[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think it's good they said something along the lines of "go swimming everyday." If you only go swimming when you're experiencing unpleasant emotions, then you will always associate swimming with feeling bad, which does you no good. The idea is to just have a routine that you do no matter what mood you're in, is what I think they were getting at. Walking is a good one.

You could always get a safe where you lock things up in. For example, a safe for your meds. Just give the safe to your mom and she will lock them up. Then you have no way of getting them unless she is home. I mean, this one is literally $13: Robot Check

Hey! That's a good idea!
Another variation is to have a safe with a key, with your mom holding the key(s), where you could place your items in the safe if she is not home. If you put your items in, close the safe and the safe locks upon closing it, you cannot access these items until your mom gets home.

Great idea, blue!

Either way might work.

Yeah, a safe with a key would work too. Just talk to your parents about which type of safe they would like to use.

What you could also do is get a second safe that you put your keys and wallet in. Then if there is an emergency of some sort where you need to drive somewhere and your parents aren't home, you can ask them for the combination to get your wallet and keys out. At the same time, you still wouldn't be able to access your meds because they would be in a different safe.

[Wild Coyote]

Spikes, why are those three items taken from you and is it effective? Does it help?
Does anything else help?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Yeah, a safe with a key would work too. Just talk to your parents about which type of safe they would like to use.

What you could also do is get a second safe that you put your keys and wallet in. Then if there is an emergency of some sort where you need to drive somewhere and your parents aren't home, you can ask them for the combination to get your wallet and keys out. At the same time, you still wouldn't be able to access your meds because they would be in a different safe.

Great idea!

Could you set it up with your mom to simply lock up your meds every morning before she leaves? if you have prn meds, maybe she could leave those out for you?

I give up my wallet so I don't wind up broke/in debt and can't buy alcohol, keys so that I don't kill myself driving recklessly, and meds so I don't throw them all out or overdose. It helps to an extent, but we hardly ever do this when it's needed.
I took my PRNs but I think I accidentally took two of the 2mg risperdal pills instead of the 1mg pills and combined with ativan I feel tired but not able to nap. I have other things that help but I think I'm just gonna lay down for a bit.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Great idea!

Could you set it up with your mom to simply lock up your meds every morning before she leaves? if you have prn meds, maybe she could leave those out for you?

I know some people who actually do this. One of their loved ones will open the Rx bottles, take out the appropriate dosages, then put the pills in a small bowl or on the counter for consumption. Then their loved one watches them take the meds to make sure they aren't squirreling them away and saving them for later.

Also: some people who are severely suicidal and have no one to monitor their meds will actually ask their doctor to have the pharmacy give partial prescriptions where you have to go every few days to pick up your meds. Yes, it is highly inconvenient, but if it works, it works. It keeps you safe, especially when hospitals right now are kinda overrun with COVID-19.

Originally Posted by spikes

I give up my wallet so I don't wind up broke/in debt and can't buy alcohol, keys so that I don't kill myself driving recklessly, and meds so I don't throw them all out or overdose. It helps to an extent, but we hardly ever do this when it's needed.
I took my PRNs but I think I accidentally took two of the 2mg risperdal pills instead of the 1mg pills and combined with ativan I feel tired but not able to nap. I have other things that help but I think I'm just gonna lay down for a bit.

Do you want me to buy you some safes? I have Amazon Prime, and there is an Amazon Warehouse near us, like 30 mins away. It would probably get there in 1-2 days if it's at the warehouse. Just... don't open the package for a bit. COVID-19 supposedly lasts up to 24 hours on cardboard surfaces, so picking up the box won't actually give you COVID-19 since it takes 1-2 days to get to your house anyway, but the products inside the box may be infected, so I would say just leave them in the box for a few days before opening.

I already have a safe, it's just we don't use it. I'll have a convo with my mom tonight and hopefully tomorrow we'll go through with the plan for once.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Spikes,

How are you doing now? Any better?

[NOS-NOS]

All I gotta say is thank GOD I didn't carry out any of my plans for suicide while I went on a 3-month fiasco off my meds. I easily could have. Now I'm stable so I don't get depressions as bad. The only thing that will trigger a depression is if I drink alcohol. But even then, it's still not as bad.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Spikes,

How are you doing now? Any better?

No better. I think I need another walk but I'm afraid to go outside.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by spikes

Thanks Christina
I do not feel suicidal, but I am still having those self destructive urges. I do feel more organized in my head today if that makes any sense, but that's kinda a bad thing in regards to safety.

Im sorry your struggling, Its a terrible place to be. I am glad you are feeling even bit better... We take every little bit we can, right?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by spikes

They didn't really teach coping strategies. I'm having trouble finding words to explain what they taught, it was more like "go swimming every day" instead of "go swimming when you're experiencing unpleasant emotions." Mine was walking. I go for a walk every day and just got back from mine. One thing they did teach me is to have someone take my meds, keys, wallet away. That would typically be my mom but she's off to work already.

I wish they were helping you learn many many more ways to cope when your thoughts are bad.. as for not having access to your meds? For a long time I had to let my husband lock up my meds, I just was not safe having then all to myself.. I would get 2 days worth at a time. that just covered me in case my husband wasnt home when I need them.. Maybe your Mom can do this for you ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I know some people who actually do this. One of their loved ones will open the Rx bottles, take out the appropriate dosages, then put the pills in a small bowl or on the counter for consumption. Then their loved one watches them take the meds to make sure they aren't squirreling them away and saving them for later.

Also: some people who are severely suicidal and have no one to monitor their meds will actually ask their doctor to have the pharmacy give partial prescriptions where you have to go every few days to pick up your meds. Yes, it is highly inconvenient, but if it works, it works. It keeps you safe, especially when hospitals right now are kinda overrun with COVID-19.

Good points Blue ! Partial fills area good way to handle it also

There was a time about 10 years ago that basically my marriage was over, neither of us had money to move out and I was not safe to have my meds, My T offered to have the nurse hold my pill bottles and I would come in and fill my pill boxes for a 3-4 days, Not enough to make a devastating choice. This when on for almost a year, Until my husband and I were actively working to save our marriage and then I had my husband hold them.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by NOS-NOS

All I gotta say is thank GOD I didn't carry out any of my plans for suicide while I went on a 3-month fiasco off my meds. I easily could have. Now I'm stable so I don't get depressions as bad. The only thing that will trigger a depression is if I drink alcohol. But even then, it's still not as bad.

Im so glad you were able to keep yourself safe

Your knowing a trigger that is going to lead you into a dangerous place is fantastic

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by spikes

No better. I think I need another walk but I'm afraid to go outside.

What do you think you can do while inside to help keeping yourself distracted because walking isn't always something that you can do..

Any breathing exercises ?
Music
Watch youtube videos .. Check out Tucker Budzyn, Hes an adorable dog and fun videos
what about reading?
Coloring or drawing
There are free APPs you can download on your phone, word games, there are some coloring apps .
Pick a vacation spot anywhere around the world and research all about it.
Watching movies you enjoy...

Basically its all about distraction. When I am in a bad place I have to find as many disttractions as possible , So I try dont work so I try the next..

Keep busy and stay safe

[Crook32]

I have constant suicidal thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they are strong and sometimes just a fleeting thought. I have been trying to understand them and not let them take over me. I find being stuck at home is making them worse plus side effects from meds aren’t helping. It is a pain I can’t really describe to anyone clearly. It is like a constant elephant in the room.

How do others deal with the constant barrage of these feelings without acting on them? I try music or a tv show but that doesn’t make them go away. Any ideas?

[downandlonely]

Not sure what to say, but I wish I could help.

Someone did tell me that you can acknowledge the thoughts and realize that they are just thoughts, not actions. We can't always control our thoughts, but we can control our actions. I'm not sure if that helps.

[Daonnachd]

Heya, Crook.

I have also been having very scary, violent thoughts of suicide lately. To fight them I distract myself with activities of various sorts. I like music, but it doesn't really get me out of my mind. So with a push from my T I have taken up journalling again, focusing on 3 things that went well for the day. I get out and go for a walk (or a bike ride). I do some kind of art. Read a book. I also share poetry with my wife, but mirroring that might be difficult. Maybe you could go poetry hunting for yourself. Find some zen poems then use them as a template to write your own. You could share them here. I, for one, would love to see a thread dedicated to member poetry.

[Crook32]

My T gave me some grounding exercises. Like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 one where you use your senses. I used to write haikus when I was in high school. Haven’t done it since. Mindfulness and grounding makes me feel uneasy for some reason. So do affirmations, I just can’t do them. I would sort of journal by sending thoughts in an email to my T. I am kind of between Ts right now so I have no one to send them to. I know I could just write them for myself but for some reason it doesn’t feel as powerful if I can’t share them with my T.

Originally Posted by Crook32

My T gave me some grounding exercises. Like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 one where you use your senses. I used to write haikus when I was in high school. Haven’t done it since. Mindfulness and grounding makes me feel uneasy for some reason. So do affirmations, I just can’t do them. I would sort of journal by sending thoughts in an email to my T. I am kind of between Ts right now so I have no one to send them to. I know I could just write them for myself but for some reason it doesn’t feel as powerful if I can’t share them with my T.

Would it make you feel better if you shared them with us? Sounds like you just want someone to listen and give advice, is that right? Obviously 99% of us are not trained therapists, but if you're comfortable sharing even some of the stuff here, maybe it could help.

But again, this is only if you feel comfortable. You can say no and shouldn't feel forced to share with us if you do not want to share with us.

[Crook32]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Would it make you feel better if you shared them with us? Sounds like you just want someone to listen and give advice, is that right? Obviously 99% of us are not trained therapists, but if you're comfortable sharing even some of the stuff here, maybe it could help.

But again, this is only if you feel comfortable. You can say no and shouldn't feel forced to share with us if you do not want to share with us.

I guess I feel like if I send my thought to my T then I am held accountable for them and they are real and something we can deal with together. One reason I decided not to see the T I talked to the other day is because we were going to do trauma work but he wasn’t available outside of session. He said he would get back to me in 48 hours if he could. I didn’t feel safe with that arrangement and doing trauma work.

Maybe I will start writing here more often.

Originally Posted by Crook32

I guess I feel like if I send my thought to my T then I am held accountable for them and they are real and something we can deal with together. One reason I decided not to see the T I talked to the other day is because we were going to do trauma work but he wasn’t available outside of session. He said he would get back to me in 48 hours if he could. I didn’t feel safe with that arrangement and doing trauma work.

Maybe I will start writing here more often.

I see what you're saying.

Is your T the only person you feel will hold you accountable? What about your wife? Just trying to see if there are other people in your life who are supportive enough.

Also -- and this is a genuine, sincere question -- is there a reason you think that people online cannot deal with your struggles together like you and a therapist could? We may not be able to talk to you in person or see you in person, but you're more than welcome to keep posting threads and reach out for help as much as you want.

I have found that this tight-knit community to be very helpful. Many of us, when we struggle, tackle our problems together. Of course having a therapist you can talk to is very helpful, but we can still act as a "supplement" to your therapist in the interim, if that makes sense.

[~Christina]

In case anyone might find support here

[Fuzzybear]

Three things that went well in the day might be a good thing to try (journalling etc or writing here...). You're welcome to post here and start threads as others have said. I've also found this community to be very helpful, there is always someone who will listen and maybe offer some advice (that isn't a total piece of......)