[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Blue_Bird, I could almost eat a whole pumpkin pie now. I really like it, but of course my husband doesn't. Some apple cider donuts from the local orchard would be good, too.

I am finally taking a break because I feel like I am on fire. I swear that I have done 20 times the amount of work that Hubby has. Every time I look in his home office, I see no progress. The realtor said that we only have the painter/handyman through Saturday, so I had to really put the petal to the metal with everything else. Hubby's office will clearly be the last task for the painter/handyman.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. He declared that I am hypomanic. I don't know, but if extreme productivity, high energy, and excitability (despite prepping for a home sale and a December move to Europe) MUST be hypomania, then OK. I am. Frankly, without me, we wouldn't be making such great progress. I have been managing the whole shabang on the US end. It kind of pisses me off that "bipolar hypomania" gets credit for my accomplishments, in my psychiatrist's eyes. I deserve it! Me! I've been kicking butt! I am working extremely hard!

Out of the blue, yesterday, my psychiatrist made a big deal about what I would be doing for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving!?!?!?!?! I hadn't even given that a thought. Truly. To heck with Thanksgiving. I told him I would just buy a turkey breast and Stove Top stuffing. [Note: This is a sarcastic statement from me. Only people that really know me would get it.] Then he started recommending I make reservations at a specific restaurant in my childhood hometown (he loves my childhood hometown) and book a private room there for a family "conversation". Again, I really wasn't up for thinking about that stuff yet. And honestly, I'd much prefer to eat Peking Duck at the local Chinese joint.

Tomorrow is garbage day (we'll have several bags) and recycling day (we have oodles). Then this Saturday is "Hazardous Waste Day" in my township. Quite good luck!

When I made a Turkey dinner one year, I did use stovetop lol. I did make a whole Turkey tho. Nothing like my families Turkey dinner. Its beyond awesome. I come from a big Hispanic family. I'm the youngest of 8 children. My mom always made a huge dinner too. Idk how she managed it on her own. (My dad died when I was 4.) My mom still had 5 kids at home. But she made everything from scratch. Her stuffing is to die for. It's a tiny bit like hash. But it's a stuffing. She made pies, candy, fudge. Cranberry sauce from scratch. It's a delicious dinner. I imagine you making a big dinner like that.

[Fuzzybear]

I do not SNAP at people or I try not to. Now that I have a fang missing I have to try to be more gentle with me

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Winters are brutal here, too. I hate scraping off the car, also- especially when its ice. I don't mind snow as much as the ice. Which reminds me: Its supposed to freeze tonight, but I'm not going anywhere until the sun melts the frost from my car windows. I hate the cold weather because it brings sickness- colds, flu and this year, Covid.

Yeah and the long cold dark days can make my depression worse too. Before I was on a mood stabilizer I would go into deep dark depressions. It was awful. Now its not as severe but still there. I cant wait every year until spring...

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Blue_Bird, I could almost eat a whole pumpkin pie now. I really like it, but of course my husband doesn't. Some apple cider donuts from the local orchard would be good, too.

I am finally taking a break because I feel like I am on fire. I swear that I have done 20 times the amount of work that Hubby has. Every time I look in his home office, I see no progress. The realtor said that we only have the painter/handyman through Saturday, so I had to really put the petal to the metal with everything else. Hubby's office will clearly be the last task for the painter/handyman.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. He declared that I am hypomanic. I don't know, but if extreme productivity, high energy, and excitability (despite prepping for a home sale and a December move to Europe) MUST be hypomania, then OK. I am. Frankly, without me, we wouldn't be making such great progress. I have been managing the whole shabang on the US end. It kind of pisses me off that "bipolar hypomania" gets credit for my accomplishments, in my psychiatrist's eyes. I deserve it! Me! I've been kicking butt! I am working extremely hard!

Out of the blue, yesterday, my psychiatrist made a big deal about what I would be doing for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving!?!?!?!?! I hadn't even given that a thought. Truly. To heck with Thanksgiving. I told him I would just buy a turkey breast and Stove Top stuffing. [Note: This is a sarcastic statement from me. Only people that really know me would get it.] Then he started recommending I make reservations at a specific restaurant in my childhood hometown (he loves my childhood hometown) and book a private room there for a family "conversation". Again, I really wasn't up for thinking about that stuff yet. And honestly, I'd much prefer to eat Peking Duck at the local Chinese joint.

Tomorrow is garbage day (we'll have several bags) and recycling day (we have oodles). Then this Saturday is "Hazardous Waste Day" in my township. Quite good luck!

Realistically speaking, your behavior is a match for hypomania in clinical terms. However, situationally speaking, what else should you have done? I feel you have shown a lot of balance given the circumstances of your trip and impending move. You are definitely stressed and it is a concern, but it is a likely outcome given the current landscape.

I think you just have to be vigilant and work in counter measures to create balance. You took a small break yesterday. That's a good start. Continue looking for ways to keep things in check. Prn meds, breaks, relaxation techniques, etc.

Your pdoc being focused on your Thanksgiving plans is a bit out of bounds. I feel like he's hoping someone will talk you out of your move. I know he cares for you deeply. I could be wrong, but I sense things are sinking in.

Go with the duck if you want. There's no shame in that whatsoever! Some years I made a turkey tenderloin. One year I did brunch with pumpkin waffles and turkey sausage. Whatever works, works.

[MuddyBoots]

I’m done. Im sick of these ****ING brain shits wrecking it. 1- to ten and back every five mins. wanted eaten poison ivy almost, scared cats. I’m so scared. bags are packed. I don’t want to take my meda theyre making it worse. CVS fked it all up. I just want the truth

[*Beth*]

^^^ What fern posted ^^^ I agree.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I’m done. Im sick of these ****ING brain shits wrecking it. 1- to ten and back every five mins. wanted eaten poison ivy almost, scared cats. I’m so scared. bags are packed. I don’t want to take my meda theyre making it worse. CVS fked it all up. I just want the truth

I'd like to assist somehow, but this doesn't make very much sense. The communication that was intact earlier seems to be devolving which is another psychosis symptom. I'm concerned. How can we help?

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by fern46

Realistically speaking, your behavior is a match for hypomania in clinical terms. However, situationally speaking, what else should you have done? I feel you have shown a lot of balance given the circumstances of your trip and impending move. You are definitely stressed and it is a concern, but it is a likely outcome given the current landscape.

I think you just have to be vigilant and work in counter measures to create balance. You took a small break yesterday. That's a good start. Continue looking for ways to keep things in check. Prn meds, breaks, relaxation techniques, etc.

Your pdoc being focused on your Thanksgiving plans is a bit out of bounds. I feel like he's hoping someone will talk you out of your move. I know he cares for you deeply. I could be wrong, but I sense things are sinking in.

Go with the duck if you want. There's no shame in that whatsoever! Some years I made a turkey tenderloin. One year I did brunch with pumpkin waffles and turkey sausage. Whatever works, works.

Thanks, Fern. I'm glad you backed me up on some of this, and yet you are also right that I need to be quite careful...in case it's really true...or heading there.

You're absolutely right that my psychiatrist is shocked. It IS finally sinking in for him. He casually acknowledged the move a few times in the past, but yesterday he emphasized something like "Wow! So it really is going to happen!" And yes, I also wonder if he deep down wishes someone would talk me out of it. The progression of what he's said over time was as follows:

Three years ago: "Don't do it!" [Literally, those words sort of barked at me with a stern look on his face.]

One and Two years ago: [Sort of brushed it off as me just talking about it again, and again, as if it was just part of blabber.]

Six months ago: "Why don't you consider Ireland or England, or some place like that, instead?"

Months closer to today: "So, where are you now thinking of moving now?"

Appointment before this last one: "Where is that in Czech Republic? Let me google it? Oh!" Then I mentioned that it was likely that we may never see each other face-to-face again (because of the pandemic) and he casually said "Well, when you come back to visit, you can visit me." [I thought, "Really?!?! Maybe for coffee or something? As if!]

This past one: "So you actually signed a contract? So this is REALLY happening?" [Look of extreme surprise. And even a little confusing responses. I even wonder if a teeny part of him thinks my "hypomania" is making me make up stories. But then the greater part of him actually now knows this is a bona fide move. He was asking me all kinds of questions about my husband and his job, etc. Then the whole Thanksgiving thing came up.]

Vs. my therapist, who has just been working with me in a not overly helpful way. And I don't really care about her help. And yet, my psychiatrist was telling me what I SHOULD be working with her to address (in regards to my family, specifically the strong possibility that my father may not be with us the next time I return to the US.) Truly, I have no desire to talk about this with her. I told him that I'm pretty much at the stage of acceptance (about everything).

P.S. I really love the pumpkin waffles with turkey sausage Thanksgiving idea! That would be right up my alley. Too bad I gave away my waffle maker to a Craigslist shopper that came for a desk and ficus tree. His young son was so excited about the waffle maker bonus. I had also given his 10-year old sister a brand new beautiful adult coloring book with new colored pencils. That man was so appreciative, that he sent me a photo of the ficus tree in his house.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Idk about that deep breathing technique. I know box breathing but that's it...

Google deep breathing Thich Nhat Hanh.

[Coolbreeze74]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Google deep breathing Thich Nhat Hanh.

I think that's the deep breathing I know of...

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Thanks, Fern. I'm glad you backed me up on some of this, and yet you are also right that I need to be quite careful...in case it's really true...or heading there.

You're absolutely right that my psychiatrist is shocked. It IS finally sinking in for him. He casually acknowledged the move a few times in the past, but yesterday he emphasized something like "Wow! So it really is going to happen!" And yes, I also wonder if he deep down wishes someone would talk me out of it. The progression of what he's said over time was as follows:

Three years ago: "Don't do it!" [Literally, those words sort of barked at me with a stern look on his face.]

One and Two years ago: [Sort of brushed it off as me just talking about it again, and again, as if it was just part of blabber.]

Six months ago: "Why don't you consider Ireland or England, or some place like that, instead?"

Months closer to today: "So, where are you now thinking of moving now?"

Appointment before this last one: "Where is that in Czech Republic? Let me google it? Oh!" Then I mentioned that it was likely that we may never see each other face-to-face again (because of the pandemic) and he casually said "Well, when you come back to visit, you can visit me." [I thought, "Really?!?! Maybe for coffee or something? As if!]

This past one: "So you actually signed a contract? So this is REALLY happening?" [Look of extreme surprise. And even a little confusing responses. I even wonder if a teeny part of him thinks my "hypomania" is making me make up stories. But then the greater part of him actually now knows this is a bona fide move. He was asking me all kinds of questions about my husband and his job, etc. Then the whole Thanksgiving thing came up.]

Vs. my therapist, who has just been working with me in a not overly helpful way. And I don't really care about her help. And yet, my psychiatrist was telling me what I SHOULD be working with her to address (in regards to my family, specifically the strong possibility that my father may not be with us the next time I return to the US.) Truly, I have no desire to talk about this with her. I told him that I'm pretty much at the stage of acceptance (about everything).

Yes, it sounds like he is making peace with losing someone he cares deeply for. That can be very difficult. It isn't your problem of course, but I think it explains a lot.

The next two months will fly by and I think it will help to keep that in mind. This will move quickly and anything you can do to find stability will be key. You are a seasoned veteran with a toolkit I'd put up against anyone's. You've got this Soupe, and we're all here for you even if your pdoc misses the mark. Sending lots of love and support!

My day started out miserable as i have several things to tackle and felt quite helpless. But it improved when i finally, after several months, got my bags and bags of donations out of here and put my storage bins in the hallway and have my pretty living room back at last, at last! It was a lot of physical activity and i feel the better for it. I'm so much happier in here now. One thing crossed off my to-do list!

I phoned my doctor to check on my disability benefits form which he has had for a week now. He hasn't done it yet. I let them know that he only has to the end of the month. That's two weeks away. I think that's reasonable. Will be so glad when that's done! Have been getting some anxiety about it. There's not much i can do tho, other than keep checking in with my doctor.

@Soupe du jour: You've been working so hard, i feel you should be tremendously proud of yourself, even if hypomania is fueling it. Our bipolar is part of ourselves and there are some advantages to it, like boundless energy. As usual, Fern's advice is excellent. I also feel your psychiatrist is over-stepping. You said he's old -- maybe he's showing his age?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

~Christina

None of that sounds exactly pleasant, although the esophageal stretching seems like a good idea (hopefully, it's not painful?).

I have wondered if AP's cause our throats to tighten, just as they might cause our other muscles to. Basically, a Parkinsonian-like symptom. I choke on food, liquid, and pills freqently. It freaks me out.

Not good news on your kidney function. What's the viable plan?

Big hugs and love to you

Hey Beth , I have always had trouble choking on things all my life but only a few times a year and it was always scary as hell

Now it happens almost daily .. I'm just annoyed I got Steve back on track and Boom I have problems.

The kidney issues could have just been I was low level dehydrated. They faxed labs to my GP and they will call if they feel I need more blood work. Havent called today so its not emergent.

Hope your able to walk further and more often as you heal

[~Christina]

Hey Ya'll Sorry I just cant respond, Took me over 30 mins to respond to Beth, Hope it makes sense ..

Hugs to everyone.. Maybe one day my mind will allow me to be more active here

[Moose72]

@whatever2013 I hope your pdoc finishes that paperwork on time. Congrats on having your living room back!

I got my glasses adjusted. They kept falling off my face and onto the floor- unless I caught them in midair. I went to the place that I bought them and they gladly adjusted them. I looked at the table I was sitting at so she could see how they fall off. She took them away and brought them back and now they don't fall. I hope they stay this way and don't loosen.

I am watching tv. I'm tired but I'm going to sleep in my bed tonight rather than on the couch. The box spring is on the floor and the mattress is on the box spring. I'm going to sleep on the opposite side of the bed from where the box spring is broken. Keeping them on the bed frame would put more stress on the break. I'm going to have to get a new box spring with my bipolar study money. Luckily, that's soon.

[Sunflower123]

Hello! Checking in. I’ve been getting between 2-6 hours of sleep for awhile now and I’m desperate for sleep. My NP prescribed extended release ambien. Not sure of the dosage but I can take up to two at bedtime. Fingers crossed. I’ve managed to keep the diet and exercise going despite fatigue and have lost another 9 pounds.

I’ve been enjoying this glorious weather and getting out as often as possible. There’s a park with a creek near my house so I walk for awhile then pull out a chair and sit by the creek.

Based on what the CDC and Dr. Fauci said, I see families having to make tough decisions for the holidays. I may not be seeing my own daughter for Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart but the three people in this household are compromised. We’ll see how it pans out.

Hugs to all.

[Mountaindewed]

Yesterday at 6 was really rough. I don’t know why. I don’t know if getting off opiates causes depression. I’m not having cravings. Or if it’s just surgery related depression or seasonal. My mom noticed I was off. But I took 15 milligrams of melatonin. I’ll talk to my therapist on Tuesday about it.

[scatterbrained04]

My mood has been tanking off and on all week. It has to be all the stress I'm under. I'm so stressed about rolling into next week. My workload everyday is about to be way more than I can possibly handle...I feel like I'm being setup to fail. Wednesday I was shaking so bad I made a mess trying to make a pot of coffee.

I see my pdoc Sunday. Maybe he will have some helpful suggestions. I don't know that I need a med change. Probably if I had a therapist that would be more helpful right now, but I don't have one.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I love pumpkin pie. A local grocery store here makes pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. They're very yummy. I'm glad the maintenance guy helped you.

I think we're opposites when it comes to times of year we like best. For me it goes summer, spring, fall and winter. Our winters can be brutal. I liked it growing up but not as an adult. Scraping off the car...ugh! And we're are supposed to have a tough winter this year. I love hot weather. I know a lot of people don't. They don't like to sweat. I hate being cold.

Sounds cool that there are activities in your complex. Maybe you'll make some irl friends. Good deal!

I dio like fall a lot.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hey Ya'll Sorry I just cant respond, Took me over 30 mins to respond to Beth, Hope it makes sense ..

Hugs to everyone.. Maybe one day my mind will allow me to be more active here

I am so behind. Your posts hurt my heart. I am so sorry you are struggling.

I have been praying for you since Steve was so sick almost every night. I prayed extra hard last night. I will tell you-'my prayers are answered very frequently.

Hugs and support.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Hello! Checking in. I’ve been getting between 2-6 hours of sleep for awhile now and I’m desperate for sleep. My NP prescribed extended release ambien. Not sure of the dosage but I can take up to two at bedtime. Fingers crossed. I’ve managed to keep the diet and exercise going despite fatigue and have lost another 9 pounds.

I’ve been enjoying this glorious weather and getting out as often as possible. There’s a park with a creek near my house so I walk for awhile then pull out a chair and sit by the creek.

Based on what the CDC and Dr. Fauci said, I see families having to make tough decisions for the holidays. I may not be seeing my own daughter for Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart but the three people in this household are compromised. We’ll see how it pans out.

Hugs to all.

Please get into your bed after you take it. People dissociate on it. I used to try to sleep drive on it. I did sleep cook on it. Careful.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Yesterday at 6 was really rough. I don’t know why. I don’t know if getting off opiates causes depression. I’m not having cravings. Or if it’s just surgery related depression or seasonal. My mom noticed I was off. But I took 15 milligrams of melatonin. I’ll talk to my therapist on Tuesday about it.

Opiate cessation may cause depression.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

....I got my glasses adjusted. ....

I find that I have to have my glasses adjusted about every 7 months. In my experience, almost any place that sells glasses is fine with adjusting them.

*I mean that any place that sells glasses is fine with adjusting your glasses, even if you didn't buy them there.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Hey Beth , I have always had trouble choking on things all my life but only a few times a year and it was always scary as hell

Now it happens almost daily .. I'm just annoyed I got Steve back on track and Boom I have problems.

The kidney issues could have just been I was low level dehydrated. They faxed labs to my GP and they will call if they feel I need more blood work. Havent called today so its not emergent.

Hope your able to walk further and more often as you heal

Thanks for your update I sure miss you around here. Do keep us posted, if you're up to it, on your health.

Yes, the achilles is a slow, but steady, healing process.

[Soupe du jour]

Christina, I am thinking of you hoping you will find peace and wellness soon. I miss you around here as others do.

I actually somewhat understand swallowing issues. For a while, some years back, I had a fear of swallowing meat, especially red meat. I'm not 100% sure what sparked that back then, but I believe the fear itself made me more vulnerable to choking on it. Actually, I do very much recall an incident in my youth (maybe at 20 years old) that was scary. I won't tell the story because it is gross. Or at least it has grossed out the people I told.