[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

My mother is upset with me. She says I help others too much and don't help her. She forgets how much I did for her when she had her surgery and many other things.

She says that she's completely alone and God forbid she would have to depend on me for anything. She seems to have developed a very selective memory.

So now we're not on speaking terms. Of course the ball is in my court to apologize. For what I don't know. But nothing's going to happen until I say I'm sorry. I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Rutrow. Hugs.

[Soupe du jour]

I talked to my psychiatrist today for the first time since before our trip. I think he is truly shocked that our move to Europe is a reality and imminent. I think he was also a bit surprised how level my mood is and my optimism. I told him that my hubby is not doing nearly as well.

We have SOOOO much to do to prepare the house! Hubby is dragging butt a little, but I got him to do a few things. I, on the other hand, am doing quite a bit. Some is physical stuff that is not so great for my sprained back, shoulder, and neck. I hope I don't regret pushing myself too hard! We need to decide on flooring and book it. I'd have it booked by now, but Hubby wants a 4th quote. Fourth?!?! Just book it already! Plus, our realtor is on my butt about it.

Today I posted about seven things on Craigslist. A few are freebies. One of the freebies, a dresser, was already snatched up. They came tonight at 7 pm to pick it up. It was an item that the stager said to hide. We didn't really want it, so I'm glad it's gone. Plus, it used to be in a spot in the foyer that almost everything else in the house will pass by during the move. It's good that space is freed up. I'll post two additional things on Craigslist tomorrow.

The realtor called me three times today, helping to get some balls rolling. The painter/handyman is due to come tomorrow to bring the painted doors & drawers and schedule the remaining cabinet painting and interior house painting. The photographer is coming next Tuesday to photograph the exterior areas of the house. We need to clean it all up and plant some new flowers. Squirrels went crazy digging holes in our flower boxes in our absence (dirt everywhere), plus some flowers dried up too much. We had to buy new ones for planting. Hubby left the new pansies on the front lawn without spraying them with deer repellent. Mistake! A deer ate the flowers off. Boo! We also need to do some touchups on the deck and actually stage it. My herb garden could use some sprucing up. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!! The realtor asked "Are you going to be ready by then?" I responded "I'll make it work!" a la Tim Gunn.

Yesterday, my nephrologist gave me an assignment to take and track my blood pressure twice per day (morn/evening) for seven days. I'll start tomorrow. He pushed me to buy a sleeve blood pressure monitor, but we already own a wrist type. Hubby thinks the wrist type is more than good enough. I guess I'll just use that, against the doctor's wishes. It's not inaccurate. I took my pressure twice today and it was plenty high at 145 / something. Not good! I took an Ativan a bit ago. Maybe that will lower it a bit? I have been revved up. A mild hypomania? Anxious energy? Both? Anyway, I talk to the nephrologist again in three weeks. Pdoc only in two, and every two weeks for a while after. That might help lower my blood pressure.

[NOS-NOS]

Went from being deeply depressed for about 1 week to moderate but impactful mania. In a weird mood right now, but just took my meds

[Moose72]

@NOS-NOS have you contacted your pdoc?

It was a rainy day and my mood matched. In literature this is called "pathetic fallacy." The "pathetic" is certainly right! I had a hard time getting myself to go out for coffee but i managed. It was just okay. I won all my games at Scrabble club. I should clean up in rating point gains. In the COVID situation officials are not considering another lockdown. I was happy to hear that. Almost one year to the day that last year's Fall (hypo)mania ended. Almost a solid year of mild depression. I'm managing.

Hugs not ughs!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Having a problem. Caleb is supposed to show up at 3 p.m. tomorrow. I hope to be finished packing by then. Then we are going out to eat. The problem is he is a bad chain smoker- 1-2 packs a day. He thinks he will smoke on my balcony but the lease says no smoking on property! His response to this was "If they catch me I'll feign ignorance"! After I JUST read the lease?? Yeah right. The lease even says "you are responsible for your guests". I don't want to get into a fight with him but I just can't let him smoke if that's the rules. My balcony does NOT face the woods so people could see him plain as day out there smoking. How do I tell someone who is that much of a smoker that he can't smoke in my new apartment? That he needs to go to the car or something??

I just texted him asking if he could smoke in the car because I dont feel comfortable breaking my lease right out of the starting gate. He will probably cancel our plans but oh well.

Nope. Absolutely 100% NO. Cigarette smoke can be smelled from 1/2 a block away, if the wind is right. Plus, if any gets into your apartment the smell won't go away. It stays on curtains and furniture, and in carpet.

The smartest thing to do is what you did.

[*Beth*]

Absolutely exhausted today. I kept having to sleep because I couldn't keep my head up. I didn't think Trilafon was one of the "sleep" AP's, but the small increase that started last night seems to have affected me.

Then, too, the air (if that's what you can call it) is stifling and oppressive. The fires are holding in heat and filth.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling decent this morning just a bit exhausted. Have a lot to tackle at work today. Had an employee turn in a week's notice of resignation Tuesday, but that same day I hired two people who start tomorrow and Monday. Fingers crossed they work out. Staffing is so hard. I'm getting pretty overwhelmed at work. My boss says I need to delegate more, but I have to have people to delegate to first lol. Could use some positive vibes these people will work out, and I can get back to normality. It's been a challenge trying to manage the stress and the mood issues because of it.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feeling decent this morning just a bit exhausted. Have a lot to tackle at work today. Had an employee turn in a week's notice of resignation Tuesday, but that same day I hired two people who start tomorrow and Monday. Fingers crossed they work out. Staffing is so hard. I'm getting pretty overwhelmed at work. My boss says I need to delegate more, but I have to have people to delegate to first lol. Could use some positive vibes these people will work out, and I can get back to normality. It's been a challenge trying to manage the stress and the mood issues because of it.

Sending positive vibes your way, scatterbrained04! I hope the stress lessens soon.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Nope. Absolutely 100% NO. Cigarette smoke can be smelled from 1/2 a block away, if the wind is right. Plus, if any gets into your apartment the smell won't go away. It stays on curtains and furniture, and in carpet.

The smartest thing to do is what you did.

Thanks for the affirmation. He read my message but didn't reply. He's very defensive about smoking and I won't be surprised if he doesn't contact me- or that he will stop talking with me.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm sick of failing.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I talked to my psychiatrist today for the first time since before our trip. I think he is truly shocked that our move to Europe is a reality and imminent. I think he was also a bit surprised how level my mood is and my optimism. I told him that my hubby is not doing nearly as well.

We have SOOOO much to do to prepare the house! Hubby is dragging butt a little, but I got him to do a few things. I, on the other hand, am doing quite a bit. Some is physical stuff that is not so great for my sprained back, shoulder, and neck. I hope I don't regret pushing myself too hard! We need to decide on flooring and book it. I'd have it booked by now, but Hubby wants a 4th quote. Fourth?!?! Just book it already! Plus, our realtor is on my butt about it.

Today I posted about seven things on Craigslist. A few are freebies. One of the freebies, a dresser, was already snatched up. They came tonight at 7 pm to pick it up. It was an item that the stager said to hide. We didn't really want it, so I'm glad it's gone. Plus, it used to be in a spot in the foyer that almost everything else in the house will pass by during the move. It's good that space is freed up. I'll post two additional things on Craigslist tomorrow.

The realtor called me three times today, helping to get some balls rolling. The painter/handyman is due to come tomorrow to bring the painted doors & drawers and schedule the remaining cabinet painting and interior house painting. The photographer is coming next Tuesday to photograph the exterior areas of the house. We need to clean it all up and plant some new flowers. Squirrels went crazy digging holes in our flower boxes in our absence (dirt everywhere), plus some flowers dried up too much. We had to buy new ones for planting. Hubby left the new pansies on the front lawn without spraying them with deer repellent. Mistake! A deer ate the flowers off. Boo! We also need to do some touchups on the deck and actually stage it. My herb garden could use some sprucing up. CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!! The realtor asked "Are you going to be ready by then?" I responded "I'll make it work!" a la Tim Gunn.

Yesterday, my nephrologist gave me an assignment to take and track my blood pressure twice per day (morn/evening) for seven days. I'll start tomorrow. He pushed me to buy a sleeve blood pressure monitor, but we already own a wrist type. Hubby thinks the wrist type is more than good enough. I guess I'll just use that, against the doctor's wishes. It's not inaccurate. I took my pressure twice today and it was plenty high at 145 / something. Not good! I took an Ativan a bit ago. Maybe that will lower it a bit? I have been revved up. A mild hypomania? Anxious energy? Both? Anyway, I talk to the nephrologist again in three weeks. Pdoc only in two, and every two weeks for a while after. That might help lower my blood pressure.

Oh, Souoe, you crack me up!!! So funny, are you.

Look, gotta tell you ehat fern tells me, like, virtually every day. Balance. The buddhists wer on this. Mind. Body. Spirit. You absolutely must maintain balance during this. Feet firmly on the ground. You are just like me. We get all up, fired up, excited, stressed, then, pretty soon, we think we are Jesus and are seeing demons or Batman or whatever and then, it is IP time again. Calgon will ABSOLUTELY take us away, straight into a bath full of thorazine, or Invega, or whatever. If we do not maintain balance. Promise..

So, today. Find time to briefly and quietly meditate and or pray. Set your alarm. Or take a walk. Or look at birds or flowers. Whatever it is. Yoga. Whatever. If I were you, I would be sure to do that maybe mid-day. Required. Just my counsel.
Feet on the ground. Head out of clouds.

You can totally do this. Be mindful. Hugs.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by NOS-NOS

Went from being deeply depressed for about 1 week to moderate but impactful mania. In a weird mood right now, but just took my meds

Pdoc? Mania is a neuropsychiatric emergency, remember? Hugs!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

It was a rainy day and my mood matched. In literature this is called "pathetic fallacy." The "pathetic" is certainly right! I had a hard time getting myself to go out for coffee but i managed. It was just okay. I won all my games at Scrabble club. I should clean up in rating point gains. In the COVID situation officials are not considering another lockdown. I was happy to hear that. Almost one year to the day that last year's Fall (hypo)mania ended. Almost a solid year of mild depression. I'm managing.

Hugs not ughs!

So sorry, whatever. Remind me of your exercise routine. My lifelong, horrendous depression has improve about 50 percent after increasing my aerobic exercise by about 100 percent or so. Brain derived neurotrophic factor is made and released by the liver in response to as little as 20 minutes of vigorous aerobics of any kind. BDNF stimulates catecholamines and glutamate and NMDA receptors. What could you maybe do? It is not a big time commitment for a huge return. You should probably consider this for the sake for the sake of your brain. My ex used to run with me and our baby. She made me, God bless her. Now, God helps me run and cycle. It is huge. Huge.

[Moose72]

I tried calling Caleb but he didnt answer. Guess he's mad at me. Whatever.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Having a problem. Caleb is supposed to show up at 3 p.m. tomorrow. I hope to be finished packing by then. Then we are going out to eat. The problem is he is a bad chain smoker- 1-2 packs a day. He thinks he will smoke on my balcony but the lease says no smoking on property! His response to this was "If they catch me I'll feign ignorance"! After I JUST read the lease?? Yeah right. The lease even says "you are responsible for your guests". I don't want to get into a fight with him but I just can't let him smoke if that's the rules. My balcony does NOT face the woods so people could see him plain as day out there smoking. How do I tell someone who is that much of a smoker that he can't smoke in my new apartment? That he needs to go to the car or something??


I just texted him asking if he could smoke in the car because I dont feel comfortable breaking my lease right out of the starting gate. He will probably cancel our plans but oh well.

You just need to be adamant. He cannot smoke on the property. Even the balcony. It gets inside, even from the balcony. I am a smoker. My mother can smell it, ON ME, if I've just been out to smoke and came in right away. If I didn't sit for a minute or two before coming in. It doesn't linger in the house, but she can smell it.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Absolutely exhausted today. I kept having to sleep because I couldn't keep my head up. I didn't think Trilafon was one of the "sleep" AP's, but the small increase that started last night seems to have affected me.

Then, too, the air (if that's what you can call it) is stifling and oppressive. The fires are holding in heat and filth.

Hang in there, Beth. Praying for you guys. Maybe the weather will help. Hugs.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feeling decent this morning just a bit exhausted. Have a lot to tackle at work today. Had an employee turn in a week's notice of resignation Tuesday, but that same day I hired two people who start tomorrow and Monday. Fingers crossed they work out. Staffing is so hard. I'm getting pretty overwhelmed at work. My boss says I need to delegate more, but I have to have people to delegate to first lol. Could use some positive vibes these people will work out, and I can get back to normality. It's been a challenge trying to manage the stress and the mood issues because of it.

Positive vibes, scattered

[bpcyclist]

Weird duplicate. Sorry, guys.

[bpcyclist]

Sleeping well. Circling around to melatonin again after 20 yrs, the Clock gene. Circadian issues and light and this illness. Exploring. Calmly. Feet on the floor. Albert is helping me. He likes to eat my markers when I draw my silly, weird science pictures and cartoons. Silly boy. He loves me, even though I sometimes think the government is putting infrared cameras in my walls and stuff. He comforts me. So thankful for him! Yay!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

So sorry, whatever. Remind me of your exercise routine. My lifelong, horrendous depression has improve about 50 percent after increasing my aerobic exercise by about 100 percent or so. Brain derived neurotrophic factor is made and released by the liver in response to as little as 20 minutes of vigorous aerobics of any kind. BDNF stimulates catecholamines and glutamate and NMDA receptors. What could you maybe do? It is not a big time commitment for a huge return. You should probably consider this for the sake for the sake of your brain. My ex used to run with me and our baby. She made me, God bless her. Now, God helps me run and cycle. It is huge. Huge.

Good to know. Thanks for sharing.

[Sunflower123]

I’ve been doing good the past few days. I enjoy the cooler mornings and sunny days in the 70s. Can you believe it’s October 1? I’m hopelessly behind with my to do list but doing pretty good goal wise considering this turbulent world.

I have an appointment today to see about surgery on my eyes. I am legally blind without glasses and with glasses I see poorly. I’m flat out scared of having surgery but feel it’s my last option. I struggle to see and have been known to drive into ditches. The doctor I’m going to see is the best in town. Hopefully it will turn out well.

Going to see my daughter the day after tomorrow. I’m taking Crumbl gourmet cookies as a peace offering as things have been strained lately. We’ll be fine.

Hugs to all.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing pretty good today. And feeling pretty good as well. My anxiety is much lower than it was yesterday. I slept pretty much through the night. I woke up a few times just for a few seconds each time. I was kind of cold. I’ve been having a lot of dreams about the surgery not any bad dreams or anything. Just dreams in general. I got an iced coffee and a Diet Coke this morning but it looks like I’m in the house now for the foreseeable future. I have to go for my covid test tomorrow and then I have to quarantine until the surgery and then who knows how long recovery will take. But I am excited about it.

I am feeling annoyed by a compliment made to me today (I just can't accept compliments)

someone said to me " you don't look like the type of person who would give up", after I told them how much I enjoy linken park's music.

oh if only you knew the half of it... I have been their, I am still their, and I am that type of person.

I just don't see it I guess. I can't see the good in me (if their's any.)

nothing else planned today. I'm litirally only awake because guess what?. I hurt too much to sleep.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I'm sick of failing.

Dust yourself off. Stand up. Face the galaxy with an open soul. Walk. Pray meditate. Work out. Look at flowers or babies or baby pandas with their mommies. Whatever
Try to express a tiny bit of faith that we and the universe love you. Onward!