[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Hearing voices equals psychotic. Full stop. Do something for you.

I agree, this is psychosis and needs more care than you seem to be receiving. How is self care?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Melatonin works for many.

Geodon, Abilify, and Rexulti are weight-neutral for many. Might look into that. Hugs.

I do think you will do better with considered action than paralysis analysis, or whatever they call that.

I think you have a lot of good things to offer people here I can see your good heart. Maybe some people don't understand ... idk. I'm sure some do not understand me (not anyone in this part of pc)

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing pretty good today. Days are so up and down lately. I saw my therapist and we were supposed to meet in person next week but when I asked she said “well actually I can’t because my doctors appointment got cancelled. But there’s no rush now is there?” And I was silently upset but I didn’t say anything. Then 5 minutes before the session ended she said “how about we do the next in person session on the 29th of October?” I wish she had said at the start of the session that we could just move it up a week instead of making it seem like she wouldn’t know when the next time would be. It was slightly frustrating but I’m just glad to have another in person session set up.

But my graft looks really weird. Both of them actually. They kinda look like they are peeling off a bit. I told T this and she seemed kinda grossed out. I know the biggest risk for me was if the grafts would take or not. I’m not 100% concerned. As long as I don’t look at them. Outta site outta mind kinda thing. I have my next doctors appointment on Monday.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by fern46

The symptoms you explained yesterday are consistent with what I experience during psychosis.

What is the harm in trying the increased dose during this patch of instability? You can always decrease at a later time.

Also, I know you mentioned the Tegretol was not working so you are stopping it. How did you go about stopping? Sudden withdrawal can cause various mental issues, so I'm wondering if that may be at play.

Are there other IOP programs available? It would be nice to have a group to be around while your meds are being adjusted. It is better than ending up in IP. Just something to consider.

-psychosis=loss of touch with reality. Me=GAINEd touch with MANY realities.
-the harm is I want OFF the seroquel so my cholesterol and weight go back to normal and I don't want the akathisia to get worse.
-I'm tapering myself off the tegretol. I was at 600mg and went down by 100mg three times over the past two weeks. Plan on continuing with this schedule and will be off by the end of next week.
here are plenty of IOPs but none for non-addiction mental illness. If you mention struggles with MI in a substance use IOP (like the one I did a month ago) they say"This isn't the place for that discussion" I tried getting in the PHP but the wait list is like three months long and they aren't helpful... No one is because a house cat can't teach a fish how to swim.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree, this is psychosis and needs more care than you seem to be receiving. How is self care?

self care is fine. I mean I'm not eating,, showering or sleeping regularly but I don't need to. just got back from a run

[wildflowerchild25]

I kind of want to fold in on myself. I am enraged at my mother for no logical reason. She has every right to cry and be upset, her FATHER just died. But I do not want to talk to her or have anything to do with her right now. My purely emotional reason is that I am absolutely exhausted with her emotional instability. In this case she has a reason, and I suppose for my whole life she had some reason or another, but she never tried to get help so I hate seeing her upset because it just triggers all those feelings of helplessness I had as a kid/teen. It just makes me angry now.

I feel like a stone hearted ***** because this is the way I feel about every emotional person especially surrounding death. Like my SIL still cries about my late husband (her brother) and I can’t STAND it. I don’t want anything to do with it. I feel like she’s weak for allowing her emotions to swallow her up. I guess because I was never allowed to express my emotions for fear of upsetting my mother so it’s unnatural to me. And drives me crazy.

My brother is in therapy now and getting better so I respect his emotions more now because he’s trying to help himself out. And my grandmother...I am devastated for her. She really never shows emotion at all about anything. I remember her crying at my dads funeral, and probably my late husband’s though I was so distraught I can’t remember clearly. But other than that, nothing. This must be killing her, and I want to be there FOR HER, no one else. She deserves it more than anyone else in the family. She is my best friend, she took care of me when my mom couldn’t, she took me into her home when my mom and I couldn’t get along.

I suppose I could text my therapist to see if she has some time today or tomorrow but she usually doesn’t, at least not after 5pm. But it’s worth a shot I guess. Otherwise I’ll just see her Tuesday like normal.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Yay!! Progress.

Have you ever learned the Buddhist deep breathing technique? It would really be a gift for you. Better than Klonopin for me.

Idk about that deep breathing technique. I know box breathing but that's it...

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Melatonin works for many.

Geodon, Abilify, and Rexulti are weight-neutral for many. Might look into that. Hugs.

I do think you will do better with considered action than paralysis analysis, or whatever they call that.

I don't understand what that means...I'm on melatonin already....

[Coolbreeze74]

I took extra benadryl and got a couple more hours of sleep. My son is back to feeling psychotic. Ugh when are we gonna catch a break....

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Sapien

-psychosis=loss of touch with reality. Me=GAINEd touch with MANY realities.
-the harm is I want OFF the seroquel so my cholesterol and weight go back to normal and I don't want the akathisia to get worse.
-I'm tapering myself off the tegretol. I was at 600mg and went down by 100mg three times over the past two weeks. Plan on continuing with this schedule and will be off by the end of next week.
here are plenty of IOPs but none for non-addiction mental illness. If you mention struggles with MI in a substance use IOP (like the one I did a month ago) they say"This isn't the place for that discussion" I tried getting in the PHP but the wait list is like three months long and they aren't helpful... No one is because a house cat can't teach a fish how to swim.

self care is fine. I mean I'm not eating,, showering or sleeping regularly but I don't need to. just got back from a run

Psychosis has a wide array of symptoms. For me, getting in touch with a much wider 'reality' that others cannot see is most definitely a sign things are headed in a bad direction. It feels very expansive and 'right' at first, but then takes on a sense of derealization next. Hearing voices is also a main symptom of psychosis. Delusions, altered perceptions, suspiciousness, insomnia, lack of self care, etc.

You do seem to have a lot of insight and your ability to communicate is intact. Those are good signs.

I hear you on the side effects. Did you discuss those with her? You have real and important concerns. Maybe there's something else you can try that would be better overall.

I'm no expert on tapering, but I go extremely slow. Even at a slow crawl I still experienced sleep disturbances and various physical symptoms. It might be worth hanging at the dose you're at a bit longer until you stabilize.

Sorry about the IOP. That doesn't sound very helpful. Maybe it is worth getting on the waiting list for the other one in case something opens up or in the event you feel you could benefit three weeks from now.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think you have a lot of good things to offer people here I can see your good heart. Maybe some people don't understand ... idk. I'm sure some do not understand me (not anyone in this part of pc)

I try.

[Mountaindewed]

Sometimes I scare myself because I have such good control over my visible emotions and reactions.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by fern46

Psychosis has a wide array of symptoms. For me, getting in touch with a much wider 'reality' that others cannot see is most definitely a sign things are headed in a bad direction. It feels very expansive and 'right' at first, but then takes on a sense of derealization next. Hearing voices is also a main symptom of psychosis. Delusions, altered perceptions, suspiciousness, insomnia, lack of self care, etc.

You do seem to have a lot of insight and your ability to communicate is intact. Those are good signs.

I hear you on the side effects. Did you discuss those with her? You have real and important concerns. Maybe there's something else you can try that would be better overall.

I'm no expert on tapering, but I go extremely slow. Even at a slow crawl I still experienced sleep disturbances and various physical symptoms. It might be worth hanging at the dose you're at a bit longer until you stabilize.

Sorry about the IOP. That doesn't sound very helpful. Maybe it is worth getting on the waiting list for the other one in case something opens up or in the event you feel you could benefit three weeks from now.

I didn't get to discuss side effects, she didn't want to hear it. I think I'm tapering slow enough because I'm not having any withdrawal symptoms, if those pop up I'll stop. I WON'T stabilize if I'm on this med. Being on a "medium dose' of it I kept having blackout rages and couldwent to jail for it. I haven't had any blackout rages since lowering the dose, just regular rages. ff. the PHP sucks, we just sit and list smells and sounds we like and too much break time, leaving when I did it, security guards telling the counselors every move I made during those breaks, probably sucks more with covid now. Not going back to get worse, it's not even for psychosis they only ask you to rate your depression/anxiety mild/moderate/severe. weak.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I took extra benadryl and got a couple more hours of sleep. My son is back to feeling psychotic. Ugh when are we gonna catch a break....

I'm glad you got some more sleep. I'm sorry about your son though, I really pray he gets the help he needs, gets on some med that works out for him

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

It is not acceptable care to be actively psychotic and intermittently suicidal on two antipsychotics and have the provider say:"There is nothing more to be done for you."

Not okay. Can you call the clinic and say:"I am Sapien. Nurse Judy is my doc and I am still super duper duper psychotic."?

Can you do that? I really think you must.

I agree with this! Call the clinic and see if you can get a note to your pdoc or can you talk to what in my psych office they call "clinical coverage"- they can try to help you get a message to your pdoc or case manager. Or if all else fails, call after hours and talk to whomever they have staffing for after hours. They should be trained in if you need the ER or not, at the very least.

[Blue_Bird]

Did some grocery shopping today. Got some fall desserts, Pumpkin pie and pumpkin donuts. Most of my orders from Walmart were delivered today. There were two really huge boxes. The maintenance guy offered to help carry one up to my apartment so I didn't have to make 2 trips which was really kind of him. The only two things left coming in the mail are my manic panic vampire red hair dye I bought and a gamers mental health kit, which was a free thing I requested online.

The weather is gorgeous. Windy, sunny, beautiful fall foliage, clear skies. I'm really enjoying it. This and winter are the best times of year for me.

I haven't had a panic attack in 5 days so far. That's definitely some progress. My mood is finally stabilizing too.

I'll have to get a calendar from my supportive housing care manager. Cause I missed bingo yesterday. I didn't know they were having it that day, nobody told me. And I don't want to miss any future things like the Halloween movie day.

[Moose72]

I know this probably has a better place to post, but I am having a hard time with N1. She got miffed with me yesterday because I suggested that rather than take the 2 weeks off that her job gave her when they thought she was going IP, she go back to work. This is just incase she really has to go IP sometime soon and they'd be more likely to give her the 2 weeks off then, rather than think "Another 2 weeks?!" But when I suggested this, N1 just got miffed and said I didn't know what was going on with her and that she needs the 2 weeks off. Unfortunately, she isn't seeing a pdoc for a month! So there's this hole there. Their place is a mess and I just feel like going over there and helping clean it up. But they likely wouldn't allow me to do this because ... well, because. I am keeping my apartment spotless. I just made my (broken) bed and cleaned up the couch from the blankets and pillows I slept with last night. I realize that they both are / were working and its hard to keep up with housework, but I just think that the clutter is contributing to N1's emotional non-wellbeing. It's hard to sit here and not be able to help. Yet, at the same time, C (N1's sig. other) is coming over to my place fairly regularly and just unloading everything on me and that just makes me worry for N1. She tells me things I probably would rather not know, but the big picture comes out as I'm very concerned for my child. She smokes marijuana a lot which is new I think and you're not allowed to smoke on property here- nevermind inside your apartment. I'd hate to see them get kicked out! Not that I haven't seen lots of other people smoking on their balconies here. I'm not against smoking but I worry that it could lead to worse things.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Did some grocery shopping today. Got some fall desserts, Pumpkin pie and pumpkin donuts. Most of my orders from Walmart were delivered today. There were two really huge boxes. The maintenance guy offered to help carry one up to my apartment so I didn't have to make 2 trips which was really kind of him. The only two things left coming in the mail are my manic panic vampire red hair dye I bought and a gamers mental health kit, which was a free thing I requested online.

The weather is gorgeous. Windy, sunny, beautiful fall foliage, clear skies. I'm really enjoying it. This and winter are the best times of year for me.

I haven't had a panic attack in 5 days so far. That's definitely some progress. My mood is finally stabilizing too.

I'll have to get a calendar from my supportive housing care manager. Cause I missed bingo yesterday. I didn't know they were having it that day, nobody told me. And I don't want to miss any future things like the Halloween movie day.

I slept until 4 p.m. yesterday. (I hate when I do that!) And so, I didn't call Caleb until at least 5. He said he worried that I was IP because of the stress with N1 and the fact that I have a history of going IP in October/November. But nope- here I am doing fairly well.

The bingo and Halloween movie day sound nice! So you live in a home with others with activities etc. or are you IP? Or does your apartment complex do activities?

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I slept until 4 p.m. yesterday. (I hate when I do that!) And so, I didn't call Caleb until at least 5. He said he worried that I was IP because of the stress with N1 and the fact that I have a history of going IP in October/November. But nope- here I am doing fairly well.

The bingo and Halloween movie day sound nice! So you live in a home with others with activities etc. or are you IP? Or does your apartment complex do activities?

I'm glad you're doing well

My apartment complex does the activities, there's a community room in the lobby of the building downstairs. Of course, now with covid, they limit the amount of people who go in there and everyone has to be at least 6 feet apart, wearing masks, and they sanitize everything before and after. I'm glad they are still doing these things, even though it's with a lot of changes, because the activities help my mental health and give me something to look forward to

[Soupe du jour]

Blue_Bird, I could almost eat a whole pumpkin pie now. I really like it, but of course my husband doesn't. Some apple cider donuts from the local orchard would be good, too.

I am finally taking a break because I feel like I am on fire. I swear that I have done 20 times the amount of work that Hubby has. Every time I look in his home office, I see no progress. The realtor said that we only have the painter/handyman through Saturday, so I had to really put the petal to the metal with everything else. Hubby's office will clearly be the last task for the painter/handyman.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. He declared that I am hypomanic. I don't know, but if extreme productivity, high energy, and excitability (despite prepping for a home sale and a December move to Europe) MUST be hypomania, then OK. I am. Frankly, without me, we wouldn't be making such great progress. I have been managing the whole shabang on the US end. It kind of pisses me off that "bipolar hypomania" gets credit for my accomplishments, in my psychiatrist's eyes. I deserve it! Me! I've been kicking butt! I am working extremely hard!

Out of the blue, yesterday, my psychiatrist made a big deal about what I would be doing for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving!?!?!?!?! I hadn't even given that a thought. Truly. To heck with Thanksgiving. I told him I would just buy a turkey breast and Stove Top stuffing. [Note: This is a sarcastic statement from me. Only people that really know me would get it.] Then he started recommending I make reservations at a specific restaurant in my childhood hometown (he loves my childhood hometown) and book a private room there for a family "conversation". Again, I really wasn't up for thinking about that stuff yet. And honestly, I'd much prefer to eat Peking Duck at the local Chinese joint.

Tomorrow is garbage day (we'll have several bags) and recycling day (we have oodles). Then this Saturday is "Hazardous Waste Day" in my township. Quite good luck!

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm glad you got some more sleep. I'm sorry about your son though, I really pray he gets the help he needs, gets on some med that works out for him

Thanks bluebird.

[Moose72]

I just made fried green tomatoes for dinner. They were good! I got the tomatoes from my mom's tomato plant. I'm in my pajamas and it's only 6 p.m. Maybe I'll take a bath...

@Soupe du jour I say go for the duck! That would be so yummy to have Chinese for TG dinner.

@Blue_Bird That's great that the activities are fun for you.

Oh! I got my glasses adjusted. Now they don't fall off my face when I even sort of look down. Dunno how long that will last, but its nice for now.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Did some grocery shopping today. Got some fall desserts, Pumpkin pie and pumpkin donuts. Most of my orders from Walmart were delivered today. There were two really huge boxes. The maintenance guy offered to help carry one up to my apartment so I didn't have to make 2 trips which was really kind of him. The only two things left coming in the mail are my manic panic vampire red hair dye I bought and a gamers mental health kit, which was a free thing I requested online.

The weather is gorgeous. Windy, sunny, beautiful fall foliage, clear skies. I'm really enjoying it. This and winter are the best times of year for me.

I haven't had a panic attack in 5 days so far. That's definitely some progress. My mood is finally stabilizing too.

I'll have to get a calendar from my supportive housing care manager. Cause I missed bingo yesterday. I didn't know they were having it that day, nobody told me. And I don't want to miss any future things like the Halloween movie day.

I love pumpkin pie. A local grocery store here makes pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. They're very yummy. I'm glad the maintenance guy helped you.

I think we're opposites when it comes to times of year we like best. For me it goes summer, spring, fall and winter. Our winters can be brutal. I liked it growing up but not as an adult. Scraping off the car...ugh! And we're are supposed to have a tough winter this year. I love hot weather. I know a lot of people don't. They don't like to sweat. I hate being cold.

Sounds cool that there are activities in your complex. Maybe you'll make some irl friends. Good deal!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Sometimes I scare myself because I have such good control over my visible emotions and reactions.

I'm the opposite sometimes. I'm a bit of a contradiction i think (even to myself sometimes )

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I think we're opposites when it comes to times of year we like best. For me it goes summer, spring, fall and winter. Our winters can be brutal. I liked it growing up but not as an adult. Scraping off the car...ugh! And we're are supposed to have a tough winter this year. I love hot weather. I know a lot of people don't. They don't like to sweat. I hate being cold.

Winters are brutal here, too. I hate scraping off the car, also- especially when its ice. I don't mind snow as much as the ice. Which reminds me: Its supposed to freeze tonight, but I'm not going anywhere until the sun melts the frost from my car windows. I hate the cold weather because it brings sickness- colds, flu and this year, Covid.

[Fuzzybear]

Blech.... life keeps telling me I'm in the WRONG reality