Does Anyone Else Feel Hollow Or Kind Of Dead Inside Sometimes?

So proof of the creator has come to me over my life in many forms. I've seen it in the themes that flow through all of the major religions and philosophies. I've witnessed the miracle of life and studied it in nature. I've been carried through dark times that should have otherwise swallowed me whole. On a deep level, I believe in loving intelligent design. It flows within me and within every other living being.

The tricky part is that I cannot always feel connected to this loving intelligence. Sometimes I am just in a funk. Othertimes the view is wholly obscured by darkness. The feeling is null or it is covered in fear or despair. It is at these times I must rationally reach into my knowing.

I can find my knowing by sitting in nature. I can connect with it in the shower. I can ask it to be with me while I meditate. The goal is just to ask and then it's like I remember all over again. I remember that the connectedness just is. I remember times when I knew before and I find a way back there. It isn't an on or off state. Disconnection is an illusion of the mind. There is no other in a world where all that is created is a part of the creator.

The darkness or emptiness is also a part of the same creator. There is no other. Therefore, I can also remember that while it may not feel pleasant, my creator has never left me. I am 100% of the time connected and I have been gifted with the ability to remember at any time.

Remembering these truths and focusing on them brings me back to center. To the heart. It is unconditional and open. After I make it back there, the noise of my thoughts and emotions seems to quiet down. I feel more at peace. I know I'm not in control and I can relax a little knowing all I can do is try to flow alongside a force that is me, but is greater than me. I can use my will to choose how to percieve the creator and I find my way into something more preferable or I find a way to accept and learn from my current state.

There is one aspect of bipolar disorder that I find fascinating, because it is very much in tune with the natural world, and that is the cyclic nature of BD. The natural world, which to me is directly connected to the spiritual world, is cyclic. Spirituality, for me, is that connectedness I feel with the universal natural world. That doesn't necessarily mean I have to be sitting by a mountain stream or standing near the ocean. I can feel the connectedness while inside of a busy city. I believe that it's there for me whenever I'm willing to listen to it and feel it.

Maybe today I am in a green meadow full of wildflowers...maybe today I'm in a painful place. Either way, the cycle remains ever changing, ever constant.

I feel this as well.

Ive looked deep into this. Look into soul retrieval. We lose parts of ourselves due to trauma. That part is disconnected or sometimes lost forever because it could not deal with the trauma. Ive been wanting to see a shaman to perform a soul retrieval but have never gotten around to it. Its something worth looking into.
I feel dead inside. As if im living in hell.
This is what normal people dont understand.

U know. And Ive experienced God. Ive experienced the spirit world/asrtal world/obe

But, probably due to meds. Particularly ap. I feel like it disconnects us from our spirit/soul. True self.

This is the main reason i have gone off my meds so many times. Why? Well i dont get joy out of anything. Is the trade off feeling dead inside all the time?
I used to feel something from prayer. If i say prayer now its like im talking to a damn wall. Absolutely nothing there.

Im going on two yrs stability. Taking my meds but at what cost? I cant live life this way. I do all the healthy things im supposed to do.

I want to feel alive again.

Thank you so much for bravely sharing this with us. I ha my first session with a shaman-therapist-type person last week. I do believe that, if done carefully and properly, it is quite possible for some number of us to reconnect and reintegrate in this kind of manner. Same end result, different way to get there.

I am so messed up that I apparently somehow managed to park virtually 100 percent of all emotion-related software and hardware (gray and white matter and all involved ions, molecules and voltages) at some point, creating this 6 year-old kid who for now is the emotional repository for all of it. So, when I am regular old cyclist, age 56, I cannot access those emotion databases. But the child can.

I believe it is possible for you. I can feel the emotions of 6 year old you when I speak with 56 year old you. You are more integrated than you might think. Given time, and the proper therapy, you will again be able to choose when and how to allow your inner child to come forward.

It can be safe to trust. It can be safe to love. You can be free. Pain may be a byproduct, but nobody ever lived a pain free life. The joy far outweighs the pain. Suffering is not the only option.

Thanks! Yes! Yes. I believe you. I do. And I trust and love everyone. I do. If you steal Albert or my super expensive bicycle or my Ben & Jerry's--totally reserve all copywrites and stratagems pertaining to Full Federal If Not The Hague Remedies. Full stop.

My roomate's dog walker stole my Ben & Jerry's a few times. I knew it was time for a new roommate. I couldn't trust anyone who would allow such a heartless person into our home.

I won't steal your bicycle or Albert! (Not sure about Ben and Jerry's - I am a bear

That horrible girl broke my trike

@bpcyclist, I feel that way at this very moment. You've expressed it very well.

The psychotrophic drugs "quiet" part of the brain (at least some of them do). You can't get much quieter than "dead" and "hollow".

I'm talking to my therapist this week about it, so hopefully I'll have some tips for dealing with this.

I hope you're feeling better today.

I am sorry she broke your trike!!

Thank you. Please don't give up. We will make it.