Bipolar check-in #48

praying for you, Marcus

in a lot of pain today, friday = shower day, and shower= pain.

got to have fruit salad for breakfast, for dinner I'm having mcdonalds. doing nothing for the rest of the day though. blah

Good Morning everyone,
So... I haven’t slept, but that’s not necessarily anything med induced. I do work the night shift and I am usually up these hours of the day. I do feel tired and a bit restless but all in all I’m ok. I have some minor side effects going on already, like blurring of vision. If it’s anything like with abilify; it’ll go away when my body adjusts to the medicine. But the point is I’ve made it 7 hours in without any serious problems. That doesn’t put me out of the woods, but it’s a good sign. The Prazosin has something called “first dose phenomenon”. Where the side effects are exaggerated and much more likely to affect you for your first dose. I took the precautions and I didn’t have any trouble. I do worry about this medicine and it’s effect on me though. At work I get dizzy if I bend and raise up to quick, or perhaps turn to quickly. (Nothing serious but more notable than I would say is normal). This medicine can cause low blood pressure with standing which can lead to light headedness and fainting. Given everything I’m a bit afraid to go to work while taking this drug. Luckily it’s my days off so maybe my body will have time to adjust and if I am slow to bend and raise up I won’t have problems. It’s just natural fear of serious side effects. I worried about SJS for weeks when I started Lamictal. I was a wreck lol. I’ll keep a close eye and how it affects me these days and if it will interfere with my job.

But as disillusioned as I am about everything I do feel better that I’ve made it basically through the night without serious concern. Time will tell if I can tolerate these meds, or if side effects and symptoms are negated or helped by the combinations of meds ..but I have to let it run it’s course to know.

Outside of my obsessive need to research and share anything new in my life (I’m still embarrassed how much Of the in depth crap I threw around about dieting. Like anyone really wanted to hear half of it. It wasn’t even practical stuff sometimes and mostly was individualized to only pertain to me, so sorry everyone for that fiasco — I’ll try to make this med adjustment NOT become an obsession I feel I have to share lol.). But anyway, outside of all of that, I’m glad to have these days off to try to recharge. It’s been a hard week for me and I’ve not done much at all.

My plan for these days off is doing some light cleaning, finish finally unpacking, and spending some time here on PC listening and helping others where I can. It’s therapeutic in itself to get and give support. I’m getting support, it’s time I give back a little more.

Oh, and Thanks everyone who has reached out to me and has kept me in their thoughts. That doesn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. It means the world.

MarcusAurelius

I am tired and agitated, but I think I am just cranky from being tired (if I'm honest). I did sleep a lot, though, so I think I am just overtired.

I wish I could sleep, but I've been busy all morning and I have an hour long meeting in about 25 mins, and then another meeting for an hour after that. I just want to SLEEP... but it is a good thing I am not letting myself sleep and getting more tired.

After all this, I will go back to reading my book that I left off on Wednesday afternoon. I hope that doesn't tire me out though. That could be detrimental...

I went off my Wellbutrin myself a couple days ago. I know I for sure shouldn’t have done that without the doctors approval. My overall anxiety is way way down though. Maybe I just needed the increase in Geodon instead of the Wellbutrin. I don’t know. But I slept like crap last night and all I have is a bit of caffeine anxiety. Not the full blown pandemic anxiety attack meltdowns I had been getting. Not sure how to approach my therapist and Pdoc about going off my Wellbutrin without getting it real good from both of them. Going off an antidepressant by yourself is real bad.

My therapist told me today that she thinks I summoned mania when I got my news about being on the layoff list. That I need it to handle any bad news. I told her she was an asshole. I can't deal with this **** much longer. I literally feel like I'm going out of my gourd.

I hope you are all doing better, and finding strength. I send hugs and love.

My productive thing for the day is calling that apartment complex back - but they didn't answer. I also brought N1 some bread and peanut butter. She got sun poisoning yesterday and had to go to the ER. She was at my mom's place while my mom is gone and there was no food. We watched a movie that she really like on cable. Now I'm just hanging out until my mom comes back then I'm leaving.

I'm so sorry for your loss Moose. That must be shocking as well as sad.

So sorry moose.

sorry for your loss, moose.

I'm so sorry to read about your loss, and your family's. I also feel for your uncle who was taken by such a terrible illness. My family and I know a similar loss.

Moose, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yes that's how I'm feeling- shocked and sad.

So sorry for your loss, Moose.

Not gonna mention much about my father right now. He didn't return home. He's still at the assisted living facility.

I'm finally going to see my psychiatrist in five days (via video session) after over two months. I hope he's well and recuperated during his vacation. I'm fine, so there's nothing urgent to say to him. I mean, there's stuff, but I'm debating how much to bother mentioning. Just like with my therapist, I'm growing tired of these video sessions with pdoc. I know that I must "meet" with them, but there's a part of me that wishes I could just put the appointments on hold until this pandemic eases enough to allow in-person ones. Who knows when that will ever be?!?! I told my therapist that when that time ever comes, I'll attend the first in-person appointments with her, and pdoc, wearing beautiful dresses, as a celebration.

I lost 1.6 pounds this past week. I had lost 2.6 lbs during a four-day period prior to that (cumulative total 4.2 lbs or 1.9 kg). So I'm doing well with my weight loss and fitness journey. Regarding the latter, my husband and I have been exercising more. We could up it even further yet. I've lowered my daily calorie allowance for this week by a small amount because I'd like to reach my interim goal of getting into the next lower 10 lb weight bracket. If I do, that will be the lowest weight I've been in 2 1/2 years. It's certainly doable. I'll set a new interim goal after I reach that. I talked to my brother yesterday and he said that both he and my sister are also seriously striving to lose weight. Bro said he lost 20 lbs (9 kg). I'm not sure how much my sister lost. No one in my immediate family is naturally trim. We all have to work towards that, seriously.

My condolences on your loss Moose.

Oh, Moose I am so, so sorry.

Some years ago, I lost my aunt the same way. She was 60. I attended Survivors of Suicide groups for about a year after she passed. The organization is incredible. If there's anything like that in your location, I encourage you to go.

I feel lousy bored dissatisfied lonely. I tried to socialize with my neighbors but my dog kept trying to eat rocks so we had to come in. Sometimes she's a pain in the ***. I live in fear of another $1700 vet bill like the last time she had a stomach issue.

The good news is that tomorrow is the first day of August and Summer is on the run. Which means September and hypomania are just one month away. I just have to last until then.

I took a shower and went to the mall. I really tried today but i just can't get comfortable.

Gawd, another month of this! Grrrrr...

Thanks for this. I just might. My sister said he was her favorite uncle out of the 3 brothers and I agree.

My sincerest and heartfelt condolences to you and your family for your loss.

Wow, Moose, I am so sorry for your loss. That is rough.

I'm sorry moose.

It is basic neurobiology that the longer we have bp disorder the more likely the tiniest thing is to cause full mania or depression. This has been shown on fmri. As a matter of fact, we get way LESS likely to flare due to major crises the older we get. So, we actually improve a lot w the huge stresses. Many studies on this.

So, I usually don't say things like this but, she's an idiot. And you are SUPER AWESOME!!!!!!

hugs and love!!!!!!!

[QUOTE=Soupe du jour;6902502]Not gonna mention much about my father right now. He didn't return home. He's still at the assisted living facility.

I'm finally going to see my psychiatrist in five days (via video session) after over two months. I hope he's well and recuperated during his vacation. I'm fine, so there's nothing urgent to say to him. I mean, there's stuff, but I'm debating how much to bother mentioning. Just like with my therapist, I'm growing tired of these video sessions with pdoc. I know that I must "meet" with them, but there's a part of me that wishes I could just put the appointments on hold until this pandemic eases enough to allow in-person ones. Who knows when that will ever be?!?! I told my therapist that when that time ever comes, I'll attend the first in-person appointments with her, and pdoc, wearing beautiful dresses, as a celebration.

I lost 1.6 pounds this past week. I had lost 2.6 lbs during a four-day period prior to that (cumulative total 4.2 lbs or 1.9 kg). So I'm doing well with my weight loss and fitness journey. Regarding the latter, my husband and I have been exercising more. We could up it even further yet. I've lowered my daily calorie allowance for this week by a small amount because I'd like to reach my interim goal of getting into the next lower 10 lb weight bracket. If I do, that will be the lowest weight I've been in 2 1/2 years. It's certainly doable. I'll set a new interim goal after I reach that. I talked to my brother yesterday and he said that both he and my sister are also seriously striving to lose weight. Bro said he lost 20 lbs (9 kg). I'm not sure how much my sister lost. No one in my immediate family is naturally trim. We all have to work towards that, seriously.[/QUOTEHugs on ur dad, Soupe.

Not sure about PA politics, but it will be 2021 b4 in person visits IMO.