near the end of the previous check-in thread. Ran for a bus and ran into a pole (well, a box that sticks out from the pole) with my face. Yanno, as one does.

Fell, broke glasses (was able to get fixed!), abraded and big old goose egg. The lot. It's swollen on that side from halfway down my forehead to mid cheekbone. It's gone kaleidoscope colors today.

Being so accident-prone, I've started to wonder about my depth perception. Tried a couple online tests last night, and there does seem to be a problem. I'll have to find out more at an eye test or something, but I had one less than a year ago, so it'll probably be awhile. I do recall being perplexed by a test about it when I was a kid.

@WC -- thanks. The one and only option is to carry on. As well you know! (I am amazed at YOUR perseverance!)

Well holy hell woman !!!! I’m so sorry this happened

I am so glad that you didn’t injure your eye your glasses certainly help, glad they could be fixed. Gah those are so expensive.

I bet your a stunning beauty with such a colorful eye , Blacks , blue, green and yellow are this in colors this season hehehe

You and I have been “ just carry on for years now

Warriors we are !!!

Yes get checked about depth perception issue. Might just be an aging thing. I honestly have a lot of trouble driving at night when it had never been an issue. If it’s well lighted streets in town I’m fine it all the secondary and practical Wagon roads to get home that have no real marking that are a huge problem now. So I try very hard to do things during the day. It’s hell getting old

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I'm trying to stay present but it's really hard with this depression hanging over me.

I went for a walk today and all I could think about was the past when my kids were young and life was different. I really miss that time and often go back to it when I'm feeling low. I miss the way things used to be so much, I miss my older son who is working far away, I miss his life used to be.

I try to look forward or at least be in the moment but these feelings of missing the past are overwhelming.

When I'm back at work I think of something else but my thoughts always eventually return to how I miss things the way they used to be.

This depression is such a pain!

I’m sorry depression is just not lifting for you yet

I also get so sad and miss my daughter when she was young and our adventures. I see her twice a year at most the last 3 years. Sucks.

Have you given the recent Med a long enough time ?? Maybe time for another new one to try ??

Hugs ~

Moose72 · Feb 10, 2020, 09:11 PM

I got the copy of "Electro Boy" today. Started reading at N3's lesson. Read some more when we got home. The books I got my mom for her birthday are due to arrive tomorrow by 8 pm.

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

I gave up on trying to read my book and returned it to the library today. I just don't have that ability to focus/attention span when stable let alone during an episode. I took another Ativan this morning, but it's wearing off and I'm getting super agitated again. Trying to calm down by listening to music and drinking herbal tea. I'm trying to not let the fact that I can't even read a ****ing book on my favorite subject upset me, but that's not going well. The risperdal/ativan combo doesn't even help me sleep that much. It's better than nothing though.

Possible trigger:

the urge to self harm is very intense, and I'm starting to have fleeting suicidal thoughts

I'm thinking about going back to group today since I have nothing else to do, but I doubt anyone there will be of much help.

Yes please go back to group. I’m sorry your not able to read. That happens to me and it’s so distressing.

Maybe a Med change or tweak needed?

Hugs ~

~Christina · Feb 10, 2020, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Got about 6 hours of segmented sleep, which is pretty good. Feeling decent mood-wise and have some energy, so all in all, things are okay.

Going to meet a friend from the hospital for coffee. That should be good. He is a neat guy with schizophrenia who is stopping all his meds. I don't think it is a very good idea. But we shall see. We have this totally insane law in Oregn where, if you prove you can do well off your meds, you can get out from under state supervision. All this does, for the most part, is encourage a ton of people who have no business, in my opinion, stopping their medication to do that very thing. It usually does not go well. Hope it does for my pal.

Why would a person be under state supervision to take meds ?!!

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Bipolar check-in #43

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