Bipolar check-in #48

Hi MarcusAurelius. I have felt supported by you a lot these past few days. I appreciate that very much. I've been glad to get to know you a little better, too. I would love to support you, the best that I can. You are always welcome to send me a PM if you like.

I mentioned to you that I wondered why I should stick around. I got to a point where I felt I gave a lot, but only a few people even appreciated my contributions. And many didn't seem to acknowledge my presence a lot of the time, or even seem to want to know me. One person in the past even acted in passive aggressive ways. So, I totally get the feeling you are describing. However, I did come back. I came back because I know that quality is more important than quantity. If I can have just one, or two, or if I'm lucky three nice friends here that's worth it. I do have at least one very very good pal here that I trust, and have a few others that I feel close to or are excited about getting closer to. Like you. At least, I see them as people I believe have true open arms. People that I can extend arms to and not be rejected or reached out to conditionally. Or rejected straight up. I imagine you're like me and like to be true to yourself. I feel being untrue to myself is like losing myself.

So, an inequity has been done somewhere. Yes, we could grieve or run away. Or, we can move on from that and rise above. Those who "win" or get greater benefit, when it's undeserved, are really not true winners, in the end.

Thank you for your kind words. I don't know if there's anyone I can talk to. During July most things here are closed, but I think I need to. I'm slowly spirsling out of control.

Ha!! Yay!!

[QUOTE=DawnMiller;6900986]It belongs to a grp. of atypical antipsychotics and acts to stabilize mood and treats depression. I was on it 12 yrs. and never gained a pound. I gained tons on Serokill. Abilify can be totally weight-neutral. It is probably the best designed antipsychotic out there.

Lithium also works for depression but is the gold standard for mania and hypo. If they were about to hospitalize u, it sounds more mania than hypo. What r ur symptoms exactly?

Hugs!!

Hugs, Soupinator!!!!!

i do not know the system there but I advise reaching out to a local doctor. Tell them exactly, precisely what u told us. Do not try to look good. Be totally real and see how they can help u. Maybe they prescribe themselves, maybe they refer u 2 a psychiatrist.

Look, Dawn, bipolar disorder may be a fatal illness. Do u hear this? Pls, pls get help.

Hugs.

[QUOTE=bpcyclist;6901024]Hi!

That sounds like something I should talk to my doctor about. Like I said, I'm terrified of gaining weight again. I'm still on my weightloss journey.

Well, typical is I can't fall asleep and my brain is racing. Sometimes the thoughts get so intense I get exhausted and I'm so mentally awake I almost start to shake. I spend recklessly without care, normally I'm good with money. I can also become obsessive and sit with something for hours without being able to stop. I call it hyper-focus. I get really confident (which Is a nice side effect) and everything seems possible. I wanna go out and conquer the world and it must happen in that second. I also have a real easy time tipping over from really happy to super angry and suffer from terrible rage. I can get so angry over a tiny change in detail and it's probably the hardest part. I also cry super easily and get really emotional for no reason. When I'm depressed I can't really cry or show much emotion. I feel nothing then.

I also have add and I don't know enough about this combination.

I have had two hypomanic times where I did some crazy stuff. Like planned a spontaneous trip to Australia to meet a guy I barely knew and doing things so out of character.

[QUOTE=DawnMiller;6901028]I did not want to gain weight either. I found that if I did 30 min or so circuit training a day and kept my calories to the suggested limit that the my fitness pal app gave me, I was able to avoid weight gain. Even on meds, there are ways around it.

I think the key thing is to let your doc know how important not gaining weight is to you and to first seek weight neutral options.

Welcome Dawn Miller! You've found a good home here. Stay awhile and you'll make some great friends.

Anyone heard from ~Christina today? Just hoping she checks in too.



New with me? My company plans to lay me off in 2-6 months. Their reason is that I'm fantastic at a job that is not the one in my job title. Essentially, my last department put me into a role that was not my Job Title's and used me as a jack of all trades, and my new department has no use for me in that role. I've tried to make myself indispensable, but cuts were coming either way. I'm just low-hanging fruit. I spent the day making myself invaluable to my old bosses and making calls to them. Hoping to open a door there. Holding together, barely. And I'm feeling the beginnings of mania setting in. Mania, to a break, to mania. Nothing in the middle. So strange. I think this batch has been triggered by the layoff news, somehow. The panic set in, and maybe that's whats pushing me along.

Sending all of you, my friends, all the good vibes I have. Keep your chin up, in these tough times.

[QUOTE=DawnMiller;6901028]

[QUOTE=DawnMiller;6901028]Well, that certainly ain't bp2.

Hugs.

Hey,, Thanks for asking I am here.. Life is just hard , but hopefully as time passs things will improve.

I'm sorry your dealing with the job situation. I think its probably more pain knowing it will come just not sure when,,, Would drive me crazy!

Ive done the mania to ok then swing back to mania ,, it gets so exhausting.. I wishI had magic words to help , but I dont I do know sometimes we needs our meds really looked at and sometimes even dropping a dose by half is often very helpful... Many people are under medicated for there situation mentally but honestly I see more problems when people are over medicated. how brains can oly take so many meds and then Kaboom !

Just a thought

Well finally drove to town and got a damn phone signal, "usually" I can get one bar here if my phone is on my night stand angled just right, But Nope

So my Pdoc has started me back on lamictal.. Ill start it Friday, I have zero interest in driving back to town until then when my T insisted I go so he can call to check on me.

Did have a nice long chat with my Daughter in Florida.. Shes still working from home, Only a couple people work in the office right now, IT guy and receptionist to manage phone calls , door are locked , the owner of the company is a Scientologist and still thinks that vitamins and Sun will kill COVID.. thankfully the VP is a normal smart person and called for everyone to work from home back in March when this disaster started.

No problems with my hopping back on meds, I didnt expect any but still relieved no issues.

Its hot and Im tired of cooking so Turkey wraps for dinner tomorrow !!!

Anyone watch the TV show Yellowstone ???? Omg its fantastic.. Its on Paramount channel .. Anyway , if anyone wants to geek out over it hit me up

Fuzzy drinks and fresh fruit for all

Just can't figure out what happened to jane and the diet thread?
bizi

I went on a walk today after weighing myself. I have gained 8 pounds! Might be because I quit walking and I've been taking serokill for sleep every so often.

I ordered some macro lens filters. Amazon says they'll be here Sunday but things usually come early. I can't wait to try them!

Still having muscle twitches- same spot on my leg as last night.

Going to try to get up earlier tomorrow. Even 9:00 would be good.

Just caught up like 10 pages of this thread. Phew!

You're all in my thoughts, even when I'm not around.

********************

It's been hot. Oh.so.hot. Ugh!! Things have been going pretty alright, but I am in a state I call "subdued". Which, translated, would likely be some level of depression. I'm usually getting things done, but there is an underlying hopelessness. I feel that it may be largely situational (especially as my usual add-on med isn't helping, and usually does). The world is just such a s***show right now. And then there's the jack-booted thugs stomping our constitutional civil rights into the ground right here in my city. I cannot tell you how much it enrages me. This is not the america we like to think it is. We are under siege from our own government. This is utterly unacceptable. It is unconscionable.

Feeling powerless, lonely, hopeless and confused. But whatever. Onward we go.

Completely addicted to Yellowstone...

Hey, IZ adding 6gm a day of EPA and DHA, omega 3, has appeared to have made a massive improvement in my depression. I reviewed 22 papers and I believe many nonresponders are on too low a dose. Highly advised as there is no real risk.

Well, finally got a couple hrs. sleep. Have maybe 4 hrs. out of last 73.
, so not too hot. More Depakote.

What's your opinion on what it does sound like, bpcyclist? Just out of curiosity.

Feeling worse each day. Been five days with no lamictal at all. IOP never got back to me. I don’t have the number, just the email. I feel physically and mentally ill. Just...I have a thick feeling in my head, and I feel like my brain is full of fog. I keep getting what feels like anxiety but I really don’t know. I have an appt with a cardiologist to rule out any physical issues. I can’t sleep again; I was up until 4am for no reason at all. It’s a mess. I’ve put in a desperate plea to my pcp. I called yesterday, and a nurse called back and said she would ask my doctor to fill it, but I never heard more. I just called now and left another message.

I don’t know what else to do if he won’t give me my meds. I’m sure he will, he’s a nice guy. I’ve been with him awhile. So I hope I will hear back today.

To me? Well, it is just the personal opinion of one, fluffinator, but racing thoughts so severe you are physically shaking, reckless spending, planning for impulsive travel to a place 7600 miles away to hook up w someone u do not know, euphoric grandeur, and depression w schizophrenic negative symptoms is to my way of our current understanding very likely over the line for mere BP 2--not to belittle that awful illness in any way whatsoever.

The current lexicon for bp 1 and 2 is of course confusing and totally inadequate, but perhaps in ur world this really is bp 2. To me, it is pretty flagrant bp 1.

Hugs.

Hey wfc, if u don't hear back by 3 today, pls call back and beg to speak to nurse again. Tell her u r symptomatic and suffering.

Hugs.

Thanks for clarifying, and I didn't mean to doubt your assessment. I was just wondering because that description sounds pretty similar to stuff I've experienced, and my dx is bp2 currently.

Hi bizi. If you are referring to whatever2013, I did see her post yesterday. As for the diet thread, I thought that once a few posts were removed that it would open. It was open briefly after said posts were removed. [I specifically asked a moderator to remove some of mine.] I was very relieved it opened again because I felt bad about the whole situation, and my part. I really appreciated that thread. I've been following a serious weight loss plan and trying to keep motivation to exercise. Just as I found it very supportive for that, I know others did, as well. And of course whatever2013 expressed great desire for support, as the OP.

I do feel that people with bipolar disorder have unique challenges with weight loss efforts/journeys and exercise plans. MarcusAurelius shared an excellent article from Psych Central itself that discussed many of these. I do frequent a weight loss online forum elsewhere, and appreciate the members there, but I do feel reluctant to post certain concerns/challenges at that place since members there do not have bipolar disorder. Or no one there identifies as having such. It would be inappropriate, in my view, to write too much about my mental health challenges that affect dieting at that place. Here, it wouldn't.

It would be great if there was a diet (or maybe better "Weight Loss Journey") support thread again someday soon, but it seems that for some very peculiar reason that seemed unwanted enough (by some members/moderator) for the original to be removed. I suppose the topic is triggering for some members, but so are other threads.

I certainly will never start such a thread here. I feel it would be inappropriate for me to do so, but imagine that it wouldn't be for someone else, in the future. If one ever is, I'd surely participate in it to some degree.