[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am very sorry I had missed this, Fuzzy.

I do know your pain runs very deep.

Are you feeling any better today?

I’m feeling a bit better today

Hugs and respect to all

I just want this suffering to end. Why am I suddenly thinking about suicide every damn day. I can't get myself to go to the ER. I don't know why. I can come up with a million reasons not to go and only one to go. If I can't fall asleep maybe I'll call a crisis line or something. I know what to do, just don't want to do it. All I can think about is sharp objects meeting my body, but I guess I'll watch a movie and see if that'll distract me. I'm about to scream.

Originally Posted by spikes

I just want this suffering to end. Why am I suddenly thinking about suicide every damn day. I can't get myself to go to the ER. I don't know why. I can come up with a million reasons not to go and only one to go. If I can't fall asleep maybe I'll call a crisis line or something. I know what to do, just don't want to do it. All I can think about is sharp objects meeting my body, but I guess I'll watch a movie and see if that'll distract me. I'm about to scream.

It sounds like you know what help you need if you are considering the ER. However, if you are adamant about not going, then I think you should at least call a crisis line or talk to that local crisis team of yours. Just reach out to a professional so you can talk to them. Professionals know how to diffuse situations very well.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by spikes

No. I can't trust anyone around here. Last time I trusted someone I was traumatised.

I have had exactly that experience irl

I hope you can find someone irl who is worthy of being trusted

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Is there anyone that you have trusted in the past but they broke that trust but not in a major way?

Sorry to jump in on this discussion. It resonates with me regarding my experiences in my forest irl. I cannot think of one professional irl who broke my trust, but not in a major way. They all proved not to be worthy of my trust. Even the ''nice'' ones wanted to prescribe meds, at higher doses than were essential, imo, which I feel were not in my best long term interest, and offered little or no follow up.

[Fuzzybear]

I do not think that the professionals irl want me to be here... since over years they have offered almost zero respect or support.

[~Christina]

Spikes, How are you feeling today? Were you able to sleep?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I do not think that the professionals irl want me to be here... since over years they have offered almost zero respect or support.

And I say to them... f y’all.. it’s very sad when it comes to that, and also I am not paranoid. I am very much in touch with “reality”

(not about anyone on pc)

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Spikes, How are you feeling today? Were you able to sleep?

Thank you for checking in
I've been crying all day and feeling awful. This morning on my walk I wanted to see if a location was still a trigger, and it most certainly is.
I had to take my cat to the vet too and found out he has heart problems. He's pretty old so... Best damn cat I ever had though. I love that little bugger so much.
I'm not actively sui right now, but I am passively.
Slept a few hours from 4am to 7am.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by spikes

Thank you for checking in
I've been crying all day and feeling awful. This morning on my walk I wanted to see if a location was still a trigger, and it most certainly is.
I had to take my cat to the vet too and found out he has heart problems. He's pretty old so... Best damn cat I ever had though. I love that little bugger so much.
I'm not actively sui right now, but I am passively.
Slept a few hours from 4am to 7am.

Checking in

I’m sorry you’ve been crying all day and feeling awful. : (sadhug)

It’s great that you’ve been for a walk :-)

I can relate to one or more locations still being a trigger

I could most certainly give more details (but do not think they are relevant to this discussion... one of them was/is a location someone irl resided at .......)

I’m sorry about your cat

I lost the best damn dog I had ever had (in fact the only dog..) at age 11. There was nobody there for me and my pain... but that was to be expected

I think I know what you mean about being “passively sui”.... I hope you feel better soon, whether helped by meds or other. Thanks for checking in

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by spikes

Thank you for checking in
I've been crying all day and feeling awful. This morning on my walk I wanted to see if a location was still a trigger, and it most certainly is.
I had to take my cat to the vet too and found out he has heart problems. He's pretty old so... Best damn cat I ever had though. I love that little bugger so much.
I'm not actively sui right now, but I am passively.
Slept a few hours from 4am to 7am.

Im sorry your crying but thats often a release valve, not pleasant but can often help a bit.. its good you got some sleep at least.

Awww your poor cat Enjoy every moment with him

I think alot of Bipolar people have a kind on always background of " well I could check myself out" I have these thoughts a lot ! But its just part of my particular " Bipolar soup" I get the feeling and I acknowledge the feeling and then find a distraction.. My T and I dont really worry to much until I start pulling out my safety plan and going down the list..

What kind of safety plan do you have ? could more things be added? the more hurdles you put in place the safer you will be..Just a thought !

Stay safe

for my safety plan I have
-will turn over keys, pills, sharp objects to mother
-will call someone on a list of supports
-will call crisis line if no one else is available
-go to ER if life is in immediate danger
-take 1mg of Ativan to help calm down
-when feeling safer, go for a walk (preferably with my mom but usually alone)
-call therapist or nurse

[Moose72]

Does anyone ever feel ashamed or scared about past attempts? I was taken to the medical ER and admitted and after a few days put in psych hospital at the same place. It seems so surreal that I did that now but it was 5 years ago or so now.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by spikes

for my safety plan I have
-will turn over keys, pills, sharp objects to mother
-will call someone on a list of supports
-will call crisis line if no one else is available
-go to ER if life is in immediate danger
-take 1mg of Ativan to help calm down
-when feeling safer, go for a walk (preferably with my mom but usually alone)
-call therapist or nurse

Thats a good list

Can you build onto that to where your starting off with specific distractions or mindfulness to use when you just start to feel any anxiety or other unwanted feeling

Like a specific list of distractions.. Some might sound silly but I have used these in the past and it helps

* pick a color.. Any color you like and go around your room and count how many you can find, then move into the rest of your home, Walk outside still focus on one color...
* another big one for me is polishing my nails , fingers and toes.. My T laughs because my nail polish is almost always what mood state I am in.. If I am sad, they are some shade of blue, When I get angry they are a deep red color. If I wear Black he knows I am in a terrible head space.... When I have been mixed I have had different color nail polish on each finger and toe... But the process of picking the color has me focused on something specific.
* Yoga works for alot of people, but I prefer when feeling unsafe and angry I do cardio, Push for that" burn" is another focus on something specific.

I could go on and on . but when your mind is scattered and going south you need to find just one thing to focus on. a color, a word, a sound etc

At what stage of being unsafe do you take an Ativan??

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thats a good list

Can you build onto that to where your starting off with specific distractions or mindfulness to use when you just start to feel any anxiety or other unwanted feeling

Like a specific list of distractions.. Some might sound silly but I have used these in the past and it helps

* pick a color.. Any color you like and go around your room and count how many you can find, then move into the rest of your home, Walk outside still focus on one color...
* another big one for me is polishing my nails , fingers and toes.. My T laughs because my nail polish is almost always what mood state I am in.. If I am sad, they are some shade of blue, When I get angry they are a deep red color. If I wear Black he knows I am in a terrible head space.... When I have been mixed I have had different color nail polish on each finger and toe... But the process of picking the color has me focused on something specific.
* Yoga works for alot of people, but I prefer when feeling unsafe and angry I do cardio, Push for that" burn" is another focus on something specific.

I could go on and on . but when your mind is scattered and going south you need to find just one thing to focus on. a color, a word, a sound etc

At what stage of being unsafe do you take an Ativan??

Thanks for the suggestions
I take an Ativan either when I get really agitated and feel myself ready to punch the walls and throw things or when I'm so upset I'm considering the hospital.

[Victoria'smom]

Here thinking it may take less effort then continuing to breath. I'm still in bed so I'm safe. H is not answering my text. I know I'm going to cry while swallowing the proper medication but I'd rather cry in my own home then in a psych ward.

[Daonnachd]

Things are bad in my head. I wish I were dead.

[Fuzzybear]

Hoping everyone stays safe despite the bad thoughts..
Hoping they ease soon..

Hugs and respect to all

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Here thinking it may take less effort then continuing to breath. I'm still in bed so I'm safe. H is not answering my text. I know I'm going to cry while swallowing the proper medication but I'd rather cry in my own home then in a psych ward.

Taking your meds how ever distressing it can be, but it is better than IP

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Things are bad in my head. I wish I were dead.

Im sorry , I get that feeling sometimes, truly sucks.... Just focus on Friday and getting ECT that has always helped you. Stay safe

[childofchaos831]

We're not okay.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We're not okay.

Im sorry your struggling is there anything you can do to distract yourself, Or something soothing???

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im sorry your struggling is there anything you can do to distract yourself, Or something soothing???

We're trying... Nothing's working.

[~Christina]

Just keep trying everything you can think of, maybe a warm shower or bath , music, a movie you enjoy. Call a warm line talk or text or a hotline if you need..

Stay safe

[ADWith]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

SUICIDE DISCUSSION THREAD

Welcome Everyone!

We'd like to introduce a (trial)Suicide Discussion Thread to address the topic of suicide, which is a significant challenge for those living with either Bipolar I or Bipolar II.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will compete suicide.

Suicide attempts in bipolar I and bipolar II disorder: a review and meta-analysis of the evidence

In response to recent requests for a safe place to openly discuss suicidal thoughts/ideation/struggles, we hope to address these needs via a discussion thread here in the Bipolar Forum.

~Christina and Wild Coyote have secured PC Admin's approval to start a (trial) Suicide Discussion Thread.

Please Note the Following Guidelines:

*This thread may not be a good fit for some; yet may prove very helpful for others. Know your triggers!

*Do NOT discuss plans or intentions here.

*Neither one of us offers 1:1 support. If you are experiencing acute difficulties and are not receiving the support you need from the community, you may note this in your post; it would then be wise to seek an alternative source of support.

*Make sure you have a crisis plan in place with your provider so you know which steps to take in order to stay safe.

PLEASE REVIEW THE PC COMMUNITY GUIDELINES FOR POSTING ON THIS TOPIC:

Our Suicidal Posting Policy & Suicide Resources

There is a list of hotlines on the above thread as well.

If you have questions, please pose them in a post directly on the thread.

This is a trial Suicide DiscussionThread. If members respect guidelines, we may be able to offer long-term Suicidal Discussions and support.

THANK YOU!

Thank you for what your doing here. I believe it is consequential to know your triggers are and take part in hobbies that will help get your mind off those triggers. That's the only thing that saved me.