[Sunflower123]

I suspect that my Geodon is losing its effectiveness and as I use it for sleep, I’ve been losing sleep. When I get desperate for sleep, I take one extra pill and sleep well. I’ve taken Geodon for years and I’m at the maximum dose. This is not an optimal time to switch medications but I may have to. I need sleep! I’m getting between 1-6 hours normally. That just won’t work for much longer.

My NP said to try melatonin so I’ve ordered some with lavender, chamomile and valerian root. Maybe that will work.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

[Mountaindewed]

I listened to WAP last night. Since starting my transition it’s been hard to gross me out or shock me regarding stuff like that. Before I’d be super weirded out and downright uncomfortable and disturbed for days. But last night I was kinda like “whatever” and I had forgotten about it until this afternoon. I can see how the song can be really disturbing to other people though.

[Moose72]

Well I made a BIG mistake and it may mess up my housing! I couldn't figure out why the landlord packet wasn't at the new landlord's place! They said they never received it. I asked the section 8 lady who said she sent the paperwork to ME on 9/2! Damn. I sent the paperwork straight over to the new landlord as soon as I got the case manager's email - thank god we can just email stuff instead of having to snail mail it!- and now it's a race against the clock for them to get it done and get the inspection done all before the first! I WISH I had not let that "little detail" slip my mind! I had THREE WEEKS to send it and I forgot.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Well I made a BIG mistake and it may mess up my housing! I couldn't figure out why the landlord packet wasn't at the new landlord's place! They said they never received it. I asked the section 8 lady who said she sent the paperwork to ME on 9/2! Damn. I sent the paperwork straight over to the new landlord as soon as I got the case manager's email - thank god we can just email stuff instead of having to snail mail it!- and now it's a race against the clock for them to get it done and get the inspection done all before the first! I WISH I had not let that "little detail" slip my mind! I had THREE WEEKS to send it and I forgot.

I bet you'll be okay.

[bpcyclist]

I just received my seventh email in the last two days from Donald or Eric Trump. Not sure how they got my address.

[*Beth*]

I'm on the 4th day of a Lamictal increase from 300mg to 350. Sooo sleepy all morning, I kept having to lie down and sleep because I was shakey and exhausted. Then I noticed a small rash on my upper chest. I'm not worried, because every time I increase Lamictal I get the same small rash, then it goes away after a day or so.

I'm going to try some weaving on the loom I bought - it's either that or lie down and sleep some more. Annoying.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm on the 4th day of a Lamictal increase from 300mg to 350. Sooo sleepy all morning, I kept having to lie down and sleep because I was shakey and exhausted. Then I noticed a small rash on my upper chest. I'm not worried, because every time I increase Lamictal I get the same small rash, then it goes away after a day or so.

I'm going to try some weaving on the loom I bought - it's either that or lie down and sleep some more. Annoying.

Do you think the Lamictal is the culprit?

[Moose72]

Here is my new couch! We don't have it yet, but we are arranging for my aunt to let us borrow her truck so we can go get it. Kevin doesn't want to move it twice, but I said the movers can move it the second time. Right? What are movers for if not moving your couch up three flights of stairs? It's a smaller couch, but still. I hope Caleb can sleep on it- that its not too small for that. Or maybe he will have to sleep in MY bed and I can sleep on the couch? We'll work it out. Here's the new couch!

[Nammu]

There’s a vegetarian thread that got me thinking about some of the meals I used to make. I thought, we have everything but the acorn squash to make a dish. So I picked up the squash and made it with an apple filling with cheddar cheese over it. Thankfully mum liked it. It’s got me thinking of making my borscht. It’s perfect for cool fall days.

I'm wondering when I am going to accept I'm mentally ill. I don't mean in the passive sense, where I say to myself "I need help"or I'm unhappy and it's mental illness at the core. I mean when I am going to accept the fact I cannot function on my own. I can never stay "stable" enough to do any damn thing. People have mentioned in the past SSDI but the thing is that is a long road with a high rate of rejection and I'm not sure I want to even fight to prove my case. I've not concluded entirely I'm to the point that is necessary but I'm in a very bad place and it only seems to get worse. It's like I never fully recover from the stints of alltime lows. I've often daydreamed about becoming a cloistered monk or something.I'm fed, I'm clothed, I'm sheltered and my job is to help out around the place and pray.... it's definitely a stress relief from the world.

I know I am a failure, despite any potential I may have had. I know I'm a broken record but the achievements I made in life were with full opposition by everyone. Constant harassment and abuse ensued through it all. People don't understand how repeated nature of abuse affects someone. My threshold is so low I have such little tolerance for anything. I live my life locked away in a room, and it's where I feel the most comfortable. It doesn't help I'm right back where I started. I don't see the aggravation and deep-seated feelings ingrained into me about how incompetent I am to be of much use, so why entertain it? I just want to be left alone.

I don't have any goals anymore. I don't have anything anymore. I just want to stay in my room, and be alone. That's all.

[Moose72]

@MarcusAurelius You don't know that you will be rejected for SSDI/SSI. Some people get it their first try. It takes time and lawyers but they take their pay out of your award - you don't owe if you are denied. Your pdoc can gather proof from your records. Its worth it to apply. Even if you have to apply again it's worth it. You deserve it.

[Nammu]

Marcus, what moose said! I was still young when my pdoc and T suggested SSDI I said ok but if they reject me I’m not gonna fight. I was accepted within months. This despite a history of work since I was 16. Honestly I was shocked and it was SSDI that convinced me I had an MI.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Also for Marcus, now is probably a good time to apply. Things like recent homelessness and difficulty holding jobs matters and when they are quite recent they stand out to the reviewers. I had been IP twice in a short period, once for a quite serious plan, and couldn't do my job anymore when I applied. I was down to no money and my mom was helping me but it was not a situation that could go on long. I applied and was approved in 11 weeks.

It is such a relief to have closure around the whole thing.

I felt some pleasure today, walking under a very pretty, wide-open evening sky. I've gotten out both yesterday and today for coffee, shopping and joyriding our subway. It feels good to be active. It fights off the feelings of helplessness that build up from long hours of staying home. I see that i can get around the city and i can get things done. I really enjoyed myself today!

@Moose72: Your new sofa is nice! It looks comfy and is in nice subtle shades. I'm sure if you continue to persist with the paperwork everything will work out. There's still a week and a half to the first. Time enough.

@MarcusAurelius: Sorry to hear you're feeling so down again. I'll PM you.

Hugs to all who struggle, especially those effected by weather disasters in the US.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I suspect that my Geodon is losing its effectiveness and as I use it for sleep, I’ve been losing sleep. When I get desperate for sleep, I take one extra pill and sleep well. I’ve taken Geodon for years and I’m at the maximum dose. This is not an optimal time to switch medications but I may have to. I need sleep! I’m getting between 1-6 hours normally. That just won’t work for much longer.

My NP said to try melatonin so I’ve ordered some with lavender, chamomile and valerian root. Maybe that will work.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

I hope the Melatonin and combo works for you , Your right this is a terrible time for most of us to need a med change

Your in my thoughts.... Im here if you need an ear

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@Moose72: Your new sofa is nice! It looks comfy and is in nice subtle shades. I'm sure if you continue to persist with the paperwork everything will work out. There's still a week and a half to the first. Time enough.

It does look comfy, doesn't it? I haven't seen it in person though my mom has. She's the one who found it.

The paperwork has been forwarded to the new apartment complex's office. I will call the person that I've been working with there and let her know I've sent it and find out if she got it. Now it's up to her to get it done quickly (I hope) and get it to either me or the case worker who is awaiting the paperwork. After she gets the paperwork she can finalize the paperwork telling me what my portion of the rent is and schedule the inspection- and hope it passes! This will be my next week and a half- plus packing!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Well I made a BIG mistake and it may mess up my housing! I couldn't figure out why the landlord packet wasn't at the new landlord's place! They said they never received it. I asked the section 8 lady who said she sent the paperwork to ME on 9/2! Damn. I sent the paperwork straight over to the new landlord as soon as I got the case manager's email - thank god we can just email stuff instead of having to snail mail it!- and now it's a race against the clock for them to get it done and get the inspection done all before the first! I WISH I had not let that "little detail" slip my mind! I had THREE WEEKS to send it and I forgot.

Hopefully thats done quickly and not be a problem

[Scooter9]

The husband of a couple my wife and I have been helping and been friends of for about 30 years is dying.

He's in the hospital now but says he doesn't want any treatments anymore because he feels his body can't take it. He had a heart attack about 25 years ago and has been living with just 25% of his heart working, so he's had significant health problems since then.

He needs dialysis but he might refuse that too so he might pass away very soon.

We are trying to find if a hospice is available to take him but he might pass away before we can get him there.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

The husband of a couple my wife and I have been helping and been friends of for about 30 years is dying.

He's in the hospital now but says he doesn't want any treatments anymore because he feels his body can't take it. He had a heart attack about 25 years ago and has been living with just 25% of his heart working, so he's had significant health problems since then.

He needs dialysis but he might refuse that too so he might pass away very soon.

We are trying to find if a hospice is available to take him but he might pass away before we can get him there.

I'm sorry Scooter.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

The husband of a couple my wife and I have been helping and been friends of for about 30 years is dying.

He's in the hospital now but says he doesn't want any treatments anymore because he feels his body can't take it. He had a heart attack about 25 years ago and has been living with just 25% of his heart working, so he's had significant health problems since then.

He needs dialysis but he might refuse that too so he might pass away very soon.

We are trying to find if a hospice is available to take him but he might pass away before we can get him there.

Im so sorry your facing losing a friend you love

I hope a Hospice can be found

Originally Posted by Scooter9

The husband of a couple my wife and I have been helping and been friends of for about 30 years is dying.

He's in the hospital now but says he doesn't want any treatments anymore because he feels his body can't take it. He had a heart attack about 25 years ago and has been living with just 25% of his heart working, so he's had significant health problems since then.

He needs dialysis but he might refuse that too so he might pass away very soon.

We are trying to find if a hospice is available to take him but he might pass away before we can get him there.

Scooter I'm so sorry to hear, that is a rough situation.

Our air has cleared AND we got some rain!! For those things I am VERY glad.

However, today was difficult. Someone said something that sideswiped me and threw me into a major funk. Hovered on the verge of tears all day. It just added to the despair I've been feeling. I'm just so rung out from it all. Came home from work, straight into jammies. Going to sleep early tonight. I'd like to just stay under the covers till who knows when.

My signature's lyrics say it all.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Do you think the Lamictal is the culprit?

Yes, I get the same little rash every time I increase Lamictal. I showed it to my pdoc once and she nearly flipped out. She called a dermatologist from another part of the clinic to come in and look at me. He saw the rash & said he wasn't concerned.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

I'm wondering when I am going to accept I'm mentally ill. I don't mean in the passive sense, where I say to myself "I need help"or I'm unhappy and it's mental illness at the core. I mean when I am going to accept the fact I cannot function on my own. I can never stay "stable" enough to do any damn thing. People have mentioned in the past SSDI but the thing is that is a long road with a high rate of rejection and I'm not sure I want to even fight to prove my case. I've not concluded entirely I'm to the point that is necessary but I'm in a very bad place and it only seems to get worse. It's like I never fully recover from the stints of alltime lows. I've often daydreamed about becoming a cloistered monk or something.I'm fed, I'm clothed, I'm sheltered and my job is to help out around the place and pray.... it's definitely a stress relief from the world.

I know I am a failure, despite any potential I may have had. I know I'm a broken record but the achievements I made in life were with full opposition by everyone. Constant harassment and abuse ensued through it all. People don't understand how repeated nature of abuse affects someone. My threshold is so low I have such little tolerance for anything. I live my life locked away in a room, and it's where I feel the most comfortable. It doesn't help I'm right back where I started. I don't see the aggravation and deep-seated feelings ingrained into me about how incompetent I am to be of much use, so why entertain it? I just want to be left alone.

I don't have any goals anymore. I don't have anything anymore. I just want to stay in my room, and be alone. That's all.

I was approved for SSDI last month. Yes, it's a long road but the road is much longer without it. I wish I would have applied years before I finally did.

Fill out the form, send it to the Social Security office. They'll most likely reject you. So call a number to set up an appointment with a law office that does disability cases. If the law office thinks you stand a chance of getting approved they'll take your case. If not, they won't. You'll know right then and there.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Here is my new couch! .....

It's beautiful! And looks soooo comfortable