[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Doing much better with anxiety with the aid of Klonopin and reframing things. It is what it is and I’m strong enough to handle the fallout.

Let me just say one last time that I’ve had a tremendous summer and I’ve got one last sunny day to float. After that....bring on fall! Looking forward to getting into the fall vibe and catching up on my to do list.

Prayers for everyone dealing with wildfires.

Hugs to all.

Im so glad that you have had a good summer...

I am with you Bring on FALL

[Moose72]

I filled out some of the paperwork and got two proofs I needed (needed to drive there) fairly easily. So more later. Figured out what my ex's address is. He hates it when I ask him for his information every year so this year I found it for myself! This year, I think I'll make a copy of this paperwork even though it has to be filled out every year. Maybe I can save myself some brain power next year? I also asked at the credit union about applying for a credit card. She said they don't like to do secured cards- they'd rather do regular credit cards. Maybe I can get one?! That would be nice. But I'm going to wait until after I move when the dust has settled. Oh and my case manager never called me back. So much for "within the next business day". When I was getting a piece of paper for my proofs from the Department of Human Services (food stamps and medicaid) there was a guy there with issues about his food stamp card not working. Apparently, he hadn't picked a PIN and the poor guy working there was trying to tell him this through the glass door - they don't let you in anymore- and the guy just started spewing at me about "This how all government is. They should just use your driver's license for everything.... They this and they that and complain complain complain!" I, on the other hand, got in and out easily with what I wanted! Go me! Stuff is still everywhere here. But N3 is coming by Saturday to finish up his stuff. I want to get rid of a ton of stuff from the kitchen. For instance: I don't need 20 mugs. I need 2 or 3 and that's it. I don't need a crock pot- I never use it. Stuff like that.

To those of you in the smoke, I feel for you. That must be awful. B- why are you riding all that way in the smoke? My sister says the smoke is out her way, too. She lives in California. Here, it was chilly - 66 F today I could've worn jeans and a sweatshirt, but I went out in shorts and a t-shirt anyway. Having some dried seaweed and corn for dinner. Maybe later I'll have some chicken. Today is the 10th. HURRY HURRY HURRY on the paperwork!

[Coolbreeze74]

I have an infected eye! It wont stop watering and it burns and hurts. When I was withdrawling from benzos, I would get them all time. Dont know what brought it on.

Hope it gets better soon.

Hope everyone is having a good day! hugs to those struggling.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I have an infected eye! It wont stop watering and it burns and hurts. When I was withdrawling from benzos, I would get them all time. Dont know what brought it on.

Hope it gets better soon.

Hope everyone is having a good day! hugs to those struggling.

Hope your eye is better soon. Its no fun when your eyes are having issues! Wonder what about withdrawing from benzos bothered your eyes?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm glad you had a nice experience in Barcelona. I have to admit that it hasn't impressed me much... yet. I guess I just have a different set of preferences. I like that it is an extremely bike friendly city. Did you ride a bike a lot in Barcelona?

We are staying across the road from beaches, including a nude beach. Some people fully nude. The sand is kind of brownish in color.

Today we went to the Gothic quarter and to a notable cathedral. Tomorrow we might see the buildings by Gaudí. As for the food, haven't had enough here to decide by a long shot. Plus, it's tough with my husband's garlic allergy. I think Catalan food is heavy garlic focused. I look forward to tomorrow as a museum day. Dali Museum maybe? I also like Joan Miro, and they also have a Picasso Museum.

I suppose I am just more of a Francophile. Again, I am sure much more time would be needed for me to establish any firm thoughts on Barcelona. I think Seville (which I visited years back) is likely prettier in my view. I love their azulejos.

I think Barcelona is likely one too many places on our itinerary. Perhaps in the future, we will visit again with a different mindframe. I just feel so ill at ease in Barcelona. I felt good in France. We will return to France (southern) the day after tomorrow. Then on to Czech Republic, some days later.

Sorry you have had a letdown there. It has been several years. I am sure it has changed a lot. Sevilla is awesome. Spent one of the hottest days, temp-wise, ever walking around there. Pretty sure got yelled at there, too. Spaniards!

I heart Picasso. Was he one of us maybe?

Onward!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I opened the paperwork. First thing is says is I need copies of my gas/electric bill and my water bill! Well, I THREW THOSE OUT the other day! UGH. Why? Because I'm stupid and I was in blind-get-rid-of mode! So, I had to call and ask for them to be emailed to me so I could print them. I hope they're good enough! I don't trust the mail to get the gas/electric bill to me in time though I DID ask for them to snail mail me, too. The water bill was in with my portal where I pay water and rent on my desktop. (User and pw are saved there and I can't get the pw to work on other computers and I have no printer.) I also need copies of my tax returns and I don't have them because I applied for the stimulus by filing with a simple form even though I didn't actually file because I don't make enough money. So now I have to mail the form in and it probably won't arrive in time! I TOLD you this paperwork sucked ***...

OH- and my mom IS coming over now. Hopefully with the bills she printed for me. That's SOMEthing at least.

Moose, maybe you need to go down to the utilities personally. That will speed you and solve your problem in one day.

Hugs!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Today is a different color. Yesterday was deep yellow/amber. Today there's a grey haze over everything and ashes are falling. I have to take my recycling out and I keep putting it off because of the air and that smell...I'm so weary of smelling smoke.

I have been feeling very anxious and uncomfortably depressed/hypomanic/depressed/mixed state is the best way to put it. A low, but persistent level of paranoia. Pdoc raised a couple of med doses starting Tuesday; I might be feeling a bit more stable today. Honestly wish I could just lie in bed and sleep until tomorrow, just rest my mind and body while I feed myself meds to stabilize, lol.

My heart is with you, Beth. So grateful the med change is already helping. That is so fast!!! Yay!!!

Hugs. It will move on. It always does.

Hugs.

[wildflowerchild25]

Mom told my grandma went to visit grandpa. She said she was supposed to stay six feet away but **** that, right? She held his hand. He didn’t speak but squeezed her hand. She said he looks pretty gone. My mom seems to be under the impression that the home will let us know when death is imminent so we can all go in (one at a time, of course - can’t let him catch coronavirus :eyeroll: ) but she’s not sure. I hope I do get to say goodbye to him. He’s not aware enough to make it worth trying to stand outside of his window. I won’t take my son though. I don’t think it’s necessary. If it were a closer family member I would but I think it would just scare him. I will take him to the funeral though. I took him to his grandfather’s who he was very close to. I didn’t take him to his father’s but that’s only because he was so young, only four. I don’t think he would have understood.

Anxiety is ok, I don’t feel like I’m on edge waiting. I get a good distraction at work. My student was a little better today. We finally talked to his mom. Apparently he went inpatient for a massive overdose after an argument with his father how sad. He’s only eleven. At first I didn’t understand why he wasn’t on meds but after talking with her I understand where she’s coming from. He’s been on meds since he was five, so she wants him to detox from them to see how he really is and what his actual dx might be now that he’s older. I respect that.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I filled out some of the paperwork and got two proofs I needed (needed to drive there) fairly easily. So more later. Figured out what my ex's address is. He hates it when I ask him for his information every year so this year I found it for myself! This year, I think I'll make a copy of this paperwork even though it has to be filled out every year. Maybe I can save myself some brain power next year? I also asked at the credit union about applying for a credit card. She said they don't like to do secured cards- they'd rather do regular credit cards. Maybe I can get one?! That would be nice. But I'm going to wait until after I move when the dust has settled. Oh and my case manager never called me back. So much for "within the next business day". When I was getting a piece of paper for my proofs from the Department of Human Services (food stamps and medicaid) there was a guy there with issues about his food stamp card not working. Apparently, he hadn't picked a PIN and the poor guy working there was trying to tell him this through the glass door - they don't let you in anymore- and the guy just started spewing at me about "This how all government is. They should just use your driver's license for everything.... They this and they that and complain complain complain!" I, on the other hand, got in and out easily with what I wanted! Go me! Stuff is still everywhere here. But N3 is coming by Saturday to finish up his stuff. I want to get rid of a ton of stuff from the kitchen. For instance: I don't need 20 mugs. I need 2 or 3 and that's it. I don't need a crock pot- I never use it. Stuff like that.

To those of you in the smoke, I feel for you. That must be awful. B- why are you riding all that way in the smoke? My sister says the smoke is out her way, too. She lives in California. Here, it was chilly - 66 F today I could've worn jeans and a sweatshirt, but I went out in shorts and a t-shirt anyway. Having some dried seaweed and corn for dinner. Maybe later I'll have some chicken. Today is the 10th. HURRY HURRY HURRY on the paperwork!

Yeah, 20 is kinda alot of, like, mugs and stuff.

I have to exercise. Critical to my brain health. Beyond critical. I do smell like a campfire, though... Yay, global warming!! No more salmon anywhere and the entire west coast is on fire. Hooray!!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Hope your eye is better soon. Its no fun when your eyes are having issues! Wonder what about withdrawing from benzos bothered your eyes?

Thanks. Withdrawal from benzos can cause dry eyes. I think that had something to do with it.

I'm happy because the stats for last night's Scrabble Club came out and i gained 27 rating points! I was only expecting about eight. Aces!

I'm also happy because i'm eating better with my new meal service. I've had veggies TWICE today! I had some fish! I haven't had a hot fish dinner in eons!

I feel fragile hope that i may turn my horrendous eating habits around and may (possibly) lose weight. I took a serving of chips out and put most of them back so that's a good sign. Oh, if this would just work!!! I'm trying not to get too excited tho because my last several self-improvement projects failed.

It's nice to feel happy tho even if it is fragile.

Hugs to all who need them! Those suffering the wildfires are in my thoughts.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm happy because the stats for last night's Scrabble Club came out and i gained 27 rating points! I was only expecting about eight. Aces!

I'm also happy because i'm eating better with my new meal service. I've had veggies TWICE today! I had some fish! I haven't had a hot fish dinner in eons!

I feel fragile hope that i may turn my horrendous eating habits around and may (possibly) lose weight. I took a serving of chips out and put most of them back so that's a good sign. Oh, if this would just work!!! I'm trying not to get too excited tho because my last several self-improvement projects failed.

It's nice to feel happy tho even if it is fragile.

Hugs to all who need them! Those suffering the wildfires are in my thoughts.

Congrats on the ratings points!

[Jmayfair]

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm happy because the stats for last night's Scrabble Club came out and i gained 27 rating points! ... Aces!

Words are power!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

The more you share the more people will reply and you will feel like an insider in no time!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

@Jmayfair Don't worry about how much you have to say. It's what's natural. I can completely relate, though. I often find myself padding a post because I feel it doesn't have quite enough. Of course, reading more than posting is common, especially when getting to know the rest of us.

Ok, what else can I add?

Yeah, confidence suffered for me, too when ECT did a number on my academic mind, the only thing about myself I valued. However, we have value because we are individuals in a community. You are part of us. Have confidence in that.

[swimmingly]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

Don't sweat it friend. We all acclimate at different speeds and comfort levels. I was in rare shape when I came in, not long out of the hospital and very needy for answers. Share at the level that feels right to you. There's nothing wrong about reading or listening. Ask questions or offer encouragement, or don't feel bad to ask for help or encouragement when you need it.

That's why I call these people my family.

Well it’s happened. I’m officially gonna be without a home again. My roomate has decided his boyfriend and his lover are gonna move in here. 4 people in this house is a lot and they have a a lot of stuff and need the basement. They’re moving in the end of the month.

I don’t find it so fair, but in the end I’m a stranger and these are people he cares about. I’m struggling as it is and frankly it doesn’t matter. I will die before I live in my car again. I will move back in with my mom. I have no funds and with the leave of absence that really makes things even harder.

It’s time I just give up and give in. It’s over.

@MarcusAurelius: Sorry to hear your living situation is going South. I bounced around a bit when i was your age, also after a divorce. I learned that without a lease and a lock on the door, things are precarious.

Are you open to the idea of applying for public disability benefits yet?

You are in my thoughts.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I have an infected eye! It wont stop watering and it burns and hurts. When I was withdrawling from benzos, I would get them all time. Dont know what brought it on.

Hope it gets better soon.

Hope everyone is having a good day! hugs to those struggling.

I am sorry, Breeze. Is it red? Draining? What color?

Hugs.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Mom told my grandma went to visit grandpa. She said she was supposed to stay six feet away but **** that, right? She held his hand. He didn’t speak but squeezed her hand. She said he looks pretty gone. My mom seems to be under the impression that the home will let us know when death is imminent so we can all go in (one at a time, of course - can’t let him catch coronavirus :eyeroll: ) but she’s not sure. I hope I do get to say goodbye to him. He’s not aware enough to make it worth trying to stand outside of his window. I won’t take my son though. I don’t think it’s necessary. If it were a closer family member I would but I think it would just scare him. I will take him to the funeral though. I took him to his grandfather’s who he was very close to. I didn’t take him to his father’s but that’s only because he was so young, only four. I don’t think he would have understood.

Anxiety is ok, I don’t feel like I’m on edge waiting. I get a good distraction at work. My student was a little better today. We finally talked to his mom. Apparently he went inpatient for a massive overdose after an argument with his father how sad. He’s only eleven. At first I didn’t understand why he wasn’t on meds but after talking with her I understand where she’s coming from. He’s been on meds since he was five, so she wants him to detox from them to see how he really is and what his actual dx might be now that he’s older. I respect that.

I am sorry for all this pain and anxiety, wfc. Praying for all involved.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

I am so glad you posted , Jmay!!! Yay!!!! Few of us were just saying we so need new folks here. Please just dive in. You will get to know everyone best by participating. I came a year ago because I was scared another S attempt was coming. 2 prior. Miracle I am alive. Anyway, people were very sweet and welcoming. So, my advice is just keep posting.

I went to Columbia. Great school, fun city, but as a west coast guy I felt culturally ostracized. Not Italian.Not Jewish. It was very hard living there, but I loved the art and music an food. And the newspaper.

Welcome!!!! So glad you are here!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jmayfair

I wish I had more to say. You all seem to know each other so well so I feel like a complete outsider. I read way more than I post. I think I signed on in February. This forum has been very informative. I was dx'd 2yrs ago after many, many years of just not knowing anything was wrong. I have lost most of the confidence I once had because it may have been "illness confidence". I am very unsure about my future.

Hi! It's so nice to meet you! It won't take long at all before you're a regular on this board.

When you say "an illness confidence" you don't have to say one additional word for me to know exactly what you mean. I question much of my life for exactly that reason.

What's this about Columbia? My dad's brother, my uncle, graduated from Columbia. My dad was a manic-depressive Jewish boy from Brooklyn.

[Pookyl]

Hi everyone,
Nothing much to report. My mood is low but stable - about a 3 out of 10. My anxiety after a couple of good weeks has been awful again. Three panic attacks last week needing Valium and Zopiclone. I needed x2 lots of Valium yesterday. Once to get out the door to the dentist and once to get out and catch a train to go out for dinner.
My pdoc is a little worried about me. Said she’d have to put her thinking cap on and get back to me with some solutions. In the meantime she’s upped my Seroquel IR.
I think my big problem is that I do nothing all day long. Since my best friend died a year ago I’m now basically friendless. The most social interaction I have is talking with the barista at the local cafe I grab my coffee from.
Life sucks and I can’t fix it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Hi everyone,
Nothing much to report. My mood is low but stable - about a 3 out of 10. My anxiety after a couple of good weeks has been awful again. Three panic attacks last week needing Valium and Zopiclone. I needed x2 lots of Valium yesterday. Once to get out the door to the dentist and once to get out and catch a train to go out for dinner.
My pdoc is a little worried about me. Said she’d have to put her thinking cap on and get back to me with some solutions. In the meantime she’s upped my Seroquel IR.
I think my big problem is that I do nothing all day long. Since my best friend died a year ago I’m now basically friendless. The most social interaction I have is talking with the barista at the local cafe I grab my coffee from.
Life sucks and I can’t fix it.

I used to be that barista people talked to. I miss my regulars. I bet that barista is happy to see you every time you come in.

It's good to see you here, Pook