Bipolar check-in #43

Black eye still a hideous mess, and will be for some time. Co-workers recommended arnica, so I picked some up last night.

That's about it. Mood-wise alright I guess. More upset with myself than anything. Being such a klutz and all.

Much

My sister begged me to visit her at her new apartment yesterday with my parents and her boyfriend. What a nightmare! I don't know why I even went. It was awful in so many ways. For example, my dad partly came down to help her out with setting up curtains and her headboard for her bed. My dad had been working from like 2:30pm until 6pm setting everything up because the headboard's holes didn't align with the bed frame's holes, and the curtains were being a pain. Well, at 6pm, my dad said he was tired and couldn't finish the curtains, so he offered to come by the next day. My sister then screamed at him: "WHY DID YOU EVEN COME? YOU WERE GOING TO DO ALL OF THIS FOR ME AND NOW YOU DIDN'T DO IT. YOU DON'T LOVE ME, DO YOU?"


The thing is... it took my dad over an hour to drive there and back, and he had already spent part of his day buying supplies to even set that stuff up in her apartment. (Electric screwdriver, curtain rods, etc..) So all in all, he was out from like 8am until 6pm and was exhausted. But no, she could not be thankful. She just screamed at him, and IN FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND.


I don't know why she is so abusive and manipulative!! Awful human being!! She treats people like trash when they don't do everything she wants. Plus, she didn't even BUY anything. Didn't buy the electric screwdriver, didn't buy the curtain rods, didn't buy the curtains, didn't buy the headboard, etc. etc..


Anyway, it was awkward for me to stand there and watch her yell at him. I was helping my dad out with stuff, and I told my sister to calm down, but she was like, "NO!!!!! HE TOLD ME HE WOULD DO ALL OF THIS TODAY!!!!! STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!"


Whatever. That's the last time I go to visit her. I can't stand her. I only went because she wanted me to see it before she starts her new job. She was being manipulative about it and I gave in. I shouldn't have.

I've been reading today. Talked with my dad finally. Last week I dreamed that he died! AND so did my sister! I hadn't been able to get ahold of him until today. He called me back. He said he was perfectly alive and all was well. We had a nice conversation. Makes me happy. He's 72. He's not in the best of health but he's plugging along. He lives alone. Sometimes, I wish he didn't.


I am sitting across the table from my friend Cr. She's feverishly doing homework. She's in grad school for occupational therapy. I wrote my penpal an email while I've been sitting here. One of the managers here just ran like a bat outta hell out the front doors to his car. No coat on either. Im wondering if something happened to his daughter or his pregnant wife.


N3 is at his gf's house. Its her birthday. I hope he is having a good time.


My mom and her husband are going to Disney on Thursday. Im jealous. I have zero idea when I'd be able to afford going there again. For a whole month, I have to get the mail and water the plants. That's going to add up quickly!


I've been thinking that it would help if I got a job. But I haven't had one in so long. And last time, I got so confused at all the rules and instructions how to cook this and that. My memory couldn't keep up. Then I think "what about volunteering"? I keep thinking of the humane society for some reason. But then I'd have to deal with them putting animals down. I get so conflicted about this.

Black eye still a hideous mess, and will be for some time. Co-workers recommended arnica, so I picked some up last night.



That's about it. Mood-wise alright I guess. More upset with myself than anything. Being such a klutz and all.


Much

Having a pretty good day! Between exercising today and acupuncture yesterday, I feel more relaxed. I went to the gym and out to dinner with a friend. I am now trying to work on my paper. This is my best week of the month with my hormones and I need to take advantage and live life to the fullest haha. I had some good moments of insight into my brain during my acupuncture session. I guess it's also good for a moment of mindfulness as what else can you do at that moment? I was thinking about my relationships with others and how guarded I can be, almost suspicious at times. This is not healthy and I think comes from some bad experiences being picked on growing up and at work. I need to talk to my therapist more about this and how I could possibly work on my interactions with people.


Sending compassion to everyone!

Glad to hear you got some more sleep Christina. I managed to get some too but was only left with an impression that I was on the enterprise, 1701, with Kirk and crew but no details

Tonight we Did Hatties awful dressing change.

8 inches by 6 inches dressing.

It could be much worse....
more drainage, more bleeding....
Thank goodness it is only draining a little.
How long can she continue?????
She is getting to look emaciated, though not as bad as could be......
she is still eating and drinking.....Hubby's requirements to keep her alive.

sigh
trying a new sleep aid. terry naturally

"anxiocalm"

health food store. supposed to be for anxiety. going to try it tonight.
wish me luck!
bizi

I made it back to church today for the first time since starting my elimination diet. It was really good to be there again. I spent the afternoon babysitting for a church function and now i'm really tired but mostly just so glad I got to do those things. I still have a long way to go but it is getting exciting. I think I"ll be done in 2 months being very cautious so hopefully sooner than that.

Tonight we Did Hatties awful dressing change.

8 inches by 6 inches dressing.

It could be much worse....
more drainage, more bleeding....
Thank goodness it is only draining a little.
How long can she continue?????
She is getting to look emaciated, though not as bad as could be......
she is still eating and drinking.....Hubby's requirements to keep her alive.

sigh
trying a new sleep aid. terry naturally

"anxiocalm"

health food store. supposed to be for anxiety. going to try it tonight.
wish me luck!
bizi

Oooo I’m so happy you were able to go !!! I bet it felt amazing to get out

You have unbelievable self control for following this elimination diet. Have you found foods you can’t tolerate yet?

Ummmmm I have missed something !!!! OMG Black eye ?!!! What happened ?! Are you okay ?!

((((((((( IZ ))))))))))

It was wonderful. I've really not been out much in the last 5 weeks so a whole day out was so much fun and such a nice change.

I've not found anything yet but I've not been into the high risk foods yet. I've kind of stalled a bit with fruits and vegetables because my body was a little startled to have fiber again. So I'm just going slow and listening to my body as far as that goes. I think I'm going to add in egg tomorrow and after that I'm left with higher risk foods. I'm just going to keep pacing myself and if 3 days isn't enough then I'll wait more than 3 days. I don't want to say I have a problem just because I got sick once on a food I've not had in 6 weeks or longer (some much longer). I don't think I'll hit an allergen until milk or peanut butter. I' am pretty sure about those two and I think I've had every other major group and been ok. I guess we'll see.

At this point it is no longer self control and is more like habit. It's also weird how things have changed. Before I went on this diet I was snacking on rice krispie treats every day. Yesterday I had one and it was gross. I'm not used to sweeteners. Givern my pre-diabetes this is for the best but it was amazing how yucky that felt.

Oh, and ~Christina you asked about alternative pastas. I tried brown rice pasta and did not like it. It wasa weird texture and just didn't taste good. I've lots of other kinds to try though. I'll let you know.

I'm trying to stay present but it's really hard with this depression hanging over me.

I went for a walk today and all I could think about was the past when my kids were young and life was different. I really miss that time and often go back to it when I'm feeling low. I miss the way things used to be so much, I miss my older son who is working far away, I miss his life used to be.

I try to look forward or at least be in the moment but these feelings of missing the past are overwhelming.

When I'm back at work I think of something else but my thoughts always eventually return to how I miss things the way they used to be.

This depression is such a pain!