My little post of all my ****ed upedness so I don't spam the board!

6 am and I'm still *****ing and red hot with anger.

Finally calm enough to lay down.

Glad you were able to calm down, MM. I deal with severe rage issues, too, at times. It is definitely no fun.

I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds?

I'm still mad lol
I know you're not exactly the biggest fan of taking meds, and I know you want to go off them. However, based on how you're feeling now, do you think you would be able to cope well without meds? not currently, but there's got to be skills I'm missing or prn meds for when this happens.

In my opinion, one of the biggest coping "skills" for managing bipolar symptoms is the skill of knowing how to effectively use distractions. Having a list of distractions will help you, but only to a degree if you don't know how to effectively use them.

Of course there are traditional coping skills like "listen to nature sounds" or "do some rhythmic breathing," but oftentimes, coping skills only do so much for us when we're symptomatic, and the more frequent we use them, there is the risk of them becoming less effective over time. So, that's where distractions are important. I think there are more combinations of distractions out there than traditional coping mechanisms. I mean, there are only so many different breathing exercises you can do, while there are endless possibilities for distractions, if that makes sense. So, you need to build up your arsenal of distractions. Maybe even talk to your therapist about coming up with a list if the ones people posted here won't work for you.

Thinking of you...

So I stayed away yesterday because I was pissed off. and didn't want to take it out on you guys. I getting "Why are you yelling?" asked a lot.

That's very thoughtful of you. I haven't seen you taking anger out on anyone here

I'm angry too. It sucks

Are you feeling any better?

PS your lists look good. I should probably do the same since I have trouble focusing on video or worse phone. Video doesn't work very well wiht my therapist so we get on, see each other for a while and then the connection is lost and we switch to phone. It's hard.

I just woke up for the night. I took a mini nap. the anger is coming and going. I'm trying to keep a level voice. I want to finish Miguel's graduation announcements. I think H is mad at me. I don't usually take things down but it freaked me out I couldn't choose to take it down later.

Thinking of you today...

sending warm thoughts and hugs

I'm still a little hyped but I think I'm through the worse of it. Thank you guys for all your support.

Glad you're doing better

I'm glad you're feeling better

So I screwed up convinced H to give me the debit card and bought over 30 books, He thinks it's okay if it keeps me busy. So I did the outline today. I'm going to work REALLY hard on this to turn a profit but even after I complete the curriculum I have to wait a year of editing and testing to see if we can even sell it. I don't think H cares about anything right now he's so depressed. It's a huge project. It should take me until August to finish this. I can do this. Right?

T was asking me all types of questions about it. I have to get the nerve up to ask my T about handling me with less/no drugs. She's the one that said it not me! I laughed and said no If I think the meds are at the right dose. I should have told her I don't want to take them. She was very understanding about my hair but brought up that I have a problem remembering to feed myself too. There were tons of times I could have spoke up. I just didn't want to be a kill joy. Plus it's much easier to hide you have a prepared statement over the phone.

So I'm vaguely paranoid and now I'm hearing music when there is none. H knows, except the paranoia. I've been vaguely paranoid for 1.5 weeks Just realizing it looking at my notes.

It looks like I did the whole "get better right before the appointment" thing I do, oh well I might call tomorrow and find out if I can email her so I can't back out.

I miss my ED voices!

I don't think anyone realizes how ****ed up I am. If I lay everything out T won't want to be my T anymore. I NEED to become more self reliant.

Sleep for a little and woke up mad as hell.

grrrrrrrrr sorry you're feeling mad

I don't think you know that for sure, but its possible. Maybe just tell your T a little of what you haven't been telling them?

I’m sorry that things are ****ed up. They are here too