[Fuzzybear]

Feeling that people ''hate'' me and that bad things are going to happen to me?

Possible trigger:

and that I am (at best) a ''bother''

And most other people are more ''important''..

Grrrrrrr I wonder where that crap came from. And why it is so STICKY

and what is the point in staying on this planet because of the above..

Possible trigger:

I wanted more good things in my life and instead........... all this ridiculous scary crap everyone is going through. and I cannot afford to have a ''crisis'' since I am allergic to the meds and also other reasons

If I do have a crisis i ''just have to deal with it''

If I contacted ''them'' irl they would again tell me how undeserving and unimportant and useless I am.

they are not worth my time.

If so then I probably am paranoid...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I don't exactly feel like the above, but quite close to it, lately

How do you dispute such thoughts? I have not found therapy helpful. The therapist had sadistic personality disorder (an outdated term, outdated like him)

[Fuzzybear]

Heh stupid me making this post.
how dare i speak fuzzybear

ETA
An introject told me how dare I speak..

Sorry to hear that you're going through this, Fuzzy.

The feeling that people hate you can be paranoia, depression, or both. Sometimes when I feel that people hate me or feel that I am not important enough, it's because I'm depressed and have a low self-esteem. However, feeling that bad things are going to happen to you can be anxiety, paranoia, or both. Sometimes I feel that my life is being threatened by non-existent people, so I guess that's paranoia and delusions. But usually anxiety has a reason. (e.g., "I think something bad is going to happen to me because I ate my co-worker's snack out of the fridge.")

But anyway, I wish you could find a med that worked AND didn't give you an allergic reaction. It must be awful to have to deal with it when you're allergic to meds and your "therapists" have failed you in so many ways.

I dispute such thoughts by trying to ground myself. It's really hard, though, when you're depressed or anxious. I'm not very good at grounding myself in general, but I find that posting on PC about something allows other people to weigh in their thoughts and it can help me realize that I'm not thinking right.

[fern46]

I'm not sure of the correct label or if getting that right matters. I think the important part is how it makes you feel.

I have noticed over time you are very concerned with everyone else's judgment and perception of you. My best advice would be to shift your focus inward. Focus on being the best Fuzzy you can be. Not by other's standards, but by your own. Become someone you can love and accept unconditionally and then it won't matter what others think of you. As a bonus, people tend to respond in a positive way to people who have a healthy and loving sense of self.

There are infinite reasons to be here, but you can only see them when you stop blocking your view.

I am sorry that you would have little support in a crisis. That must feel unsettling. I know there are many here that do and will support you however we can.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks blue and fern


Could those abusers who ''hated'' me and who only wanted bad things to happen to me...... even understand what supporting others is? Could they recognise they could possibly have been WRONG with all their horrible projections. Likely not.

Since I dislike posting what has been on my mind a lot lately (and almost everyone elses too ) ........ (edited)

All that ''crap'' becomes internalised and made me feel like I was feeling when I posted the first post in this thread

(not about anyone on pc)

[Fuzzybear]

Posting about the crap in this forest makes it seem more real....
It is scary having no support in a crisis. It makes me angry. IRL I mean. But also this thread is a minefield of bear crap that people don't want to come near.

[Skeezyks]

Paranoia, for me, is simply a feeling of dread that something bad is going to happen. There's a syndrome that is referred to as "sundowning". I think I have some of this. It starts around dinnertime each night. I feel my anxiety level starting to rise. I feel somewhat dizzy & dissociated. And there's a tinge of paranoia in the background. Overnight I'll wake up feeling mildly frightened & paranoid. I don't know how one disputes such thoughts other than to simply allow them to be there, feel their power, breathe into them, & allow them to fade of their own accord... to the extent they will.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks blue and fern


Could those abusers who ''hated'' me and who only wanted bad things to happen to me...... even understand what supporting others is? Could they recognise they could possibly have been WRONG with all their horrible projections. Likely not.

Since I dislike posting what has been on my mind a lot lately (and almost everyone elses too ) ........ (edited)

All that ''crap'' becomes internalised and made me feel like I was feeling when I posted the first post in this thread

(not about anyone on pc)

Of course they could. People aren't wholly one thing or another. A moment of enlightenment can come at any time. If they get there, what would that do for you? If you require it to heal you allow them to hold your power. Don't give them more than they deserve.

[Fuzzybear]

Stop caring when “professionals” irl are mean and callous? Stop being hurt by their abuse? I wish I could Stop being “too sensitive”? I do not know of anyone who is not hurt by that especially if multiple “providers” are so flawed and bullying.

This is my truth. It is MY experience. And I am not “paranoid”. I am deeply disappointed at the shoddy and bullying “service” I have repeatedly received irl when I was in legit distress and even “crisis”... having spoken to others it would seem their training is “different” here - basically it is blame the patient if they are not cured on their schedule. And that is just a tiny part of it..... so aside from moving continents which is obviously not an option... this issue is not “just in my head” or due to “wrong perceptions”.

I could tell them this, but they do not listen. I would prefer to be treated like a human/bear and not a malfunctioning machine..

I appreciate freedom of expression and not being shut down. This is part of MY healing. It’s not a one size fits all like some irl seem to think.

[Fuzzybear]

@fern46 I do try to be the best Fuzzybear that I can. I do not like it when people irl intentionally misunderstand me which happens repeatedly. When they are ''professionals'' this can be quite scary. I suppose continuing to avoid them - or if i have to consult them telling them the bear minimum....is the best medicine since I don't trust them at all

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry to hear that you're going through this, Fuzzy.

The feeling that people hate you can be paranoia, depression, or both. Sometimes when I feel that people hate me or feel that I am not important enough, it's because I'm depressed and have a low self-esteem. However, feeling that bad things are going to happen to you can be anxiety, paranoia, or both. Sometimes I feel that my life is being threatened by non-existent people, so I guess that's paranoia and delusions. But usually anxiety has a reason. (e.g., "I think something bad is going to happen to me because I ate my co-worker's snack out of the fridge.")

But anyway, I wish you could find a med that worked AND didn't give you an allergic reaction. It must be awful to have to deal with it when you're allergic to meds and your "therapists" have failed you in so many ways.

I dispute such thoughts by trying to ground myself. It's really hard, though, when you're depressed or anxious. I'm not very good at grounding myself in general, but I find that posting on PC about something allows other people to weigh in their thoughts and it can help me realize that I'm not thinking right.

Thanks blue

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

@fern46 I do try to be the best Fuzzybear that I can. I do not like it when people irl intentionally misunderstand me which happens repeatedly. When they are ''professionals'' this can be quite scary. I suppose continuing to avoid them - or if i have to consult them telling them the bear minimum....is the best medicine since I don't trust them at all

Yeah, it stinks feel misunderstood

If the bear minimum leaves you feeling in integrity and safe, that seems like an ok call. Maybe over time you'd feel differently, but hopefully someone would be willing to meet you where you are and work with what you can comfortably offer.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Stop caring when “professionals” irl are mean and callous? Stop being hurt by their abuse? I wish I could Stop being “too sensitive”? I do not know of anyone who is not hurt by that especially if multiple “providers” are so flawed and bullying.

This is my truth. It is MY experience. And I am not “paranoid”. I am deeply disappointed at the shoddy and bullying “service” I have repeatedly received irl when I was in legit distress and even “crisis”... having spoken to others it would seem their training is “different” here - basically it is blame the patient if they are not cured on their schedule. And that is just a tiny part of it..... so aside from moving continents which is obviously not an option... this issue is not “just in my head” or due to “wrong perceptions”.

I could tell them this, but they do not listen. I would prefer to be treated like a human/bear and not a malfunctioning machine..

I appreciate freedom of expression and not being shut down. This is part of MY healing. It’s not a one size fits all like some irl seem to think.

Excellent job!!!
This is all well-done, Fuzzy.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Stop caring when “professionals” irl are mean and callous? Stop being hurt by their abuse? I wish I could Stop being “too sensitive”? I do not know of anyone who is not hurt by that especially if multiple “providers” are so flawed and bullying.

This is my truth. It is MY experience. And I am not “paranoid”. I am deeply disappointed at the shoddy and bullying “service” I have repeatedly received irl when I was in legit distress and even “crisis”... having spoken to others it would seem their training is “different” here - basically it is blame the patient if they are not cured on their schedule. And that is just a tiny part of it..... so aside from moving continents which is obviously not an option... this issue is not “just in my head” or due to “wrong perceptions”.

I could tell them this, but they do not listen. I would prefer to be treated like a human/bear and not a malfunctioning machine..

I appreciate freedom of expression and not being shut down. This is part of MY healing. It’s not a one size fits all like some irl seem to think.

I don't think anyone wishes for you to deny your truth. I don't. It does make me sad it continues to hurt you, but that's for me to deal with, not you. I just don't like knowing a friend is in pain and I'm working on acceptance of what I do not like.

You shouldn't have to conform to a system, it should stretch to allow for you. A system not working for you does not mean you are broken or wrong.

When I say do not give them power they do not deserve it in no way means I see you as too sensitive. I think your sensitivity is a power in itself. I simply mean you can recognize the abuse, be honest with yourself about how it made you feel and then step out of it and change the pattern. Our power is not in denying our truth. It is in owning it and transforming the future.

I can't tell if you were aiming any of that my way, but I felt like clarifying what I said before was perhaps warranted.