[MuddyBoots]

Just want to clarify: I don't need to go to the ER. I'm not going to kill myself, and I get these urges all the time. Just was doing some unhealthy things and wanting to do more when doing more can easily lead to death. I know when to stop, just don't always want to stop.

[Daonnachd]

A good day despite missing out on a bike ride. My wife and I spent two hours on a FaceTime call with friends in England. It was fun because both we and they shared hitherto unknown stories with the other couple. Em's father was in the OSS from WWII up through the Bay of Pigs! I had no idea. I love learning stuff like that.

I also got to do a bit of editing, another plus. A bit of exercise for the grammarian in me.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Just want to clarify: I don't need to go to the ER. I'm not going to kill myself, and I get these urges all the time. Just was doing some unhealthy things and wanting to do more when doing more can easily lead to death. I know when to stop, just don't always want to stop.

Thank you, Sapien, for clarifying. I'm glad you know when to stop though I wish it weren't a struggle for you at all.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I needed to hand my medication over to a family member because of strong urges. I wish I didn’t go through this often. I’ve learned to surf SI pretty well and know when to reach out. I had a friend here on PC and a family member talk me off the ledge. Still down but I’ll be okay.

I’ve been getting into candles a lot lately. The one I have today is called Autumn Leaves and when it’s cool in the morning I can open the door for some crisp air, smell the candle and pretend I’m in the Smokies.

I’m going to visit my daughter this coming weekend. Looking forward to that.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend.

I love candles! I have probably 20 or so. I like to light them when I'm feeling anxious. I love all the scents. My favorite is probably vanilla lavender!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Moose72

We got a lot done today. Today is N3's 19th birthday. He spent the morning helping my mom's husband take my couch to N1 and girlfriend, picking up my new (used) couch and bringing it to me. We took apart and threw out the two old broken recliners and the two rickety end tables. Plus, the lady came to pick up the washing machine. She said I look young to be an empty-nester! That made me feel good. (That'll probably change as my hair continues to go white.) So all in all it was a good day. Plus, my mom took some of the stuff I'd packed to her place- extra cleaning supplies, extra toothpaste and the like.

I got up early today and had coffee before we started. That was nice to be up listening to the radio. Reminds me of my dad's mom- she used to get up before everybody else and have coffee while listening to CBC radio.

Wow! You did get a lot accomplished! Good for you!

[Coolbreeze74]

Well I almost had a panic attack! It's so scary. I took my meds and it went away. But I'm going to have to go through it, bc I cant keep taking my meds so early. It was about 2:30. I'm going to be so tired early today.

I need to brace myself for a 4 hour long one tomorrow. After it goes away I should be good for like 2 days. I hate that I have to deal with this!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Well I almost had a panic attack! It's so scary. I took my meds and it went away. But I'm going to have to go through it, bc I cant keep taking my meds so early. It was about 2:30. I'm going to be so tired early today.

I need to brace myself for a 4 hour long one tomorrow. After it goes away I should be good for like 2 days. I hate that I have to deal with this!

Sure wish we could find just one med for you to tamp these down.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Sure wish we could find just one med for you to tamp these down.

Me too! Since coming off lorazepam I have them. It absolutely sucks!

[Pookyl]

All packed and ready for surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in hospital for 2 - 3 days. Nervous.
My panic attacks are worse again. One every alternate day. I’m really worried about having one in hospital. Regular hospitals (as opposed to psych ones) don’t always know how to handle patients with psych issues.
Hugs to those who need them.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

All packed and ready for surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in hospital for 2 - 3 days. Nervous.
My panic attacks are worse again. One every alternate day. I’m really worried about having one in hospital. Regular hospitals (as opposed to psych ones) don’t always know how to handle patients with psych issues.
Hugs to those who need them.

I hope your surgery goes smoothly. My thoughts are with you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

All packed and ready for surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in hospital for 2 - 3 days. Nervous.
My panic attacks are worse again. One every alternate day. I’m really worried about having one in hospital. Regular hospitals (as opposed to psych ones) don’t always know how to handle patients with psych issues.
Hugs to those who need them.

Be sure to tell them of this fear right away!!

Hugs and love!

[Daonnachd]

Getting evacuated again. I'll let you all know how things are turning out later today.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

All packed and ready for surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in hospital for 2 - 3 days. Nervous.
My panic attacks are worse again. One every alternate day. I’m really worried about having one in hospital. Regular hospitals (as opposed to psych ones) don’t always know how to handle patients with psych issues.
Hugs to those who need them.

Wishing you the best of luck with your surgery! What kind of surgery?

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Getting evacuated again. I'll let you all know how things are turning out later today.

Oh I'm sorry! Yeah let us know when you can.

[Coolbreeze74]

Well I got about three hours of sleep. I took some extra zyprexa. I'm hoping I get more sleep. Otherwise it will be a very long day...

[Gabyunbound]

Still hurting from my therapy appointment last Thursday, but it's not as awful as it was.

I hope this Thursday my therapist can give me more tools to deal with this. I'm not optimistic that such things would work, it just feels too intense, but I'll give it a chance.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

All packed and ready for surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in hospital for 2 - 3 days. Nervous.
My panic attacks are worse again. One every alternate day. I’m really worried about having one in hospital. Regular hospitals (as opposed to psych ones) don’t always know how to handle patients with psych issues.
Hugs to those who need them.

Healing vibes your way! I hope everything goes smoothly and that you have no panic attacks.

[Moose72]

Today, my mom and I are going out to look for lamps. My new place doesn't have a light in the living room. I gave my other lamps to N1 when she moved into the same complex a few months ago. I had a blueberry bagel with cream cheese with coffee this morning. Yummy! I think I should've gotten more blueberry bagels instead of everything bagels, but oh well, they're bought now. Then at 2:00, the piano lady is getting here to take the piano. I really wish that N3 could keep his piano, but he has no place for it and they already have a piano there. But still, they have one there that he can play. Unfortunately, he's not taking lessons anymore either. The whole situation makes me sad. I think I need to go to the store and get some microwave meals to last me the next few days.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Well I got about three hours of sleep. I took some extra zyprexa. I'm hoping I get more sleep. Otherwise it will be a very long day...

It feels bad to not sleep. Just laying there in the dark, trying to look at stuff online or watch Netflix but knowing that that blue light is keeping you awake. A long day, indeed! Here's to you getting through today.

[scatterbrained04]

I'm trying to get motivated to get up and do something. Need to run to the grocery store and do some chores. Going to buy some snacks for Tuesday's presidential debate. Something tells me it's going to be entertaining. Mood seems to be pretty decent today. I just need to quit being lazy.

[*Beth*]

I'm attending a zoom birthday party this evening. The people I'll be with are life-long friends, people I've known since kindergarten or before. They all lead "normal", successful lives. I feel very anxious. Even though they mean a lot to me - or maybe because they do - I feel like I don't measure up. None of them know about my mental illness.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Still hurting from my therapy appointment last Thursday, but it's not as awful as it was.

I hope this Thursday my therapist can give me more tools to deal with this. I'm not optimistic that such things would work, it just feels too intense, but I'll give it a chance.

Positive attitude--yay!!!

[Moose72]

I'm back from searching for lamps. We looked at side tables, too, but the one I liked they only had one of and I need two. I did go to Whole Foods and buy enough microwave meals to get me to Thursday. Easy- only need a fork! My absentee ballot came yesterday in the mail. I'll have to deal with that before I move and lose it. I put on a CD I made 15 years ago of a lot of the popular songs of the time- Including Godsmack "I ****ing hate you!" Cathartic if you feel like screaming/singing along! I saw a salt lamp at Whole Foods and bought it- only $20 and I've wanted one for quite a long time. I'm going to put it in my bedroom if I can find some end tables! I definitely need at least one to hold my CPAP machine, but a second would be nice- if the bedroom is big enough to take my bed and two side tables. The piano lady was supposed to be here now, but she cancelled saying she had a family emergency. I hope she can get it tomorrow. If not, I don't know what we'll do with the piano and the organ still!

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety is fine today. I haven’t had any anxiety meds. I have had a Mountain Dew, a large iced coffee, a large Diet Coke, and I’m now drinking a diet Dr. Pepper. So I’ve had a lot of caffeine but my anxiety is still ok. So I don’t know what yesterday was all about except that I took Wellbutrin Friday and yesterday to see if I could handle going back on it. and that may be why my anxiety got so out of control. I was a bit moody this morning but now I’m ok. I got the huge mess in my room cleaned up. I filled an entire big brown paper bag with soda cans and other recyclables and the sink full of dishes. but everything is clean now and it’s so much better. The mess was pretty stressful.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My anxiety is fine today. I haven’t had any anxiety meds. I have had a Mountain Dew, a large iced coffee, a large Diet Coke, and I’m now drinking a diet Dr. Pepper. So I don’t know what yesterday was all about except that I took Wellbutrin Friday and yesterday and I know that can cause anxiety. I was a bit moody this morning but now I’m ok.

Wellbutrin causes anxiety? I take Wellbutrin and yes I've had a lot of anxiety lately over my move. (It's still not nailed down as to if the inspection has taken place, or if I can get onto the portal to pay rent on Thursday.) You'd think that since depression and anxiety go together that Wellbutrin would take care of both.