[Coolbreeze74]

I'm still wide awake. I took extra zyprexa. I hope I sleep. I have a therapy appt tomorrow and a drs appt. They are both over the phone. But I'd like to be able to think. I hope I sleep...

Hello friends! Long time no see!
I'm sad because I'm feeling very lonely. I know I have my sister and you all, but my sister keeps threatening to kick me to the streets and I just feel so distant from everyone. I have my new therapist too. She seems alright, but she's acting like she knows everything about me just because she knows I have BPD. I have gotta go, the weather here is really bad.
Much love to all!

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I start to hear metallic hissing around 9 or 10 at night a lot of the time. It is kind of like, oh, electronic, nano crickets made out of really, super fine titanium, maybe. A chorus of them. I am weird.

Interesting... every night?

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I did one yoga video but had to quit ten minutes in because it was all seated (tension reduction) and my back hurt like hell! I’m gonna try one with movement tomorrow. Tbh though it definitely helped clear my mind! I gave meditation one shot but as always it made me even more anxious. I wish therapists would stop pushing it as the end all be all cure for mental illness! I honestly don’t think I will ever do an IOP program again. There’s only three around here and I’ve been to all of them. The one I’ve been to at least ten times. I think I’ve learned all I can! The other always forces me into DBT, thanks I already did that THREE TIMES I know it and it does not help in an acute crisis for me! The other I like but it’s small so it’s a combination of dual diagnosis and mental health, no offense to any addicts here but I don’t like doing group with them because of my late husband. So I think I will just increase my therapist visits when I have a crisis instead. She understands me and my needs!

I had (and still do) a similar experience with meditation of the sort often pushed at IOPs. Many times during groups that focused on it, I literally stormed out of the room. I know that it has value for many, but many is not all. We are unique and have our own set of needs and comforts. It is wrong that some therapists demand patients adopt certain coping tools. There should be a coping "tool box" from which we pick the best for us. I had a similar experience with art therapy, which is a given option in almost all IOPs. At one point I just used a piece of paper to write, instead.

There have been some coping tools that I initially rejected, but then later found value. Breathing techniques and mindfulness exercises are examples. Sometimes the time is just not right for some.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My mom is freaking out. Since we lost our movers because they aren't available on Friday she's been saying there's nobody to carry my "heavy" items. She thinks her husband will have a heart attack. She's the one who packed things so heavy! I took one of the boxes apart and made it into two boxes because of how heavy she packed it! Then she said "Can't we move some stuff thursday?" No I can't move in till the inspect the apartment and then I have to wait for the green light. And that will be Friday. I hope they inspect it early in the day so we can start moving at a reasonable hour. I've asked friends to help me. We are waiting to hear from my cousin and her boyfriend. Caleb and I will have our special dinner Thursday night.

ETA: now my mom wants me to ask my section 8 lady to ask the inspection people to do my place early and or on Thursday!! Ugh. She thinks she can come over here "so WE can make that phone call"! Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you find a replacement mover soon, Moose. Or is it possible to borrow a hand truck from someone? And maybe a ramp (make shift even)?

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Found this in my blog (From 2018) Anybody experience this?

Cacophony
I was just watching a show on youtube about scizophrenia. I could relate to quite a bit of what they described. But the one that struck me the mostwas the description of being in a crowded place - like a restaurant or concert venue- and not being able to filter it out; all the voices and klinking of utensils come at once and yet individually all screaming at me iin their own language. A cacophony of sound. It is overwhelming.

Definitely! Especially when my anxiety is high or when I am some level of manic.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I hope you find a replacement mover soon, Moose. Or is it possible to borrow a hand truck from someone? And maybe a ramp (make shift even)?

We now have movers for Friday! My friend suggested these people!

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Found this in my blog (From 2018) Anybody experience this?


Cacophony

I was just watching a show on youtube about scizophrenia. I could relate to quite a bit of what they described. But the one that struck me the mostwas the description of being in a crowded place - like a restaurant or concert venue- and not being able to filter it out; all the voices and klinking of utensils come at once and yet individually all screaming at me iin their own language. A cacophony of sound. It is overwhelming.

Very much so!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by pineperson

Hello friends! Long time no see!
I'm sad because I'm feeling very lonely. I know I have my sister and you all, but my sister keeps threatening to kick me to the streets and I just feel so distant from everyone. I have my new therapist too. She seems alright, but she's acting like she knows everything about me just because she knows I have BPD. I have gotta go, the weather here is really bad.
Much love to all!

Hi pineperson, I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I'm not sure that its a good thing that the new therapist acts as if she knows everything about you because you have been dxd with BPD. That might not help you to trust her? I hope it works out with her. Maybe post an update soon? I'm interested in how it goes for you!
Hugs and love

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by pineperson

Hello friends! Long time no see!
I'm sad because I'm feeling very lonely. I know I have my sister and you all, but my sister keeps threatening to kick me to the streets and I just feel so distant from everyone. I have my new therapist too. She seems alright, but she's acting like she knows everything about me just because she knows I have BPD. I have gotta go, the weather here is really bad.
Much love to all!

Hugs, PP! Be strong! We love you! God loves you!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Interesting... every night?

No. Just some nights.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I had (and still do) a similar experience with meditation of the sort often pushed at IOPs. Many times during groups that focused on it, I literally stormed out of the room. I know that it has value for many, but many is not all. We are unique and have our own set of needs and comforts. It is wrong that some therapists demand patients adopt certain coping tools. There should be a coping "tool box" from which we pick the best for us. I had a similar experience with art therapy, which is a given option in almost all IOPs. At one point I just used a piece of paper to write, instead.

There have been some coping tools that I initially rejected, but then later found value. Breathing techniques and mindfulness exercises are examples. Sometimes the time is just not right for some.

We are all unique and likely all need our own custom meds and tools. Every single one us. Someday, they will take saliva and run our genomes to see which mutations we have. Picking meds will be a breeze. Hang in there, peeps! Have faith!!

[bpcyclist]

Had a nice time at church last night. Priest is silly and goofy and childish like me.

Getting my appt. With the ketamine lady organized. So excited. Yay!! Maybe I can laugh and cry again or something and not feel like a hollow vessel.

[Moose72]

We have secured movers for Friday! The one thing we have no control over is when the inspection will take place. I hope it's in the morning! Plus, the weather will be nice Friday; Thursday, it's supposed to rain, so there's that! Will have to put the finishing touches on moving today and tomorrow. Then tomorrow around 3, Caleb will be here so then we can go out for dinner. He'll have to sleep here (old place) on my couch.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel ok. My moods and anxiety are ok and are under control. On Sunday the song I Am Woman came on the radio and that song bugs me for some reason and I immediately turned the station and then this morning I found out the lady who sang the song died. I texted my mom joking about it. This happens a lot to me with like visions and celebrity’s and other strange stuff and people don’t really like it when I do it or when it happens. They find it creepy and they don’t like talking about it much.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

We have secured movers for Friday! The one thing we have no control over is when the inspection will take place. I hope it's in the morning! Plus, the weather will be nice Friday; Thursday, it's supposed to rain, so there's that! Will have to put the finishing touches on moving today and tomorrow. Then tomorrow around 3, Caleb will be here so then we can go out for dinner. He'll have to sleep here (old place) on my couch.

Hooray!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel ok. My moods and anxiety are ok and are under control. On Sunday the song I Am Woman came on the radio and that song bugs me for some reason and I immediately turned the station and then this morning I found out the lady who sang the song died. I texted my mom joking about it. This happens a lot to me with like visions and celebrity’s and other strange stuff and people don’t really like it when I do it or when it happens. They find it creepy and they don’t like talking about it much.

Does Macho Man by Village People engender the same emotional response in you, MD? Totally serious neurological question. I am really fascinated on a purely neurochemical basis. I hope you do not think I am being insensitive. I have always fiercely supported you here. And always will. Tried to offer a tiny bit of surgical support for you. Nothing but love for you
And support.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Enjoying my mood currently. I would call it lightly hypomanic. The only crappy part is feeling so alone. I feel quite desperate for attention. And i guess the drinking isnt the best either it has been a little out of control lately.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Does Macho Man by Village People engender the same emotional response in you, MD? Totally serious neurological question. I am really fascinated on a purely neurochemical basis. I hope you do not think I am being insensitive. I have always fiercely supported you here. And always will. Tried to offer a tiny bit of surgical support for you. Nothing but love for you
And support.

I dunno. What exactly do you mean? Macho Man just always reminds me of the movie The Adams Family Values. I know of the Village People though and I like them.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel ok. My moods and anxiety are ok and are under control. On Sunday the song I Am Woman came on the radio and that song bugs me for some reason and I immediately turned the station and then this morning I found out the lady who sang the song died. I texted my mom joking about it. This happens a lot to me with like visions and celebrity’s and other strange stuff and people don’t really like it when I do it or when it happens. They find it creepy and they don’t like talking about it much.

If she died, that's probably why they were playing her songs.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

If she died, that's probably why they were playing her songs.

She just died last night. She could have been sick though.

[MuddyBoots]

Craving like hell. I hope no one was watching me on my walk this morning lol it must've looked weird because I was heading towards "someone's house" and kept turning around. My higher power gave me the strength to come back home though, so now I just gotta stay home until these urges pass. I'm thinking about moving to get out of this "drug den" (as we are known).
I'm feeling much more myself these past few days though. I almost want to say it's been easy to brush off SI/SH thoughts. I've been able to focus/retain things slightly better. I didn't realize just how much the drug/alcohol use was affecting me, I mean people kept telling me but I didn't really understand the extent, thought I was just always like that clean and sober or not. I'm kinda wondering if after a few months if I can taper off some of my meds.
I gotta be my best self so I can take care of this guy! (I figured out how to add photos and now I'm a little obsessed haha)

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Sapien

Craving like hell. I hope no one was watching me on my walk this morning lol it must've looked weird because I was heading towards "someone's house" and kept turning around. My higher power gave me the strength to come back home though, so now I just gotta stay home until these urges pass. I'm thinking about moving to get out of this "drug den" (as we are known).
I'm feeling much more myself these past few days though. I almost want to say it's been easy to brush off SI/SH thoughts. I've been able to focus/retain things slightly better. I didn't realize just how much the drug/alcohol use was affecting me, I mean people kept telling me but I didn't really understand the extent, thought I was just always like that clean and sober or not. I'm kinda wondering if after a few months if I can taper off some of my meds.
I gotta be my best self so I can take care of this guy! (I figured out how to add photos and now I'm a little obsessed haha)

In a word: move.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

We now have movers for Friday! My friend suggested these people!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel ok. My moods and anxiety are ok and are under control. On Sunday the song I Am Woman came on the radio and that song bugs me for some reason and I immediately turned the station and then this morning I found out the lady who sang the song died. I texted my mom joking about it. This happens a lot to me with like visions and celebrity’s and other strange stuff and people don’t really like it when I do it or when it happens. They find it creepy and they don’t like talking about it much.

My daughter calls that phenomenon "pop magic".

Helen Reddy was a huge pop star in the 70's, so her death is getting a lot of attention.

For years I had a serious fear of the song "Don't Fear the Reaper" because it seemed that something bad happened after I heard the song. But I got tired of fearing that the song would come on the radio and I'd be doomed to a bad occurrence. So I decided to stop the connection. My decision has worked pretty well.
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EDIT: Hahaha! I typed the words "Don't Fear the Reaper", glanced at my post count, and the last three numbers were 666. Hilarious