[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by SleeplessinthePNW

Hi y’all this us my first time on any peer support group site. It’s really early where I am and I can’t get back to sleep. I can get to sleep fine but staying asleep is hard once my mind spins up. Thought?
I’ve also been struggling with the fear of losing control and having another manic episode. Though I’m sure it wont look the same as it did before. I had two major episodes in three years when I was 30. I fought the diagnosis because I already knew a lot about it at the time. The second episode rife with religious delusions lead to me losing my religion. The first episode led to bankruptcy.
The stakes are higher now I'm married and we are fairly well set up. The thought of losing control to that extent again terrifies me. Can anyone relate?
Thanks

Hello, PNW, welcome!
@SleeplessinthePNW
I can relate in that when I was in the episode which resulted in my diagnosis we lost the house we were buying. Though my wife and I don't talk about it, it remains a thorn in my side.

Keep in contact with your care team and with us here and we will all do our best to support you and prevent you losing control to that extent again.

[*Beth*]

Everything went fine with Sadie. She doesn't have anything wrong with her ears. What a relief. We will cuddle tonight


HUGE accomplishment - for the first time in 3 years (4 months post-surgery) I went to the grocery store and walked in regular shoes without any pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now I can actually take real walks again. It's been so long!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by SleeplessinthePNW

Hi y’all this us my first time on any peer support group site. It’s really early where I am and I can’t get back to sleep. I can get to sleep fine but staying asleep is hard once my mind spins up. Thought?
I’ve also been struggling with the fear of losing control and having another manic episode. Though I’m sure it wont look the same as it did before. I had two major episodes in three years when I was 30. I fought the diagnosis because I already knew a lot about it at the time. The second episode rife with religious delusions lead to me losing my religion. The first episode led to bankruptcy.
The stakes are higher now I'm married and we are fairly well set up. The thought of losing control to that extent again terrifies me. Can anyone relate?
Thanks

Welcome to the group, Sleepless! What kind of mental health treatment are you in?

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Everything went fine with Sadie. She doesn't have anything wrong with her ears. What a relief. We will cuddle tonight


HUGE accomplishment - for the first time in 3 years (4 months post-surgery) I went to the grocery store and walked in regular shoes without any pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now I can actually take real walks again. It's been so long!

Such good news all-round. I'm glad for the cat. I'm glad for your ankle & foot.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Everything went fine with Sadie. She doesn't have anything wrong with her ears. What a relief. We will cuddle tonight


HUGE accomplishment - for the first time in 3 years (4 months post-surgery) I went to the grocery store and walked in regular shoes without any pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now I can actually take real walks again. It's been so long!

Congratulations!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by SleeplessinthePNW

Hi y’all this us my first time on any peer support group site. It’s really early where I am and I can’t get back to sleep. I can get to sleep fine but staying asleep is hard once my mind spins up. Thought?
I’ve also been struggling with the fear of losing control and having another manic episode. Though I’m sure it wont look the same as it did before. I had two major episodes in three years when I was 30. I fought the diagnosis because I already knew a lot about it at the time. The second episode rife with religious delusions lead to me losing my religion. The first episode led to bankruptcy.
The stakes are higher now I'm married and we are fairly well set up. The thought of losing control to that extent again terrifies me. Can anyone relate?
Thanks

Yeah. Totally relate. I lost career, wife, precious little boy, 98 percent of all friends and family. Years in state hospital. Blah.

Mania is a psychiatric emergency for a reason. Loss of insight can put us and others in danger. Do you have a safety plan for this?

Are you in BC?

Hugs!! Welcome!!

[Mountaindewed]

I feel ok today. I slept really good last night. I always sleep really well those first few days of fall when you can have the windows open and it’s really cool outside. Same way with the first few days of spring. I had a lot of caffeine this morning so my stomach is slightly off and my heart is pounding but I’m ok. I’m not really happy that it’s the weekend. I wish it would go faster. I have a lot of stuff to do next week that I’m anticipating. I’m just watching Three’s Company right now. Maybe I’ll put on something actually decent.

I haven’t gotten the results of my blood test yet so I assume that means that everything is alright.

Those who run, when you run 3-5 miles a day how many calories do you typically eat in a day? I want to start running late October early November.

[MuddyBoots]

Pretty sure my pdoc has given up on me. I mean, maybe she could tell I was drunk when I was talking to her and she was just fed up (probably), but I think I've given up on me too. Doesn't help that my therapist won't return my calls to set up a session. 20 minutes every two weeks with her isn't helping, might as well quit all together while she's giving me the sign.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel ok today. I slept really good last night. I always sleep really well those first few days of fall when you can have the windows open and it’s really cool outside. Same way with the first few days of spring. I had a lot of caffeine this morning so my stomach is slightly off and my heart is pounding but I’m ok. I’m not really happy that it’s the weekend. I wish it would go faster. I have a lot of stuff to do next week that I’m anticipating. I’m just watching Three’s Company right now. Maybe I’ll put on something actually decent.

I haven’t gotten the results of my blood test yet so I assume that means that everything is alright.

Those who run, when you run 3-5 miles a day how many calories do you typically eat in a day? I want to start running late October early November.

Fall is the best time to start running. Find a nice running book. There are many. I have found that running may provide me with moments of actual joy, simply because I am running, able to run. It is a God experience for me. Do it.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Pretty sure my pdoc has given up on me. I mean, maybe she could tell I was drunk when I was talking to her and she was just fed up (probably), but I think I've given up on me too. Doesn't help that my therapist won't return my calls to set up a session. 20 minutes every two weeks with her isn't helping, might as well quit all together while she's giving me the sign.

@Sapien
Don't give up on yourself... and don't let her give up on you, either. In truth, I don't think she would. I suspect you're just sensing frustration on her part. So take a step back, figure out what changes you need to make, and let her know that you're ready and willing to start over. It will be difficult, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

Meanwhile, we here will support you as best we can. Let us know what's going on and how we can help.

[Sunflower123]

I suspect that my Geodon is losing its effectiveness and as I use it for sleep, I’ve been losing sleep. When I get desperate for sleep, I take one extra pill and sleep well. I’ve taken Geodon for years and I’m at the maximum dose. This is not an optimal time to switch medications but I may have to. I need sleep! I’m getting between 1-6 hours normally. That just won’t work for much longer.

My NP said to try melatonin so I’ve ordered some with lavender, chamomile and valerian root. Maybe that will work.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

[Mountaindewed]

I listened to WAP last night. Since starting my transition it’s been hard to gross me out or shock me regarding stuff like that. Before I’d be super weirded out and downright uncomfortable and disturbed for days. But last night I was kinda like “whatever” and I had forgotten about it until this afternoon. I can see how the song can be really disturbing to other people though.

[Moose72]

Well I made a BIG mistake and it may mess up my housing! I couldn't figure out why the landlord packet wasn't at the new landlord's place! They said they never received it. I asked the section 8 lady who said she sent the paperwork to ME on 9/2! Damn. I sent the paperwork straight over to the new landlord as soon as I got the case manager's email - thank god we can just email stuff instead of having to snail mail it!- and now it's a race against the clock for them to get it done and get the inspection done all before the first! I WISH I had not let that "little detail" slip my mind! I had THREE WEEKS to send it and I forgot.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Well I made a BIG mistake and it may mess up my housing! I couldn't figure out why the landlord packet wasn't at the new landlord's place! They said they never received it. I asked the section 8 lady who said she sent the paperwork to ME on 9/2! Damn. I sent the paperwork straight over to the new landlord as soon as I got the case manager's email - thank god we can just email stuff instead of having to snail mail it!- and now it's a race against the clock for them to get it done and get the inspection done all before the first! I WISH I had not let that "little detail" slip my mind! I had THREE WEEKS to send it and I forgot.

I bet you'll be okay.

[bpcyclist]

I just received my seventh email in the last two days from Donald or Eric Trump. Not sure how they got my address.

[*Beth*]

I'm on the 4th day of a Lamictal increase from 300mg to 350. Sooo sleepy all morning, I kept having to lie down and sleep because I was shakey and exhausted. Then I noticed a small rash on my upper chest. I'm not worried, because every time I increase Lamictal I get the same small rash, then it goes away after a day or so.

I'm going to try some weaving on the loom I bought - it's either that or lie down and sleep some more. Annoying.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm on the 4th day of a Lamictal increase from 300mg to 350. Sooo sleepy all morning, I kept having to lie down and sleep because I was shakey and exhausted. Then I noticed a small rash on my upper chest. I'm not worried, because every time I increase Lamictal I get the same small rash, then it goes away after a day or so.

I'm going to try some weaving on the loom I bought - it's either that or lie down and sleep some more. Annoying.

Do you think the Lamictal is the culprit?

[Moose72]

Here is my new couch! We don't have it yet, but we are arranging for my aunt to let us borrow her truck so we can go get it. Kevin doesn't want to move it twice, but I said the movers can move it the second time. Right? What are movers for if not moving your couch up three flights of stairs? It's a smaller couch, but still. I hope Caleb can sleep on it- that its not too small for that. Or maybe he will have to sleep in MY bed and I can sleep on the couch? We'll work it out. Here's the new couch!

[Nammu]

There’s a vegetarian thread that got me thinking about some of the meals I used to make. I thought, we have everything but the acorn squash to make a dish. So I picked up the squash and made it with an apple filling with cheddar cheese over it. Thankfully mum liked it. It’s got me thinking of making my borscht. It’s perfect for cool fall days.

I'm wondering when I am going to accept I'm mentally ill. I don't mean in the passive sense, where I say to myself "I need help"or I'm unhappy and it's mental illness at the core. I mean when I am going to accept the fact I cannot function on my own. I can never stay "stable" enough to do any damn thing. People have mentioned in the past SSDI but the thing is that is a long road with a high rate of rejection and I'm not sure I want to even fight to prove my case. I've not concluded entirely I'm to the point that is necessary but I'm in a very bad place and it only seems to get worse. It's like I never fully recover from the stints of alltime lows. I've often daydreamed about becoming a cloistered monk or something.I'm fed, I'm clothed, I'm sheltered and my job is to help out around the place and pray.... it's definitely a stress relief from the world.

I know I am a failure, despite any potential I may have had. I know I'm a broken record but the achievements I made in life were with full opposition by everyone. Constant harassment and abuse ensued through it all. People don't understand how repeated nature of abuse affects someone. My threshold is so low I have such little tolerance for anything. I live my life locked away in a room, and it's where I feel the most comfortable. It doesn't help I'm right back where I started. I don't see the aggravation and deep-seated feelings ingrained into me about how incompetent I am to be of much use, so why entertain it? I just want to be left alone.

I don't have any goals anymore. I don't have anything anymore. I just want to stay in my room, and be alone. That's all.