Bipolar check-in #48

We can definitely see it now. I know you're trying to reign it in... Keep checking in with us so we know you're ok, ok?

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I got distracted, but I did do some research about pet loss groups this morning. I found a few things.

There is a facebook group out of Manitoba dealing with Pet loss: Pet Loss Support Group - Home | Facebook

Another resource is a Pet Loss support hotline run out of Tufts: Pet Loss Support Hotline: Support Group Links – Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University

Psychology Today recommends 4 steps immediately after pet loss: Four Steps to Take After Experiencing Pet Loss | Psychology Today

Chat rooms are found here:
Resources - Pet Loss at Home

There are a lot of support groups out there. @BeyondtheRainbow, can we connect you to some help? I hate to think of how much pain you feel in your heart. I remember when I lost my furry partner Chonch. It was so hard. I want you to try these resources, if you can?

Keep reaching out to us, too!

I’ve got a headache and am very cranky from lack of sleep. I try to focus on the posts here but it’s hard to concentrate. Hope everyone is doing better. Hugs to all

I have been feeling a little weird today... you know, like scatterbrained. I guess I am just thinking of too many things at once for some dumb reason. I am also overwhelmed by the seemingly infinite amount of activities I can, want, should, could, would do. (Translation: I'm basically an indecisive idiot.)

My mood is fine; I am not experiencing a mood swing. I am just indecisive and frustrating the hell out of myself because I want to equally as much do everything I have been thinking of. I need to learn how to be more decisive instead of just laying on the floor and wasting time thinking about stuff I could do. Yet here I am...

Thanks, whatever, for reaching out. I am using my phone now rather than puter and am a super slow phone typist. I get impatient w myself. Sorry.

However, I am still in a now 3 month-long depression and have been both manic and psychotic over the past week or so. It is certainly possible that those things are related to language use. For example, my French is significantly better when hypo than when depressed. It does seem clear from fmri work that bipolar illness can have a big impact on language processing, so...

Thank you.

Thanks, fern. I am trying.

it's saturday and I have done absolutely nothing

**** weekend.... all you really need to know

I wish my pdoc let me email her.
I need to be able to tell her whats been going on.
I did not get the haldol injection on the 20th like

I was supposed. So I have been taking 10mg of

haldol twice a day which is a lot.
Think I will go back to 5 mg a day 2x a day,

what she prescribed. I have been so groggy

these last few days. I think I will cut in half the klonipin
(i think that .5mg would do the trick)I really like being able

to sleep but this sedated feeling in the mornings is awful.
bizi

I got my macro lens filters. I haven't tried them yet because I am going to help N1 move but definitely will try ASAP!

I just told my parents I have SzA. So scared.

So the conversation went surprisingly well. I was asked if I had hallucinations. I told them the most benign one. I told them my fears of telling them. They told me lots of people with MI raise families plus I have H to help. I reminded them H has BP. They said it seems really controlled on meds. They looked up what it was before they called. I'm not thrilled I told them. I also informed them I have been hospitalized 2x. They said to call them and tell them if I need anything. My dad talked about controlling it with diet.

Thanks everyone for the support from last night's sobbing post. I finally took klonopin at 5:30 AM and slept a lot of the day. Now I'm feeling a bit agitated again. I just have too much on my mind with Charlie's death and knowing someone I love will die sometime soon too. He's had some problems the last few days and I think that brought it up for me. I don't know.

Tonight I'm taking the klonopin a lot earlier if I have to. Last night I was hoping my gabapentin would do the trick but it did not. I may take more of it sooner tonight. Last night I took one PRN dose at 10 Pm or so and then another about 3. This time I'll take the first dose if I need it but the 2nd more like 1 if I'm still up and especially if I'm crying. Hopefully that won't happen.

I'm glad to have therapy Monday. I didn't want to talk about Charlie's death in the context of the human I love but now I need to. Hating teletherapy for this kind of thing. Tomorrow it will be 5 months since I saw my therapist in person. I haven't gone more than 3 weeks without seeing him in 14 years and without being at the center for 18 years. It feels weird. But last time teletherapy worked the whole hour for the first time so I'm praying that it works again.

Thanks again. You all mean so much to me.

Had bad akathisia this morning.

Doc wasn't sure if it was geodon or clozapine, so he took me off geodon and lowered clozapine to 300 from 400.

@BeyondtheRainbow

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow ... I'm glad to have therapy Monday. I didn't want to talk about Charlie's death in the context of the human I love but now I need to. Hating teletherapy for this kind of thing. Tomorrow it will be 5 months since I saw my therapist in person. I haven't gone more than 3 weeks without seeing him in 14 years and without being at the center for 18 years. It feels weird. But last time teletherapy worked the whole hour for the first time so I'm praying that it works again. Thanks again. You all mean so much to me.

I so feel for you, Rainbow. I want to mention something, though...it's my opinion that you don't need to feel guilty if you're comparing losing Charlie to losing a person. At least for me, it doesn't work to think like that.

It's been 5 months since I've seen my therapist in person, too. I also find teletherapy extremely challenging. I had 1 session that was lost due to internet problems, so now I feel anxious that that will happen again. But I've worked hard to get used to teltherapy. About the time I did my therapist went out on sick leave. So it's been a month since I've had therapy at all. It's hard not to throw up my hands.

Anyway, I hope your next session goes really well.

So sorry you had akathesia. That is a horrible feeling. I've never had it on clozapine but have on other meds. I think I had it on Geodon but I took that so long ago I can't remember beyond going off it for dystonia.

I hope the changes go ok for you.

Sorry about your loss and thanks for listening to me ranting about clozapine lol.

Feeling nice and calm today. My dog and i are getting along well. I didn't chat with my neighbors outside for too long as i know she'll get into things. But it was long enough to say hello. The weather was nice today and the forecast is for comfortable temps. I'm happy to turn the calendar a page to a new month and one day closer to my Fall hypomania. I enjoyed this day just fine tho. Had three nice Scrabble wins using my new non-competitive mode and am beginning to rediscover what i first loved about the game. Got SOUPIER for 97!

@bpcyclist: So glad i asked for clarification about your new writing style. I was getting worried about DID and here it is this whole other benign thing! Mix-up! I love a good mix-up!

@falcon09: Sorry to hear you had akathisia. It's got to be one of the grimmest thing about psych meds. Hope it goes away tout suite.

@BeyondtheRainbow: Sorry to hear you are still so sad about Charlie. A pet's death is so sad. Sorry you're facing losing a person also. Must be a very hard time for you. Sending prayers.

Im sorry that you are going through such a loss, But the waves will hit

Big giant hugs to you

Hope your feeling better soon Nammu

Can you call first thing Monday AM ???

Im glad you told them.. This will probably help you find stability.. Its good you dont have to keep trying to hide things now.

Good for you !!!

I am in bed watching Star Trek. Long day. I had myself convinced that I had covid because I had a sore throat and achey muscles. No other symptoms, including fever. Now I feel tired but fine now. I helped N1 and her fiance move. Up and down the stairs to the 3rd floor with heavy stuff! They are now all moved in. I gave them a lamp, a fan, some dishes and dish towels and a set of bunk beds that were N1 and N3's when they were little. Their place is tiny but cute. Its two bedrooms too so they can have their own space if need be. They were going to order pizza.

I also got my macro filters today. I can't wait to try them. I bought a watermelon just for this very thing! It's a seedless watermelon but sometimes those have white, undeveloped seeds. I haven't put the filters on the camera yet. I thought I would do that tomorrow- there's a park across the street that I've never been to.

Well My husband and I got that canvas stretched of the paint by numbers kit I bought, so I have been working on it.... It takes my full concentration so I have to really calm myself, Some on the areas are soooooooooooooooo tiny.. But Hey ???? It will give me something to focus on and I'm so happy I got this one. Very colorful and will take time.. I have disconnected from the news and zoom past Facebook stuff that will bother me, Yesterday it was a struggle... Hense my loud world. Feel better today. ..

The flooring under the junk heater is trashed and needs replaced, so tomorrow Steve's friend is coming to help yank that old beast out. The following weekend they can finish up hooking up the new tankless heater..

So another week or so wait .... Oh well Im just grateful its not winter with no hot water !!!

Hugs

I can't imagine being with out hot water! Will be excited to hear how you like the new tankless ones.
sounds like steve is doing better!
happy for you!
A paint by number does take concentration. happy for you, what is the picture?
bizi

@~Christina That paint by numbers sounds fun! Sorry your water heater is going to take longer but it should be really good once it's here and installed!

cant sleep ugh