[Crazy Hitch]

I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....

I am very sorry for your loss.
Yes, it can be a very scary topic in families who have already lived through this experience. Please do practice self-care.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My first attempt was at age 16....

There is such a stigma around it that I feel vulnerable and will probably delete this post.

I am glad you haven't deleted your post. I remember how when I had my very serious attempt in 2015 that when I was with others who didn't know (for instance, my H and I went to a play with friends), I felt like I was different from every in the room and if they knew what I had done they would be shocked. It was hard to think of much else other than how shameful what I had done was. I was in a whole different mindset and PC was the first place I could talk about it. My H supported me as much as he could but it was hard (and would be repetitive) to talk to him about it everytime it was on my mind because it was always on my mind. My POV is that it helps to have a place to talk about it. Hugs to you. I know the more recent the trauma is, the harder it is to talk about it. Stay safe Jennifer and everyone else struggling with this issue.

[Moose72]

People were surprised when I went to the hospital for my attempt. They said it came out of left field- that I was just fine earlier that same day. I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

[Fuzzybear]

I have “successfully” avoided hospitals since I was last abused in one aged 8...

Respect and hugs to all

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I lost my gran to this. And I‘m worried I may lose my dad to this too ....

I am so sorry for your loss Is your father getting mental health care? I hope so, Men are more likely to be unwilling to reach out for help I will keep you and your family in my thoughts

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

People were surprised when I went to the hospital for my attempt. They said it came out of left field- that I was just fine earlier that same day. I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

My attempt when my daughter was 5 was a hugh stock, Noone realized just how bad I was, I wish I had reached out, It would have saved me the trauma and certainly saved me family and friends.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My attempt when my daughter was 5 was a hugh stock, Noone realized just how bad I was, I wish I had reached out, It would have saved me the trauma and certainly saved me family and friends.

You bring up a good point, that of family and friends.

My first suicidal episode hit my wife very hard. While I can't recall much of that time, I do remember her asking me, "How can I trust that you're safe, that we're safe?" It has made me afraid to seek help because I don't want to bring back those fears for her.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

You bring up a good point, that of family and friends.

My first suicidal episode hit my wife very hard. While I can't recall much of that time, I do remember her asking me, "How can I trust that you're safe, that we're safe?" It has made me afraid to seek help because I don't want to bring back those fears for her.

Yes, she did have a valid question honestly. My family and friends felt the same, wondering if I would try again next week or next year

I think by you seeking out help and having a treatment team you are showing with actions you are taking your mental health seriously and taking steps to find stability.

Actions are better than words in many cases.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks has 2 major suicide attempts to his credit each of which landed me in the psych wards of 2 area hospitals (plus some not so serious ones that didn't.) I regularly think I should try yet again, but have no plans to. I've also been an active self-abuser... some unexpectedly recent. I'm just now coming to the realization I will never be truly safe...

[Fuzzybear]

I have no good words to offer
Which might help counter all the

Possible trigger:

crap which this world keeps dishing out to people who have committed no ''crime''

hugs and respect to all

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The Skeezyks has 2 major suicide attempts to his credit each of which landed me in the psych wards of 2 area hospitals (plus some not so serious ones that didn't.) I regularly think I should try yet again, but have no plans to. I've also been an active self-abuser... some unexpectedly recent. I'm just now coming to the realization I will never be truly safe...

I am sorry you have had these experiences.

As I talk with more and more people, it seems many of us somehow keep the self-harm or the suicide option on our minds to varying degrees.

I am not sure of why this is the case. I have been given a few explanations,; yet those don't really ring true for me. Maybe it is completely different for everyone?

Do you know which types of things make you think/feel you should try again?

Don't feel you have to respond. I am very interested. I admire you and the messages you offer to the community via your signature line. I would not have guessed you feel this way about suicide, but I guess we never now about anyone, do we? I do NOT mean this in any judgmental manner.

We can offer a great deal to our communities and still feel desperate in our private lives. For sure.

I appreciate your sharing!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I have no good words to offer
Which might help counter all the

Possible trigger:

crap which this world keeps dishing out to people who have committed no ''crime''

hugs and respect to all
:

Hi Fuzzy!

This is a very challenging world we live in.
That is both the good news and the bad news!
Sometimes it can seem like too much.
Still other times, it invites us to do our very best!

And on top of all of that, might our moods play into how we see our world on any given day?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I love ya!!!

[Moose72]

Seems funny to me to talk about this and be scared of the corona virus at the same time. Is it just me?

I know that I get very quiet and introverted when I'm feeling suicidal. I'm usually very extroverted.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The Skeezyks has 2 major suicide attempts to his credit each of which landed me in the psych wards of 2 area hospitals (plus some not so serious ones that didn't.) I regularly think I should try yet again, but have no plans to. I've also been an active self-abuser... some unexpectedly recent. I'm just now coming to the realization I will never be truly safe...

Im glad you were not successful

Something that jumped out at me is your " I'm just now coming to the realization I will never be truly safe"

I feel that way also... Suicidal thoughts run through my mind very often I don't think you are in the minority with this issue.

Be kind to yourself

Originally Posted by Moose72

Seems funny to me to talk about this and be scared of the corona virus at the same time. Is it just me?

I know that I get very quiet and introverted when I'm feeling suicidal. I'm usually very extroverted.

Well, I don't want to trigger anyone, so I'll keep it general...

Possible trigger:

If you die from coronavirus because you're elderly or have preexisting medical conditions, you were probably suffering for a while in the hospital with a ventilator helping you to breathe. You may have also been throwing up, taking a dump in a bed pan, have a catheter, attached to IVs, etc.. And no one can visit you in person because you are a contagious risk. The doctors "visit" you with a robot on wheels that has a video camera. That is some serious suffering that no one wants.

[Daonnachd]

And to add to Blue's comment, it's horrible to not be able to get enough O2 to fill your lungs. I know from experience.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Seems funny to me to talk about this and be scared of the corona virus at the same time. Is it just me?

I know that I get very quiet and introverted when I'm feeling suicidal. I'm usually very extroverted.

Okay about 4 years ago I was having trouble walking straight I struggled to park correctly into a parking spot.. So I assumed it was my ears and having tough vertigo. some trouble breathing... After a couple weeks I decided I better see my Doctor , I failed most of the neuro checks.. So I had a MRI of my brain , They call early the next morning to come in..

Something on my Pitutary gland My GP was calling everywhere to find a Endocrinologist to see like right away.

Next day I saw Richard I was literally coming unglued, Im like omg this could kill me , will I suffer in pain? what about my daughter ? my husband? He said Okay lets think about this , You have chronic suicidal thinking and your okay with that..... but a brain tumor scares you???

Click.. I had zero control, I could not accept, I felt helpless. But feeling suicidal was/is okay because I have control of that.

Its a control issue.

I saw the specialist he said in the area its at typically they never grow much bigger.. So I have to get a Mri every year. My symptoms did ease a little bit, But I struggle with walking and parking.

So I have a Adnoma just sitting in my brain

Your fear is understandable

[Wild Coyote]

Great point, Moose!

I think is about control in general.
I know it is about control for me. That is the difference.

[Moose72]

Now I'm watching a show about various things that can destroy Earth from space.

[wildflowerchild25]

I have had one serious attempt. I “attempted” once when I was 15 but it was more of an ultimatum to show everyone how serious things were rather than a true attempt. The second attempt, at age 19, was serious. Woke up in the ICU. Was hospitalized for seven weeks while receiving ECT treatments. Things got much better.

From the time I was 13 until I was 19 not a day went by when I wasn’t at least passively suicidal. After ECT this eased up until bipolar came and bit me in the *** again when I was 25. Then it was back to constant suicidal thoughts. For two years though I have been stable and had no sui thoughts. I really enjoy it.

[childofchaos831]

We've been at least passively sui since our 20s. We're 36 now. We had several sui attempts in our 20s and early 30s but those were minor. Last year, in October and December we had serious attempts. Landed us in the ER each time for 24 hrs for the first one and 15 hrs the second. Transported to the psych hospital from there on commitment. They don't even give you a choice here with attempts, they put you on a 72 hr hold.

We've been having strong sui thoughts recently, also. Last couple of weeks... We are in IOP at the moment, the T asked if we need a higher level of care on Thursday. We told her no, mostly because we don't want to back up to PHP or into the hospital again.

Chaos

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We've been at least passively sui since our 20s. We're 36 now. We had several sui attempts in our 20s and early 30s but those were minor. Last year, in October and December we had serious attempts. Landed us in the ER each time for 24 hrs for the first one and 15 hrs the second. Transported to the psych hospital from there on commitment. They don't even give you a choice here with attempts, they put you on a 72 hr hold.

We've been having strong sui thoughts recently, also. Last couple of weeks... We are in IOP at the moment, the T asked if we need a higher level of care on Thursday. We told her no, mostly because we don't want to back up to PHP or into the hospital again.

Chaos

Hi Chaos,

It's nice to hear from you.
Thanks so much for sharing!

I am sorry for all you suffer. You have so very much on your plate. I do know your chronic pain, alone, is extremely challenging (we used to post in the chronic pain forum together.).

I do understand why you told the therapist what you told her; I am just very concerned about your safety.

Maybe there are some specific signs you might watch for as indicators to get help as soon as possible?

I am hoping there is a way for you to keep yourselves safe?

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs and much respect to all

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

We've been at least passively sui since our 20s. We're 36 now. We had several sui attempts in our 20s and early 30s but those were minor. Last year, in October and December we had serious attempts. Landed us in the ER each time for 24 hrs for the first one and 15 hrs the second. Transported to the psych hospital from there on commitment. They don't even give you a choice here with attempts, they put you on a 72 hr hold.

We've been having strong sui thoughts recently, also. Last couple of weeks... We are in IOP at the moment, the T asked if we need a higher level of care on Thursday. We told her no, mostly because we don't want to back up to PHP or into the hospital again.

Chaos

I admire your strength, Your plate is overflowing and from all angles.

Im glad your still here