[Fuzzybear]

Hospital no thank you. They hurt me when I was very young and they do not help me.

Respect to all here

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by FooZe

Sorry to be late to this discussion. Everywhere in these forums, including in this thread, we don't allow you to describe plans that you may be considering for ending your life. That would include, for example, "If I'm not feeling better by (date), that's it!" We'd probably let you mention in passing that at some time in the past you were feeling so low that you were considering (unspecified) suicide plans. Still, no details, please.

We normally don't allow methods or means of suicide to be discussed, even behind trigger tags. We'd expect such discussion to prove too upsetting for at least some other members who might have considered ending their own life and/or had a loved one end theirs.

Thank you for the clarification Fooze

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

SUICIDE DISCUSSION THREAD

Welcome Everyone!

We'd like to introduce a (trial)Suicide Discussion Thread to address the topic of suicide, which is a significant challenge for those living with either Bipolar I or Bipolar II.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will compete suicide.

Suicide attempts in bipolar I and bipolar II disorder: a review and meta-analysis of the evidence

In response to recent requests for a safe place to openly discuss suicidal thoughts/ideation/struggles, we hope to address these needs via a discussion thread here in the Bipolar Forum.

~Christina and Wild Coyote have secured PC Admin's approval to start a (trial) Suicide Discussion Thread.

Please Note the Following Guidelines:

*This thread may not be a good fit for some; yet may prove very helpful for others. Know your triggers!

*Do NOT discuss plans or intentions here.

*Neither one of us offers 1:1 support. If you are experiencing acute difficulties and are not receiving the support you need from the community, you may note this in your post; it would then be wise to seek an alternative source of support.

*Make sure you have a crisis plan in place with your provider so you know which steps to take in order to stay safe.

PLEASE REVIEW THE PC COMMUNITY GUIDELINES FOR POSTING ON THIS TOPIC:

Our Suicidal Posting Policy & Suicide Resources

There is a list of hotlines on the above thread as well.

If you have questions, please pose them in a post directly on the thread.

This is a trial Suicide DiscussionThread. If members respect guidelines, we may be able to offer long-term Suicidal Discussions and support.

THANK YOU!

I try to respect guidelines


I thought of a nice place once....

But I prefer staying with other bears

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My first attempt was at age 16. My most recent was in early 2019. I’m horrified when I’m thinking clearly at what I’ve done. At the time it seems to be the only answer and I am impulsive. I’m not scared to seek help. It just gets that bad that quick and it’s off to the races. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these experiences so it won’t ever happen again.

This is a great thread. I was active on the site in the days before and after my latest attempt and I felt that I couldn’t say a word so I didn’t. There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I do now have a detailed prevention plan as well as a hope box.

HI Jennifer,

You are very courageous to post your experiences here.
I am so glad you have survived and are okay.

I do think many attempts are impulsive.
I am soooo sorry you'd felt you could not share about this and were left all alone to cope with all that was going on for you.

I certainly wish I could have been present for you during that time.
I am available to you anytime, whatever is going on, no judgment, ever.
I love you!

I've never made an attempt before, but I have had suicidal thoughts for quite some time. I mean, I'm stable now, so I don't have any right now, but I used to be a very, very angry person and then I'd do something I regretted, which in turn gave me suicidal thoughts because the rage was too overwhelming and I realized I hurt a lot of people. Maybe I was depressed. I don't know. But usually when I'm very angry, I get suicidal thoughts.

Whenever I feel that way, I try to see my therapist once a week, if not more often. I also call and talk to her over the phone. I suppose that's what's kept me from making an attempt?

The other thing is, my cousin served in Afghanistan and he was left with horrible PTSD. He had suicidal thoughts for quite a while until he finally saw a psychiatrist. However, because of his strength and determination to push through, I feel more motivated to do the same when I'm feeling down. I do worry about him a lot, though. As I mentioned I think a month ago (?), someone I knew made an attempt and succeeded because he wasn't getting treatment for his PTSD and depression. His father said that doctors refused to prescribe him anything, and that the "only way to help him" was with therapy. (Yeah, it was quite a crappy veteran's hospital.) So of course he drank a lot to wash away the horrible feelings, and unfortunately, that only exacerbated the depression until he finally gave up. But this is why my cousin sees a private psychiatrist and private therapist. While some veteran's hospitals are really good, there are a lot of bad ones in the mix.

[Fuzzybear]

They just label us and write us off in this forest
As “beyond help”
After 15 minutes

Possible trigger:

And shame us if we ask for “help”

[Fuzzybear]

They want “significant change”

Possible trigger:

Sometimes I wish I was “brave enough” to do it, they have NO respect or care for me (in this forest in real life and if I try to speak some smart *** abuser mislabels me and harms me

[Fuzzybear]

Being “honest with the providers” doesn’t help

They SUCK

There are too many lies.....I do not like them

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I've never made an attempt before, but I have had suicidal thoughts for quite some time. I mean, I'm stable now, so I don't have any right now, but I used to be a very, very angry person and then I'd do something I regretted, which in turn gave me suicidal thoughts because the rage was too overwhelming and I realized I hurt a lot of people. Maybe I was depressed. I don't know. But usually when I'm very angry, I get suicidal thoughts.

Whenever I feel that way, I try to see my therapist once a week, if not more often. I also call and talk to her over the phone. I suppose that's what's kept me from making an attempt?

The other thing is, my cousin served in Afghanistan and he was left with horrible PTSD. He had suicidal thoughts for quite a while until he finally saw a psychiatrist. However, because of his strength and determination to push through, I feel more motivated to do the same when I'm feeling down. I do worry about him a lot, though. As I mentioned I think a month ago (?), someone I knew made an attempt and succeeded because he wasn't getting treatment for his PTSD and depression. His father said that doctors refused to prescribe him anything, and that the "only way to help him" was with therapy. (Yeah, it was quite a crappy veteran's hospital.) So of course he drank a lot to wash away the horrible feelings, and unfortunately, that only exacerbated the depression until he finally gave up. But this is why my cousin sees a private psychiatrist and private therapist. While some veteran's hospitals are really good, there are a lot of bad ones in the mix.

Hey, Blue -

Thanks so much for sharing here!

Some people feel suicide is a result of anger turned inward. It does not surprise me that you were having suicidal thoughts while also feeling angry. I am sorry, too, that you have gone through this and am glad you are okay!

I am glad your cousin recognizes his PTSD and his depression. I hope he continues to want s support/help. I am very sorry you have lost your friend.

I hope you never have to feel so horrible again. I am around and you can look me up anytime. I am hoping you will look me up if/when you ever feel this way again. I do not want you suffering all alone. Ever. Love ya!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

They want “significant change”

Possible trigger:

Sometimes I wish I was “brave enough” to do it, they have NO respect or care for me (in this forest in real life and if I try to speak some smart *** abuser mislabels me and harms me

HI Fuzzy,
You sound very angry and sad, too.
What's going on for you?
How can we help?
We care and we have respect for you. You are safe here with us.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

HI Fuzzy,
You sound very angry and sad, too.
What's going on for you?
How can we help?
We care and we have respect for you. You are safe here with us.

Hi Fuzzy,
If you are feeling triggered, you may reach me by PM and I will talk with you.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My first attempt was at age 16. My most recent was in early 2019. I’m horrified when I’m thinking clearly at what I’ve done. At the time it seems to be the only answer and I am impulsive. I’m not scared to seek help. It just gets that bad that quick and it’s off to the races. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these experiences so it won’t ever happen again.

This is a great thread. I was active on the site in the days before and after my latest attempt and I felt that I couldn’t say a word so I didn’t. There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I do now have a detailed prevention plan as well as a hope box.

Jennifer, I am sorry you have had a couple of attempts, but fortunately not successful.

I have heard of safety plans which sounds like a "prevention plan" but what is a "hope box" and how do you start one?
@CANDC

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My first attempt was at age 16. My most recent was in early 2019. I’m horrified when I’m thinking clearly at what I’ve done. At the time it seems to be the only answer and I am impulsive. I’m not scared to seek help. It just gets that bad that quick and it’s off to the races. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these experiences so it won’t ever happen again.

This is a great thread. I was active on the site in the days before and after my latest attempt and I felt that I couldn’t say a word so I didn’t. There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I do now have a detailed prevention plan as well as a hope box.

Jennifer, I am sorry you have had a couple of attempts, but fortunately not successful.

I have heard of safety plans which sounds like a "prevention plan" but what is a "hope box" and how do you start one?
@CANDC

[Daonnachd]

I want to first send a huge Thank you! to Christina and Wild Coyote for getting this thread going. ...And to the administration team for having faith in the members' ability to keep the community safe.


I on occasion struggle with suicidal ideation and impetuous urges so may post here, but mostly I will be reading to make sure that if I can help someone by listening they know that I'm here. I hope most especially that for those fighting urges once they've "gotten it out" here that they will feel somewhat freed of the pressure.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Jennifer, I am sorry you have had a couple of attempts, but fortunately not successful.

I have heard of safety plans which sounds like a "prevention plan" but what is a "hope box" and how do you start one?
@CANDC

A hope box is a box - decorated or not - which you place items in to help you out of a tight spot. My box includes photos of family/friends/pets, a letter from the “well” me, a particularly meaningful letter from my daughter, cards, sand from my favorite beach, prayer beads and cards with helpful affirmations from my NP.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

HI Jennifer,

You are very courageous to post your experiences here.
I am so glad you have survived and are okay.

I do think many attempts are impulsive.
I am soooo sorry you'd felt you could not share about this and were left all alone to cope with all that was going on for you.

I certainly wish I could have been present for you during that time.
I am available to you anytime, whatever is going on, no judgment, ever.
I love you!

Thank you! Your message means a lot to me. I was afraid to speak out for fear of getting in trouble and I was ashamed and embarrassed as well.

I know you are there for me and I love you for that and so many other reasons.

[Victoria'smom]

I needed this thread right now thank you.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Fuzzy,
If you are feeling triggered, you may reach me by PM and I will talk with you.

Thank you Wild Coyote

much love to you

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I needed this thread right now thank you.

I'm on right now. You can send me a PM if you want.

[Victoria'smom]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm on right now. You can send me a PM if you want.

Thank you I'm safe with family right now

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Thank you I'm safe with family right now

Good. That makes me feel better. But keep me in mind if ever you need to get in touch with someone.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My first attempt was at age 16. My most recent was in early 2019. I’m horrified when I’m thinking clearly at what I’ve done. At the time it seems to be the only answer and I am impulsive. I’m not scared to seek help. It just gets that bad that quick and it’s off to the races. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these experiences so it won’t ever happen again.

This is a great thread. I was active on the site in the days before and after my latest attempt and I felt that I couldn’t say a word so I didn’t. There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I do now have a detailed prevention plan as well as a hope box.

Jennifer I am so sorry that you have hit that dark hopeless place. Thank you for sharing

This Thread came together because we need to have a place to come to and talk and how yes we can go from doing okay to hell in the blink of an eye..

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I want to first send a huge Thank you! to Christina and Wild Coyote for getting this thread going. ...And to the administration team for having faith in the members' ability to keep the community safe.


I on occasion struggle with suicidal ideation and impetuous urges so may post here, but mostly I will be reading to make sure that if I can help someone by listening they know that I'm here. I hope most especially that for those fighting urges once they've "gotten it out" here that they will feel somewhat freed of the pressure.

Thank you for your input in this Thread existing , You have been very strong when you talk about your struggles.. Im so happy we have a place we can talk about things like this

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

A hope box is a box - decorated or not - which you place items in to help you out of a tight spot. My box includes photos of family/friends/pets, a letter from the “well” me, a particularly meaningful letter from my daughter, cards, sand from my favorite beach, prayer beads and cards with helpful affirmations from my NP.

That is a wonderful idea..I have things I hold onto, But a Box ? yes I need to do that.. Thank you so much for sharing something that could change the tide when its going down

[~Christina]

I want to Thank everyone who is sharing there personal struggles with a topic that still has a Stigma. You are very brave.

Sharing things and being able to tell someone and not be judged? Thats a beautiful thing. I hope that the world starts to be more compassionate and we find ways to get more and better help for people in need..